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Review Requests: OFF
3,300 Public Reviews Given
3,339 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 34 35 36 37 -38- 39 40 41 42 43 ... Next
926
926
Review of Nothing  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Hotair* Hello Fellow Member Rising Star! *Hotair*
Congratulations on winning The Best of the Best in Rising Stars, October 2013.


*Star*
Overall Impression
The opening line knocked me off balance due to the image conveyed and the power of the words you chose. Your poem left me sitting back in my chair, trying not to think, and failing.

*Star*
Emotional Chord Struck
Your poem is wrapped up inside me. It's an odd comment meant to demonstrate the intensity of how your words affected me. My 34 year old daughter is suffering from Peripheral Neuropathy. At least that's what the doctors are saying. She called the other night, and talking to her is sometimes more than I can withstand. What am I supposed to say to a young woman who is in constant pain from her head down to her toes, with no hope of recovery? The doctor's have found one prescription that helps, but nothing completely vanquishes her agony.

It's as if you know her, because your thoughts follow the same path as mine. I hope this is a fictional work.

My daughter can only sleep an hour or so at a time because the pain wakes her up. After a few hours, she's able to fall asleep again, for a few hours.

The ending stanza changed the tone. Throughout, the person's illness is reiterated and expanded upon, but then the observer makes a poignant statement about feeling guilty for having a full night's sleep and waking refreshed. My daughter has to sleep apart from her husband so she won't disturb him.

Sometimes reviewers are upset because my stories don't always have happy endings. The last few lines struck me. All I can do is worry how long she will be able to stay out of a wheelchair.

After reading this, I'm committed to projecting the warmth of healing in her direction. Whether out-of-the box thinking has any merit depends on the people involved. There's no guarantee my daughter will benefit, but the result is out of my control. The Giver or Sender's only responsibility is the projection.

There's nothing more that can be asked of your work. To evoke passion in the reader is an author's dream. No need to feel sad, as some authors do, for creating this cascade of emotions. Outstanding write.

*Star*
Fine Tuning ▼

*Star*
Parting Comments
In keeping with the style you chose, I stepped out of my usual review presentation and filled the page with colors. Colors express emotions, yes?

** Image ID #1947654 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
927
927
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi ?tHINg!

*Bulletg* Thoughts/Impressions
I clicked on this after reading a review you composed for me. The tone is companionable and the contents made me smile, especially the graphics. I've only seen the hand as a signature. My favorite image is the "hooves on fire" and I've yet to see the "magic teddy bear." But then (clever me) I clicked on the image and found something surprising at the end of the click, sort of like riding the other side of the rainbow. I marked the item as a favorite.

When I clicked on the "reading room" the page was somewhat similar to this one, but with a bit more detail. Your sense of humor is priceless.

I can only imagine how your style has evolved over the years, and this piece clearly explains your thought pattern. It's not your style to shred someone's story, and anyone on the receiving end of your reviews surely appreciates a cheerleader among the ranks.

*Bulletg* What I liked
I like all your reviews. What means the most to me is your approach. The reviews are welcoming and friendly, but you don't hesitate to point something out that needs correction, written in your kind and considerate way. When you examine my work through your judging microscope, your focus remains the same.

I like the idea of having an item that explains your approach in your portfolio. It's easier to access than clicking a review tab, and more comprehensive than a summary of style.

*Dropv* I tried to find an emoticon (rather than my generic dot) to represent the cow persona, such as a swishing tail, a hoof, or even a barn.

I found *Utensils* under 'food and beverage' but had to rule it out because I'm a vegan, and I doubt your end game is to end up on someone's table. *Worry*

*Bulletg* In conclusion
One question. Are you a hand or a steer? You have to be part hand. Writing with hooves could be clumsy unless you have a cow-sized keyboard.

** Image ID #1954683 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
928
928
Review of The House Elf  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! I've been poking around the website and due to a recent interest on my part, looking for children's stories. I'm here.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
How unprofessional will it sound if I start with wow? I experienced more emotion while reading this story than some adult novels. No laughing, but I was unaware of my fist pressed against my mouth until I read the last sentence.

*BulletB* What I liked
There's so much here for a child to discover. The rules of friendship, lessons of trust, relationships between humans and extended families, and well, the list goes on and on. One moment struck me as particularly clever and meaningful. It's what happened between Billy and Charlotte. When they first met, it was almost like a tiny romance, and that was okay. Our society can be so straight-laced and Puritanical when it comes to laws of attraction.

The descriptions of the characters, especially Theo and Rebecca, of course, were magical and defining. For Theo's part, a wonderful moment occurred when he hopped up on Billy's bed. I was already imaging the two as life-long partners, and then I learned Theo must stay in the house forever. I was crushed. (I'm fairly certain that's the moment a hand went to my mouth.)

