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1051
1051
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love your contest idea. You've explained it well and the rules should be easy to follow. I'm tucking this one into my favorites file. I probably won't have time to enter, but I do want to see what entries you get.

I'm enclosing a few gp's to help with prizes too.

Thanks for this one!

Blessings,
Kenzie
1052
1052
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful words, MarysTears Author IconMail Icon. Your faith shines through, your rhythm is consistent, and your rhymes are not forced. *Smile*

Normally, I don't offer lots of suggestions for changes in poetry. To me, poetry is a very personal thing, and that's especially true when one is writing about one's relationship to God. That being said, I do think this would sound much better as, "The One who makes me whole."

Welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here!

Blessings,
Kenzie

"We do not correct a piece of writing; in doing so, we question a life." William Stafford


 Breakfast of Champions Open in new Window. (E)
My words have tumbled all over the floor.
#1000224 by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon


1053
1053
Review of Aspies on autism  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great job! The links you provided in this one will certainly be valuable tools to anyone interested in learning more about Asperger's. That British teen's site is wonderful.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie

"Explaining My SonOpen in new Window.
1054
1054
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent job of informing about Asperger's. Indeed, it is not easy to take care of someone with Asperger's. At least now there is some information available and there are some professionals who seem to be informed. When my son was little, it was assumed that I was just an over-reactive mom. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie

Explaining My Son Open in new Window. (ASR)
Living with Asperger's Syndrome. Yes, it can be done. Diagnosis helps.
#701941 by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
1055
1055
Review of If Been  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting word choices in this poem. *Smile* It reminds me somewhat of my own "woulda, coulda, shoulda" thoughts.

I particularly like the ending:

If beening begins to be all there is
Then I have been ifing too long in the rain.


Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1056
1056
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great story! *Bigsmile* The descriptions were great, as was the emotion. You really got us feeling sorry for this character. And then that ending? What a surprise. In a few short words, you said a bunch.

I did notice that you had a typo: om Acorn Street instead of on.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1057
1057
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good job. As I read your words here, I wondered why you hadn't continued this one. I realized, then, that I hadn't seen many "new" writings and went to your portfolio to discover that you'd had "a small heart attack." I do hope you are doing better. Your poems and other writings are always so real and encouraging.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1058
1058
Review of Damaged  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow, what a story. Writing about these things is often helpful to us. And sometimes to others.

Suggestion:

There are a few places where you used 'sister and I' and 'dad and I' where it should have been 'sister and me' and 'dad and me.'

Here are two such places:

Maybe it's her punishment for what she did to my dad and I over the years.

This should be "my dad and me." One way to figure that out is to take out "my dad and" and see if "I" or "me" sounds better.

My mom called my grandmother and told her that she was sending a Police Officer to come and get my sister and I.

Should be "sister and me." Same rule applies. Take out "my sister and" and see if "I" or "me" sounds better.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1059
1059
Review of I'm Okay  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well said, Viv. This description surely hit home with me:

At times, my skin hurts so much that a sheet brushing my legs or arms brings me out of bed to escape. I feel as if my skin is on fire while tiny needles stick into me everywhere. That description isn’t exactly correct, but it’s as close as I can get to the real thing.

I did notice this: Some times I don’t have a choice.
Sometimes

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1060
1060
Review of The Motel  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, I didn't see that ending coming. Good job. *Smile*

I would watch verb tenses, if I were you.

For instance:

"But when he would see a woman, he will be nice and enthralling as long as she laughed at his kooky jokes. The moment she starts doubting him, he would become the hell’s angel on Harley showing his true colors."

Your story is writen in past tense, and to keep that up, these sentences should be:

But when he saw a woman, he acted nice and enthralling as long as she laughed at his kooky jokes. The moment she doubted him, he became the hell’s angel on Harley showing his true colors.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1061
1061
Review of Green Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, what a story. I was glued to the screen once I started to read...and couldn't stop. If there were any typos or other mistakes, they weren't obvious enough to make me slow down while I was reading. *Smile*

I wish stories like this were beyond our real world. But they're not.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1062
1062
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good writing and an excellent message. I'm glad this one was featured in the spiritual newsletter. *Smile*

I particularly liked your ending:

"But mostly I’ll be grateful for a lesson that took 46 years and lots of wasted time spent whining to learn…every day we live, every person we encounter, every situation we face, no matter how foreboding, offers us the opportunity for joy. We just have to decide to find our exclamation point."

You said a mouthful.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1063
1063
Review of Living with Pain  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Bless your heart.

This poem flows pretty well. The rhymes don't sound too forced. *Smile* Perhaps there is someone by the writer's side after all.

Thanks for sharing. This does tell the story of pain and fibromyalgia rather well.

