Nixie's (nixie9) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

3,296 Public Reviews Given

3,335 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.

I'm good at...

Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.

Favorite Genres

Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's

Least Favorite Genres

Historical

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novel chapters

Least Favorite Item Types

essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment

I will not review...

XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.

826

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4021719

Review of Off Duty

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Mike!

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Overall Impression
Off Duty was a lively read, with multiple facets. Bursts of action, distinctive characters, and even a dash of philosophy. I enjoyed the read all the way through, but the twist at the conclusion? Clever, dryly humorous, and satisfying. Good work!

Setting/Plot/Characters
Beginning a story with an action scene is a compelling hook to draw in a reader. Along with the scene, you introduced three characters and showed the reader their dissimilarities and relation to each other.

I've often wondered why people choose to be police officers. Is it simple as wanting to help and protect? The officers take deadly risks every time they head out. In my area, one young officer was killed when he pulled over a speeding car.

You're very accomplished in drawing characters with varied personalities. I think you covered them all. The veteran, dedicated cop, the rookie, the one cop who can leave it all behind, and Briggs, who preferred eating, drinking, and smoking. Thanks for not making the tired out reference to cops and doughnuts.

The dialogue was bright and flowed well. The men were comfortable with each other, and I liked the subtle jokes that fit so well with what I expect cops would say.

Not all authors can show a character without description. You showed us Barry's weight issues in the beginning, but the part that stood out in my mind was the suspension sagging when he leaned on the car.

Having forgotten my Greek history lessons, I referenced Wiki for Socrates, but found no mention of him corrupting the young. What did I miss?

The man up front turned and looked at him, waving a gun. “You shut up, fool. Wait your turn.”
In the interest of not giving away the conclusion, why would the man up front ask the officer to wait his turn? That didn't ring true.

Click here
Considerations ▼

In closing
Just because an author is new to the website, does not mean he/she is new to the field of creative writing. The grammar and spelling was delightedly error free. The setting, plot, and characters all worked together to complete an enjoyable read.

My only picky comment. To my knowledge, all cops are required to carry weapons, even off-duty ones, and that thought kept distracting me from the climatic scene.

Overall, an accomplished piece. The tone was low-key and functional. The plot wasn't eclipsing or earth-shattering, but imaginative enough to keep me reading. Excellent job twisting the conclusion to wrap up the beginning scene. Keep up the excellent work!

** Image ID #1997248 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

827

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4021690

Review of A Random Act of Kindness Creates a Stir

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hi there!

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Overall Impression
This was an interesting little 'ghost story.' I was confused by the lack of proper paragraphing and the absence of quotation marks to indicate dialogue.

Setting/Plot/Characters
With no scene transitions, there wasn't much content to hold on to. The 'last project' came from nowhere. How is this related to Frank and the story? Where does he work? I didn't see any character development or conflict to flesh out the plot.

In closing
If this is all you wanted to accomplish for this story, then pay no attention to my comments. This work appears to me as a sketch or first draft, a skeleton story waiting for details to bring life.

The brief description and title don't really fit the story. Why was the city considered 'Sin City?' 'Creating a stir' brings to mind a startling outcome that fundamentally alters the lives of those who dwell in the city. Really, the only change was Frank's discovery.

However, you have strong characters to play with. Amy was simply precious, and I liked the mother because she was quiet and kind.

When Frank met Cynthia, I had no reason for wanting them to be together because I didn't know anything about Frank. I filled in the blanks, and in my mind he was a solitary man whose life was populated by loneliness. This created a tension I wanted resolved by the three of them becoming a family. My hopes were dashed.

Nothing in this review was meant to discourage you. I wanted to know more, and if you want more for this piece, maybe my gentle probing will spark something in your mind.

Please remember, my thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore. Keep on writing!

** Image ID #1997248 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

828

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4016745

Review of Monsters Under Her Bed

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Welcome to the

WPR's 2007 Anniversary Review Raid!

Overall Impression
Oh my gosh, Jim! You nearly killed me with expectation. I clicked on the link from the Raid page, without checking out who the author was. I'm adding you to my list of "People who Terrify with their Stories."

Setting/Plot/Characters
In the beginning, the setting is clear, yet leaves the reader wondering what's wrong. The doctors move to the cafeteria, but the telling of events was confusing. First, he talks about the hospitalization, and then goes back to the Paramedic scene. As written, the paramedics ran tests and were going to release her. You would merely have to put this part into an earlier paragraph to clear up the confusion.

I think it's Dr. Andrews saying "Now that's something a little odd." What specifically is a little odd? I was wearing my confused face again. I catch the main drift, but which is the most odd? The surveillance? The transfer? All of it? Being specific about what "that" is would help clueless readers like me.

Why would Dr. Andrews being in the National Guard qualify him? Just curious.

Along with Dr. Andrews, I was gazing off in the distance putting together the acronym. Very clever.

“That’s fine, but man, dust?”
The comic relief here was expertly placed. I bet most readers wanted to laugh, if only a bit nervously, and this beat gave them the chance to be okay with the impulse.

Considerations ▼

Lasting Impression
Upon listening to Elizabeth's story, Dr. Andrews asked every single question I was, which was extremely satisfying. You chased down every loose end. Sewed up any holes of objection.