A lesson of compassion is shown through Billy's mom and the tragic fire. Being a grown-up (I think I'm grown up) I discerned the relevance of the doll house immediately and was vastly relieved. I bet it's a real thrill for kids to discover that Theo won't be alone.

*BulletB* In conclusion
I could go on forever, but I've nothing to offer in the editorial or suggestion department, so the rest would just be me waxing poetic over this story. My mom always told us the 'little people' borrowed our things when they went missing. She was a complicated woman and difficult to live with, but this aspect of her personality, this ability to be whimsical, always astonished me. As you may have guessed, "The Borrowers" was my favorite childhood book. And now, I will say good evening. Thanks for a delightful read.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
929
929
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Film* Welcome to Power Reviewer's One Day Music and Movies Raid.! *Music2*


*Video*
Initial Impression
Your dynamite title drew me in. I'm always ready for the unique, antiquated, and quirky. I had to know what a guitar gently screaming sounded like. Great job with the first paragraph, sketching the character so effectively. In a matter of sentences, I was looking over Nathan's shoulder and feeling his shame. I was thrilled, and spooked, when he came upon the store.

*Music2*
As it unfolds
I was right at home in the store; you described it like the hundreds I have seen, but without excruciating detail to weigh it down. Enter all manners of creepiness. I almost stopped reading when Nathan examined the guitar. The movie "The Red Violin" came to mind and I knew exactly what that odd color meant. I only made it halfway through that movie and had to stop watching.

I'm not a horror and guts kind of person, so the actual story content was not my pleasure, but your style is engaging and at this point, I needed to know what happened to Nathan. I was doubly worried about his exhaustion after reading he had forty more cities to tour! It sounded like he'd collapse way before then. At this point, I doubted the authenticity of the story, but the plot took a timely and crucial turn. Revenge of the guitar.

My eyes skimmed the gruesome part, but you should know it wasn't overdone for the sake of horror. You included enough to be effective, without letting it take over the story. When the band mate asked about his drumsticks, it all came together.

Oops.
started walking down the dimply-lit sidewalk.
dimly-lit

*Clapper*
That's a wrap
Did the store owner know what was in the guitar case?



** Image ID #1962495 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
930
930
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Film* Welcome to Power Reviewer's One Day Music and Movies Raid.! *Music2*


*Video*
Initial Impression
You're a versatile writer because wherever I turn, there you are. What a surprise to find such an informative article while perusing the genre. The piece begins bam with the words 'dramatic irony'—no dancing around or lead-in. The intent presented at the outset grabbed me.

*Music2*
As it unfolds
The information is laid out sensibly; it's easy to follow but requires concentration. You're a woman who has mastered word economy and any reader who thinks they can slack off when reading your work is misguided. The great thing is, the piece is not only factual. Your style comes through the words and it feels as if I'm sitting next to you while you're explaining it all.

*Paragraph* "A less effective"
This brief paragraph made so much sense to me. Right after I read the first sentence, I thought, this technique could be easily misused. Ha! I figured it out by myself.

The examples are clear and demonstrative. The message is strong, but the artistry of the piece makes this a delightful read.

*Clapper*
That's a wrap
Joy, once again, I bow my head. I'm already running through stories I've written to see if I've used this tool, or if I can add it. It will definitely be on my mind for any new work that pops up. I think this approach would be difficult to pull off in a short story because, do you agree character development would need to be complex? Although, I can think of a few authors who write comedy and use this tool effectively.

I hope more readers find this review and come this way to bring home their own interpretation.

** Image ID #1962495 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
931
931
Review of Movie Quotes  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Leafr* Welcome to Power Reviewer's One Day Raid.! *Leafr*


*Treefall*
Initial Impression
This is a fun survey and clever idea. I think maybe off the top of my head, four movies came to mind. The rest would require an internet search. I'm not sure what that says about me. I'm definitely out of the loop, or more accurately, loopy.

My focus was on the image header, and it wasn't until the second read I saw the cheat sheet. I was worried it might be a restricted item, available only to those who tested the waters and took the survey.

*Treefall*
I also discovered at one time this was a contest and you have linked a forum for movie or television discussions. In one post, Jeff noted the movie "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." It's both a book and a film, so the title is on my list.

You've put an impressive amount of creativity and time into this piece. So many enjoyable opportunities sprouted from one survey. I'm no media buff and have zero to contribute, but it would be great if the whole activity took on a second life. You might have to run another contest. *Smile*


** Image ID #1962495 Unavailable **
932
932
Review of Me And Brad Pitt  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Leafr* Welcome to Power Reviewer's One Day Raid.! *Leafr*


*Treefall*
Initial Impresion
Loads of fun reading this! The back and forth, each one expressing opposite words and emotions kept up a lively pace. The POV switches rode out seamlessly.

