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Review Requests: OFF
3,303 Public Reviews Given
3,342 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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1026
1026
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Bri*Star Here's a review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item

Overall Impression
I'm thrilled I stopped by the shop today and took a peek at outstanding orders. Fantasy is not a genre I dabble in, nor particularly enjoy reading, but your story was a blast to read. I know its a short contest piece, so I was impressed by the lack of errors and the smooth plot.

Plot/Characters/Setting
I had to fill in a few blanks while I read this, not knowing much about casting and powerful moons. I wasn't sure why she decided to cast a spell that doomed her. It sounds like she knew her fate.

The [very real tendrils] sentence was quite powerful and highly visual. Well done!

puncture of stabbing flesh.
I wasn't able to 'hear' that sound, if that makes sense to you.

Suggestions
The drops clinked against the metal like fallen jewls.
Just a little typo here. [jewels]

Parting thoughts
Thanks for the little side trip away from my usual haunts. Nice write!


** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1027
1027
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
After reading through our group page, I found one of the reasons why being a member is so rewarding. Maryann, you rock! The plethora of activities, sigs, how-to articles, and various raid details tell the story of WdC's top reviewing group!

Page layout
Right from the very top, it's obvious how much this group contributes to the website. We won a Quill!

Next, we see inspiring images that draw the eye and welcome the viewer. Group links are easily navigated and comprehensive. I've always admired the main image and here's my chance to remark on its glam.

It's also the first time I saw my own name on this page; that was quite a thrill.

*QuestionBl*
Have you ever considered using folders to house similar items, especially prior raids?

Kudos to a magnificent page that encourages all members to take pride in our group and work hard for a united front as we storm WdC with one spectacular review raid after another.

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel


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1028
1028
Review of I Let Him Down  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
My tendency to shy away from military items was overcome by the enthusiasm involved in a Power Raid. My dad was second wave Iwo Jima and barely survived. My son is a Staff Sergeant in the army and has served at various burial details.

As I read, the fine hairs on my arm rose, and as much as I wanted to stop reading, your exquisite way with words kept me glued to the page. I could "see" the ceremony unfolding, cringing each time the rifle rang out.

I thought I was prepared for the conclusion; a funeral means a soldier died. I kept thinking of my son who is responsible for 'the man on his right and the man on his left.' That's each soldier's focus, which in some ways is easier than normal civilian life, where we deal with a myriad of conflicting issues.

When I reached the end, I wasn't at all prepared. As you doled out the final clues, my mind was running with the dialogue 'No way. No way, that's where this story is going. In my words should be the sound of my broken heart beating erratically.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. You've changed my day.

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1029
1029
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
As promised, I ended up over here from reviewing another of your items. Wow, I feel almost as if I went to Australia because you described everything so well and kept your own style of writing without taking on the drone of a tour guide. I try to avoid tourist places; the guided tours annoy me. But I would make an exception to see flying foxes.

Mountains are me; they fill my soul and light up my mind. I was curious, wondering if there was an opportunity to hike, so I clicked on the link to learn more. No way am I ever cave exploring. I was surprised by how many activities were offered.

I laughed over the part where you couldn't recall the actual name:
Then we took a different sky cable thing

I liked the fact you included links for specific fact finding, but I learned quite a bit through you. You seemed to enjoy the zoos, but if they're anything like the ones here, I pass that one by. From your descriptions, it sounds like the animals were happy. I just hate seeing them in cages.

The Koala Park link worked, but the website was so noisy I clicked away. For whatever reason the Featherdale link didn't work. *Sad*

*Train*
In the end
It sounds like you had a lovely time, and while it made me sad, knowing I would never see it, I was also happy knowing a friend had been there and cared enough to share the experience with the community.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1030
1030
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's a member to member Raid!

*ExclaimBl*
Overall Impression
It's amazing what turns up during these raids! You're not an easy one to keep track of, and this is one page, among several I'm sure, I have not seen yet. It's a clever idea because we all need a compass to find treasure.

I also like this because it told a story about you, what you considered your best work. You have tons of 'best work' in here, but everything is broken down into headers that provide easy markers.

You began the page with your anniversary celebration, which lets everyone know just how many years you have been here. *Shock*

I read this
STATIC
Lemonade Girls Detective Agency  (ASR)
A lemonade stand turns out to be a secret business
#863924 by Maryann- summer travel
some time ago, and its still one of my favorites, mostly because rocks were involved and I collect them. The writing was outstanding and I was happy to see it included in the best of the best. I took a short romp through this "My Trip to Australia and will have to return with a review. I've never been anywhere outside the states, unless you count that one time we accidentally crossed over into Mexico. *Shock*

Do you really think of yourself as the stick figure in the header image? Just kidding. That Dr. Seuss was one smart guy!

Some of this needs updating, if you ever find the time.


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


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1031
1031
Review of Angel of Light  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi RS KrisAnn-Thanks Blainecindy! I offer this review with humility and respect. Without each other, we are alone. While working together, Rising Stars brighten.