I tend to think of dust gathering on wood, not on carpet, and am not about to vacuum under my bed after reading this. And I'm positive I don't believe in monsters.

Excellent write, Jim!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

829

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4016432

Review of Poetry Is Everywhere

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Welcome to the

WPR's 2007 Anniversary Review Raid!

Overall Impression
The overall tone was companionship and slightly stern encouragement. As I read, it seemed you had entered into a conversation with me. I was alternately nodding and shaking my head, and it took me quite a few hours to process my reaction.

Continuing thoughts
The beginning is more or less addressed to newbies, although the message is for anyone who claims they can't write poetry. Meaning me. When pressed, I can churn out something, but doubt I'll ever reach the ultimate goal, which would be finding the larger in the smaller. Paraphrasing, showing the universe through one object.

In some ways, the thoughts are contradictory. I'm encouraged to write about a simple object, but I read the message as something greater will be revealed. Maybe this comes from practice.

I agree with your thoughts on a poet's sincerity. For me, poetry is a finer line than a short story. My impressions were validated in the conclusion. The poet understands the soul. And it's one of the reasons I shy from poetry. It is an x-ray and needs to be clear and concise in the phrasing.

As a short story writer, discovery is through character, and depending on the depth and scope of the plot can be a tour of the author's feelings. Through our characters, we discover ourselves. Short story writers practice word economy. Make every word count. I feel more pressure to be accurate when I try to write poetry. The poet has 'less time' to create a mood or scene. For me, at its foundation, poetry is a brilliantly condensed short story that rhymes, but not always.

Lasting Impression
Does a person have to possess a poet's intuition? Can everyone be a poet as you suggest? I'm inclined to disagree, but I won't forget your words and insights. Right now, I'm glancing from my keyboard to a large quartz crystal sitting on a window sill. Why is one point extruding, thick and confident? I think it has something to say, best expressed in a poem.

We become better writers by reading, but every time the thought of reading poetry comes to mind I cringe. I'm resistant. This website is the ultimate exploration sight. Or should that be site? I don't have to buy any books or try to find a favorite poet. I can surf poetry in its many forms from where I'm sitting.

Well, I certainly explored my feelings, more than offered a review of this work. Thanks for the opportunity you gave me. One that allowed me to wonder.

The rating is 4.5 because the examples didn't jive with my psyche, but examples rarely do generate inspiration. I also think this topic could have been explored more in depth. However, that is merely an observation, not a judgement.

You obviously got your message across to me!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

830

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4008697

Review of The Dreamer

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Fellow Member Rising Star!

I came across your name here "Random Thoughts and Cares"

and wanted to investigate your portfolio.

Overall Impression
This unusual story caught me by surprise. It's well-penned, and there were several stand-out moments when I took a mental break to appreciate the artistry in the words.

The plot took off on a side tangent; one I wouldn't have surmised from the beginning. It's almost as if the plot was split in two pieces.

Plot/Setting/Characters
The story is entirely your baby, but have you considered clarifying setting more specifically right from the beginning? I was distracted, wondering what show the teacher would be missing. The heat was vividly shown, and with ice cream for sale I surmised some sort of outdoor event.

The moments of comic relief were welcomed.
The children resumed their chatting, giggling, and hair pulling.

One thought. Most of the story is lighthearted and bright, but once the teacher and Jack begin the heavy discussion, this atmosphere evaporates. I'm of two minds. First, this exchange should not in any way be interrupted, and second, maybe some comic relief would bring the story back around to include the kids for a brief period, rather than dropping their existence from the plot.

Emotions evoked
I admit to being among the ranks who believed dolphins were only capable of gentleness and were of high intelligence. Your discussion upset me, so I had to do some of my own research. It didn't make sense for you to mislead the reader, as this was a fairly technical and scientific piece. Irrationally, I wanted the information to be erroneous. I feel horrible, learning the truth, like a kid who figures out Santa is a myth and feels like an idiot. Worse than that, maybe I'm a small minority who cling to this false perception. So I learned something from a fictional tale. It happens.

I also had to struggle with my distaste for the practice of keeping these entities in captivity. Mr. Baxter's brush-off infuriated me. I live in Florida, and although Sea World is a fun place to visit, the whales and dolphins are not part of my excursion.

This wasn't the first time I've heard the possibility of our ancestors digress from the ape deduction. I wouldn't have admitted it, if I was that ignorant. Incidentally, both my grandsons have webbed toes.

Fine Tuning ▼

Parting Comments
Your word choices and writing style are remarkable. You're a long time member and a Rising Star, so I shouldn't have been surprised by the quality. And you wrote this in 2011. I wonder where your writing has taken you in the last three years?

Is violence something that will be culled as humans continue to evolve? If we are evolving at all. I've never believed we could shed our destructive nature. We are killing our own planet. Sometimes I think we're de-evolving. Going backward and getting stupid and clever, but not wiser.

I wasn't sure what to make of the conclusion, and maybe that's what you intended.

It must be obvious from the length of this review, how much your story captivated me. Nothing I discussed was meant to reflect poorly on your story. I simply was woven into the plot by your skillful writing.

** Image ID #1947654 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

831

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4008607

Review of It's Too Late

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi,Jim and welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Weekend BBQ Raid, celebrating YOU!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Overall Impression
I'm powerless against the forces of sci-fi sucking me in, and adding police presence only encouraged me to absorb this story.

