Hello Fellow Member Rising Star!
I came across your name here "Random Thoughts and Cares"  and wanted to investigate your portfolio. My review is offered with respect for your work and humility.
Overall Impression
The story begins brightly enough to draw interest. A woman character wishes to escape her foregone conclusion. I wanted to settle in and read this promising piece, but, for various reasons, I was tripping along the way.
From reading "Wild West" stories, I've come to expect women to choose teaching positions rather than bend. In your story, this needs to be fleshed out a little more. I'd like to know her inner thoughts. And, not everyone is familiar with "Wild West" themes.
Plot/Setting/Characters
Main character
Leaving a letter to her parents, she slipped away.
We're into the sixth paragraph and the reader still does not know the character's name, making it more difficult to connect with a nameless person.
For example, the mother's first line of dialogue might be something like this.
"Love? [insert character's name], you know that's a silly emotion."
PLOT
A little jumpy.
A lovely place. She hoped they could use another teacher.
Despite the asterisks, the break was too abrupt. Where is she? Also, why did she choose a teacher? The reader needs a bit more background to understand why she would think of this profession.
Once she's on the train, her fate is determined. The plot would flow more smoothly without the asterisks between these two scenes. Some sensory input would be marvelous here. You have a fantastic opportunity with your train. Those mechanical beasts beg for descriptions of sounds and smells.
Also, [They were to join] should logically follow, not proceed the mother's comments. Or, take it out completely, and let the mother mention the sheep ranch.
[My husband hasn't told me much about his sheep ranch]
check out some new development just under the boardwalk.
The story is still lean on setting. I was lost completely until you mentioned [mercantile]. Consider using that word instead of, or added to [new development]
Riley one of his dark, ‘don’t mess with me’ stares that had Riley all but laughing.
This is an extremely personal preference, but 'don't mess with me' didn't sound authentic in this setting.
Emotional Chord Struck
Despite this being sort of cliche—shy girl meets tall, dark, reticent man of authority—the thrills Bella felt in his presence were very real and believable. 
Her desire to be more like him him, wanting to ride in the easy western manner, rather than her formal English training added to her vulnerability. You made me feel her longing.
I liked the texture added into the story when Riley reads Bella's reaction to his brother and comments on it. I could see her embarrassed to be caught.
THE STORY CONTINUES
It was not long before William left. He said he wanted to get back and make one more round before turning in.
In the next sentence, you use a bit of dialogue. Consider using dialogue more often, and always choose interaction over explaining.
The tie-in with the ants and the boardwalk brought more clarity to the passage above, when they alight from the train. Consider mentioning this earlier.
He asked as he moved closer to take the buckets from her,
Very sweet, and typical of his character traits; he doesn't wait for her permission.
Even Sarah Jane smiled
Did I miss this name earlier in the story? I'm guessing this is one of the children? Consider introducing their names in the beginning train scene.
William had let the two ladies have their conversation and went to see to the horses. He watched the ladies out of
POV switch. As much as I wanted to know what William was thinking, the story is being told from Bella's experiences. Maybe if you used asterisks, you can jump POV to William.
Also, 'the ladies' is repetitive.
Fine Tuning ▼
“I want love, mother.”
Because [mother] is used as a proper noun, it should be capitalized. "I want love, Mother."
Her Mother tsked
Here, [mother] is not used as a proper noun and should not be capitalized.
She longe[r] for adventure.
[longed]
She managed two bags and purse and slipped out
I have a few thoughts here. The double [and] makes an awkward sentence. Also, it makes sense to write [a] purse.
knowing she would go as far as she needed to go to be away from all of this.
Hm. A few too many words in this sentence. [Escape] is a simple word that implies getting far away. Also, if you like your sentence, [go] should be [get].
who was starting up of a sheep ranch.
[of] is an unnecessary word in this sentence.
He hugged her back[] planting a kiss
A missing comma before participle phrase. The comma reflects the action back to the subject [He]. Otherwise, planting is associate with [back]
He smiled [] gracing her with dimples
Bella blurted [] feeling her heart race
One pretty lady stopped and even pressed her hand into his arm[]sending odd
Same rule as above. I'm sure you can find the rest on your own.
Also, I'm not sure what [sending odd bubblings] up through Bella] means.
It seemed to draw
noted the grace he seemed to have on his horse.
'seemed to' is a distancing phrase. In fiction, the action and observations are best delivered boldly. You can take out that phrase completely, because you follow up with a precise description that left an impression.
A number of times you switch verb tenses.
At first she had to scurry to keep up, but
At first she scurried
He had been greeted with
He was greeted with
where the bumps and rivets in the road sent them bumping into one another
Avoid word repetition. [jostle] is a strong verb to replace the second [bumping].
Parting Comments
I more of less paused the review because my intention is not to overload you with comments. Too late for that, I guess. The conclusion was satisfying and a huge relief. I wanted those two together. Happy endings are the best.
Overall, this is a nice story about a young woman venturing beyond her boundaries and finding love. Many opportunities to enrich the experience with sensory delight are passed up. I bet the scenes stood out in your mind, now you have to translate them to your readers.
I think you're here to enjoy the thrill of writing and sharing it with other readers, learning, just like the rest of us. I have this impression that you had fun writing this particular story.
Plots like this one remind me of what I read years ago; historical romances about women drawn to the 'rough exterior' of a man. I wanted to settle in and enjoy the experience, and it's definitely worth ironing out some issues for the next reader.
The piece needs some tweaking, but I want to leave you with one impression. I'm merely one reader with an opinion. In the end, the decisions are yours. Feel free to explore or ignore my endless comments. I would not have written such an extensive review had I not enjoyed your story. 
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WPR's 2007 Anniversary Review Raid! 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
The setting was quickly established through the characters' actions. You worked in some description as the story progressed and created a vivid image of the B&B. It felt as if I was walking up the stairs and taking in the surroundings. Excellent work!
Their names are unique and clever, which is something I focus on. Names can add depth when chosen wisely. The contrasting personalities reinforced the light mood of the story.
The lengthy sentences are contrasted with simpler ones, creating a smooth rhythm so the reader can traverse the long ones and catch a breath on the shorter ones. In this way, the story was even funnier. Not everyone thinks about the rhythm of the story, and whether this was intentional or not, it worked.
Was it your intention to create more oddities to enjoy when Ben "pocketed his foot"? Hilarious.
Welcome to WDC from "
Simeon groans when Sasha uses his name. Why? Does she usually call him by an endearment? That's what I surmised, but you might consider making the point more obvious. Or not. 