*BulletR*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
The sense of despondency in this story could only be balanced out by the conclusion. Although the ending was anticipated, the story was a thoughtful read. I can still hear my mom saying, "Be careful what you wish for."

*BulletR* Title: Appropriate and ties into the conclusion

*BulletR*  Setting/Plot/Character
The setting is quickly sketched out, a sick room and the kitchen serve as a back drop for the action.

Chrystal is much too young for such a tragedy to have commandeered her life. I was wondering where the rest of her family was. Did she love her father before the stroke, or has she always disliked him? Is she sad for what's happened to him, or is it all too much, and although she's dismayed at the end, she's also relieved?

The plot is revealed mostly through the odd phone call and the accompanying conversation. At first, Chrystal is scornful and skeptical, but the suave voice on the other end, telling her everything she wants to hear wins her over.

Her initial skepticism is believable, which is essential in a story like this. Especially in current society, we've all learned to be cautious, and just because the contact is over the phone doesn't mean safety. When Angel knows exactly what she's doing, Chrystal takes this to be divine intervention, when I would be afraid he was a stalker!

The part where Chrystal uses the internet rather than tracking down a Bible was authentic, for me. Some people have one right at hand for constant study, but Google worked in this plot line because if she had too much biblical knowledge, she might have hung up the phone.

*BulletR*  Thoughts
Try using more active than passive verbs. A quick example:
In all of my twenty-three years, I [would never have] guessed I [would] . .
At twenty-three years old, I was sentenced to cleaning up my father's filth until his demise.

Once you get through the opening scenes, the plot is more active. Remember, you only have a few sentences to grab the reader's attention, and we all know "actions speak louder than words."

Angel snickered, making me weak in the knees
Snickered implies nasty and if that makes her feel excited, there's something wrong with Chrystal's psyche. Maybe he has a throaty or low-pitched laugh.

*BulletR*  Grammar/Punctuation
No glaring problems

*BulletR*  Considerations
To add some more dimension to Chrystal, she could have something positive in her life, something specific she gave up that she can return to, rather than the generic "You can be more." I would have liked to see other aspects of her life depicted. The story is straightforward and clearly stated. She might be a fun character for you to play around with and add more intrigue to your story. Just a thought. *Smile*

The story reads fine if you conclude with the biblical quote. The reader can draw the conclusion, which creates a stronger bond and lasting impression.

*BulletR* In closing
You may have accomplished what you wanted for this story, but I can see it expanding into something deeper or broader if this review gets you thinking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way the story is written. I'm just offering some stray thoughts that might interest you.

I'm one reader among thousands. My comments are yours to ignore or explore.

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1032
1032
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi NickiD89 I offer this review with humility and respect. Without each other, we are no one—in the hollows of the heavens rising stars brighten.

*BulletR*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
I don't mind telling you I read this story five times before composing the review, just to ensure I had absorbed every detail. All your sentences are gorgeously constructed. Each one takes its time to dole out all the little details that brought this story to life.

*BulletR* Title: Appropriate and revealing at the conclusion.

*BulletR* Characters/Plot/Setting
*Man* Robb comes across immediately as a malcontent, although I do sympathize with him. I would be angry if my research was taken away from me. In the beginning, I wondered why he thought Genghis Kahn might not have been the horrible person detailed in history. By the conclusion, I decided Robb had become someone similar to Khan.

He's at all times focused, but the brief episodes into his past showed two sides of him. He loved Marla and he wants her out of his life, and he's furious her presence is enough to arouse him.

*Woman* Marla is revealed through Robb's observations. She wronged Robb and this was made clear without delving into nasty details. Whatever her intentions, I don't want to believe she intentionally hurt her boyfriend. She was, foremost, concerned with the implications of Robb's actions, at a scientific level. After the lightning strike, I thought maybe she still cared for him. At any rate, her presence keeps up the friction and forwards the plot.

*Puzzle4*The plot unrolls while Robb and Marla are sparring and moving through the building to retrieve the rock. The lab facility is sketched with enough details to form an image. A touch of futuristic science was well placed and believable.

One part that really struck me was his entry when he reached Neodymium Technologies. He sees Marla's car and adjusts his destination to avoid detection. It was like sitting next to him while he settled his vehicle and surveyed the terrain. Without even delving further into the plot, his personality and past was shown in this scene.

The conflict escalated. He's not only against the Federation, he's up against a coworker, an ex-partner. It's only fitting she's there to dog his heels the entire way, and document the gritty, or should I say, gooey conclusion.

What brilliant orchestration maneuvering this plot, from Marla's concerns casting suspicion on the safety of the rock, all the way to the effects of the lightning strike, every aspect was well thought out and believable. Nothing in the story was extraneous. I guess Robb was a chick magnet. Just kidding.

*BulletR* Accolades
The conclusion of the story was hideous and again, expertly crafted. Unfortunately, I was able to "see" exactly what was happening to Marla. Good work!

