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3,296 Public Reviews Given
3,335 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Lily Rose!

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Overall Impression
Your story is well-written and held my attention, even though I knew it would be dark, and likely to have a horrible ending. Maybe my mood is dark today, and it felt right to read this.

Plot/Characters/Setting
The story elements are all here. The plot began with a conflict that would draw most readers in to looking for the resolution. You handled the back and forth of the events without causing any confusion.

Great character development, as well. Bonnie is a fascinating girl, one you could carry over to another story. I wonder if she could be the main character and stories would be about her many exploits and adventures. It seems a waste to leave her on this page.

As for Burnout, his fate was sealed from the beginning, but I was surprised he was a hopeless drunk. He cared deeply for his sister. What drove him to drink? His association with Lighter?

You really didn't need a developed setting for this plot. The height of the apartment was essential to the story.

Using the song "Burning Up" as a ring tone was effectively ironic. *Checkg*

Oops
I found some little glitches here and there, but this sentence was the only one that actually took me out of the story.

Sam knew about Bonnie, she disgusted him while intrigued him at the same time

A few thoughts
A little comment here, I don't think there are thousands of antidepressants out there. Now, it's plausible that Burnout is thinking this way, but still it sticks out like an inaccurate comment. Just something to consider.

Looking at the title, I think the capitalization of the words should be corrected.

I think the main goal of this story was to bring it to the dark conclusion I'd been anticipating. There was no rushing of the plot to reach this goal, though.

Why your story?
Are you wondering how your story was written on the day you joined, today, and was reviewed so quickly? One thing our members do is look out for new members. In my case, I clicked on the option "Read and Review" from the left hand menu and landed on your story.

Keep up the good work. When you get around to it, filling out your bio is a great way for other members to become familiar with you. *Wink*

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Review of A Wedge  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi James!

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Overall impression
You have a way, in this story, of bringing in the cold to the reader. Although I didn't understand the relationships, or what really happened, there was cold everywhere. In the words, in the scenes, in the thoughts.

Plot
This read like a one scene tiny vignette, fairly sparse on meaning. I would like to know what the argument was over. Why the woman wouldn't let anyone touch her bandages. Why these people were brought together, and why they would all end up dying.

Characters
The characterization was strong and the dialogue was realistic. I was able to relate to Sarah's hope and request that James would stay with her. James wasn't all too pleased with his choice, or himself, but he accepted who he was and recognized his limitations. Even if there hadn't been another man involved, James might not be capable of handling any relationship. I can't say precisely what gave me that impression, other than the repeated theme of coldness everywhere.

*Questionbl* Is James the wedge?

in the end
Well, you have a few characters all set and ready to go if you decide to expand on this work. Mostly, I wanted to welcome you to WdC and encourage you to keep on writing!

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, tHiNg, Hooves, and COWser Sooze!

Welcome to
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  8th Anniversary Celebration Raid!

There was so much information on this page, I got lost in all the links before making it back here to write a review. If anyone wants to know who you are, well, this is one place you can be found.

I like your open and carefree manner, but there's also an element of caution, good advice on protocols and basic manners among members. In a community of this size, it's quite likely someone will step on a member's toes, or hooves. Like you said, it's best to move on, although I've felt the sting a few times enough to walk away for a few days.

Great pictures of your Basset Bound. Such soulful eyes, no wonder the dog has such a special place in your heart. I'm a cat person, but I've only had one that was capable of relating on a human level. He used to lick the tears from my face.

The Movie Lovers Group led me away from this piece. Someone wrote about a movie in German, which caused me to spend a good bit of time trying to find it on Amazon. I failed.

Somewhere in here I found valuable advice about writing product reviews. I've done a few, but some members seem to have a knack for it that intimidates me.

You've commissioned quite a few merit badges! I appreciate that many of them are community wide badges. There are so many group specific, many are unattainable.

I haven't met many members who are close to being veterans. I wonder what I will be like after so many years on WdC? I can only hope to gain some of your wisdom and candor. This page you put together is more than an autobiography. It shows members just how much is offered here. And, the first person insight is invaluable.