Blessings,
Kenzie


 Yes, I Can Smile and Still Be in Pain! Open in new Window. (ASR)
Disabled? Chronic illness/chronic pain? Write a letter to friends and family.
#1012792 by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon


1064
1064
Review of My Father's Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good for you. The lesson, I mean. *Smile* Good poem too, though. Good rhythm and rhyme. There were a few lines that might be "tweaked" to have perfect flow, but the great message makes up for that.

Alcoholism runs in my family, so I guess I can relate...

Blessings,
Kenzie
1065
1065
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thanks for your honesty in explaining your illness. Perhaps it will help others understand. *Smile*

Not many have entered this contest - yet, anyway. Still, judging will be difficult.

Thanks for sharing. Be sure you read and review some of the other contestants, as that's part of the contest.

Blessings,
Kenzie

P.S. Here are your gp's...
1066
1066
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Intersting tale. Dentists appointments are always scary, so the imagination can really go wild with stories...as you've proven. *Smile*

Some suggestions:

Brett was as paranoid as usual about seeing a stranger, especially one that will soon have his hands inside his mouth.

Should be: one that would soon...

The man they were showing on the news looked an awful lot like the dentist he had gone to.

I would probably change this sentence so it didn't end in a preposition.

Marina came into the bedroom to call Brett for breakfast, as she walked through the door she was taken aback by the grim expression on her husbands face.

This should be two sentences or should have a semi-colon between the two complete thoughts. You also need an apostrophe for "husband's face."

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1067
1067
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great ponderings about life. I never thought to compare life to boating, but it makes sense. *Smile*

Some suggestions:

Though you are not sure where you are headed you do know this, you are very aware of where you come from.

I would probably change this sentence so it didn't end in a preposition.

It is gone before you have the chance to appreciate the abundant emotions it flings into you mind.

Should be "into your mind."

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1068
1068
Review of The Cello  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Fantastic. I loved some of your word choices. *Smile* And I laughed when I read what women usually do when they are abandoned: "She would start a cat collection, grow bristles on her chin, let her blood distil to vinegar."

Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1069
1069
Review of Storm Surge  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
You did a good job of explaining again. Thanks. *Smile*

I did notice this typo: Being inland, amny will stay to protect (many)

Also, there was one sentence that ended with "is" that I might change.

This storm is still so big, that there will probably be lots of damage even if it weakens to a category 3 hurricane. I worry about some of the elderly where I used to live (Brazoria County) deciding to stay.

Thanks again.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1070
1070
Review of We are the same.  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is short, but it has a great lesson. *Smile*

I would suggest that you stick to one verb tense, though. You started out using past tense: There was... Then you switched to present tense: Jill comes over...

Actually, I'd probably change that sentence too. Instead of writing, "Jill comes over and sits down by Sally and her friends so she could make friends," (and keeping past tense verbs going, how about: Jill sat down by Sally and her friends...?

Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com.

Blessings,
Kenzie


1071
1071
Review of Hurricane Rita  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for writing this, a Sunflower in Texas Author IconMail Icon. I'm glad it's been documented like this. As I sit here in Ohio, I think about my years in Lake Jackson/Freeport area of Texas and I wonder if some of the older and stubborn residents there have evacuated. Freeport floods with just a few hours of rain, and so many of the homes have not been well maintained because the home owners are poor or elderly or both.

And I was in Houston back in '83 for Alicia. We were without power for 3 weeks.

I've lived in Florida and Texas, and although I do miss the weather there, I don't miss hurricanes.

Thanks again for this one. One suggestion: As of this date, evacuees are leaving the fewer shelter which remain open. (Did you mean "few shelters"?)

Blessings,
Kenzie
1072
1072
Review of A Guardian Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, I'm glad this true story had a good ending. *Smile*

Some suggestions:

She then proceeded to tell me that she thought the meaning of the wolf I saw was the later. To watch my son, he was in some kind of danger.

She told me that she thought the meaning of the wolf I saw was the latter; she reminded me to watch my son as he was in some kind of danger.

Because he was to small for her to see too small


Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie

1073
1073
Review of The Magic 21  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, what a story. For me, it's just one more reason not to drink at all.

But then, I have a brother who is dying because of damage to his liver and kidneys caused by drinking. My mother has alchohol induced dementia. Yep, I'm pretty much against drinking.

You told your story well.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1074
1074
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good job. *Smile* I did wonder about the title - not the one that caught my attention, but the one you wrote on the page. (They didn't match. *Smile*)

Sometimes when we think we have nothing to say/write, the words suprise us.

By the way, my dictionary says "windowpane" is one word.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1075
1075
Review of Selling Me Short  Open in new Window.
Review by Kenzie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for the well written reminder about who is the real Author. *Smile*

Indeed, it does seem a worthy goal sometimes to want to be well known, especially if one is writing and sharing about Him. But you know...if you just receive one letter from someone who wants to know more about Him because of words you've written (with Him as your guide), then that's worth more than fame and fortune.

Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com.

Blessings,
Kenzie
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