*BulletR*  Grammar/Punctuation
No issues

*BulletR*  Considerations
It's been some time since you wrote this, and stories that begin with 'earlier that day' or any prior time sequence are less prevalent in the writing community. It's no longer a desired approach, and your story certainly did not need the introduction. If anything, it stole some of the zest from the end.

Paragraph 14 had one sentence that bothered me because of the word [somewhat]. You could probably take it right out and not hurt a thing. The simile didn't work for me either. Unlike your others, it felt forced, or maybe too much significance was conveyed when talking about bones. lol

accentuating somehow her collar bones rising like milky moguls below the gentle slope of her neck.

Both paragraphs 38 and 46 need the first sentence indent.

In the conclusion, Robb's skin tears where its adhered to Marla's. I thought he would disintegrate as well. Also, you briefly mentioned his own private lab, but where would he secure cancerous mice for his research?

*BulletR* Lasting Impression
I guess it's time to let this story go. I've now read it at least ten times. You're an expert storyteller, and I enjoyed every moment both reading and reviewing your work.

I'm one reader among thousands. My comments are yours to ignore or explore.

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1033
1033
Review of The Author  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Robert Levin
*CakeB* HAPPY 13th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
I know the story was about the author, but what impressed me most was the conversation between the two librarians.

*StarBr*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The story takes place in a library, where I most keenly felt the atmosphere when the author had to take off his coat because the area was overheated despite the wintery day. It put me completely in the moment, this small detail vivid in my mind.

The author's self-esteem is locked up with his book that at least made it to the library shelves and then disappeared. I pondered over the scribbles made in the book, and the author had his own ideas that helped round out his character. I noticed a subgenre was 'death,' but if it was the author's demise, I didn't pick up on it. Sorry.

Still, the conversation about the ankles is the one that will stick in my mind. Women often discuss the merits of body parts, so the dialogue was genuine. I can imagine you writing an entire story using the two librarians.

*StarBr*
Considerations
Full capitalization is not generally seen in published fiction and it detracted from the story, especially because it was so prevalent. The drama comes across in the words and gestures of the characters, not the written words.

*Books4*
In closing
I enjoyed reading your story; I like your style and writer's voice. You're confident and comfortable with words, and that comes across as genuine.

Please remember, I'm only one person with an opinion.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable ** }


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1034
1034
Review of Rendering  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi fyn Thanks for bidding on and winning my review package!

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Another expertly crafted story. Emily's gone on a journey that expressed one of my secret desires. As a kid, I used to stare outside my window at the half-acre backyard where I grew up and wondered what would happen if I just started walking and never came back.

*BulletB* Plot/Setting/Characters
Once I adjusted my brain to the multiple POV's, I began my journey through your charming plot. It was only after a few hours of reflection that I realized how many clues I overlooked.

Emily stops on a whim and begins a new life, her only condition, seclusion. Mortimer strangely benefited from her visit, and this theme continued throughout the story. Adding in her apparent match-making skills lulled me into complacency. Emily seemed like a young woman with an air of mystique. Everyone she encountered remarked on her pleasant personality and ability to put them in a positive state of mind. I certainly bought into it! *StarB*

The scene is built around an old-fashioned town, with simple folk who have good hearts. What is seen through Emily's eyes is both enchanting and peculiar. I thought maybe she was gifted in some extraordinary way and ran off to escape her past.

The plot thickens:
Enter the seedy-looking man, who Emily easily identifies. She's so calm and self-assured, when I expected her to be upset and perhaps ask for help from the local police. When she returns home, she paints the cottage exactly how it appeared before the abandonment. Again, I decided she was gifted in a positive way.

Both the librarian and Mortimer are vivid characters and offer a small cast of characters, rounded out by brief mentions of other town folk. Why was I not suspicious of her innocence? Perhaps your description of her?

*BulletB* Here come the questions
I only ask lots of questions when I'm invested in the story. It's never a reflection on skills.

I can't figure out why the story begins with a description of the cottage.

The part where Mortimer muses about the solvency of Emily's check seemed contradictory. In one sentence he's doubting and the next he's not. I'm guessing he was only concerned for a moment and within a few seconds his reservations were swept aside. This could have been clearer.

If I'm running inner dialogue and use italics, I don't use dialogue tags. Also, extended italics distract me. I simply run the "dialogue" in with the characters' scenes. What a clumsy explanation! Obviously, it's an author's choice; I'm offering my two cents, which might make no sense. (sorry, could not resist)

I had to read the sentence that begins with this several times before it made sense. Maybe if [branch] was plural.
Bright flashes of robin

In the second to last paragraph, I wondered why you didn't continue the sentence about the cat's reaction by writing "and hissed," or if you wanted to begin a new sentence I expected "she/he hissed" because we know you're talking about the cat. Did you construct that sentence by repeating "the cat" for emphasis?

Initially, I wrote a few comments about presentation; normal rather than bold font and indented paragraphs, but then remembered you're a publisher and hardly need my input!

