Your writing is always good. Funny, though, going back and reading some of these chapters now does make me wonder just a tiny bit whether Crystal and Erik sound "real." Maybe they sound like we all wish things could be.
Good job. This certainly took me back in time. I was telling someone just the other day that I knew my bank had ATM services available in the early 70's. You just confirmed that. You were born in a great year for music.
These are some excellent words of wisdom. I love that you used sardine sandwiches and whales to make your point.
I particularly loved these lines:
Don't be afraid to be different and mix it up if it works for you and your readers. If your readers tell you that what you are doing is confusing, listen to them, especially if they tell you something is not clear.
However, if your readers just recite archaic rules that they don't really understand themselves, don't let it change the way you write.
Of course, as you pointed out earlier in this one, knowing the rules is pretty important before trying to break them.
The only thing(s) I might change on this one would be changing sentences that end in prepositions. But that's me.
Interesting poll...and results thus far. To me, sayings are wise words passed on from generation to generation. They've lasted...so they must have some value to them.
A suggestion:
When a person is having problems or dealing with a difficult situation there are saying that are given as advice. Some of these saying are irritating and not helpful at the time.
Wooo. This surely makes man out to be something pretty horrible. I never thought of mankind being so bad. I know humans are selfish folks, but I really hate to think that we only interact with others who can be of use to us. Yikes.
The only thing I would suggest is in formatting: I would put spaces between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Way to advise writers! There are many famous writers whose books will never clutter my shelves, but that doesn't stop them from writing (and selling!). We can never please everyone. The important thing is to write because we must. As you said, "Is writing something that feeds you, something that makes you stronger, that makes you want to live a few days longer?"
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. The first time I read (raced, more accurately) through this, I thought I saw one place where a question mark should have been used instead of a period. But as I went back over it, I couldn't find that place again. Maybe someone else can help.
What a wonderful story. One has to be sorry about the loss of a loved one, but happy that the loved one was able to say good-bye in this way. It also proves that kids are so much more able to accept things that just shouldn't be.
I enjoyed "seeing" this poem. I guess as a writer, it's easy to imagine words that "dance out of reach." Some will probably comment about the need for punctuation. No punctuation in a poem doesn't bother me as long as the breaks (and breaths) are evident in the writing. Yours are.
I thought for sure I had already read and commented on this one. I know I read the explanation piece.
For me, this one required two readings to get the meaning. But that's not always such a bad thing.
Perhaps there is a bit too much repetition of some words, which does tend to make one's mind wander. (Mine anyway.)
I might change this string:
smiling faces, sleeping faces, peaceful faces, joyful faces
to:
smiling faces, sleeping, peaceful and joyful faces
Threads, of course, are your main focus. (Besides the window/eyes.) But I wonder if you might use another word for thread now and then as well. Just a thought.
And excellent recount of your escape. Those last sentences say so much:
No, it was not only independence day for me, but also independence day for future generations in my family. The circle of violence was broken; I had won the war.
That's what women who fear leaving should remember. It isn't only the woman who is hurt in abusive relationships. Kids suffer too. (And in Michigan at least, the abused parent is held just as responsible for keeping kids in such an environment.)
Some more interesting thoughts and opinions. I might add something about the affect unions have had on our country. They certainly had a purpose years ago. And I must admit that my dad was a union man, so I know my family benefited. But that greed factor certainly crept into unions. Big time.
Recently, I worked in a union job myself for a few weeks. What I discovered was that I would pay dues each pay period for a year before I'd ever see any real benefits. And then they weren't very good ones. The union had almost no power anymore to help its members. But because these particular jobs are mostly union ones, it means that the workers are paid astonishingly high wages for pretty simple tasks - answering phones mostly. I liked being paid about $16 per hour in training...until I realized that was part of the reason why everyone I know pays so much just to use a telephone.
I wondered if you didn't want to use this as your bio block, rather than take up an item in your portfolio.
If so, go to my account and you'll find the bio block space there.
These are wonderful words about your mother. It's also rather short. I'm betting there's a bit more to tell - and what she's done for you and about how you were saved (although those might be two different writings).
Thanks for sharing and welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here.
It's good to ponder what we will leave to the world when we pass on. And you have some good ideas here. Indeed, writing is something wonderful to leave behind!
Some suggestions:
I might try reading this one aloud. That might show where you could add or subtract a word here and there to make this flow more evenly.
Also:
A persons value is not measured by what they have when they die,
But by the things they do and the people impacted by their life,
Since you're talking about one person here, it follows that he/she shouldn't be referred to as "they."
Better:
A person's (you do need the apostrophe) value is not measured by what he has before he dies,
But by the things he does and the people impacted by his life,
And...
It is a voice looking for a home be can not be simply said,
I'm not really sure what's wrong or missing in that line. Maybe it should be "but cannot be..."?
Bless your heart. I just read all the entries in this journal/book and by the third one the tears were streaming down my face. Writing this has to be good for you. It will help remind you of all the good things, as well as the "bad" about having such a special child. It should also be helpful to those whose children are just as challenging.
As I read through this, I realized how "easy" I had it with my son, since his Asperger's Syndrome is just a mild or high-functioning form of autism. But I also realized why my son was the only one in our neighborhood who could help with the kid with "real" autism - because he did understand. And now that he's an adult, our discussions touch on what it was like to be in his own world as a kid.
And as we both hear things in the neighborhood that no one else seems to hear and see bugs crawling on the ground that no one else even notices, I wonder if I, too, had this mild autism. Or did I learn to be "different" like my son so I could relate to his world.
Thanks again for sharing this one. I'll come back another time to read more about Jonah. For now I'm cried out.
There's some good advice here - for writers and readers. Good for you.
It has been rare that I've found something to read here that warrants a 1 or 1.5 (unless it was for a contest where the writers were trying to write badly). When I have, though, I have preferred reviewing/rating privately. Some disagree with my thinking on this, but I do think praise (and mild criticism) may be done in public. Harsher criticism, in my opinion, should be done privately. But that's just me.
The only thing I would change on this one would be this line: Ratings are not worth anything substantial, while grades are.
It may not be totally incorrect, but I just don't like ending sentences this way.
If this one is passed along, you'll likely get some angry responses. I think you've stated the case well, along with links to substantiate your allegations.
I did wonder if:
the person that turns to them for leadership, for council, for empowerment?
...might be better as:
the person who turns to them...
As I read this, I remembered something my college boyfriend's roommate said to me way back in 1970. I've never forgotten it. He said, "If I can't convert you, I have to kill you." That prompted quite a discussion about the differences between Muslims and Christians, and we agreed that religious fanatics are pretty much all the same. Still, his comment both haunted and frightened me at varying times throughout my lifetime.
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You were born in a great year for music.
I'm certain we'll all rush to this doc real soon. Not.
