These are both very sad endings. I certainly like to think that the father's example of total forgiveness was passed onto the older son. And I also like to think that the prodical son forgave himself, just as his father forgave him. Those, after all, are the lessons we're supposed to get from the story...that God forgives us and that we are to forgive ourselves and others just the same.
Good writing, though. I would probably put spaces between the paragraphs to make it easier to read.
I liked the rhyme and flow of this one. I really, really, liked the title. That's what drew me in. I can just imagine me going around the house repeating that one today. It's that kind of word phrase - catchy and memorable.
Thanks for sharing...and welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here.
Wooo. Good title, excellent question. Is friendship worth it? Worth what? So...I had to read. Good job drawing me in.
You don't have any glaring mistakes in grammar or spelling or punctuation. There are a few places where you've ended in prepositions, and I don't particularly like that. But I'm told "the world" sees this differently now. Hmmm. And you put the quotation marks inside the punctuation where it should have been outside.
Also...this last part is a bit long...
Your innocence has drawn several people close to you;but beware of people like me because our hearts have remained to much on the dark side and we suck the happiness out of people, as I see is happening to you…and I believe it is time for me to step away….but I fear to be blamed of betrayal……and I am not a traitor at least where friendship is concerned!
As I read that, it made my heart sad. Rather than letting friendship go, why wouldn't a person want to change himself/herself...so that he/she didn't suck the happiness out of people?
Wow, what a story. We need to speak of these things - abuse - and we need to speak of how people are able, with help, to get beyond the pain.
Some suggestions:
In your first paragraph, you've used both present and past tense verbs. I'd stick with the past tense, since you've carried that out throughout most of the piece. You did revert back to present toward the end, but if it were my work of heart, I'd change it all to past tense.
I know some folks think it's okay - now - to end sentences in prepositions. I prefer not to do so. I would probably change this: which he was so notorious for.
that that meant he didn’t love her (Might be better as, "that it meant...")
I would also put spaces between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com. We're glad you're here!
Well done. Good rhymes, good rhythm. You told the story of your work experiences well. I have to wonder if you're working for the government. I can't imagine any other employer having bored employees.
What a survey. I really had to think about some of those movies! Some were old, some new. Gee whiz. A movie really has to hit me hard to be remembered. Otherwise, I leave the theater and forget what I saw 30 minutes later.
I'm glad you wrote this. I've been thinking some of the same things.
When my son was just a toddler, he had a Sesame Street telephone. Oscar the Grouch said, "Have a rotten day." That was one of the first complete sentences my son repeated - over and over again as he laughed and laughed.
"Do we tell people to have a rotten day?"
"No," he answered. "That's not nice." (I have this conversation preserved on an audio tape.)
He'd laugh at the Cookie Monster because he was a funny character. I'd ask, "Do we stuff cookies in our mouths like that?"
He'd giggle and answer, "No!"
In fact, my son never ate a cookie or a piece of candy until he was three years old. By that time, he had developed a love of good foods. He liked eating fruits and veggies much more than sweets or junk food. (Yes, that did change once he hit his teen years. )
Some suggestions:
Sesame Street is changing their image after 36 seasons and promotes healthy eating.
Maybe...
Sesame Street is changing his (Cookie Monster's??) image...and promoting healthy eating.
This is a plea more so than a rant, this is a plea to parents to take charge and have more of a role in their children’s lives.
You could use a perior or semi-colon after "rant."
There are some good inspirational picks here, indeed. But, again there is one mentioned that is no longer an active link. Makes me curious about what young poet we lost.
Thanks for sharing. I always love seeing what others think is worth reading and sharing.
Good job. I have to agree. You DO have a way with words. Perhaps that makes you a wordsmith. I never thought about the different way one could ponder: a way, away and a weigh. You've made me think. And smile. And that's a good thing.
Hmmm. A pretty good story for someone who was in the 3rd grade at the time. And you're in 4th grade now? Did you have help with this? I ask because I've seen lots of adults who cannot use complete sentences when they arrive here, nor can they use correct grammar or punctuation. You did well.