*BulletB* In conclusion
I won't give the story away be divulging the clues scattered throughout. My first thought after reading this was, huh? That was the reason I stepped away, waiting for the dawning. I smiled and shook my head at how easily you deceived me. Well done! You certainly have a way when weaving a plot.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. Take my comments for what they're worth. I'm only one reader. *Smile*

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1035
1035
Review of Felidae  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, Michael Schultz
*CakeB* HAPPY 3rd! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
This is one gruesome tale that left me disturbed. The story was categorized as "scientific," whereas "Horror/scary" would be more appropriate. I don't read horror, especially horror involving cats, but your writing has a certain pull that kept me focused, despite the grim vision forming in my mind.

*StarBr*
As the plot thickens
In this short piece, you get right into the action, a technique that usually captivates the reader. The action, although disturbing, is not overly gory; the main focus is on the scientist and his emotions.

I wondered exactly what the genetic mutations created, and you allowed me a graphic vision of the results. Nothing in the mutations took away from the cats well-known joy of the hunt, nor would it have made sense.

Your story reminded me of something factual. No laughing, but in Florida, during May and September, we have an influx of insects dubbed "love bugs," because they fly around in pairs, stuck to each other, supposedly brought into the states from another country for a scientific experiment. They escaped. The duos stick to the paint on cars, and their acidic chemical make-up corrodes it unless you hose your vehicle off every day.

*StarBr*
Considerations
There had been a reason for it []an important purpose[] but he’d forgotten
Commas needed to offset non-essential phrase

No paragraph break after "They enjoyed watching him"

All of its fur had fallen out[] leaving
Comma needed before participle phrase.

His cry’s echoed
[cries] plural not [cry's] possessive

You might consider reworking this with more active than passive verbs.
His creations were coming to kill him. They were vicious and unstoppable.
For example:
His vicious and unstoppable creations stalked him.

*Books4*
In closing
The last sentence was a good conclusion because its a natural result. It reminded me of the love bugs.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. My thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1036
1036
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Jude
*CakeB* HAPPY 3rd! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
I found this factual article an entertaining read. In your words, I hear not only accuracy, but an earnestness that implies genuine interest in the castle.

*StarBr*
Continuing on
You brought the castle to life as you described the various events through history that changed both the usage of the castle and, if you'll allow me the romance, the soul of the structure. My heart almost broke when I learned the castle, after withstanding the rigors of time and the violence of humanity, was nearly destroyed by one person.

I was relieved to learn the witch hunts only lasted one year, because for all the media drama, it seemed the period lasted much longer.

A reader might suspect this a dry and boring endeavor, but you write with skill. What really struck me was your ability to pen the story without word repetition.

*StarBr*
Considerations
No evident errors.

*Books4*
In closing
The piece concluded on a positive note, bringing the story up to current date. You express your thoughts clearly and succinctly. Very nicely composed.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1037
1037
Review of Taxi  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Ryan Long
*CakeB* HAPPY 4th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
I knew right from the opening sentence I would like your story. A vivid image formed in my mind and once the harried man jumped into the cab, I was hooked.

*StarBr*
Plot/Setting/Characters
Partly this is a commentary on current society. Most of us, especially in the states, are hassled, hurried, anxious, and tuned into something electronic. The snippets of dialogue interspersed with the driver's interpretations created a feeling of foreboding. Whatever the specifics, it sounded like something not good.

You have a unique way of expressing yourself; I was most impressed by how you described the ringing sound of the cell, and how you showed anxiety in the passenger. could hear the plastic of the phone give a bit

*StarBr*
Considerations
It's best to avoid word repetition. One of my pitfalls is the usage of 'with.' I noticed you have similar issues in the first paragraph.

This was the only sentence that wasn't extremely bright and original like the rest.
his stare as heavy as a lead weight.

I'm not sure who is talking when you wrote [Look at me] and then [Look at me] in italics because there were no ending quotations. If it's the passenger repeating himself, I would keep it all in one sentence and close the dialogue after the second [look at me] The italics indicating emphasis, yes?

*Books4*
In closing
The conclusion was dynamite! The only question remaining, why was the gun left on the seat?

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1038
1038
Review of The First Date  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, CassiJ
*CakeB* HAPPY 4th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
Great scene setting made this first date experience a delight to read. I wonder if any first dates progress as imagined, but this fictionalized one made me laugh.

*StarBr*
Still thinking
Much of your success is due to the outstanding verb choices. You created a vivid picture in my mind, because I heard the noises, saw the liquid splattering and his hand shaking.

The dialogue was crisp and rounded out the read. I've read entire paragraphs that reveal less than your 55 words. Well done!

*StarBr*
Considerations
You can use a comma after [clumsy] and continue the sentence without capitalizing [he].

*Books4*
In closing
I wonder if she decided she likes him because he made a mess and he's adorable in his confusion, or if it was a physical attraction.

Great job putting this together!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1039
1039
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, mind the gap
*CakeB* HAPPY 6th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
I fell right into this story; the plot unfolded invitingly and the characters were irresistible.

*StarBr*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Outstanding job opening the scene, but withholding a crucial piece of evidence. Not to spoil the story for any other reader; you caught me completely off guard when you described Lark's unique position.