*Treefall*
So typical. The guy romances over the violence, and the girl fantasizes the romance in the movie. Not to shoot down the male population, but it has been said there would be less conflict if the guys would step aside and give the ladies a chance.

The setting was light and brief, more than enough for this dialogue-driven plot. The mind is the landscape and I felt both character's insecurities.
He's lucky she only thought him brash for choosing a nickname. My Jennifer would have set him straight immediately, and I doubt the guy ever forgot she was Jennifer or Jenn, but never Jenny.

When Carl stood up and silenced the theater, I couldn't decide if I would have cringed or crawled under my seat. Jenny's reaction was precious. She saw him as a manly man.

It's such a pleasure to find a light and entertaining read, and I'm happy your story was highlighted for the Power Reviewers.


** Image ID #1962495 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
933
933
Review of Breaking Point  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
The title and brief description intrigued me but gave nothing away. I'm fascinated by the inner workings of a mind, especially a potentially damaged one, as the description implied. I don't want anyone to have a damaged brain for my entertainment, but it's easy for me to identify with.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
I wish mental institutions had more nurses like Abby. In only a matter of a few sentences, I admired her and hoped she would find a way to help Beth. When my brother was little, he banged his head before falling asleep. We were five siblings, and I don't remember my parents looking into his behavior, but I was just a kid.

You put me in the group therapy room. When Beth began rocking after her turn to speak came and went silently, I knew she wanted help but her mind was blocked and there was no way for her to express the anguish. She needed someone to unlock the door.

Abby was right. If the patient can find a way to surface, talking sometimes works. Other times, it's the worst thing that could happen, portrayed effectively through Beth's 'awakening.'

*WitchHat*
The POV shift was handled deftly; the transition was not awkward. At first, I wanted to see where the trouble was coming from, and you played it out enticingly, keeping me guessing until the final revelation. What happened in Beth's mind while the memory surfaced might have been too much, and I was worried you were heading that way. You wrapped it up without overwhelming the event.

*Jackolantern*
In closing
I wonder how Abby will feel, having been part of Beth's awareness and subsequent plunge into forever silence. She can't fully understand what Beth meant, unlike the reader. I almost cried.


** Image ID #1959173 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
934
934
Review of No Trespasing  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi! Here's a review for your Lightning Package from "Invalid Item" as gifted by

*Lightning*
Overall Impression
This unusual story grabbed my attention after reading the opening sentence. I know what those hanging shorts meant, and so did Ben. The second he crossed the line, the game was on.

*Lightning*
Thoughts
This is my first time reading a story with characters' actions identified by name and blocked together. It lent a snapshot feeling as events spiraled downward, right along with my sinking heart. In a "West Side Story" fashion the characters were in place. I thought it was all over for Ben when he was forced to run off. The dogs barking, the man yelling, Ben trying not to panic, add it all together for a gangster portrait.

In a wild hope for a happy ending, I considered Ben might not get to Tasha, which was pointless. Someone was dying, the question was who?

There are several moments of odd little things bringing the story more to life. For some reason, the black magic marker correcting the graffiti had that effect on me.

Fine Tuning ▼

*Lightning*
Parting Comments
The conclusion is left for the reader to determine. Ben was not part of the last scenes. I wonder where he went? Huge surprise concerning Tasha's age. You chose the best character to carry out the action. Now, what will she say?


** Image ID #1729357 Unavailable **


FORUM
The Official Mod Review Blitz!  (E)
Now updated to review all case colors. Help make "Halloween Review Stew" and win prizes!
#1310280 by Brooklyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
935
935
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
The dynamics of the 'the old married couple's' relationship was the key element that kept me engaged. George and Martha. Even their names bring visions of elderly couples. You wrote the scene so well, I could see them sitting in the living room. It took a few reads before I understood why 'the short Mrs. Grayson' was emphasized. I can well imagine Martha's embarrassment, which led into her promptly opening the door on a dark, rainy night. Smooth move.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
When Martha woke up and George was missing, her actions and thoughts would have been my own. He'd fallen somewhere, possibly dead. Or had a heart attack. I'm not sure what changed his feelings, but it more than softened him. What a clever man, inventing his own naturalization laws in an attempt to disguise and explain away his actions. Seems he was able to move past the memory of George Jr., poignantly related through Martha's comment that he felt lighter.

I used to know an old lady with a house full of cats. The shared laughter created a warm and satisfying conclusion.