I already reviewed "Avoiding Toothless Rabid Bullies & Such"  but if anyone comes along and reads this review, I encourage them to take a look not only at this item, but also the link I enclosed. Looks like I'm off to join your Movie Group. *Wink*


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Welcome to
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  8th Anniversary Celebration Raid!

Maryann, I've written stories similar to this and it felt like coming home when I read your story. I didn't know your thoughts sometimes ran along this line. Very cool.

Stories that begin with dialogue always capture my attention. Maybe it's because we place the highest value on words. So right away, the main character is introduced, along with her perceived thoughts of herself. She's not good with children. Interesting, how she carries this through to her own daughter, finding a way to place blame on herself. Isn't that what we all do as parents?

Although the story was sci-fi, it wasn't beyond comprehension. Quite the opposite, really. The plot is filled with human emotions and musings. The introduction of neighbors and family members added more depth to Rhea's existence.

The sci-fi elements were engrossing. Implanted chips that could be accidentally deactivated. I seem to have skated around the main plot element. A healing horse. Perhaps because as I said earlier, this is my kind of story. When I say brilliant idea, my compliments are only for you, though. I would love to see a world where newborns were linked to healing horses. Animals deserve a much greater respect than what we give them.

Establishing the horses's color as champagne struck a chord in me. It sounded so unique and unusual for a horse. This fit in with altered reality.

Some humans speculate that we are planet killers, and we came from Mars after we destroyed it. Now we're on a collision course with the death of earth. I hope these characters don't have too much 'human' in them.

My only thought would be to show Rhea's reaction at the conclusion, not tell us how she felt.

It's only fitting that members celebrate the person who actually began Powers. I hope you see tons of reviews!


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Leger! Welcome to
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  8th Anniversary Celebration Raid!

Sometimes I have to get the first thoughts out first. Now I know exactly what notation to make at the end of a story if I expand on the original, stipulated word count. Thanks!

There's so much in this story that is not immediately apparent on the first read through. I wondered what Madril (great name choice) meant when he said he wanted to see if the painting was back. I had to think on that a bit, until I put it together. The painting was off display. Clever writer. Screwy reader.

I don't know how many extra words you took to make this such a rich slice of life. In the second half of the story, we get a surprise look into Madril's past. The dialogue was brisk and savvy. And again, the writing was so concise and precise, there was much more going unsaid. Like reading in between the lines. Excellent.

I don't think I've ever heard the light bar on a cop's roof referred to as cherries. It's such a pleasure to find these peculiar and delightful little surprises in stories. (Yes, I know it wasn't a real cop car, but I really liked that part.)

If you're of a mind, I think you might want to change this work to short story rather than other. And you can make another selection since it's no longer a contest entry. I know, no big deal, but I had to point it out.

I liked the title not only because it fit the plot, but also because it indicated part what was happening between Madril and his cousin. The cousin was, in a way, breaking and entering into the boy's life, turning it upside down. Great write!


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Review of Broken  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Envy!


Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Interesting write!

I seem to be drawn to sad titles, and that was the initial draw. The brief description was spot-on, so I could just relax and read the story of this sad girl.

I think you presented her case well. She was clearly a person of misfortune who would never be anything more. It seems no sun shined in her life, even with the new baby. I was a bit curious about what happened to her child once the narrator ran away. The story stays with the character, but since the baby was mentioned, you might want to add something about her.

It's true. Once a person accepts something, or stops having expectations, life is easier. Maybe not better, but there's no more mental torment over what the person cannot have. You expressed this very well through this narration. *Checkg*

I liked the conclusion because it was realistic. Living with fear instills fear, and maybe some can overcome it and live a normal life.

You covered all the aspects of an abused girl. Of how people might try to help, but they don't see the whole picture. I was interested in your take on talk therapy. As one who has gone all the way back to find the source of the wound, I wish for the opposite--to just deal with the problems that were present.

Great job writing something a bit different. Now, if you want, you have a character to insert into a plot. Keep writing!