Setting/Plot/Characters
Oh for Pete's sake. What else will the human race dream up to annihilate themselves, in the name of science?

Your opening paragraph is everything we strive for. It's an active scene, where the characters are introduced, and the conflict is presented obliquely.

Osborn sounds like a diligent cop with a serious trouble to resolve. Professor Matthews is depicted as cosmopolitan and calm.

I liked the way you kept the tension going, without immediately satiating my desire for more knowledge. What was up with Kevin, and exactly what were the charges against him?

Kevin and Osborne continued in their predicted roles, but finally Kevin broke, resolving some of the mystery and breaking the continued impression of nothing more than calm.

Fine Tuning ▼

In Conclusion
When Kevin's story came out, it was presented in one large block of text. It worked okay for me, because this is Kevin coming undone in one burst, but you might consider some paragraphing for an easier read on the eyes.

I can't say the conclusion was a surprise. You led the reader right into it. However, you saved the big BAM for the last sentence. Sometimes it seems like that destiny is inevitable, and I'd prefer not knowing in advance.

The science was clear to me because I study the topic. For the casual reader, you might want to explain Higgs Boson. I think the detective would want clarification, and you'd have a vehicle to deliver the knowledge to the reader through dialogue.

Overall, a nice piece of work that kept me captivated.

** Image ID #1996908 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

832

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4008598

Review of Hunger Hurts

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi. I'm here with a review for Diane

monthly ROAK challenge.

OVERALL IMPRESSION
The suspense and mystery surrounding Nina drove me berserk, wanting to know immediately what was going on. I forced calmness and continued reading without racing to the conclusion.
Very impressive pacing.

PLOT/SETTING/CHARACTERS
Stand outs
What a striking first sentence. I knew right away this story would be one of my favorites. The incomplete sentences were used with great effect and flowed naturally in the expertly broken rhythm.
And girls like Nina. That caught my attention!

You created an authentic atmosphere of girls at a hostel. At first, I assumed they were in a boarding school, but you mentioned hostel later in the story.

I was extremely confused (in a good way) as the plot grew more complicated. Why were these girls starving themselves to help Nina? Why was she so painfully thin?

I was captivated by the actions of the girls, all concealing food in various manners and passing it on. The scene stood out in my mind because it emphasized the girls working as a single unit with one purpose. And they all cared so profoundly for Nina. Protective was the word you used.

Click here:
Fine Tuning ▼

IN CLOSING
Absolutely nothing prepared me for the conclusion. No foreshadowing. From the happenings, I could not draw any hunches or predictions of how the story would end. The double shock came with the girls' reply to Nina. Weren't they concerned for their own welfare? Totally creepy and eerie. Great work!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

833

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4008571

Review of Her Will be Done

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi. I'm here with a review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group"

While searching for something to review, I found your story here. "The Writer's Cramp"

I'm not a judge for the contest, merely a curious reader.

OVERALL IMPRESSION
Striking cover image with vibrant colors!

Beginning a story with dialogue can be risky because the reader has no chance to latch on to the characters. Not so when followed up with the ensuing comedy right on the sentence's heels.

PLOT/SETTING/CHARACTERS

The setting was quickly established through the characters' actions. You worked in some description as the story progressed and created a vivid image of the B&B. It felt as if I was walking up the stairs and taking in the surroundings. Excellent work!

Their names are unique and clever, which is something I focus on. Names can add depth when chosen wisely. The contrasting personalities reinforced the light mood of the story.

You have a way with unusual phrasing to keep me laughing with every sentence. It's such a treat to uncover a story like ours, original and goofy. (In a good way.)

The lengthy sentences are contrasted with simpler ones, creating a smooth rhythm so the reader can traverse the long ones and catch a breath on the shorter ones. In this way, the story was even funnier. Not everyone thinks about the rhythm of the story, and whether this was intentional or not, it worked.

You use adverbs to great effect, my favorite, "albeit mildly" because of what his hand was touching.

Was it your intention to create more oddities to enjoy when Ben "pocketed his foot"? Hilarious.

What also works in the story's favor is the insertion of unusual words.

I'll admit to looking up the definition of arboretum.

Click here:
Fine Tuning ▼

IN CLOSING
I forgot all about the envelope. The ending was surprising, but the absolute best to conclude this story.

After I read the story and thought for a while, the meaning of the title sunk in. Along with everything in this story, the witty humor brought a smile. Great work! Keep it up!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

834

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4008319

Review of No Time To Scream

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi, Angus. Welcome to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Weekend BBQ Raid, celebrating YOU!

Overall Impression
I clicked on your portfolio from here "Invalid Item"

and that's the only reason I'm reviewing your work. All this time belonging here, I've avoided your portfolio because I know you specialize in horror and other nasty things I avoid. This truly is a celebration of you because it was a rough ride for me.

Setting/Plot/Characters
Guts aside, the story is a compelling tale. The opening scene details the setting, introduces characters, and presents the conflict. Impressive.

Thanks for the disgusting image of regurgitated pepperoni pizza. I'm guessing that was a deliberate choice.

I like the way you run with the dialogue to keep the plot racing, and slow it down when the beast comes out. You gave the reader ample time to digest the words without feeling rushed. Wow, that was gross.