This needs a correction:
Luke said, “If you’re wearing an coat, take it off, please.” (Should be "a coat...")
Hmmm. You've raised some good questions. Some things will never be answered. Some will be answered in Heaven, I think.
Although one would term me a believer, I do more than believe. I know there is a God. And I have a wonderful relationship with Him. It's so much more than just a belief.
Suggestion:
Would people like Hitler or Napoleon ever come to rise again. if we were to discover that God truly exists?
Would people like Hitler or Napoleon ever come to rise again, if we were to discover that God truly exists?
Bless your heart. This is a beautiful letter to someone with whom you shared something special, if not permanent in the sense of living together. Obviously, there was a special bond nevertheless.
One suggestion:
When we did meet met
(This needs to be clarified.)
Good picture. How cool that you were able to take a picture in the library. I've seen very few pictures taken in libraries, and I'm sure they were all sanctioned by the library and librarian.
The words to this song are ones we've probably all considered. It would be nice to be able to send emails to our lost loved ones. Wish we could hear the music...
I did wonder about the length of verses - 4, 8 and 12 lines. The chorus is good.
Interesting thoughts. As one who never did understand the love of this sport, I was never aware of any of this. The last time I remember even thinking about baseball was somewhere around....1960? When the Pittsburgh Pirates won, I think. And the only reason I thought about it that year was that we got out of school. Nope. For me, football was the sport. But now, I'm really not interested in any of them. They're just big business to me. It makes no sense that players make millions and that it costs a family of 4 what would be a week's pay for some folks.
Some suggestions:
You do have some rather long sentences. For the most part, you've punctuated them correctly. But I did see a few places where you used semi-colons where a comma would have been correct. (Where there were really not two complete thoughts.)
Also, it appears that you wanted to have a brief use of italics but ended up using it the rest of the way through the piece. (Your WritingML is showing. )
And...
because nobody wanted too. to(Although I might reword that one so it didn't end in "to.")
Interesting poem about poetry. That poetry can be the very thing that allows you to be yourself, and yet can make you slave, sounds contradictive. Yet, another poet will surely understand.
Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com.
Blessings,
Kenzie
"Any healthy man can go without food for two days -- but not without poetry." -Charles Baudelaire
Wow, what thoughts. What word crafting. I've thought about people being Teflon people. But I never thought that the coating does rub away. That makes me feel better about some of those folks...
Bless your heart. You've written pretty well about such an emotional experience.
I do have a few suggestions:
I would watch verb tenses. For instance:
I was sitting in my third block class and my teachers phone rings and I was told to go to guidance.
I was sitting in my third block class when my teacher's phone rang and I was summoned to the guidance office.
About halfway threw our hour and a half meeting (yes and hour and a half…and I missed my lunch because of him) he also told my mom and I that he had talked with my counselor and one of my teachers.
About halfway through our hour and a half meeting, (yes and hour and a half...and I missed my lunch because of him) he also told my mom and me that he had talked with my counselor and one of my teachers.
So I left the meeting for all I know on a troubled teen list and a two face in my midst.
So I left the meeting for all I know on a troubled teen list and a two-faced friend in my midst.
Until now, I never really understood what it felt like to be insulted from a third party that had no prior knowledge of me and had no idea what type of person I was.
Until now, I never really understood what it felt like to be insulted from a third party who had no prior knowledge of me. (I'd leave out that last part, or find a way not to end in "was.")
Thanks for sharing. Lucky for you, your mom is a teacher and supportive of you. Imagine if that weren't the case...
What a hoot. I can see me doing and saying these very things...when retirement comes.
I did notice that you had both present and past verb tenses in this piece. You started out with past tense, then switched to present. I would change that.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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There are a few places where you've ended in prepositions, and I don't particularly like that. But I'm told "the world" sees this differently now. Hmmm. And you put the quotation marks inside the punctuation where it should have been outside.
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