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ghost

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I liked this unique take on machine vs. humanity. I'm not sure what the A.I.'s looked like, but their compassion was apparent. It struck me as unusual for the A.I. to talk about brothers and sisters, almost as if they were families. It sounds like you created a society of machines. Not having a clue as to 'what' the machines really were, the picture of humanoid, artificial persons came to mind.

Sadly, everything you cover in this short story is true. We are planet killers. I'm not sure how entire farms could be eaten in hours, but maybe that's how time passes in the A.I. world.

I was wondering how the 'robots' were listening to the screams of dying humans, or how missiles could destroy things in outer space, but those questions didn't have a huge impact on the plot.

Nice turnaround on how the machines came to rule. *Checkg*

A few considerations:

dangers zones to safe havens
danger or dangerous

while my brother and ensured the machines
Oops. You don't need [and] in this sentence fragment.

*Idea*Paragraphing would make this an easier read.

Since we practically live in a virtual world already, it seemed totally plausible that the 'machines' would place humans there for as long as they lived. All of this makes for an interesting read, even though I couldn't quite picture how this happened.

Keep writing!
~Nixie

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Review of Jouska  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Danni!

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


This was a quick and effective way to handle the prompt. It makes it a bit hard to rate because there isn't much to this work, but from what is here, it seems you have the writing itch.

I write stories in my head all the time, which is where I thought you were taking me. But you catapulted into the realm of creativity by using your talents. I wasn't quite ready to leap with you, until I read the part about the changing facial expressions. That was the new territory.

You might want to give this work a real title and edit the brief description to reflect what you've written here. *Idea*

The best for last? You nailed the story when you used the prompt as the last sentence. It gave me an eerie feeling. I'm trying to imagine this type of person, and that's something that never happened before. Great job involving your reader and bringing out emotions and thoughts.

Be confident in your work. Although it's short, the work is still worthy of a title. *Wink*

~Nixie

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Review of New Life  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, C.D. Franz!

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I wonder if you realize that the first few sentences almost read like poetry. There's a certain compelling cadence to the words that encouraged me to continue reading.

This piece would be a lot easier to read if there was proper paragraphing, but I wanted to know what all of this meant. And it meant a great deal to me. I'm a huge fan of 'all that we cannot see' is more meaningful than what our limited senses offer.

Of course, I wouldn't want to learn more by going through the narrator's experience, but I guess that's one way of getting there. This piece casually hints at the life after death quandary, the tone is more curious than fearful. These feelings come from the narrator, who sounds like a young teen.

If writing is for exploration, and it is, you did a great job exploring alternate theories and realities. For a moment there, I thought this might be Steampunk because some of the girl's wardrobe is suggestive of that genre.

You wrapped up the story in a way that left me feeling complete, even though the adventure was just beginning. *Checkb*

My favorite part? The skyscrapers looking back at the narrator. Keep up the good work, and keep on writing!

~Nixie

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi khushboo, and

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I'm here, because after reading your piece on parenting, I wanted to see what else you had written. I became transfixed by this article that reads like poetry. It speaks to many parts of me, which is definitely something we, as writers, strive for. I doubt there's many people who feel complete and normal, whatever that is.

The two concepts I'm left with are the how I often feel labeled and boxed, and also how, although it appears otherwise, on the inside I'm broken, but surviving. The title suits the thought process perfectly.


A few suggestions:
Why ? she didn’t know.
Consider this slight edit, your choice.
Why? She doesn't know.

A box that label[ed] who she was.
labeled

Her body ached [aches]with loneliness.
ached needs to be [ache] to fit in with the other present tense lines.

What you've captured here is something to be proud of. I'm sure there are many other readers who found themselves in your words. Nice write!

~Nixie *Smile*

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Review of Hidden Light  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Reese!
And

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


What was it about this poem that drew a strong emotional reaction from me? Partly it was because the work began with a tree, and I'm always drawn to trees.