*WitchHat*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Jackolantern*
In closing
I know you wield a wicked poetry pen, and you're not too bad at short story writing. *Laugh*


** Image ID #1959173 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
936
936
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
It's been a long time since I've read a magic genie book, even so, your genie is off the wall unique. The way he kept repeating himself "and then some" I knew trouble was around the corner.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
The genie carried the plot forward until about half-way through and I enjoyed every minute of it. I've never read repetitious words that clever and engaging. Alex, through a series of misfortunes, learned to phrase his wishes carefully, until he met the beautiful woman. Bringing Alex's friends together in a familiar bar created an atmosphere of camaraderie, I could see them huddled together, most likely jaws dropped, ogling her. No doubt she'd hook up with Alex, but when 'and then some' came about, the plot and Alex's fate spiraled downward.

Something favorite
after all, there was a smudge on one side below the lid.
This justification sounded so natural and made me smile.

(though at the time he had been annoyed at some also).
This is so true and completely human. I was caught between laughter and horror when, caught in the moment, he sang the wrong jingle.

Keeping Alex conscious through the rest of the story was the only way to reach the conclusion, but seriously? Yuck. *Laugh*

*WitchHat*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Jackolantern*
In closing
Only by desperately clutching my comedic mood was I able to'stomach' the conclusion. Thanks for the laughter.


** Image ID #1959173 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
937
937
Review of Laura's Unicorns  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
Your story began in a most unusual way that at first discouraged further reading, but the sentence about Atlanta being alive drew me back in. The POV seemed all wrong, who was narrating, and how could someone be talking about a nurse named Angela who is a friend and efficient nurse to someone named Laura. Out of nowhere, apparently the nurse is speaking and tells Candy she can go in. Floundering for solid ground, I continued reading until the plot fell into place. Finally, Laura and Candy communicate directly.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
And then, tossed into confusion again, I had to google Kaposi's Sarcoma. I'm sad to say, although the little poem was poignant and quite gorgeous, I'm not sure how it related to anything. Obviously, I'm in an unfamiliar world that is well-known by the author. (I read your bio and port comments.)

When Candy talks about the mirrors, it took a few sentences before I realized she was speaking for Laura. She didn't want Laura to see herself. I think Candy's comment about superficiality threw me off. It seemed she was talking about herself.

The transition from memory back to reality was amazing. Simple and sad.
"I looked good that night."

When Candy takes a break from her hospital vigil, the passages are handled deftly. The music she listens to, the car finding its way home, and the bath water turning cold because she dozed off. The water's temperature could have been a foretelling of events, but at this point, we know Laura's about to die. I hate those phone calls. "The doctor said your sister won't make it to morning. You have to come now." Unfortunately, I lived in Maine at the time she lived in New York State. It was impossible to find a flight, and with the constant delays, I didn't board until 5 p.m. not knowing my sister was already gone. (This was before cell phones.) Okay, I have to stop the memory here.

Towards the end of the story, the sentences become choppy, shortened. That is entirely in rhythm with the change in mood and the sense of urgency. Great scene when Candy faces down the cockroach.

*WitchHat*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Jackolantern*
In closing
I'm rarely appreciative of authors who tell me, "I would have written it this way," so I hope this won't sound wrong to you. I'm not writing for you, it's that I have this overwhelming urge to add something like "Laura's world." As if she lives happily in the book. Okay, sorry.

Because of the initial confusion, I didn't rate this a 4.5 and maybe that's not fair. Your story wrapped right around my mind, and I won't forget it.

** Image ID #1959173 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
938
938
Review of A Wasted Life  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
This is a well-written story involving two seasoned cops and their questionable actions. I didn't want Broward to be a dirty cop, silly girl, but I kept reading because your writing flows with no breaks or pauses to release me.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
You sketched out Broward's personality as the plot unfolded. Keeping all his dialogue and inner thoughts running together while he's performing an action created a tight read, an experience that made me feel as if the story was happening in this moment. Quite an accomplishment.

Broward swiftly lost my sheen of splendor I want to cover every cop with. Of course, it's ridiculous to not believe in bad cops, but it was still difficult. I kept reading, another testament to your skills. When I got to the torture part, I skipped over it, exactly as I walk out of the room when something disturbing happens on television. Not to sound like a prude, but where's the entertainment in violence, especially against someone who can't defend themselves. That scene sent home the last nail sealing Broward's coffin-in-my-mind shut.

Of course the bad guy kills the innocent girl. I expected it from the beginning and wasn't at all shocked. Maybe because Broward is incapable of caring for someone. Since I'm invested in his character, I can only feel what he does. You tried to show a softer, past part of his life through the ex-wife's remembered lectures. It's a typical cop story.