Good job creating memorable characters. What attracted me to Cory? Maybe his innocence. I liked Officer Tillman's dialogue and the look he levels on Cory at the mention of bears. This passage also gave another glimpse of setting.

What idiot girl finds comfort when she sees no one in the park? Doesn't she read your stories and take warning?

I haven't heard the words [fanny pack] in a number of years. I never liked that description, apt as it may be.

Neither did my crush Cory show any smarts with his actions.

In Conclusion
I like how you showed the Beast through his feasting and detailing the dieting necessities. I wasn't troubled by trying to form a mental image as dictated by the author. I appreciate being left to my own imagination once in awhile.

Angus, I've been here, and I'm happy because I made the effort, but you might not see me again. Not through a review, anyway.

Great work, just as I expected.

** Image ID #1996908 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

835

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4008297

Review of Weeds

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi, C. Rose!

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Overall Impression
This peculiar story was like an adventure into unknown writer's world. I've never read anything quite like this, and your style is refreshing and entertaining.

Plot/Setting/Characters
The spunky voice of the narrator made this story a delight. I was drawn to her personality from the first paragraphs. Well done!

I feel my heart stumble
This was a great moment because it raised questions. Was her heart skipping based on the guy's looks, or her relief? She's snappy and savvy, and showing these vulnerable moments adds to her imperfection, making her even more charming.

Wonderful plot line as the two characters converse. Her side comments continued to spike the story. I just knew she would sort through his pack and throw stuff away.

Your turns of phrases are effective and unique. I'll copy/paste only one more partial because it's not really reviewing, but I can't resist highlighting another.
. . .he is from a world of watches and cakes and bed sheets.

Click here:
Fine Tuning ▼

Parting thoughts
I know a story will be long remembered when I don't like the conclusion. Great job bringing closure to this piece. The simple title is misleading, and I wondered why you chose it. It's about burying, right? That's what I decided. She has to push the weeds aside.

Let me extend a personal welcome. You're well on your way to a successful membership. Your writing is extraordinary and nearly error-free. It was my pleasure to review your work. Keep writing!

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

836

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4006139

Review of Haruki

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

I found your portfolio icon here "Invalid Item"

and chose this story because I liked the title, the cover art, and the brief description. What more can I ask for?

Overall Impression
This unique story captured and held my attention all the way through. The bits of Japanese culture salted throughout added just the right taste of foreign and unfamiliar.

Plot/Setting/Characters
Setting is established with the first paragraph, main character already in action.

The 'fight' scene plays out move by move, each building on the last. Even though it was much too soon in the first paragraphs for the narrator to triumph, I was rooting anyhow.

There was no reason to assume the narrator was a girl. I drew that conclusion from the sexy guy's picture. A few paragraphs later, my assumption was confirmed. Cute scene where she considers writing graffiti.

The plot pacing shortened and lengthened, sentence variation and paragraphing always keeping the story flowing and captivating. The italics along with the narrative worked well. You showed me what was going on, and let me listen to the character's uneasy chatter.

Bit by bit. The entire story isn't resolved, and it was quite a shock to learn how the narrator (did you give her a name) ended up in Japan. She earned a giant spoonful of respect and admiration from me. By the end, she sounds like what we Americans hear Japanese focusing on. Pass exams, University, Job. Hopeful marriage to suitable mate.

Parting thoughts
I intend to live according to the sage advice that's repeated at the story's conclusion. It's offbeat and unique, a great addition to a superlative story.

Keep on writing! Your writer's voice is excellent, and your work flawless.

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

837

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4006121

Review of Bite of Vengeance

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Hi, I found your portfolio icon here "Invalid Item"

and clicked over to this story because I liked the play on words.

Overall Impression
Outstanding! So cleverly composed, I had no idea as to the narrator's identity until the conclusion. My mind kept jumping tracks, trying to puzzle out exactly what was going on. After awhile, I gave up and just let your words take me away.

The read was paced gently and flowed smoothly from paragraph to paragraph.

Great descriptors in here as well. Daniel's apartment was very classy, but the narrator said it best.
my best friend wasn't a fan of second best.

The break in between scenes wasn't too jarring. You might consider adding a few asterisks for clarity.

The haughty, almost pious tone was consistently carried along, which made the last sentence even more laughable and charming.

This story is a serious case of the 'other woman.' I wonder if Amelia will keep her promise now that she's seen the damages wrought.

Parting thoughts
All I can say is job well done! Keep up the good work. And thanks for making me laugh.

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

838

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4006081

Review of The Disembodied Human Soul

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

I found your story on the "Noticing Newbies" page, and liked the sound of the title.

Overall Impression
Sometimes I have to get the negative out first before working the review. Not to worry, though. I'm only asking that you write in a larger font because this font is so small I can barely read it.

It's also helpful for the reviewer if the member has filled out their biography. I'm guessing because this was an "assignment" you're a student, but students come in all age brackets.

Plot/Setting/Characters
Your story was presented as primarily narrative, with large blocks of text. It's possible some readers might skip over this.

If this is a ghost story, why not make it scary through use of dialogue and lively scenes? There's nothing wrong with the way it's written, but it could be better. Inside the words, a story is waiting for you to revise it. A few rules to keep in mind. The less words the better.
Make every word count.
Avoid passive verbs and adverbs.
Use dialogue.

