This was another excellent chapter in the story of Crystal and Erick. The vows, of course, were beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. What fantastic proof of their love for each other. (I love that Crystal vowed to obey!)
You've done such a fine job of making this story real. I can't wait to read on.
I needed a smile this afternoon, and this gave me even more. It gave me a real laugh. Fiction is most fun when it reminds of us past experiences, and this does. I'm sure most of us have traveled in the wrong direction, although perhaps maybe not as far. I've even encountered cows on the road in my travels. Both experiences together? Thankfully, that hasn't happened. But the thought of it did make me giggle.
I saw Simply Blue's review of this and just had to look. Simply Blue was correct. This is a remarkable piece of writing. If will probably offend some, but you've articulated well what others of your generation are feeling. I had to forward this one to my son. It sounds just like many discussions we've had, only better.
I also liked the line Simply Blue pointed out. "If I’m one in a million, there’s at least ten of me in a hundred mile radius." Shouldn't it be.....
If I’m one in a million, there are at least ten of me in a hundred mile radius.
If you've read any of my writings, you'll know that I won't agree with all you've written. Still, it's good writing.
Amen. Wonderful thoughts, great reasons to rate high rather than low. I'm with you! People are here for therapy. That's obvious. In fact, sometimes I think there are more of that type writer than any others. Perhaps it comes out most on lonely weekends.
I also agree about the 4.5. If someone writes telling me how absolutely fabulous something is and gives it a 4.5, I want to know what could be done to make it even more fabulous so it gets a 5.
But that doesn't usually happen. Those are the folks who can't seem to find the 5 on their screens. I have one on mine and I use it!
Gina sits on her bed and flicks through her magazine, her parents will not be home for hours; her friends will all be out, so (there is) no point in calling them(.) (S) she wonders how long she can bear this silence for even music will not drown it out.
"(Q)quite a few people(.) (I) was talking to my
"That(‘)s a ridiculous question(,)" Gina says with such severity that Rita is taken aback. "Of course (I) want to go to the pub!" Gina laughs.
They were joined in the hall by other people also heading in the same direction, and the two (groups became one).
****
(S)omeone decides after they have all had one too
The idea scares Gina because she has known these people for little over three hours(.) (T)he idea of sharing her secrets, of trusting almost
Yet she agrees becausse(because) she (doesn’t want to be left out) tonight.
"(Okay)," Rita smiles, "(I) want to ask the first question.
Another great chapter. I see you know older women well too. I had the same thoughts of Crystal's mom at the end of the previous chapter.
The question remains. When are you going on the road to conduct seminars about how to really love your spouse? I want to make sure we book you in my town first!
Jim, I enjoyed chapter 10 just as much as the others before it. For an instant, I thought that this encounter in the church was endorsing having sexual relations outside of marriage. But I do believe in a situation such as this that God would understand. This coulple is more married than many real married folks, certainly more in love than many married folks. Besides the wedding is coming soon.
I pointed out your portfolio to a young newbie who is also writing about real love.
Bless your heart! Your storytelling skills are excellent, and combined with your knowledge of what love is and should be is making this story one that everyone should read.
One error...
handed her the unfolded campus map on which they’d marked and numbered all your classes.
(her classes)
I did wonder if you meant councilors ir counselors. (Counsilor = member of a council, counselor= advisor.)
I noticed that Crystal has started copying Erik's way of saying "Yeup." Nice touch, and just like real life. We do tend to pick up on the speech and mannerisms of the ones we love.
I did find one place where a space is needed between words. (it brought tears to hiseyes)
Each chapter seems to have its own lesson. Each chapter stands alone quite well. My question to you is, did you plan your story that way? To have a lesson in each chapter? Or did the story just evolve that way?
Can't wait to read more.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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