At any rate, Broward's a vivid character, one I effectively despise. Good work!

*WitchHat*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Jackolantern*
In closing
Without spoilers: I was completely satisfied by what happened to Broward. What does that say about me?

** Image ID #1959173 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
939
939
Review of Psychosis I  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
This is a mildly spooky story. I sensed quite a bit of back story, which you might consider putting in at the beginning the story. I'm thinking about the boyfriend's statement.
he'd told me to leave my phone at home to "heighten the experience."
There is something to be explored.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
Considering the title, I'm guessing you wanted the girl's terror and stubborn insistence that 'it was all in her head' to be the focus. It's interesting, but nothing dramatic happens. She repeats the same words over and over again, which becomes a bit tedious. You attempted to escalate the terror by using full capitals, which is not the standard in writing. Emphasis is shown by italics. You don't have that option so maybe you can dream up dialogue that creates more horror.

HOW DOES IT KNOW MY NAME?
This can be shown in italics without capitalizing. How does it know my name?

I want to know what she's looking at, but it's never revealed, because it's in Psychosis 2? The problem is, I'm not interested in the next chapter and may or may not continue reading. Why? Because you haven't created reader identification. I don't know anything about the girl, so how can I be worried about what happens to her? Make sense?

Sometimes trying to be clever gets in the way. In the opening paragraph, second sentence, I'm lost among the words, thinking about what it means, when an image should be forming in my head.

The tree limbs hanging over the house like bangs did not work for me. It's not important to the story and it adds nothing. Save your creativity for your characters, their dialogue and actions.

I found no grammar or punctuation errors. *Check3*

*Jackolantern*
In closing
All my life I've heard "you have an overactive imagination," and I was able to relate to the character on a minimal level. Think about giving her more than repeated dialogue for a snappier plot. If the story is on line for continuation, consider bringing the drama up in the beginning. Right now, you have a nice story. You wrote this in 2011, and I bet you have learned quite a bit about writing since then.



** Image ID #1959173 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
940
940
Review of The Dare  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
The beginning of the story is personable, as if you're asking the reader to sit in the vehicle.

I was able to relate to this story because the plot is familiar to real life. First, the worst. We called it Kamikaze curve because it wound around the Susquehanna River in a steep curve. The speed limit was lowered from 65 m.p.h. to 50, but people ignore the sign, endangering themselves and other drivers. Too many end up in the muddy waters, dead. That was the outcome I expected from the dare.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
Way back, my boyfriend had a Camaro I was driving when a blizzard caught us. I was an expert bad-weather driver, but it was his car. I relinquished and within five seconds, he skidded and buried the car up to the windshield in a snowbank. A moment I never forgot, but rarely get to tell anyone.

I've owned both a Taurus and a 1998 Z-28 Camaro. I had to surrender the Camaro when I moved back to New York State. The tractor-trailers own the road, and three times I managed to scrape past death, which I took as a solid warning.

The Z is an amazing vehicle, especially the older models, and your character was stuck with the Taurus.

Your driving experience was incredibly visible and accurate in the telling. There's no way I could be so succinct. The conclusion of this story would be a huge relief, but as fiction, I expected something more dramatic. Not that I wanted either of your characters to die; you sketched them out vividly and remarkably well for such a short piece. I identified with both.

I found no glaring mistakes. *Check3*

*Jackolantern*
In closing
You've written a fine story that could be great with a more chilling or amazing conclusion. The part where he 'rode the guardrails' is stuck in my head because the sentence struck me as bold and daring. Keep up the good work!



** Image ID #1959173 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
941
941
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
There's nothing common about this woman's apparent murder. In fact, the initial description is almost poetic, and I suspected this was a premeditated action, carried out by someone close to the victim.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
The problem? All of the dialogue and actions are lumped together in paragraphs. It's nearly impossible to discern who is saying what to whom. It won't take much to straighten this out and the story is worth the effort.
Her eyes were a wide blue, shocked into death—"
That's a gorgeous and intimate sentence that makes me want to read more.

Below, I corrected a few sentences by making guesses so you can see my intent. You'll have to correct the rest because only you know what's happening in the story. It sounds like the beginning of something great. I sense a close partnership and some serious thinkers who care about their cases. Until this is sorted out, that's all I can say, except offer encouragement to work on this. You posted this on October 21st with no edits. Take my enthusiasm as a springboard to get this story up and running!

*WitchHat*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Jackolantern*
In closing
The remarks in your portfolio indicate you'd like to offer an enjoyable reading experience. Judging by the title, this piece is part of a series and I'd love to see it work out for you.



