Interesting write. I guess I would have broken it down into paragraphs. (Having worked at a newspaper, I know there are editors who want 3-4 lines - tops - in a paragraph. They think the American public's interest and reading skills won't let them read long paragraphs. And...they might be right!)
Hey there newbie. You did a fine job of whining here. Believe me, we've all been in the same position as you have. Where do I start? How do I get noticed?
The only suggestion I have about this one is...
that ending with a preposition isn't always a good thing...
Are there any unwritten rules I should be aware of?
I know that...
Are there any unwritten rules about which I should be aware? sounds stilted, but it is more correct.
Anyway, about those questions of yours...
I'll post this review on the public review page - and end with a plea for you.
Hey folks, how about reading this newbie?
I'd also suggest that you visit the shamless plug page and post your work there. Get involved! Yes, read the work of others and review it. If you like to read and write, you will have something helpful to share.
Don't give up. Sometimes I'll discover the works of someone here that have gone ignored for a year! Now that's sad...especially if they are good stories or poems!
We're glad you're here. Don't give up. People will start to find you.
Good poem. I love surprise endings. (Although with the title, there was a bit of a hint.)
Another reviewer suggested that you might change one of the sing/sings in the first verse. Perhaps so, although having them both there isn't terribly wrong.
Good job. It's not easy to tell a complete story or thought with the use of so few words. But you did well. Loved the title, too. I'm always taken in by titles and descriptions.
I liked this poll! Those were all good movies. I guess I picked Bambi because it was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater. I was only 4, and staying with an aunt while my mom had my brother Bill. Of course...I almost died from getting popcorn stuck in my throat. Still...
Good contest entry. Heartfelt. If I were you, I'd make this a few paragraphs to make it easier to read...and I'd put some lines between the paragraphs. Other than that, there were a few places where you forgot spaces after commas.
This is great, Dave. You've managed to tell us a lot about your day...without letting us get too close to what those things you needed to say and didn't and things you shouldn't have said but did. Good job.
Thanks for sharing. You hadn't posted anything new in a while, huh? Me either.
Well written, and obviously with much thought. I thought I saw a sentence fragment or two while reading, but when I went back to find them I couldn't. So go figure. Even if they are there, the writing style was conversational, so fragments would fit. It's how we often talk.
Should I counter with my opinion? Hmmm. I'll just tell you what I've heard from friends who just occasionally stop by here to read. They like the stars, because they don't want to read stuff that other writers have decided is below average. Point well taken, I think.
Thanks for sharing your opinion - and doing it well.
This is sad. What's most sad is that kids and young adults who feel they are different feel the need to take such drastic actions. Yet it happens every day. Sigh. We're supposed to be different and unique - each of us.
I would suggest that you divide this into paragraphs and put white space between paragraphs, making it easier to read.
What a hoot! Your humorous poem about Southern "girls" was write on. When one arrives in the South, all that is evident is the chewin' folks. After a while, the eyes adjust enough to be able to see the charming ones as well.
I'm glad my son was raised in FL and TX. He learned to call his elders Ma’am or Sir (or Mrs., Miss, Mr...)
Now that I've moved north again, it bugs me that everyone just assumes they have the right to call me by my first name without asking. I got used to that Southern respect.
What an interesting twist to some old stories. Well done. Kept me interested throughout. Made me laugh.
Signs of a good story to me. (That...and there weren't any glaring and annoyingly obvious mistakes.)
Wow. This says it's comedy. Maybe I'm just not in the mood for any kind of bashing today....
Okay, for the most part, this was well written. There were some sentences with a few too many commas and others ending with "to" or "about."
(Perhaps we can blame this on the fact that some country music crept into your thoughts?)
Its songs are played on more radio stations than they were originally designed to. Might be better as...Country music now finds its way to stations originally designed for other types of music. Or some such.
All the songs are written about domestic abuse, suicide, alcoholism, and personal problems nobody really wants to hear about. Correct grammar would be...All the songs are written about domestic abuse, suicide, alcoholism, and personal problems about which nobody really wants to hear.
Of course, that statement isn't correct. No one? As one who has experienced domestic violence, whose has known families touched by suicide, and who has close family members who are alcoholics, I can tell you this. The messages cannot get out enough about these horrible life events. And music is one way to get messages out.
When I lived in the north, I didn't like country music either. I thought it was all "twang-twang" and about cheating on your wife.
Then I moved to Texas and discovered a wide range of country music. I watched the entire country music award show and was really impressed. I think Alan Jackson's "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?" is the most beatiful song I've ever heard.
Anyway, you don't have to worry about giving Texas back to Mexico. Most Texans really want to become their own country again.
And what the world really needs is to learn to stop making generalizations about people - based on their location, skin color, gender, etc.
This was an excellent way of looking at discrimination. Children don't see differences like adults do. When my son was in kindergarten, he really didn't know that the girl sitting next to him was of another race. He did know that her skin was darker than his, but he was so pale that everyone was darker.
Wow. What does one do when reading/reviewing a poem which the poet introduces as bad? If it is, indeed, bad, then the poet has succeeded. Does that, then, make it a good poem? Or a good effort? Too complex for me tonight.
Anyway, I think you were above average in creating something you wanted to be bad. Figure that one out.
This is an excellent tribute to your grandmother. Too many kids today don't have the opportunity to get to know their grandparents or to learn from them. Even those that are close by - like your siblings - don't know what wisdom they can be missing out on.
I noticed a few places where the verb tenses changed, but overall this is one great tribute.
I think you and your grandmother were both blessed.
Good message. Like the repetition. Only thing that bothered me a bit was the use of The Person. I guess that's like using "Average Man." But it sounds so impersonal - and God's love is reeeeaaaallllyy personal.
Thanks for sharing and witnessing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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