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1151
1151
Review of Final Checkout  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
What a story. Yes, a bit scary.

I do have some suggestions:

The gory seen (scene)

debonaer (debonair)

Not to far from him, there lay a woman (too far)

mam (ma'am)

two large men that were in the back (men who were...)

Hope I don't dream about meat cleavers.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1152
1152
Review of Dreams Help  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good for you. It's important that we try to understand each other. Tollerance is a word everyone tosses around. But tollerance is just putting up with people. Better that we love them, honor and respect them. And learn to understand.

You're right. Dreams is a fine representative. Every religion has its fanatics, the ones who make the news. Here at Writing.com we have folks who don't makek the news, but live the lives.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1153
1153
Review of 4 SQUARES  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Good job. The stories are similar no matter where the homeless are located. My brother is one of the homeless in Pittsburgh, PA. Thanks for showing the humanity of these people. We need to realize that most folks don't wake up one day and think, "I think I'll be homeless when I grow up."

Thanks for sharing.

BTW, the top line has code showing.



Blessings,
Kenzie
1154
1154
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Indeed. The principle of ETCH belongs in all of our relationships. If only it were so...

In business, it seems so many are taking short cuts. Not thinking of the customer, and certainly not the employees. Employees respond by not caring about the customer....and certainly not about the boss or owner.

Like smiles, these things are easily passed along - the good and the bad.

One mistake....
misunderstoo - needs a "d" on the end.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1155
1155
Review by Kenzie
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Aren't kids great? Looks like you're doing a fine job in raising these kids.

At 5, my son was baptized and the next week he wrote a song and sang it in church and taught it to the congregation. His dad accompanied him.

At 8, he attended confirmation classes and joined the church. The next day, he went to the pastor's office to ask him what job he could do to serve. He took his membership vows quite seriously - that he would give his time, his talents and his tithe. (The pastor made him the editor of the kid's newsletter.)

I would suggest.....I hear the following....would be better as "I heard the following:"

Blessings,
Kenzie
1156
1156
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a great description of the church, the wedding party, and the walk down the aisle. I liked that you mentioned one journey was ending and another beginning. All that was missing, I think, was just a tiny explanation of the thoughts that made her lips quiver.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1157
1157
Review of Tuesday's Storm  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow. This is quite a story. And, with the number of abortions performed every year, this is a story that could be true for so many.

I do have a few suggestions:

that everything changed (Maybe better as "when everything changed"?)

After spending a mundane youth in sharp contrast with the big-budget Hollywood movies I thrived on, I slowly became resigned to spend the rest of my life in the same fashion. (After spending a mundane youth in sharp contrast with the big-budget Hollywood movies I thrived on, I slowly became resigned to spending the rest of my life in the same fashion.)

Every adult I know says it was the best time of their lives. (Every adult I have known said it was the best time of their life. Or "All adults I've known have said it was the best time of their lives.)

I found myself hoping for that knock more everyday (every day)

then who needed God anymore. (any more)

opening and closing his arthritic hands as he tries to warm them. (tried)

“Hello John,” she tells him, (told)

I hope she’s not still sleeping. (I hoped she wasn't sleeping.)

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie















1158
1158
Review of The Jump  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. Well done. You turn a phrase well. Obviously know enough about cars and jumping this way to make it sound possible. And the reaction of the man, the panic, sounded real as well. Good job.

Blessings,
Kenzie

1159
1159
Review of Monster  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh my. This is a good story. And believable. You really had me feeling sorry for this character, until the surprise ending. A monster, indeed.

You're a good storyteller. Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie

 Stop, Thief!  (ASR)
Bubba Cop couldn't solve my problem. He called me "little lady" and I knew.
#650709 by Kenzie


1160
1160
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (3.5)
There are some wonderful thoughts here, some great word phrases. But the problem comes in having it in all capitals, and that your apostrophes ended up being question marks. These are a distraction of what could be more beautiful.

I'd also suggest arranging this differently on the page. Perhaps like this.

I know what you are.
You are a thief, the word's greatest.
What you take, you keep forever.
Your grasp will never let go.
Hiding my treasure has never stopped you.
You know just how to fool me.
When I ask for it back, you disappear.
I am weak; you are untouchable!

or

I know what you are.
You are a thief, the word's greatest.
What you take, you keep forever.
Your grasp will never let go.
Hiding my treasure has never stopped you.
You know just how to fool me.
When I ask for it back, you disappear.
I am weak; you are untouchable!