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
This short and simple piece gained depth when I read your notes. Airline travel used to be fun, but now I feel like a criminal. Honestly, the size of our bottles is monitored? Our luggage randomly and with no permission ransacked? Removing our shoes? I wish I had hooves.

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
Bad premonitions before flight must have been terrifying. Once a person is on board and in the clouds, it can be relaxing, unless you're like me and feel claustrophobic. Similar to a cruise, there's no escape. Not that I'll need one, rather I want to know I can leave. If worries are silenced, boredom reigns. Taking off and landing is thrilling, but even that joy has been stolen due to regulations.

I've experienced (maybe not premonitions) but moments of certainty that something is horribly wrong in the lives of people I know. One weekend, a heavy depression took hold of me, with that not-of-this-realm feeling. The days passed in agony, frightening and heavy, until Sunday afternoon when a curious calm was restored. Later, a close friend told me about a horrible weekend that resolved mid-afternoon on Sunday.

Sorry if I went too far off-topic, but there's rarely a moment when something odd can be candidly expressed. Of course, this review will hit the public pages, and the feeling of intimacy will be shattered. I'll avoid the pages for a few days, rather than cringe when I read this.

*Jackolantern*
In closing
I found nothing to correct. Thanks for the moments you and your work gave me to remember something extraordinary.


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Review of Believe  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Welcome to Review Stew!

*Jackolantern*
Overall Impression
Stories like yours are my favorites. The unseen is far more fascinating than what we perceive. I wonder if people can access this 'alternate world' only because tragedy strikes?

*Jackolantern*
Looking closer
Your story is heart-warming and reassuring. All the characters meshed together to form a cohesive plot. The husband is gentle and caring, working past his grief to help his wife. Taking control of the situation and leading the way to what he wanted for her. Peace.

This sentence captured the depth of her loss. I call them 'wow' sentences because they stand out among the others.
I only see the black curtain of despair which dropped over my eyes as they lowered AJ’s casket into the ground.

AJ is the 'perfect' child. Sometimes adding a quirk or a bit of mischief adds to the character's appeal.

The experience in the woods fascinated me. Anything with trees and stones/boulders grabs my attention. Two memories popped up. The first was when my older sister, who died when she was only thirty, took me to her secret hideaway. A clearing between trees, a circle of stones. A few years ago, while hiking in the woods, I came across the remains of a fire, also surrounded by stones. It was nothing special, it appeared to be exactly what my eyes discerned. I must have snapped ten pictures so I would never forget what I sensed, although I captured nothing digital.

That's why it was easy for me to relate and believe magic was in the circle. I think of it as spiritual, but in essence it's the same.

You played this scene out with compassion. Everything flowed together. "Forrestal" was the perfect name to give the guide. It brought up the image of an entity attuned to the unseen who appears in a forest. The 'stal' part made me think of his abilities to suspend time.

It seems we share similar philosophies. As long as we remember, no one really dies. (Some of my characters are able to transmute between energy and matter.)

Try not to freak when you 'click here.' The story was spotty with errors, which was a constant distraction. In all stories, especially supernatural ones, authors want the experience to flow seamlessly. I sense you want the same, and that's why I specified particular errors. You'll be able to see more, once you re-read your work.

*WitchHat*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Jackolantern*
In closing
Nothing should stand in the way of such a beautiful story. In my mind, you'll be anxious to polish your work. If so, drop me an email and I take take a look at your editing, if you wish. *Wink* I would be thrilled to up the rating.


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Review of Eight Bells  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome to The Power Reviewer's Weekend Raid.


*Pumpkin*
Overall Impression
I enjoyed reading all the swarthy terms and details, they brought me into the moment and rang with authenticity. The dialogue remained correct throughout, Clive's dialect fitting for the story, but never overwhelming, creating a trustworthy narrator for the retelling of the ship's history.

*Pumpkin*
Setting/Plot/Characters
I'm not a 'ghost story' person. I've heard the name Flying Dutchman, but that was all. I researched and found the dates to be accurate and the theme of souls never reaching shore. No references to people vanishing, though. In this way, the myth became your own invention. However, it raised a question. If the ghost ship is manned by souls who never perish, why are people vanishing when it passes?

—the Flying Dutchman takes a few souls from another ship. Must do so to keep up her crew, souls condemned to sail for eternity wi’out e’er seeing port.”

Maybe it's not a valid observation in a ghost story, but no matter how many times I tried deleting it from the review, I was compelled to keep it in.

There's a few times when your cleverness sabotages the story. The adjectives in the first paragraph, second and third sentences, put me off and I came close to not reading the story.