You have a knack for characterization. My favorite part was Lark's observations about Tate.
he didn’t move so much as displace the objects around him

Lark is a delightful, snappy character, full of trouble and daring. She gives back more than Tate can dish out, surprising him so much he's caught off-guard, and Lark discerns the true nature of his circumstances. I can only imagine where the story goes from here.

*StarBr*
Considerations
In the third paragraph, notice the several repetitions of [her]. A bit of rewording can clean that up.

His uniform was navy blue,[] several badges of honor,
Suggest a word where the brackets are, a few examples: with/bearing/showing

*Books4*
In closing
The last time you looked at this piece was precisely one year ago, today. I hope my review draws your interest; I would enjoy reading more of your story!

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. My thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
1040
1040
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, spiderfingers88
*CakeB* HAPPY 7th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
This essay was a joy to read. A story is my usual mode of transportation, but movies are seductive, and you're absolutely right; nothing exists outside of what you're watching, especially so in the theaters.

*StarBr*
Still thinking
I was wondering about the difference in our ages, since I have never even heard of some of the movies you mentioned.

You brought this piece to life with outstanding story-telling skills, enticing all senses with your relaxed and inviting writer's voice. I felt like we were sitting side by side in a living room somewhere.

You worked in your family dynamics, as well. Your father only able to purchase the expensive speakers when your mom wasn't around to nay say him. I laughed when I read the part about the duct tape connecting the pieces of material your dad used to create the big screen.

Is "Horse Whisperer" or "Dancing with Wolves" more boring?

*StarBr*
Considerations
My only thought is to offset the final line with its own paragraph.

*Books4*
In closing
One of my brothers has kept up with all the old films my parents shot while we were kids. Years ago, when my kids were still young, we set up the projector and showed them the movies. They all asked "Where's the sound?"

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure!

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, mirror
*CakeB* HAPPY 1st! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
As a tree-lover, I identified immediately with the girl's romance with nature. The lyrical words read like prose (Perhaps you could choose this, rather than 'other').

*StarBr*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The story takes place in a forest, where a woman/girl easily feels the rhythm of life all around her, yet fails to see the truth in the trees. Big mistake.

I never thought of her as sinning against nature, maybe misguided or blinded. I didn't feel any malicious intent, maybe a lack of awareness. Why, we don't know.

*StarBr*
Considerations
and rusled and echcoed.
rustled and echoed

When the wind whirled around her . . .
You've created a run-on sentence. It has a certain flow to it, but all the words together overwhelmed me.

young minded error
young-minded error (Hyphenate words that modify a noun.)

The largest tree among them[] filled will a green fungus[] pardoned
Commas needed to offset non-essential phrase.

*Books4*
In closing
I find life even in the dead trees and wonder at their age, how much they have seen, if a person is fanciful enough to believe trees have a sort of sentience. I enjoyed your story because it mimicked some of my feelings. With some work, this piece would be even lovelier. *Heart*

Any comments are yours to explore or ignore.

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1042
1042
Review of Silverbind  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Kartesius
*CakeB* HAPPY 2nd! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews


*StarBr*
Overall Impression
With just a short introduction, my curiosity is already humming. Elements of sadness, loss, and guilt combined to create a character I ached for.

*StarBr*
Plot/Setting/Characters
The story opened with a melodic sensation of beauty and serenity, but within a few sentences the conflict arises.

Cshira is an outstanding choice for this piece. It immediately establishes the genre as fantasy.

She's beset by a past misery, possibly something she had no control over, but blames herself. In the third paragraph, the sentence began with a puzzle, what patterns in the grass. The second half of the sentence has potential; it caught my attention. I think, metaphorically speaking, you are referring to her memories. The punctuation or sentence structure needs to be altered to bring clarity to the beauty in the words.

In the next sentence, she's laying "torn pieces into the pile," so now I'm wondering if she's actually clutching something physical in her fist. The use of foreign words added to the mystical reading experience.

*StarBr*
Considerations
When showing Cshira's thoughts, you can use italics, or a dialogue tag, but both are not necessary.

*Books4*
In closing
The conclusion left me with a feeling of despondency.

Why not return and work on this a bit? I enjoyed what I read and am interested in learning more. Isn't that what anniversaries are for? Reevaluating and reacting? Please disregard any comments that don't help. *Smile*

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Review of Uppity  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi mikema63 Thank you for requesting a review!

*StarP*
Overall Impression
The overall mystery of this story kept me guessing until the end, although I had suspicions with your foreshadowing. One of my favorite moments:
The man poked Brian in the temple and said, “full stop.”
More clues appeared as the plot unfolded, but I was still surprised when I reached the conclusion.

*StarP*
Observations:
Mostly I have questions and suggestions. Because this is a contest piece, I am pointing out all the errors I'm seeing. Don't worry, the majority are simple edits, nothing dramatic or extensive. *Smile*

In the first paragraph, "Brian Trant pulled . . . " should be in the same paragraph as the dialogue that opens the story. (Always keep action and dialogue together.)

