Overall Thoughts:
I just wanted to say you have a well-layed out port, all your folder intros are very temtping. It was hard for me to decide which one to enter! I like your bio which is short and dramatic!
I picked this poem because of the title, it drew me in. My Opinions/Suggestions:
Even though a short poem you express yourself well. I like your comparison of her tears to the salt on buildings/bricks. Your poem stands well just like it is, I do wonder though what is this large grief the lady cries about. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts:
I hate changing jobs and you have hit on some of the main reasons why. I like the humor you add to this subject.
My Opinions/Suggestions:
never found anyone willing to pay anybody to lie on a tropical beach (I'd make lie=lay)
Some sample answers, wrong, "I hate it when people get back from lunch (I would make this; Some wrong answers; then list them. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts:
Nice little tribute to your brother.
My Opinions/Suggestions:
Your poem seems more technical than anything. You say where you are and what you did. No descriptive words are used. I don't know what the table looks like or what your brother has done for you. Maybe add some descriptions and emotions to your poem.
Just some suggestions. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts:
I liked this story. I loved all the little twist. Everytime I had a question...after a few sentences you'd answer it.
My Opinions/Suggestions:
The Dr.'s death isn't believable. Up to that point, it could have all been believable. But he wouldn't straight die from a puncture to his eye. Nor would he be taking straight to the morgue.
Maybe work on that ending a little..make it more believable!
Overall Thoughts:
Your opinions are well-said/expressed.
The poem itself needs work on the overall flow.
My Opinions/Suggestions:
If I was alone,I think I'd know why.
(I would space after the comma. Through-out you need to space~~it's easier for us readers and it just looks better!)
Work on the flow.
EX Stanza 2:
If I was alone,my beliefs would hurt me.
The people would be in unhealthy positions,risking their lives.
They as a race would not care,
but in my heart the beats would pierce my weakened chest.
TRY:
If I was alone, my beliefs would hurt me.
People would be in positions to risk their lives.
They as a race would not begin to care,
but my heart beats would pierce my weakened chest.
Something along these lines...
All just some suggestions. Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts:
I got to this from the link in your Bio.
Great idea. The colors are good, this is a great layout for your port!
My Opinions/Suggestions:
I like the way you compare your folders and items to nature~~storms, rain, hail, et. Very creative. I am to face some of that weather now.
Overall Thoughts:
I like your title it's unique. So is your poem. Very creative! I like the comparison you are making with the moth. My Opinions/Suggestions:
I like your ending the best:
'Unlearned pain I own, it’s mine.'
This could easily be unearned pain! Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Overall Thoughts:
I chose to review this poem because I love/collect butterfly things. You begin to capture a butterfly but I think you should expand a little on your poem.
My Opinions/Suggestions:
I think you need more description, add some color. Butterflies are very colorful and pretty...add some more imagery to your poem and it would be great! Keep writing. Always, Tammy
I guess we do learn something new every day! I can see why you are so proud of your daughter! She runs a great place here. I like the way you tell your story; very light-hearted and I love the humor you slide into it.
Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
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Thanks for sharing some of your history with us. I like that you went into details on how the 2 of you spent your time, it shows the bond that you shared. I also like that you put in the extra explanation at the end of your piece. I could feel the pride and love you have for your Grandpa. It comes through in every word you wrote. I can tell he helped you grow into the man you are today.
Always, Tammy
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Thanks for leaving this in my review forum. I won't be much help...This is a great story and I am glad I got the chance to read this. It's very well-written. I did not notice any typos or errors. I was left with no questions after reading it. Your character is very likable and you make it very easy for the reader to identify with him. Your imagery is very good. I could see the rain, the cabin and the wolf.
Keep writing. Tammy
This is a very pretty poem and it's unique. I like how you introduce the owl into your little story. Your imagery is good, and what a perfect night you describe.
I did not notice any errors or typos.
Thanks for entering this in my weekly contest and good luck.
Always,Tammy
Thanks for posting your story in my review forum.
I like your title. You say so much in this short piece and it leaves an importanat message. Your story is not what I expected. The twist you have in this is really sad. I did not notice any typos or errors.
Keep writing. Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. My Overall impression:I'm not sure what you are writing on. You jump around from one subject to the next. You start off talking about a hat...I never really get what the hat is about. Then you talk of Japan, soldiers, ships, eagles and God.
Suggestions/Errors:You need to decide what you want to tell the reader and just tell us. The jumping from one subject to the next makes for a confusing read.
I saw.(what did you see?....you need to expand on this.
Because I'm not buried in Japan am I.
(You need a ? instead of a period. OR~~ make this a statement instead of a question:
I'm not buried in Japan. Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Very morbid story. I like how you end this and leave the Mom's death to the reader's imagination. You tell this very well. I did not notice any typos or error. Great imagery, I could see the horrible Dad sitting on the couch smoking! I think this makes the 10th review. I enjoyed your port!
Keep writing.
Always, tammy
Great ending. I like your title. I like the comparison you make in para 1 with the noise and the spider web.
Suggestions:
Check your spacing through-out the story.
He wondered if they monitoring his calls (You need were in front of monitoring, or change monitoring to monitored.)
Keep writing.
Tammy
These are some great lyrics. Your chorus is very catchy. This song makes me think of some of my loved ones that are no longer here.
It seems whenever we lose someone there is always things we meant to say.
You express this feeling with your lyrics very well.
Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Thanks for entering my weekly contest and good luck. What a great definition of poetry and all so true. I like the way you present your poem.
These are my favorite lines and sum poetry up for me:
A word
or two or three
or a thousand.
Specifically formed
Shaped by a hand
Connected to a heart.
Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. My Overall impression: Great poem. I like the comparisons you make.
Suggestions/Errors:No typos or errors. Good job.
I think the flow is off in places.
Example line 3 in the first stanza :
Styles connecting my inner thoughts and movements
maybe to go with the rest of the flow try:
Styles connecting thoughts and movements
A few othere places like this, if you got rid of a few filler words it would really help with the flow.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
My Overall impression: I like your story. I like the way you have the dog as the character and use him to "show" us the house. Your descriptions are good.
Suggestions/Errors:I didn't notice any typos or errors. Good job! I was left with a few questions...which your story stands o.k. by itself...but I was left wondering where the previous owners went and why did they leave?
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
My Overall impression:Nice fantasy story you got here. Your imagery is good. I think you need to proof-read this, there are a lot of little erros that need fixing.
Suggestions/Errors:A few that I noticed:
The third and fourth where to close, they started spinning around one another until they collided (this to should be too)
She gave the other plants names as will.(will should be well)
The other gods where starting to notices the humans.(this should just be noctice)
Just little things you need to fix.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
Thanks for entering my weekly contest and good luck.
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Very pretty poem you got here. The flow is good, making for an easy read. Most of your rhymes are good and some unique ones too.
You have a few rhyming stretches that really jump out: dream/means...hope/dote
Overall-great poem.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. My Overall impression:I like the comparison you are using to describe emotions that are held in. You capture these feelings well.
Suggestions/Errors:
Stanza 1 line 4...
They better move off to the sides. (I'd make this side instead of sides.}
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me. Keep writing.
Always, Tammy
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