From there, the drama built. The first part was mostly dark and I thought I might remain stuck in a downward spiral. But, from 'dressed in a fashion' the emotions escalated to something else. I felt a quick spark of being able to relate to the narrator, and a vague sense of hope seemed to shimmer on the horizon.

The lines about the willow tree were absolutely beautiful, especially when the tree 'does not weep with me'. This really brought on just how far the person had strayed, if nature itself was looking away. But then the branches, like a compassionate friend, brought back the light, leaving me feeling uplifted and calmed.

Of course, the willow tree could be metaphoric, but I liked the idea of a person reacting with something tangible. I painted an entire scene in my mind. Very nicely written.

~Nixie *Smile*


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, T.L. Lancaster!

And

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


The most unusual title drew me in, and the brief description made me curious and drew a smile. All winners, in my book.

It took me a few minutes to settle into your writing style, and how this story was presented, and then I just let myself relax and had plenty of laughs with this clever story.

This one sentence kicked off the rest of the story: 'It was at this point ...'

Is there a more clear way to express this? Because it's the launching board for understanding the character was of two minds. I don't think I've read a story where the mind itself is personified. One aspect of the brain berating the other. Very original.

And just when the story seemed likely to topple into overly silly, you whammed the reader with the last line, flashing your writing skills with a short, dryly humorous sentence. Well done!


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Review of The Quake  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ghost

And

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


This is a great piece of writing. I'm not sure why you wrote, in the brief description, that you're not going anywhere with this.

You definitely have the knack for writing. I read lots of action verbs that created excitement, and the sentence structure was varied, creating deeper immersion into the story. I think the ending could be stronger, though. After all the build-up, it felt like there would be something more. But ...

I do know what it's like to write a one scene setting and not see any further into the original inspiration. Just know that at any time, you have something strong to work with.

Sadly, we probably won't need a weapon to destroy humanity. We're doing an outstanding job destroying our planet by the way we live.

A brief suggestion. Maybe amp up the title to reflect the intensity of this piece and use the brief description to draw in reviewers. Be proud of your work!

If you accomplished what you wanted, then that's fine too. Writing is firstly about whatever works for you. *Wink*

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Review of One morning  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dawn Diva!

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Having recently lost my dad, it seemed only natural for me to read this piece about you losing yours. You're relating quite a bit of information to the reader without actually explaining what happened. I think that worked very well in placing a feeling of doom into them. Being asked to take someone's pulse can mean only one thing, and it's not something good.

There was an uneven, jarring quality to this piece. It reflects the abruptness of the ongoing events, one stumbling into the other before the past was even acknowledged by the brain.

EMS worked well rhyming with rest, and the presentation of this line, isolating it, was effective in communicating the finality and acceptance.

I liked how you linked the first "what that day--" to the ending "what that day--" It was sort of self-affirming, a recognition of fate.

A few typos easily corrected
whent [went]
to many people [too]
to many noises [too]

The grim reaper is opposite of being in peace. I guess the living feel grim in the presence of death, but some, like you, are able to believe in ever-lasting peace. Which is a true blessing.

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Review of Titanosseum  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, E. Lasecke! I found your in the
Action/Adventure June 16th Newsletter. Congrats!


*Captainwheel*
Thoughts/Impressions
Firstly, I can't believe I read this story and liked it. I rarely read stories of fantasy, but yours was so much more than dungeons and dragons. The characterization was astounding, and my attention was riveted right up until I read the last word.

*Captainwheel*
What I liked the most
I'm a reader who likes to identify with the characters, and you did a great job of showing their strengths and their flaws.
So many small components added up to a terrific story. I was impressed by how you were able to work in descriptions, without actually telling the reader. The scene where Tabakiro knelt in front of Luati was one such moment.

Also, you went outside the box--thankfully--when you chose character names. They helped define the story. Names tell the reader so much about the characters, but not all writers pay attention to this vital inclusion.

The fight scene was never confusing. I always knew where the characters were and what was happening to each of them. And that scene lasted a long time!