A young girl apparently, a strangely dressed one at that
Overall, the plot would be stronger with some added details. I think you have 1000 words to work with. Why did the 'author' think she was strangely dressed? Her presence was confusing. Maybe a short description of her clothes would help. Why was the girl rifling through the author's drawers? No one is allowed to touch anything in a museum display. Why did she act sarcastically toward Brian? (She smirked. Stuck out her tongue.)

Setting can be more clear
Even though some answers are revealed in the twist, I was riddled with confusion throughout because much of the action cannot be 'seen' in context to the setting, and I hoped my questions would be answered when the story closed.
'Curator' implies museum. I think you're trying to clue in the reader when the curator and the girl can vanish through walls and Brian can't. Is the android in a glass cube that people can walk through?

Why did the man go around knocking on the walls?
Why did he bring a bag into the room? I thought it was his lunch. Can he bring in his briefcase?
Obviously, you need this action for the conclusion to work, but why would the 'author' take the device? Out of curiosity? Can you add some dialogue here? For example: "This is curious. I wonder what it does?"

Dialogue corrections
“Where did you come from?” He asked.
You don't need any dialogue tag here. We know who's talking and the punctuation tells us he's asking.
“That way,” She replied, pointing at a blank wall.
“That way,” [s]he replied, pointing at a blank wall.
She is not capitalized.

Where’s your parents?”
Where're your parents? [Where's] is a contraction for [where is] so [Where is your parents] is not correct.

“Can’t you see the door?” [She said smirking.]
She's asking a question, obvious because of the punctuation, so you don't need a dialogue tag. Try this.
“Can’t you see the door?” She smirked.

[]Don’t touch me!
Need opening quotation mark.

but no matter what he did the door refused to yield to him.


“the hell, where you come from? Where’d that girl go?[]
Just need closing quotes here.

“full stop.”
"Full stop."

“You’ll never finish, it didn’t work, hmm.”
Since the man is first addressing the "author," and then commenting to himself, I would change the punctuation. What 'it' is could be more specific for clarity. "You'll never finish." You can add a gesture in here to indicate he's not longer addressing the character. "How odd. The command (or whatever you want to call it)didn't work."

He jumped up and grabbed her arm[] pulling her out of his drawers.
He stopped[] realizing
started walking around the room []knocking on the walls.
He stood stock still by his bag[] staring at Brian.
Comma before participle phrase to refer action back to subject

“No, you remember that girl?”
It's unclear what the 'no' is referring to. The 'author' is asking the man to leave, so does the 'no' answer that question? Then, I have to ask why can't he leave? Assuming the answer is "I can't leave." here's an example for clarity.

"No, I can't leave." You can add in a gesture here. He scratched his chin/narrowed his eyes/frowned/lifted an eyebrow and then continue the dialogue. "You remember the girl?"

Brian sighed and walked up to the man and grabbed his arm.
Brian sighed,[comma] and walked up to the man and grabbed his arm.

man pulled away from him[] and backed into the wall and vanished
The man pulled away from him, backed into the wall and vanished

Brian looked at it with shock; He walked
Brian looked at it with shock; he walked
No caps after a semicolon

There wasn’t any sign of anything being wrong, but the man had left a bag in a corner of the room, and the doors still wouldn’t open.
If you use active, not passive, verbs, you'll have more words to work with.
"Nothing seemed wrong, but the man left his bag, and the doors still wouldn't open."
How does 'nothing seeming wrong' relate to the bag and the doors?
Wow, I feel as if I'm rewriting your story and that bothers me.
Brian looked around the room and noticed the man left a bag. He started rooting through it, still wondering why the doors wouldn't budge.

He turned [around] and looked [around] his
Omit word repetition. He turned and looked around . . .

Something picky:
flipping a closed for repair sign over the door.
flipping a 'closed for repair' sign over the door.

how the android was being uppity, it shouldn’t
semicolon or period. how the android was being uppity[,] it shouldn’t

*StarP*
In Closing
Your plot and story concept are unique. *StarP*
The presentation is 'dialogue' dominated, try adding in some description or more character action.

The android seemed more like he was developing sentience, becoming self-aware, beyond his programming, not uppity. Maybe you want that to be obvious for the reader, but leave the curator clueless, which works.

Another question (very picky)
Why would the curator be responsible for replacing the android? He has technical knowledge?

I'm only one reader and maybe my questions don't matter; however it's important for the author to make sure he/she is showing the reader what is intended. I read this several times last night before I started the review because it made no sense. Nothing seemed related to anything else. Of course, you can't give away too much detail and ruin the twist; you're walking a fine line here.

Who was the girl? A visitor? What if, instead of adding in a new character, the girl and the curator close the story. If the girl asks. "That's a weird android. Is something wrong with it?" The curator can answer.