Blessings,
Kenzie
1161
1161
Review of Special Delivery  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Boy that was a special delivery and you've told the story well. I don't think I could have responded as calmly as you did to a co-worker about what you did over the weekend, though. *Smile*

"My daughter and her partner had a baby boy yesterday, I was there, he was born at home you know."

That is a perfect ending to the story.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1162
1162
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a wonderful story. Don't those contests and prompts get the creative juices flowing?

The only thing I'd think about changing is......

But every time I start to feel a little superior to the rest of my family, I pull that bonnet out of my special box and think about Grandma, and remember where I came from.

Instead of ending the sentence with "from" I might try....
But every time I start to feel a little superior to the rest of my family, I pull that bonnet out of my special box and think about Grandma, and remember my roots.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1163
1163
Review by Kenzie
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a great story. What a lesson for each of us...that we are focusing on all the wrong things. For many of us, I imagine it would take just an event like this to wake us up to this fact.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1164
1164
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your spelling is fine and the rhymes in this don't seem forced. Still, with some tweaking it could be a better poem.

As is stands now, your lines have from 9 to 13 syllables. Evening them out would make the poem flow better.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1165
1165
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great story. I remember the first time I tried to put creases in my teen son's pants. He, too, informed me that just wasn't the style anymore. Getting the wrinkles out was okay, but nothing more. Who knew?

Some suggestions:

friends and families days off (these should be possessive not just plural)

You're going back and forth from present tense to past tense.

For instance:
I reckoned it would be raining by the time my fourteen year old son has to go to work and I will have to drive him. He works casual hours after school and holidays in a grocery store.

Try.......
I reckoned it would be raining by the time my fourteen year old son had to go to work and I would have to drive him. He worked casual hours after school and holidays in a grocery store.

That needs to be corrected throughout. Pick either present or past tense and stick with it. (I find it easier to write in past tense, but that's just me.)

Thanks for giving me a chuckle this morning.

Blessings,
Kenzie


1166
1166
Review of Good Friday  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amen. Thanks for the wonderful reminder.

My son, when he was just a little guy, once asked why we called this day Good Friday when it was so sad. I didn't even realize how sad it was until a few years ago when I read a medical doctor's article about what Jesus would have experienced physically that day.

But, as you said, we have reason to rejoice on Easter Sunday. He is risen!

Blessings,
Kenzie
1167
1167
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent story. A transportainer. Now I do like that. Reminds me of a story I wrote about a "salesclerkertainer" called Life is What You Make It.

Another reviewer pointed out what he/she thought were some gliches. I won't repeat those.

The image you tried to use didn't show up, though. It says "image unavailable."

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1168
1168
Review of Music and Love  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is beautiful. Music does span the miles and let us communicate.

I do have a few suggestions:

A love between to similar souls. (two similar souls)

Also....
There are a few places where you've typed eachother instead of each other.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1169
1169
Review by Kenzie
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Interesting story. And it was all a dream.

Throughout your story, there are many places where you need to place a space after a comma.

For instance:
To make a short story long,it was Tuesday,as it usually is after Monday.

Should be:
To make a short story long, it was Tuesday, as it usually is after Monday.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1170
1170
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oooooooooo. I've heard preachers like this. Good job. Good story. Fortunately, pastors like this will be judged harshly.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie

1171
1171
Review of God's Family Man  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent. What a fine tribute to your dad. If only others had such a fine example.

A few things I found:

did'nt (didn't)

I never heard him complained (complain)

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1172
1172
Review of The Imagination  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting poll. That 50% would like to be a doctor who discovered a cure is great. But that 46% want to be a mobster, a movie star or model is sad. Especially when only 4% would like to be President.

Perhaps at least one more answer might have been nice. Other or none of the above. I can't imagine that everyone who answers this poll will think one of those answers fits.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1173
1173
Review of Blue Marriage  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is rather sad, indeed. But well worded sadness.

Makes me want to give the same lecture I gave to my son the other day about being sad and depressed. I think sometimes we're that way because we're focusing on ourselves too much. Perhaps if we'd get out and help others, we wouldn't have so much time to think about ourselves.

Blessings,
Kenzie

1174
1174
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is very informative and spells out precisely what happens when an upgrade runs out and is not renewed. I don't know why I haven't stumbled upon this earlier. I'm glad I did, though. The next time someone asks these questions, I'll have your article as reference.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
1175
1175
Review of Do Unto Others  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another wonderful poem. Your rhymes are never forced, and they pass my "test" - reading them aloud. (Often reading a poem aloud shows us places where some tweaking is required.)

Thanks for sharing your faith. Those whom God has gifted to write should do so, for His glory.

Blessings,
Kenzie
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