*Penb*
Don't sweat the small stuff
The multiple exclamation and question marks were distracting. Show emotion through actions, don't rely on punctuation. *Wink*

Sanachoa set her hands to her scaled hips, and cackled.
Sanachoa smiled again, and slithered up to her full height.

No comma necessary. There are multiple instances of this error that need correction. If the character is performing two actions, no comma is needed. You're not joining a compound sentence.

“What’s that []mama?” Inak piped up
Oops. You do need a comma here.

At its end stood an enormous marble,[] where the gigantic men sat together.
Missing word? A marble bench, a slab?


venom-green banners
venom-green? I must be lacking in my color skills. I've never heard this one before. Bile green, maybe.

*Captainwheel*
Lasting Impression
I thought the endless [sssss] would annoy me, but it wasn't overdone. Great job with the foreshadowing of Kealura. The conclusion was realistic, in keeping with the characters you developed. We all have a bit of a dark side, and sometimes we need it.

My head is still spinning. I can't believe I read this. Great work, here. What an unexpected treasure I found.

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Review of Blackbeard, Inc  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi, Colleen K!
Yours was one of those stories that captured me in the first sentence. I knew the story would be fun to read. The opening scene you presented was so vivid, and with only a bit of dialogue, Annie was a character to love.

In part, excellent word choices made this story successful. I could hear the phone ringing, and the man bellowing. You wrote as if this was a perfectly normal scenario, which had me smiling as I continued reading. You were able to indicate the man's dialogue by having Annie respond. I thought that was very clever.

You definitely took this prompt and ran with it, creating a fanciful story. I would have been baffled given the same challenge. When an author can write like this, I know that what I'm reading has come from a person of talent.

*Pencil*
This was the only sentence that felt off to me.
She tapped a key on the iPad that set in front of her.
Either [set] could be [sat] or some other verb, or you could shorten the sentence [She tapped a key on her iPad.] I think the readers can visualize where the pad is without being told. It's up to you, I'm just offering an opinion.

Thanks for the *Smile* on my face. Keep up the good work!


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Anne!
With the title you chose, there was no way I was passing this by. You snagged me!

Honestly, I don't know what to think about death. Do I agree with what's in the poem? Let's say I am one of those who has an open mind. I've experienced the death of my sister completely differently from that of my father. Although my sister died in 1983, she never left me. My dad? Not so much? Is he like the spirit in your poem? No, I don't have that feeling, but something similar. He feels unsettled to me.

But that's my story, and this is supposed to be a review. The thing is, this type of writing invites commentary. Or at least I feel compelled to communicate with the author. This may not even be your take on death, but I think some of this is real to you. It's how we're able to write. I can't say I was deeply moved by the words, they seemed to only scratch the surface of possibilities. However, everyone has their own interpretation, and they are all equal.

You might want to consider dropping the exclamation points in some of the lines. I'm one of those who prefers no punctuation, or consistent punctuation. At times, this seemed to rhyme, others I felt no rhythm at all. The beauty of poetry is that it doesn't have to rhyme. But I think it helps in overall presentation to keep the length of lines even.

I hope you're already experiencing the richness of our community. I see this poem already won an award. Congratulations, and keep up the good work!


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Review of The Chosen One  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Birdy!
Well, this was an interesting piece to contemplate. I had the feeling this is a project you're just beginning because it read a bit rough. The first paragraph seemingly had nothing to do with the second paragraph. Her dream (or nightmare) wasn't realized yet.

You did a good job of showing us the character, even if her actions make no sense, yet. The isolated single word brief description told the story, which reinforces my impression of this being an ongoing project.

The story needs some clarification and editing, especially the part about her 'shooting her head'. *Confused*

At this time, I don't want to pick apart your story and point out the particulars. I think if you come back and read this again, you'll be able to accomplish quite a bit on your own.

The members of WdC take care of newbies. If you click the link above, you'll see more links to helpful resources for new members. Reading and reviewing other members' works will give you insight as to how a story can be tweaked. Keep on writing. You'll only get better. *Wink*


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi, Feather Pen!
I liked the title of this piece because it made me want to know more. I was plagued by questions. What was in the narrator's head? Well, the brief description was literal so the mystery evaporated. But that didn't discourage me from reading.