Here's an example
I jumped off the couch and ran into the hallway to see what happened and to see if my cousin was okay. "What's the matter?"
I jumped off the couch and ran into the hallway. "What's the matter?" I asked.

Remember to use separate paragraphs for dialogue, and every time the speaker changes.

Something to consider--
Ghost stories have stories behind them. Why not make up a story and track down the origins of these ghosts. Find out (write about) why they're hanging around scaring people. The disembodied part at the end was the scariest of all, and the most thought provoking. Why did she feel safe in this frightening presence? It's fiction. Think drama. Put your best stuff first and make the rest better.

Parting thoughts
You only have one chance to snag a reader. This story has two counts against it from first glance. Small font and little white space. Such an easy fix!

I'm only one person with an opinion. The thoughts are my own for you to consider or disregard. As the author, only you know what works best for the intent of the story. Maybe this was the way it had to be presented.

I hope to see more of your work in a larger font.

Keep on writing!

~Nixie

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

839

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4006062

Review of Against the Wind

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Hi! I found your poetry on the "Noticing Newbies" page. The title and brief description stood out, maybe because I've been around lots of kids and think in kid terms sometimes.

Overall Impression
First of all, this presentation is quite an achievement! It creates a visual scene of children peeling away from the line of friends two by two.

As the children go
I had a feeling from the beginning how this piece would end. Mostly, when I think about kids, it involves worrying, and in this piece, I found two more kids to worry about. In a few words, you made me care what happened to them.

The gradual decay of the kid's surroundings paved the way to a bad place to live. The sister's protectiveness of her brother is poignant, and I wonder if either can protect the other from what happens at home. Poor kid is worried the wind might blow him away. Kids like this start out in the minus column before they've had a chance to make any impact on the world.

Great word selections and sentence structures scamper/flop/flusters/flinches/splintering
My frizzy hair two days unwashed.

I liked the alliteration in this sentence and the way it sounded when read:
We skip the splintering step

Character names tell a story. Maybe you want your kids to sound anonymous with plain names for purposes of this piece. Otherwise, I'd suggest choosing more interesting names.

A lapse of attention--
laugh [at] their parents scoop them up > as

Parting thoughts
You're a brand new member and already making your mark, definitely not starting out in the minus column.

I hope you find your experience here as rewarding as so many of us do. Keep on writing!

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

840

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005883

Review of The Word Never, Never Should Be Spoken

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi there!

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Overall Impression
While perusing the 'read a newbie' page, your title caught my attention. Never say never. Since the boy only used the word to say 'he had never entered my nightmares,' I guess the meaning of the title escaped me.

Setting/Plot/Characters
You began the story with an action scene, which is always a good idea. I wasn't sure if the person running was human because of the crystal eyes. Also, tattered applies more to clothing than legs.

There's lots of monsters out there, and descriptions can sometimes run similar. Yours was unique, and I was able to form a vivid image of the Beast.

The story was a total mystery as the person ran, and I was hoping he would escape from this unknown terror. He shocked me when he allowed the beast to live; it was puzzling. Partly, I felt good about the character because he couldn't take a life, but also was concerned because he left the Beast with an injury. I know the Beast is the antagonist, but still, I didn't want him to suffer.

At this point, I was terrified.
I think he's been terrified for awhile, and you've shown this clearly.

The story would not suffer if you took this sentence out.

Click here
Considerations ▼

In closing
I have several questions about the Beast, and I'll try to ask them without spoiling the read for the next reviewer. Was he always this way from birth? If not, how did this happen to him?

Please remember, I am only one member with an opinion. My thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore. It's been my privilege to review your work. Keep on writing!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

841

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005574

Review of Nib

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi! I was traipsing along the 'read a newbie' pages, and for no reason whatsoever, chose to read your story.

Overall Impression
To tell the truth, a story of this length has to open with a bang, or I lose interest and move on.

The beginning is only a hint of your writing expertise and the story you penned. You caught me by surprise and reeled me in, as I read the story from top to bottom, never wanting it to end.

So let me ask first. There are two unanswered questions in this story, and some loose ends. Please tell me you've written more, or at least that it's in the rough draft pages.

Plot/Setting/Characters
Your prose is lovely and understated, at no time intrusive, calling attention to itself. It's simply blended seamlessly into the narrative.

The story is largely a narration, but Simeon is a charming and witty character who kept the story moving. Beginning a story with a death is an unusual approach.

Sprinkled throughout the narrator's inner thoughts were some unexpected insights that temporarily halted the story as I went back for a second read. This sentence was the first.
My family's ignorant enough to suppose that life --

Setting was established within a few paragraphs, but I was so taken in by the narrator's thoughts, setting was far from my mind. The story shifts to the narrator's home, where he trades quips with his girlfriend. A few sentence tags would help because it's not always clear who's speaking.

Simeon groans when Sasha uses his name. Why? Does she usually call him by an endearment? That's what I surmised, but you might consider making the point more obvious. Or not.

The story pedals back to when Simeon met Sasha without losing focus, because, really, there is no definitive forward motion at this point. A bit more charming back story, and the plot returns to the upcoming funeral, and runs straight on from there.

Simeon's scathing remarks about his family were entertaining, despite the anger he was suppressing.