The men's fear was conveyed through words and actions. "Burning muscles" created a vivid image, easy to identify with. Outstanding work, showing the mist swallowing the visibility through Jeremiah's inability to see the sweeper in front of him, and then losing sight of the gunwales.

*Pumpkin*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Pumpkin*
In closing
I shuddered when the title was repeated in the conclusion. Overall? A creepy success. *Wink*


shared Power Group image


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Welcome to The Power Reviewer's Weekend Raid.

*Pumpkin*
Overall Impression
Your story is written with passion, allowing the reader to fall into the experience and remain immersed.

*Pumpkin*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Emotions ran strong through the plot. As much as I know he was wrong, I wanted him to be forgiven. When he was turned away, his wrath seemed justified, even though he took the dark road. He felt mighty among his squadron, and passion is a double-sided knife. It can be wielded for love or hate.

The plot was a little hard to follow because there was not enough spacing between blocks of words. Much of the action involving Lucifer, Beelzebub, and the Fallen was weakened because of the spacing issues. The plot is intense, but it was hard to concentrate and follow. A good example is to look at the run-on sentence beginning with "Spewing them out—"

You took the Fallen Angel and demonstrated his two-sided personality. His search was keenly experienced; he sincerely felt he deserved and could find redemption. When he chose his final resting place, I was horrified and fascinated.

The ending was an unexpected twist. I thought the story was concluded, and then you wove in another layer of intense fury and frustration. *Check3*

*Pumpkin*
Click here
Considerations ▼

*Pumpkin*
In closing
The passion and fury is mighty. Help your reader experience it fully with a few simple, yet essential, corrections.

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Welcome to The Power Reviewer's Weekend Raid.


*Pumpkin*
Overall Impression
Creepy and haunting. Disturbing and horrifying, but expertly written.

*Pumpkin*
Setting/Plot/Characters
First person narrative begins the story, the scene is set in the second paragraph. The first paragraph set up the tension. I was asking myself, Why can't she sit near windows?—because not being near windows seems impossible.

The setting is vivid in the second paragraph. None of the details are extraneous. I identified with Christina's plight because when I was growing up, I had an overprotective mother. I was amazed how quickly and efficiently you established a summer camp populated with best friends. When Christina listed her nicknames for the friends, the circle of the relationship tightened.

Why, oh why did Panela have to bring the game? I had one horrible experience, although nothing dramatic as what happened here.

The game was explained so readers who are unaware could be familiarized. I wanted to get in there and tell those girls to stop what they were attempting. As the game began to control the friends, the horror factor had my heart slamming.

I can't say much more without giving away the twist.

*Pumpkin*
Click here
Considerations ▼


*Pumpkin*
In closing
The story is written in first person POV and considering the title of the story, my fingers were crossed this was not a true story. It was a huge relief to double-check to ensure it was marked non-fiction. You used you own name!

This is quite an accomplishment. Expert everything. I hope your story does not haunt me.


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Review of The Gate  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!
*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonB*


*StarB*
Overall Impression
This is one creepy story. I would choose horror as the first genre, not fantasy. Mara's a real woman and what happens may be fantastical, but it's real in the sense of the story.

*StarB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The plot unfolded with a building sense of dread. The opening did not bode well for Mara, and for some reason, I sensed she would never find happiness. This feeling came through the words into my mind. Nicely done!

Mara had a contemporary and tragic air about her. The story was happening in the present and you kept me engaged. I do have a question. Mara knows her neighborhood well. In my mind, the gate and then the house appeared from nowhere, upping the eerie factor. But the man she interacts with knows the history of the house. So, is this a house Mara never noticed, or are the man and the house a supernatural force? He's gleeful when she enters.

His voice was clear, his coat scabby and old
Excellent word choice [scabby]. It's unusual and much more effective than tattered or frayed.

Every time I reread this, I'm confused. Is the house real, as in a house in the neighborhood, or not?

*StarB*Click here
Considerations ▼

*StarB*
In closing
People vanishing in old houses is common enough, but you owned the concept by creating Mara, a living, breathing woman who I cared for. In my book, once the characters are solid, the rest of the story falls into place. Keep up the good work!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


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Review of The Real Action  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there!
*BalloonB* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonB*


Overall Impression
Great opening line! It was comical and definitely got my attention. I read this prompt, and you definitely have the right idea for a good plot. At least it wasn't a phone.

*StarB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
My concern is the length of the dialogue exchange. The smart-mouth person shouting from behind was part of the investigating officers? I thought he was a heckler in a crowd, who might have his own self interest at heart. Maybe the police can introduce themselves, flash a badge. That's standard procedure, right?