If I'm interpreting, this is a young girl lamenting about her father. I didn't get the impression he was physically harming her. That would be too horrible to comprehend.

There's simply no understanding as to why one person chooses to make life unpleasant for others. A generalization would be that the person inflicting the pain is consumed by their own agony. And, as you've expressed here, that person is capable of fooling others. Projecting a positive image when it's really a lie. That really hurts.

*Pencil*Oops
angle [angel]
torcher [torture]

The poem was consistent with punctuation. *Checkg*

Really, the best that can be said is that writers are able to put pen to paper and explore their feelings. I hope you found some comfort in writing this.

If you click the link above, it will lead you to more newbie resources. *Wink*

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745
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Review of The Elixer  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Sunny,
When I finished reading the story, my first thought was "what a chump." But the writing was good, and you kept me engaged. I was curious to see where the story would go. Part of me wanted Bo's story to be authentic, but seriously, he wasn't a credible character. Alan was truly naive, or desperate. Or was the trickery in the elixir?

You painted a clear picture in my mind of both setting and the sense of characters. The main character and conflict was presented in the first paragraph, and that's a great way to ensnare the reader.

What didn't help was the lackluster title and brief description. This is your shot to sell your story to the reader. If you like the title, consider expanding on the brief description. We already know it's a short story. Right? Use those words as a teaser.

Maybe it was just me, but because both characters were men, there were times when I wasn't sure who was speaking. Bo had a new paragraph with every line of dialogue. That's what threw me off.

I don't fancy having a conversation with a character like Bo, but his thoughts on money reflected my own. Because we say a green piece of paper is ten dollars, we all agree to partake in the same fantasy. Without communal consent, the world would fall into chaos.

Keep up the good work! WdC is a supportive community. If you click the link above, you'll find links to the many resources available to new members. Enjoy!

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746
Review of Sweet Larceny  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi, Coral!
The title of this piece attracted me. It perfectly captures the story in a clever way. Good work!

You made it easy for the reader to see the action by bringing the scene to life through colorful characters overcoming the obstacle of getting those bees home.

Just a few thoughts. The first part of the story sounded like the author speaking to the reader, and then the story begins. I think you can put the two sections together and simply have a solid story by working in the details. (You nearly accomplished this already.)

I'm guessing Rastus is the family's dog. You might want to mention this earlier, as the animal running away seems to come from nowhere.

It's a good idea to use separate paragraphs for each character's dialogue.

The story is there, you only need to work it a bit more to create a complete and continuous plot.

I liked how, through your words, you gave the reader a taste of the honey in the last paragraph. *Checkg*

There are several resources for new authors. By clicking the link above, you will be directed to several other forums. Have fun!


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747
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am doing WebWitch's Weekend Reviews for a Merit Badge Challenge, posted on the Public Newsfeed.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


What a beautiful story. *Heart*

When someone writes a personal piece like this, I imagine they're exploring their feelings and reaching out. Possibly not looking for a traditional review.

My family's story runs somewhat similar. My dad had the most evocative singing voice. One of my favorite memories is of him singing carols the entire time we were setting up the Christmas tree. He never wanted to sing in the church choir, but members would turn their heads to see where that voice was coming from.

What a wouldn't give to have a tape recording of him singing anything at all. We lost him in 2014 February, and just like your closing line, I also feel "everything is so different." Without my dad, the world makes even less sense than before he passed.

Don't sweat the small stuff. *Blowfish*
You might want to consider using a few asterisks in between paragraphs, rather than the extended dots. If you wanted to use ellipses, that only requires three dots. I think you'd have a cleaner look with something less distracting.

One little typo: husband Tom[ had't] arrived as yet. [hadn't]

I liked the details you included in your story; where you lived and and what the traditional dinner was. *Checkg*

I don't like thinking about losing my dad, but your piece made that impossible for me, and this one time, it's okay.


