Hi, SM
In case you're wondering, Jim made a special notation that both you and SMs have anniversaries this month.
Overall Impression
Yours was an amazing write, and due to our respective ages, your recollections about your grandfather drew from me a mixture of memories surrounding my dad's, one of my brother's, and my grandfather's lives. In Polish, grandfather is Dziadzia, pronounced JAH-jah. That was the only name we ever called him, and he was the only person who used both my first and middle names when addressing me. He died when I was seven, and my only other memory is of him smoking.
My maternal grandfather died before I was born.
Thoughts/Impressions
While I read the opening paragraphs about betting on horses, I was thinking of my dad. He didn't often take me to Vernon Downs, which was located in New York State. They raced using sulkies, a huge disappointment for me. I wanted to see them actually ride, not be pulled by horses. One time, when my dad handed me a program, that funny feeling overcame me, and I just knew which horse would win. When my hunch proved true and I told my dad, he asked "Bushga, why didn't you tell me before the race?" His pet name for me sounded like "Bushga" (which is a Polish endearment) but am guessing it is spelled Boguśka. I would ask him, but his health is poor.
He was second wave Iwo Jima, but unlike your grandfather, I know he was forced to kill the enemy. "If you see a Jap down, don't assume he's dead. Shoot him again, otherwise he might send a shot up your heinie when you walk away." He was in his late fifties before he would even talk about it. My mom said he slept in military pose, legs wide, hands on hips. He nightmared frequently, waking up screaming. He has a hole in his back where he was shot. The bullet exited through his lung, leaving him only one functioning. How different our experiences. Where your grandfather was child-like and sweet, my dad was stoic and mostly silent while we were growing up. He's more relaxed and open now that he's 88.
My middle brother is famous for his train tracks. Like your grandfather, he's an electronic whiz. He was able to rewire the intercom system in our house and record the dinner conversation without any of us knowing. Listening to it was a riot.
The absolute favorite part of this delightful read was you telling your grandfather about pulling up your socks when he mentioned quitting his Kool's. Truly, a Hallmark Moment. The internet part of the eulogy (in the printed version) surprised me. It wasn't around when Dziadzia was alive, and both my parents pretend it doesn't exist. Was it a by-product of your upbringing that led you to create Writing.com?
You did ask for suggestions - yours were only attention lapses.
As he went, grandpa would always
In this sentence, the 'G' in grandpa would be capitalized since its used as a proper noun. Whereas in this case, the m in mom would not be capitalized, unless you took out [my] during the weekend of my Mom's 50th party.
I know it was the challenge he loved... not the winning
Ellipses are formed using three dots with spaces before and after and one space in between. It's easier for me to remember by counting to seven.
I didn't mention his collection of hats from the big stakes
Rather than [didn't] you might choose to write [without mentioning his collection . . . ]
He and I were driving to the track and we were talking
Most of the sentences were written using passive verbs. You might be cringing, having leaned the importance of writing using active verbs. In this instance, you could eliminate the second [were].
I think there was enough wire in the main switch board
Picky, picky. But since you're writing this, we know it's you thinking. Maybe "I imagined there was, or "I bet there was"
"these will all be yours one day";
Strange though it looks, especially in this case, all punctuation belongs inside quotation marks.
Okay, the editing is slight and means nothing, when compared to the poignancy of this Eulogy, so I'll stop.
In closing
You brought both tears to my eyes and laughter throughout, especially your confession of burying the full version with him and knowing he'd have time to read it. Lame as it sounds, the sentiments are heartfelt. Thanks for letting me read and review this. It was my privilege. I won't dock you the half-star because the errors are not a concern, and . . . well . . . you are the Story Master. 
** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable ** |
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
observation that she was questioning prayer wasn't all that unlikely.
Great hook. 
Avoid over-explaining, focus on active not passive verbs, and consider more dialogue to keep up the sense of excitation. Rather than extensive copy/paste, I tried to keep your own words when demonstrating my point. And that's all it is. My opinion. The story is fine the way it reads, but I can't resist offering suggestions to heighten the experience when reading an intriguing plot.
We just wanna have fun. 