I'm not tearing your story apart; its a good one. The curator acting frightened in the presence of the 'author' worked well; in fact, it was my favorite part. The android's questions were appropriate and his confusion was crucial to develop the plot. The assumption that the girl should be with her parents was a tender moment; Brian was very human, annoyed and concerned.

If you have any questions, please feel free to send an email. Remember, the story is yours, and only you know what works. My hope is that by answering my endless questions, you will solidify the plot, making it stronger. *Bigsmile*

As always, thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work!

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1044
1044
Review of A Yellow Scarf  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Maimat I'm here today to offer a courtesy, return peer review-one reader's reaction.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Your story made me sit back and think. The plot was clever and the reader had the main responsibility for 'filling in the blanks.' You included just enough clues to make it work. Well done!

You set the scene well by adding details to paint the picture, but did not overload the reader by literally describing everything. *Thumbsup*

*BulletB* What I liked
There was a ritual to this.
I'm not sure why this sentence jumped out at me, but I smiled when I read it. Maybe it's the wording, maybe it's because I greeted my dad in a similar fashion when I was growing up. The whole scene is genuine.

Great job expressing Casey's thoughts; they were appropriate for her age. You must have children, or be aware of how they think, because a child Casey's age would assume she was responsible for what happened to her father.

You might consider using some dialogue, rather than telling the story.

*BulletB* Editor's Desk
I would delete the first sentence, because we learn this through the story. *Wink*

She named the butterfly in the corner daisy.
Since [daisy] is a proper noun it should be capitalized. Daisy.

She loved it because she [lived] the feeling
[loved]?
Take a look at the last sentence in the third paragraph. Do you agree that it is a run-on sentence, or do you like it that way? At any rate, some punctuation would help.

I understand the need to drive home the point that Casey loved the scarf. It's your call, of course, but in paragraph ten, you might consider finding other ways of expressing Casey's feelings, other than [love]. Word repetition is something to avoid, unless you feel it's important to pound it out.
The last sentence in this paragraph is also a run-on.

*BulletB* In conclusion
I read your brief bio, and I hope you find more time to write because this was an outstanding story.

I appreciate the opportunity to read and review your work. Please ignore any comments that are not beneficial.

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1045
1045
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Gaby ~ Finding my way back Here's the last review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item

Overall Impression
I liked this story from the first line. An immediate picture formed in my mind, soon to be enhanced by additional setting, sounds and smells. Emily and her mom are precious together, and the dialogue was perfect for the duo.

Plot/Characters/Setting
It's evident in the conclusion that Sarah has history with Gypsies, and this is foreshadowed in the beginning of the story. The time shifts to summer and then closes in on the last scene that takes place at the home.

Emily's family sounds like the one we all would like to have. A devoted and loving husband, a caring and dedicated wife, both great parents for their only daughter.

The red shawl appearing in the bag lends a further air of mystery. When Em and Seth were playing with the ants, I laughed over the antics. Of course, the girl is always right, and the boy is always bad and runs away. *Laugh* Emily was protective of the insects and her sweet nature was enhanced in this scene.

Suggestions
You don't need the multiple exclamation or question marks; the emotions are experienced in the dialogue and actions. Your choice, of course.

Parting thoughts
The scene with the Gypsy and her children held a sense of foreboding. After all the drama, I felt a little let down when the story concluded. I thought the family might have moved away for a specific reason. Loss of a job, or family member . . .

A unique topic penned by a talented author.

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1046
1046
Review of Thank You Notes  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Gaby ~ Finding my way back Here's a review from your Nuclear Package from "Invalid Item

Overall Impression
This is an awesome CNote shop. All the notes differ to suit the eclectic nature of WdC members. The shop carries the full allotment- a selection of ten notes to delight.

The specifics
Among the various images, messages range from
Elegant Rose Petal in rain
Teddy Bear
Sharp
Bold and beautiful hummingbird
Simple cluster of luscious peach petals
A clever type-set
Soft and cuddly kitten
Dewy flowers
Cartoonish mouse
Traditional postcard note

Last thoughts:
For all of us who have discovered excellence offered by this member, and for all of us who have yet to find this shop, Yellow Witch always pleases. Place this shop among your favorites for quick and easy reference.

There's always a reason to say 'thank you.'


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Review of Rekindling?  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Ida_Matilda_Wright Help I am here today with a review from "Invalid Item

*ButterflyB*
Overall Impression
Great title choice!

The tenderness of this story kept me completely off-guard. I was so happy for the wife, picturing her waiting, and then enjoying her husband's loving embrace; the end came as a complete surprise.

*ButterflyB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The story takes place in the Gazebo, and later in the woman's mind. You included some sensory delights, the feeling of the satin sheets and then bit by bit, revealed her mounting passion.

*Pencil*
The fine print
You can use the spell checker available in your portfolio to correct the multiple misspells.

I'm still uncertain why you seem to have trouble keeping the verb tenses correct. Sometimes, on a re-read, I find myself making the same errors, which I correct by editing. I don't wish to keep pointing out errors and discouraging you, because you have some clever ideas to share with the community.