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748
748
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jeannie

Here's a review from your Nuclear Package at "Invalid Item" 


Overall Impression
Plenty of action in this action/adventure story! The tension ramped up right from the beginning by creating contrasting characters. Both the girls were in the same moment of their lives, but Dianne was the one craving high adventure, while Karen preferred something quieter.

Plot/Characters/Setting
The presence of physical travel brochures created a very visual opening scene. Karen definitely caved when she tossed the pamphlets at Dianne, reinforcing Dianne as the more daring of the two.

Karen had a playful side though. She stocked up on a whole lot of junk food when they stopped for gas. Her sensitive side shows up again when the reader learns she'll put photos on canvas. What a beautiful moment. She's also dramatic and hilarious, worried about encountering a lion in the Everglades.

Am I correct in assuming the girls, despite their fears, went to sleep out in the open, with no tent or protection?

Considerations
Alligators and crocodiles are not the same, and there's no crocodiles in the Florida Everglades.*Wink*

The inhabitants of the Everglades don't coexist peacefully. Plenty of cats and dogs go missing. And the Everglades are in ecological danger because people leave their cats behind, and others release their pet pythons.

There are little errors here and there, but nothing you can't easily fix. And nothing took away from the story.

I would suggest clarifying the elements of the Everglades I mentioned because even a fiction story should be accurate.

Parting thoughts
Dianne and Karen faced danger wherever they turned and had to make lightning-fast decisions. You captured scenes in sounds and smells that brought the story to life. What more can a reader ask of an action/adventure story? Great work, Jeannie!


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749
Review of Cave to Cosmos  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Surprise, ridinghhood-p.boutilier

HAPPY 10th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
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*Hotair2*
Overall Impression
What an exceptional title! The writing is beautiful. Concise but powerful.

*Hotair2*
Thoughts
I chose to read this poem because of the recent loss of my father. I suppose I was looking for someone else's pain. I longed to cry for him today. Although the poem was emotional, I felt distanced toward the conclusion, and I wish there was a better way to explain my feelings. I related mostly to the beginning, molding it a bit to mirror my life. My dad disliked displays of emotions, and I connected with the unique way you expressed silence.

Does it make sense to say the work is great, but more intellectual than expressive? I was taken away by the words, but the conclusion was matter-of-fact, albeit incredibly original.

The "trippy" cadence lent to the thoughts of interrupted life. Placing 'so chatty' in its own verse at the end of many words reflected back to the third line, few words carrying a painful heaviness.

*Books4*
In closing
I liked how you didn't impose any sort of rigid religion on the reader. The words spoke of the father's beliefs, but the audience was allowed to keep their own. I'm stumbling all over my words. Sorry. Your work is unique and unusual. Talented. In my heart, I hope you wrote this for the contest, and not because you lost your father. I wouldn't want that for anyone.

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750
Review of There  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Surprise Sara!

HAPPY 8th! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*PartyHatP* "Anniversary Reviews" *PartyHatP*


*Hotair2*
Overall Impression
What a gorgeous and vivid story, with such a perplexing title. When I finished reading, I realized the title was perfect. I wanted so much for the man to remain There. And I felt his loss. I'm always drawn to the supernatural.

*Hotair2*
Thoughts
Wow! You certainly know how to entrance a reader. I was very impressed by the way you phrased usual observations with unique words. California's weather wasn't always the same. In your words, it was "the land of unending temperance." Fantastic!

The descriptions of the trees made me feel as if I'd already seen this before, but now I was looking with new eyes. Uncanny. Your words are prose. Absolute beautiful description of the Native American man.

My only objection was too many words diluting the power of the moment and the story.

*Hotair2*
Click here
Fine Tuning ▼

*Books4*
In closing
I wanted this to be real for the man in your story. When he found the arrowhead, I was so excited. And in the conclusion, he had more physical evidence to substantiate his experience. Was it possible the man and women did not escape and that's why the narrator was never transported back?

All in all, a remarkable write. Happy WdC Account Anniversary. And something gooey I never add. Thanks for writing this.

One more thing: You changed my day. *Sun*

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