Thanks for entering "Invalid Item" . Good Luck! Overall Thoughts Great tribute to your life and home. You set up the scene/life very well, describing your farm, neighbors and friends. I like how you sum this up at the end. Your title is unique and appropriate. My opinion/suggestions
Hope to see an entry from you every week. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts
Your title is uniqe as is your poem.
Overall, I had to read some of the stanzas two or three times to "get it."
Which for some readers this could be a turn off.
My favorite lines:
' Where the dreamer finds intrigue
And identity eventually becomes specialized'
Well-said.
My opinion/suggestions I think you need to work on the overall flow of the poem. Try reading your poem aloud~~I stumbled a lot while I was reading it aloud.(example: the start of = line 2 :Finds reaches ~~just these 2 words are difficult~~)
Just some suggestions. Hope to see an entry from you every week. Always, Tammy
Hi, welcome to the site, I think at some point in our lives everyone has asked these questions. You express your doubt through these questions very well.
My only suggestion is all the stanzas talk of this doubt then the last stanza turns postive and you say you know who u are and what to do now~~~~what happened to cause this change of heart? what caused you to know yourself all of the sudden? Maybe add a stanza or 2 letting your readers know what broght the change on. Keep writing.
Have fun here.
Always, Tammy
You capture some of societies beliefs very well. What we women will do for the perfect body image. I like your honesty on this and I like that you put it all out there. I think your ending sums it up. We as women are so AWARE and still we do...I didn't notice any typos or errors.
Alwya, Tammy
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My Overall impression:
Your dialogue is good, tho at times they drag on about proving their point. It is easy to read and follow. I like the subject that this is on, I think it needs more descriptions.
Suggestions/Errors:
I don't know too much about either character besides they are cops that like to analyze situations. Maybe add some descriptions, imagery(what did the museum look like?) Along with adding that you could have a small layout of the musuem in your descriptions. With the way you do it, I have no idea how a robber would get in the place, etc.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
My Overall impression:{C:red
}I think you have a great story here. You tell it well and it flows so easily. I like your ending. This would make awesome childs book. It holds a couple good messages.
Suggestions/Errors:I did not notice any typos or errors. Well-done.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Great poem. I love the way you end this. You make letting go seem so positive and easy!
'The sun shines as another
moment passes
by.' Suggestions/Errors:
No changes needed. I like the title you picked for this. Well-done!
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Thanks for leaving this in my review forum. Your story starts off good. I like that you put descriptions in here;the girls rules, pesos prices, etc..
OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
~“So there don’t seem to be too many boys around,(I'd make this don't~doesn't)
~You never give a good explanation of why this girl/these kids are going to Mexico~~I think you need to go into that a little more.
~I feel like I need to know your chacracter a little more. More on her description/personality etc.
~I think you need to space with the dialogue, maybe indent your para. The way you have it, it seems like a continuous read.
TITLE: Is ok, but you could be more creative with it. Keep writing! Always, Tammy
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Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. My Overall impression:
You write very well. This flows very easily. Your description of the boy is great!
I was a little confused at the end. Suggestions/Errors:
?unconscious~~You close your eyes and see this~~
This is what I believe at first, from these/your statments.
Then you end up in jail for not helping save the boy??
I really thought you was going to end this with sharing your first witness to death.
Maybe it's me but I feel like you left out a major part of this story. Email me and let me know. Hope you enjoy yourself here. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
I like your story line, I think you need to work on telling your story. Suggestions/Errors:
You tell this all very unemotionally and straight to the point. I don't feel like I know your main character or her family. I can't identify with the war, because you tell me nothing about it.
I think you need to use more descriptions and feelings in this.
Set up your story, introduce your characters and then tell your story and how this time period hurt you. Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
This poem must have been hard for you to write. Sorry for your loss and experience. Your title leaves such an impact. I can identify with this, unfortunaetly, I went through this in November. YOU capture the waiting very well.
This simple/effective lines says it all for me:
'I cannot comprehend this.'
Thanks for the sharing, I hope this has been some form of therapy for you and your loss.
Always, Tammy
I liked your poem, it's a little morbid at the end.
I like that you have it all in bold print, it makes it a little more dramatic. This is a neat way at looking at death...I've never thought of this~~I always just think I want to die in my sleep~~your thought are less selfish!
Thanks for entering my weekly contest and good luck.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
Overall Thoughts
What a great story and you tell it very well.
This is a great memory to hold deep in your heart. Thanks for sharing it. I love the way kids think!
Overall Thoughts
Neat subject to write on. Music does it for me too. My Opinions/Suggestions
My only suggestion would be to expand a little more on this essay. You could mention more on the music and more on how youe feel while meditating. This being an essay, you might even make some suggestions to us readers on how/ what to do to help us find ways to relax and find peace. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts I picked this poem because of your title.
You cuold show us more dance steps!
My Opinions/Suggestions You mention moving in circles but that is about all of the dance that you show. Maybe 'show' us more dancing. You build up the suspence of the dance nicely, then the dance itself falls short. Other than that I like the way you build up the dance and I like the way yopu express how it feels dancing.
Overall Thoughts Weird and creepy story you got here. I like the twist it takes at the end!
My Opinions/Suggestions
'Oh my God, a bottle spoke to me. I am trully crazy.(spelling=truly)
Check you spacing it is off through-out the story.
LouAnne is telling her story(why is she referring to herself as The young woman?
The young woman would never return to that strange shop again. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts
I should of heeded your warning about this folder holding tear-jerkers. Then one did it. You capture these feelings well. I can identify with these feelings and thoughts, my Mom passed at home and then as a nurse who has worked in nursing homes with my patients. It's human nature to question Gods plans. Sorry for your loss. Writing is a great therapy. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts
I am so jealous~~I have always wanted one of these gardens. I first saw one in a movie and thought that it was awesome. I'm an avid collector of butterfly and frog items...I have them all over my porch and in my flower beds. I have looked at each of your pics and rated them...they are all great! My Opinions/Suggestions
I have one suggestio...when you have a little time could you email me and tell me more about starting one, what climate they work best in, and what I would need to do to get a small garden like this started! Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts
Loved it. I was laughing aloud with this. Sadly, for some places of employment this could all be true...well, most of it! Love your name at the end.
My only suggestion is to keep the humor coming! Great job. You make writing comedy look so easy. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts I'm glad I came across this! I am out pillaging and found this. I am adding it to my favorites. I've read a few chapters and there are some great things here that migh help one to find their muse! Thanks Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts
Very touching poem you have here. I like your ending the best.
My Opinions/Suggestions
In places, this reads more like a letter at times instead of a poem.
I think your first line: This sucks.
Takes away from your poem.
I think you have too many words in here that you don't need/ filler words:
EX:
But now I'm going to sit with this feeling,
let it be,
I won't run from it or ignore it
or distract myself
or numb myself.
This sould read just fine and says the same thing without the second line an all the or s.
But now I'm going to sit with this feeling,
I won't run from it, ignore it,
distract myself
or numb myself.
Just a few suggestions. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts
Very pretty title. I think you need to expand on the picture you are painting for us.
My Opinions/Suggestions
You briefly show us eyes, smiles and a pale face. You need more descriptions of what your painting so that the reader will get the whole picture/the whole soul. This is agreat start, I just think you need more.
Keep writing. Always, Tammy
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Keep writing. Always, Tammy 
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