*ButterflyB*
Closing comments
The power was in the conclusion. You really made me feel the woman's torment when she realized her life had not changed. It's not easy raising three kids (I know from experience) let alone doing it alone, which I sometimes did because I had a husband who didn't like kids. *Sad*

I was most impressed by her thoughts at the end, wondering if her ex and his new wife were experiencing what she could only dream of.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. My comments are meant to be helpful, it this is not so, please disregard them.


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1048
1048
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Ida_Matilda_Wright Help I am here today with a review from "Invalid Item

*ButterflyB*
Overall Impression
Another story written for a contest! Kudos for taking up the challenge, and this contest had more than one element to include. Yours was certainly an original take!

It's always been my dream to write a children's story and this plot would be entertaining for a child. I can see them picturing bunnies and grasshoppers at war, maybe a little frightened.

*ButterflyB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Noah is a precious child. I loved the way he named all the critters he found. I liked the names because they're easy for a child to remember.
George the Grasshopper
Flex the Flattener
Tina the Terrible


The meal you chose made me smile and was appropriate for the story. *Thumbsup*
carrot and mushroom stew.

I'm not sure grasshoppers save up clovers for the winter. Wouldn't they just dissolve? Accuracy is crucial in a story for children, for some kids it's how they discover and interpret their world. I could be wrong, but I think grasshoppers die in the winter, unless you live in a warm climate. Maybe it could be a source of laughter for kids, the parents asking "Do grasshoppers really save clovers for winter?" Which would elicit a resounding "No, that's silly." *Laugh*

*Pencil*
The fine print
A few, not all, errors to set you on the right track:
those large sucklent clovers
succulent

fluffy tail to long ears spitting[] their am-beer into the fur.
comma after spitting to separate participle phrase. I wasn't sure what am-beer referred to.

Mean while back in the forest,
meanwhile

the rabbits and the grasshoppers [was] in a fright that had to put their feud on hold.
[were] [and]

and all surround areas
surrounding

Flex the Flattener, a four inch bunny[] had gone
comma to separate non-essential clause

(Noah’s big sister and brother) was coming home
[were] coming home

*ButterflyB*
Closing comments
Ida, your heat is in the right place, and I admire your willingness to write for contests, especially one with a fast turn around. More editing before posting is necessary. I feel the story in mind, but the basic errors (mostly spelling and verb tense issues) detract from the experience.

The conclusion was cute and uplifting.

It was my privilege to read and review your work. My comments are yours to explore or ignore, offered in the spirit of WdC, a place where writers work together to help one another. *Smile*

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1049
1049
Review of Elizabeth  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, Ida_Matilda_Wright Help I am here with another review from "Invalid Item gifted by your secret pal.

*ButterflyB*
Overall Impression
This was a brutal, disturbing story of dark intent and hopelessness that careened further into the shattering of a soul, rather than breaking the chain of abuse.

*ButterflyB*
Setting/Plot/Characters
The setting is more felt than tangible, the plot is a narration of a girl maturing into a vicious woman who enjoys inflicting pain to ameliorate the agony she experienced.

*Pencil*
The fine print
was one of morals
mortals?

shown to a servant [that] failed
who

This would seem to always be the path of life for this dysfunctional and seemingly ruthless clan.
Watch out for using the same word in close proximity. For a tighter read, you might write:
This was the path for this dysfunctional and ruthless clan.

“mother”.
"mother." All punctuation belongs inside the quotation marks. *Wink*

the lack of here
lack of her

she fell there were no “kiss it,”
there was no "kiss it"

She learned to be content/was content to see it as pain
Watch out for repeated words.

*ButterflyB*
Closing comments
It's admirable that you composed this piece for a contest. Doing so can be a daunting task, but it's a sure path to improving our skills. Keep trying, keep striving.


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1050
Review of Where I belong  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Ida_Matilda_Wright Help I am here with a review from your Rose Hip Package from "Invalid Item gifted by your secret pal.

*ButterflyB*
Overall Impression
This personal story about your life is, at the same time, heartbreaking, but hopeful. It sounds like you have traveled through some dark times, but have a chance to change what's happening to you.

*ButterflyB*
Altering our life course does take courage, but if can see the alternative, it's easier to foster the transition. Adding children into the mix multiplies the tension and the fear because we only want the best for them, without disrupting their emerging psyches.

Maybe it took your daughter's actions to spur your own.

I understand completely the need to live in an environment that makes us feel welcomed and complete. I have lived in Florida since 1984 and don't like it here. My soul needs mountains, rivers, and waterfalls. I live in Florida because my children and grandchildren live here in the land of sand and flatness. Part of me is missing, empty, and desperate.

*Pencil*
The fine print
If you take out the words [it seems to be] the story is stronger. Nothing [seems to be] it is.

Also, in the first paragraph you repeated [here] twice and I suggest you take out the second one at the end of the last sentence.

Here I don't smell the scent of the rotting tailor decaying
What did you mean by [tailor]?

*ButterflyB*
Closing comments
I'm thrilled you were able to move on and found what you need in Sarasota.


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