What is a zimmerframe?

The paragraphs beginning with "I'm so sorry--" were a bit too cryptic and I had a difficult time manifesting the scene and the action into an image in my mind. I'm guessing the words are a quotation associated with the deceased uncle.

Click here:
Fine Tuning ▼

Parting thoughts
You have a pleasant writer's voice and the talent to turn phrases of words to state the obvious in obtuse but recognizable ways. This skill happens to be one I greatly admire.

You don't plan on leaving the reader to ponder why Simeon and Sasha should have checked on the painting, do you? I'm expecting more details in that final scene, and exactly what Nib saved them from. If I had to guess, he was the sole inheritor.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. It was my pleasure.

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

842

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005480

Review of Deadly Doors(Revised Now)

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi! I was tripping along the 'read a newbie' page, and stopped at your story.

Overall Impression
Despite the horror, you gave the reader an opportunity to hope. The man, although the pursuer was close behind, was still running and had a slight gain on the creature. This desire for the character to triumph kept the plot rolling.

Running farther
The reader finds out this isn't some random person running. He's a person, probably a young adult, with a mom waiting for him. There's no explanation as to where the doors came from, or how the boy and his mother knew of their existence.

There's no framework to understand what the boy and his mother argued about, no details as to the life he led before.

The focal point is on one horrific moment. The descriptions are gruesome, but not lurid and overemphasized.

The narrator claims he has no knowledge of what's chasing him, but at one point, he calls it a wolf. When he opens the wrong door, he's faced with another red-eyed creature. Is it the same as the original? I thought perhaps because the door opened to a different reality, there would be something to set it apart from the world he was in. Two realities with similar creatures? It's your story, and only you know what works best, but what if something unique and equally destructive came after him?

Click here:
Fine Tuning ▼

Parting thoughts
You have a fascinating premise here: doors that open to different realities. Perhaps you've accomplished all you intended for this story, but I can see room for expansion and depth. Make us care for the running person because we know him. Make the reader cheer for his victory because it matters to them what happens to him. Let us mourn his deplorable death.

Please remember, I'm only offering one opinion. My thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore. I have nothing but respect for your work. Keep on writing!

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

843

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005456

Review of The Game

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi! I was perusing the 'read a newbie page' and your story caught my attention.

Overall Impression
The reading experience was thoughtful and quiet, which makes your work difficult to review, or quantify. You wrote a piece that expresses all my feelings in a less detrimental way than I ever could.

As the story goes
In my mind, the most intelligent species on earth is unfortunately the most destructive. We're determined to hurt each other; television and movies are violent, and some people find it entertaining. I don't see the value in watching someone get beat up.

Humanity is determined to destroy our world; to me, the observation is undeniable. The planet is already dying, yet we refuse to see.

Those are my bald thoughts, whereas you found a way to say all those ugly things in a poetic, if tragic way. My words might bring offense and disfavor. Your words created a moment, something to ponder, but since it's defined as fantasy/mythology/sci-fi there's a back door escape from being judged.

Usually, we avoid word repetition, but in your second sentence the double use of [matter] was quite effective. The mystique was kept aloft, for a bit, but settled into the theme of god's playing, and earth being an experiment.

Your paragraph on time had me nodding my head. Time is but a physical construct used to bring order from chaos.

I'm not sure you stuck precisely to the theory of evolution, but close enough to be authentic.

One paragraph is about man's destructive tendencies, while the planet remains unaware that it's dying. You made me wonder, if perhaps, this 'rock' spiraling in space does have a sense of self. Maybe earth hopes to spin off once we've destroyed each other.

Parting thoughts
I'm fairly certain I saw a movie where a boy tossed a ball that spun into space. The last paragraph puzzled me, because everything on the earth had already been erased. I guess it works metaphorically, or maybe I'm missing the whole point.

Overall, this is a thought-provoking piece that I'm pleased to have found.

One other consideration. I don't think this piece can be classified as a short story. There are no characters, setting, or plot. Maybe a monologue would suit better?

Thanks for the opportunity to review your work! Keep on writing.

** Image ID #1873619 Unavailable **
~Nixie

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

844

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005444

Review of A Whistling Wind

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi there!

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Overall Impression
You have a unique way of expressing your feelings, eloquent and captivating. The descriptions have varied sentence structures. You know how to fashion words for effect.

As the story grows
Honestly? I held my breath while reading through this, wanting nothing to spoil the delicate balance of silence acting upon silence, in a remarkable way.

The story was poignant and haunting, and I wasn't sure where you were leading me. It took a few moments for the meaning of the last sentence to gel. A quick look at the brief description provided the clue I needed.

Rusted hinges fall back with a mammalian squeal
The adjective in this sentence felt out of place and awkward. It was the only instance that disrupted the reading experience, and the only reason why I'm mentioning it. Word choices reside in the author's realm.

I'm compelled to point out a few highlights.
decaying plaster crumbles to the floor behind him.
The phrase above hit like a gut punch.

Ribbons and trophies lining shelves of pride
This is one example of your exceptional skills shining through.

In closing
From the description of the room, I'm guessing this is a story about a youngish boy who died before his time.

I'm leaving this moment with a profound sadness lodged in my throat. Tears on the brink of falling, but not quite spilling over.