Throughout the exchange, the person who found the package insists the officers remove it. Yet, even though he's made this overwhelmingly clear, they ask again. If a ticking anonymous box was discovered, in this country of panicked people in control, wouldn't they assume the worst and call in the bomb squad? I guess maybe the 911 call was over the top and annoyed the police. Putting myself in your character's shoes, especially with the leading beginning, I would definitely call 911.

*StarB*Click here
Considerations ▼

*StarB*
In closing
The beginning of this story was dynamite and so was the conclusion. It's the middle section calling for help. *Wink*


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Review of Our Oak Tree  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi. I'm here with a review for Diane monthly ROAK challenge.

*Pumpkin*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
The melancholy that laces throughout the story projects the feeling of autumn. *Check3*

*Pumpkin*
PLOT/SETTING/CHARACTERS
There's no better place for an autumn romance than down a half-remembered path, following fading memories. The poignant scene of the man seeing into his past worked well. I liked the action portrayed because a girl wading in a stream is alive and vibrant. The action of tossing shoes and socks demonstrates her lighthearted spirit.

Up until that point, don't ask me why, I thought the narrator was a woman.

The narrator is wise in years and appreciates the memory of that glittering moment. It is more than some people have. Memories are fun because our brain has interpreted the scene and colored it with emotions, so we're able to pull up precisely what we're looking for. This man's memory is accurate and the moment is cold, which fit in with the theme of damp leaves and heavy solitude.

*Pumpkin*
Click here:
THOUGHTS ▼

*Pumpkin*
IN CLOSING
Darn it. I'm a sucker for happy endings and this one just fell down. An empty swing and sadness. If not for the tree, I would have been depressed, but trees are awesome memory-keepers. Imagine what a 400 year old tree has seen.

RAOK's logo image. This is a shared image, so feel free to use its item number.


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*StarR* Hi Fellow Rising Star! *StarR*


*BulletR*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
*Check3* The title of the story fascinated me and I wanted to know more. The brief description added to my anticipation. I've had cats all my life.

I fell in love with your kitty from the beginning. Considering the circumstances, you picked the perfect name. At first I wondered where you could find a kitty for nine dollars. I've spent upwards of a hundred to adopt.

*BulletR*
FURTHER INVESTIGATION
The story progressed invitingly, and I was thrilled when you managed to circumvent the border patrol, telling a half-lie and hiding the cat underneath a jacket. The added detail [Pistons jacket] made the story feel more intimate, even though I have no idea what a Pistons jacket is. It's amazing how the slightest description makes the plot more intimate.

I laughed over your Halloween-struck descriptions. They fit right into the plot and none of it was telling. You allowed me to see the disaster.

Describing Storm Cloud's appearance never felt like telling. I could almost feel his fur and see his beauty.

Veering from the story line, especially backwards, can destroy a plot. The sidestepping bothered me, but it ran relatively smoothly. I don't know how else you could have added in Fluffy's story.

You saved Storm Cloud's life by adopting him. We adopted a Persian from a less-than-trustworthy old hag. The next day, when we took him to the veterinarian for a flea bath, the doctor said Indiana Jones had at least two hundred fleas and would have died had we not taken him in. Although this is marked short story, it feels like a non-fiction piece, which means there really was a bug with a rotating butt. It gave me the creeps.

Cloud's placid disposition worried me, I feared he was gravely ill, but it was his unique personality. I've never had a cat sit still for a bath.

At one time, we had four cats and the integration worked every time. We introduced new cats similar to what you're describing.

I was in total disbelief when you had to give him away. This happened to me after a divorce, and I still feel sick whenever I think of Thunder, who I handed over to my daughter in 2005. She owned a five acre cow ranch, and I hoped my cat would like the freedom because he was a wanderer. He vanished, but a few weeks later, my daughter told me she had seen him curled on someone's porch.

As a cat lover, your various spellings of Storm Cloud's meows was familiar. A fellow Rising Star reviewer came down hard on one of my stories for describing a noise by spelling it, said it was unprofessional. I'm passing along the information for you to determine the value. The yowls would look less intrusive if you didn't capitalize them.

When "Alice" was mentioned in the conclusion, I didn't remember seeing that name anywhere in the story. I'm guessing maybe a dog?

I'm never sure why an author uses bold font, but I'll mention it because it detracted from my enjoyment.

*BulletR*
Considerations ▼

*Starr*
CONCLUDING
Your tale is lengthy, but at no time was I exasperated or bored. Everything you included helped me see more of the adventure, especially describing the odd quirks of the cats. I've had a few oddballs myself. When my Persian died in 2005, I swore no other cat would enter my life unless it walked through my door. The joy outweighed the grief when they passed. Last October, on Halloween night, a black cat walked right into my apartment.

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers


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