Some reviewers take off half a point with no explanation. Fives are only valuable when given prudently, because, really, how can anything be perfect? This small work spoke to me and deserves a five star rating.

Along with welcoming you to WdC, I'd also like to thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work. The pleasure was all mine. Keep on writing!

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

845

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005374

Review of Existing

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi there!

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"

!

Overall Impression
Yours was a story I never wanted to end. At first (maybe because of the bold font) the story looked lengthy. But when I reached the conclusion, I was shocked by how fast I ended up there. My surprise tells me you wrote a compelling story that captivated me. The concept behind the story is one I've often pondered.

Setting/Plot/Characters
The scene was set, and the characters identified within the first few paragraphs.

Nothing much happened for a bit, just a meet and greet between Mr. Adams and Sylvia. And then, the shop owner dropped a bomb into Sylvia's lap, shocking her, and delighting me.

so I concentrated without thinking
This entire vital scene confused me a bit. Is it possible to concentrate without thinking? What was she concentrating on? Can you clear this up for me? I think you're trying to say she 'thought the puddle away.' At this point, I needed the narrative to be exquisitely clear, to appreciate the full impact. I'm probably the only one who lost the story thread here. If you're happy with what you've written, please ignore me.

"Whatever they did with their lives, their ties to family and friends, anything they affected in their lives—it all gets erased.”
This sentence seems to contradict the conclusion. Since Mr. Adams affected Sylvia's life, wouldn't she be erased?

One more thought for your consideration. When Sylvia opened the door to the forest, I was expecting the forest to be some sort of crossing over, or interface between reality and suspended reality. Since the forest was real and surrounded the town, you might want to mention it earlier in the story. Maybe she sees it, or thinks about it while she's walking home. You'd only need a sentence or two.

Click here
Considerations ▼

In closing
Your story is inventive and spectacular. There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you've written it. I'm only offering another view point. My thoughts are my own for you to explore or ignore.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. Welcome to WdC! Enjoy and keep on writing.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

846

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005074

Review of The Ice Storm

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi, 20-Mike-14. I'm here to offer a review for your work. I like to tell authors how I came upon their work, but in your case, this review has been wasting away in my review tool since April.

Overall Impression
Any time someone writes about trees, I'm there. Trees seem to have a life more than other green things, and just a bit less than humans. I found my thoughts echoed in the father/son exchange you captured in so few words.

Plot/Setting/Characters
Beginning a story with dialogue can be dicey, but you followed up immediately with action, forming setting and offering a sense of plot.

The image of the tree dipped in glass is glimmering in my mind. The description was very poetic. The verb [vibrant] was an excellent choice for this passage. In contrast, I was horrified picturing the tree in distress. I wanted that tree to live.

The story expanded to include a father/son relationship. The dad was so caring and compassionate, understanding the son's upset. Although the scene was brief, it still created a relationship to be treasured. I could see father and son looking at the tree.

The story rang with authenticity. For whatever reason, one year in Florida, someone decided spraying their trees and bushes with water before a cold snap would help preserve them. They all woke to ice trees, and no one tried that again. Instead, everyone put blankets and sheets around plantings.

I was already warm and cozy from the father/son bond when you introduced Mr. Williams, causing me to fall for another character. He was also caring and compassionate. Three good men all in one story? Incredible.

Closing thoughts
Somehow, the anticipated recovery of the tree linked in my mind to the human relationship. The tree belonged to the father and son. It was part of them. And that's the romance of trees.

This is a beautifully composed story that fits perfectly within the constraints of the challenge. Excellent write!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

847

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005054

Review of Nix

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi, Jeff. Your story has been parked in my review tool zone since April. I'm taking out my pen wielding skills and working up a review. (Your super power story powered me up.)

Overall Impression
As usual, your stories are a pleasure to read and always seem effortless, as if the words just appear straight from your brain to the computer.

I can think of a few television shows or movies that have a similar plot. To catch a Super, have a Super. "Almost Human" comes to mind.

Plot/Setting/Characters
I liked the pacing of the story when it opened. The topic was compelling, and everything was flowing along, until you chose not to divulge Nix's powers. Nicely done.

Nix is impossible not to love, and the side cast of characters filled the roles with distinction. I liked how the cops in the initial scene responded when Nix flashed her badge. Very clever putting her in sexy attire versus a uniform. Guys are probably agog.

Her self-perception surprised me. She wasn't proud of her natural ability, and I was sad for her. Of course, she had to possess some weakness to overcome.

The overall tone is light and almost playful, making the story a fun read. Your sentence structures are varied to control pacing and maintain interest. Not one item in the plot didn't belong there. Outstanding job bringing the opening scene back into play at the conclusion. You won't even waste an empty container.

Ha! for the bad guy next time. With Nix able to keep her powers and practice them without his knowledge. Well, she's the Super girl who will take him down. Unless they fall in love.

Even though it was proclaimed a disaster, the story of Nix's first assignment fascinated me. You wove the prompts so cleverly, I wasn't aware there were prompts until I reached the conclusion. Usually, prompt-driven stories are discernible in one way or another.

I'm having a difficult time trying not to write: This story is absolutely fabulous and I can't think of anything else except complimentary remarks, which would require a copy/paste of the entire story.

Click here:
Fine Tuning ▼

Parting thoughts
Thanks for the entertainment. As campy as this sounds, I can see this story developed into a larger work. Maybe even a film?

Oh, did you have to waste the Dodge Challenger?

GROUP

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

(E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann- summer travel

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

848

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4005005

Review of Guardians Of The Deep - Part III

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I'm back for another chapter!

Overall Impression
The beginning of this chapter seemed to come from nowhere, since the last chapter ended with the future relocation of humanity.

Plot/Setting/Characters
In Part 111, the story began to breathe, to take on a life and personality.

Ned and John are close friends, and having John drop his fork when Ned called enhanced the impression. I'm guessing both agents are single, so Ned wasn't interrupting a family meal. This was a great scene to reinforce the buddy-buddy relationship. They're like family to each other.

Through Ned's story-telling, the reader begins to see the particulars of this futuristic society. No matter how we advance, there will always be wrongdoers and people who feel responsible for deflecting the nefarious deeds.

Ned gained some definition and stature in this chapter. He's a much more compelling character, now that we know his real background. John was given a conflict to deal with. He's best friends with Ned, but now has a secret to withhold. Part of me wishes Ned had been given super powers, but it's obvious you know where this story is going, and I'm along for the ride.

Click here
Suggestions ▼

Parting thoughts
When you penned this in 2004, and edited in 2008, the subject of growing test tube babies was more profound than it is today. Less futuristic. Such is the fate of science fiction. What's new today is happening tomorrow. Still, it's interesting to see what we considered years ago as clandestine, and how it's viewed today.

I'm surmising this story was finished in your mind years ago, and my reviews are probably not of much value, so I won't review any more chapters.

I'm beginning to see how you're setting events up for later chapters. Who knows, maybe I won't be able to put the story out of my mind, and I'll return.

As always, my thoughts are yours to explore or ignore.

** Image ID #1887901 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

849

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4004998

Review of Guardians Of The Deep - Part II

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi, Dottie! Out of curiosity, I stopped by your portfolio after emailing a relative of yours, and discovered I'd already reviewed the first chapter of this story. Here I am again to review the next!

Thoughts/Impressions
Following on the heels of Part 1, the opening scene is clever and funny, effectively drawing me in.

Plot/Setting/Characters
This chapter had the feeling of setting the scene. The characters we met were expanded upon here, and Timmons was introduced. His back story took an entire full paragraph, a block of text that could be broken up by using dialogue.

John's history was delivered via dialogue, which makes it far more interesting. I was nodding about the island sinking back into the ocean, for surely, this must be Florida's fate. I laughed at the scene of rescue workers carrying out John's parents. During hurricanes, it's astonishing how many people cling to their homes, knowing the dwellings are in the direct path of the storm. These facts made the story believable.

John goes into great detail describing the place where his parents now live. My mom lives somewhere similar, but I wondered how important the specificity was to the plot. Will you be using it later? Otherwise, you might consider shortening it up. It's interesting to me because of who I am, but nothing that doesn't further the plot belongs in the story.

The scene was set for humanity to begin expansion into space. The lottery tickets make sense. I think this has been done in several movies and books. I liked the emphasis on how long this process would take. If the original holders passed on, the tickets went to next of kin.

Click here
A few thoughts ▼

In conclusion
I'm not head over heels in love with this plot, but am still interested enough to read the next part.

My comments come from a place of humility and respect for your work. My thoughts are yours to explore or ignore.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

850

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4001351

Review of Birthday Surprize

Review by Nixie

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi. Here's a review from "Invalid Item"

purchased by 🌑 Darleen - QoD

Overall Impression
I began the story with certain expectations, ever the optimist. Although Lady Allan was presented as the protagonist, I was sure Lauren would win her over.

Plot/Setting/Characters
Right from the beginning, you allowed the reader entrance into Lauren's psyche without revealing particulars. This was one of the reasons I believed in all good things.

Lauren and George were painted as the loving couple. George was there for Lauren all the time, reinforcing my conviction all would be well. Despite you dropping hints as the plot progressed.

The setting was minimal, but sufficient for this story. A hint of royalty came along with Lady Allan and mention of [the hall]. The dinner scene added to my impression. And also, the tiny, important detail of Lady Allan wearing gloves. (Although it was peculiar she had them on during dinner.)

When she began speaking, I was still expecting something warm from her. You could not have offered a more complete contrast to shed light on Lauren's past. In a larger work, Lady Allan's motivations could be explored. Because you were limited, I chose the usual scenarios. She disapproved of an American girl marrying the son.

What caught my eye
You used incomplete sentences to great effect, and made several exceptional verb choices.
(ramped up her smile) (made a sweep of the hall)

The description of Ariel was exquisite. The name fit the character, and to top it off, you added this last sentence to her paragraph.
They rattled in the opening, expectant silence.

Oops.
pig – tails.
pigtails

In honour of Lauren’s 50th birthday
Because this is dialogue, I would spell out fiftieth.

Closing comments
Excellent job creating a complete story in so few words. It's a fault of mine. My plots are too expansive for word count contests, so it's something I admire about other authors.

Lauren fainting had me rolling my eyes, because who really faints from shock unless the story takes place in the 1800's or earlier?

However, it served the story well because fiction has to be dramatic. Overall? Nicely done!

** Image ID #1729356 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .