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3,291 Public Reviews Given
3,330 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Flawed Gods  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi J. Thayne. Nixie, here.


Overall Impression
Interesting comments you left at the bottom of this work. I'm guessing you're satisfied with what you've written, or you're laying unconscious beneath that cement wall you mentioned.


As the plot unfolds
Actually, I found this to be a depressing read. There's no argument to contradict this being. His vigilante efforts are indeed pointless. And if a person continues in that vein of thought, danger lurks.

At times, I have this wide-angled lens and see the futility of it all. Best I can grasp is the importance of relationships. Trying not to hurt the people who venture into our lives.

At least for humans, there's an end to this. I wonder why this being doesn't self-destruct, rather than carry on. Good grief, he's been suffering for over ten-thousand years? I guess Elsie keeps him propped up.

The beginning was a little over the top, the part where he talked about what he was seeing. The last sentence in the 5th paragraph needs some restructuring. As written, his thoughts are crashing upon the cliff faces. Unless that's what you're trying to capture.

*StarR*
Parting thoughts
What I'm asking is why? What's the purpose behind the story? I guess the brief description says it all. A god who suffers more than humans. This being does appreciate the irony of life, and in the conclusion, he finds something positive to seek out. I enjoyed the scifi aspect and the means you created for this god to travel along. Nice work.

** Image ID #1887901 Unavailable **


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there. Nixie, here.




Overall Impression
I'm burning up my brain trying to put all the pieces together. Sorry for the play on words. When I read the conclusion, and then went back and read the story twice again, I think what confused me was Patty calling her aunt and asking how to make a quilt.

How did Patty go from this seemingly young person to the one who died? It took her that long to complete it? This is driving me crazy. Especially since it seems everyone else figured it out.

A few thoughts
Sometimes I find answers when I write. Jumping to the conclusion, the box happened to be in Patty's room where she died. So how did she have it in the beginning of the story? *Facepalm*

Often, if I don't click with the meaning of a story, that lack is kept to myself. But this story was beautiful and I wanted to understand it all. Which is still not happening. I followed what happened in the conclusion. Patty had been living another woman's memories with each scrap of fabric.

Lasting Impression
With any hope left, you'll answer this review and turn on the lights in my brain. Aside from the second paragraph, everything made sense to me. Maybe it'll hit me later. I'm an idiot.

So much exposure for this story, yet no reviews? You must have left everyone spellbound. Congrats on all the accolades in newsletters.

The lack is on my side, not yours. I apologize.



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


Overall Impression
It was only in retrospect that the description of Simon's father in the first paragraph made sense. Because the action was hot, I wasn't overly interested in what the dad was looking through. I wanted to know what he was looking for. My eyes skipped over the word 'farming' as inconsequential to the plot. My mistake. The dad's dirt and sweat would have been in context had I slowed down.

A few thoughts
You did a good job of capturing a teenager's anger. The outburst at the conclusion was very effective. I had already decided the dad wasn't a great guy, so I felt vindicated when Simon confronted him.

The black box remains a mystery. Since the genre is scifi, the implications are tantalizing. Sion's a bit of a contradiction, which is good. The farm setting generally suggests calmness and ease. A type of wholesome living. As it turned out, Simon didn't want any part of that, but yet, he was angry for being denied the opportunity. And how could his parents not tell him? I think you're building an excellent character here.

Some considerations. I only ask questions when an author's work affects me in some way. So, what follows is good news.

You don't need to repeat door in this sentence.
The door burst open and Henry walked through the door

It's easy to slip up and be repetitive. A thesaurus helps me.
His parents looked at him and exchanged looks before looking back at Simon.

I stumbled over this fragment
the mother of Simon and Henry’s wife, standing there,
I know you have to identify her, but you might be able to accomplish this through dialogue. "Mom!" Simon said. "Sweetheart," Henry said. Something like that, rather than telling the reader.

Lasting Impression
What would you think of ending the story without 'never to return again'? Why? Because it takes us out of the immediate moment we've been experiencing. The story was told through Simon's eyes, and he can't see the future. I think most readers will draw the assumption that Simon will never return. Without stating that, you leave a question in the reader's mind, creating intrigue. If character identification occurred, then readers will keep wondering long after they've finished the story.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on and on like that. It's totally your choice. Keep writing!



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Review of Birth and Death  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, acorngirl. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
Although the title didn't grab me, I couldn't resist a look into someone else's life. Which is one of the reasons why we write.

The first paragraph sent dread to my heart. Pacing is never a good sign, but it was unspecified. I had to know more. With the mention of one word, you managed to place the story in a precise era. Without the understanding of time, the outcome of the plot wouldn't make sense. So, good job, there!

A few thoughts
A pacing father waiting for a child spread into a more complex character study. Ethan considered his Mary as a touchstone, the one reason he could function in this world. At first, I thought he had a heart condition, but he was referring to how deeply his emotions ran?

I can't stop myself from probing a bit. Why did the Mary not choose a boy's name, as well?

In this world where readers are looking for something quick, you might have heard the term white space. This refers to proper paragraphing, so the story does not appear as one block of text.

The doctor's comment: She never stopped trying--
It almost made me cry.


Lasting Impression
If your intention was to crush me at the conclusion, you succeeded. I can't imagine what will happen to Ethan now. I hope he has someone to reach out to. Poor guy. You made me care for him, and now I'm stuck wondering. Good writing!





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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Plague. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
Despite your handle, all I see you spreading is great writing. You excelled at working the prompt and the characters you created had me laughing. From your words, I formed the setting in my mind.

A few thoughts
Having a cat sit as the Don is probably the opposite of what others might construe. The owl, known for wisdom, would fit the part of arbitrator, and dogs customarily run the show. This subtle flip of the expected brought this plot to life.

The description of the owl in the first paragraph? A talon-tattooed owl? Original and clever.

Casting Ivan as a street Borzoi gave him the instant reputation of a scraper, in human terms, a threatening presence. Since I'd never heard of this breed, I looked up the definition and saw the various pictures. Due to word limitations, you had only a few to capture the essence of this dog. You worked in the Russian ancestry, so great job there!

The cat, with the cream tail, the least played character was my favorite, but then I'm partial to cats.

Lasting Impression
The pharse 'biscuits is biscuits' probably won't leave my mind for a while. Ivan's last act was hilarious and ooh-so-fitting for his character.

The dialogue/interaction between the three animals was crisp, witty, and sharp. I don't think you needed more words to make this story complete and with such a satisfying conclusion. Great work!





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Review of Beyond  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Spacey. Nixie, here. I found your poem here.
"Drama Newsletter (September 30, 2015)"  Congratulations!

Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
As I read this, the thought crossed my mind that the words could be a metaphor for a person imprisoned by making bad choices in life, or trapped because of circumstances. Circumstances, like poverty, are not likely to be overcome. But people have choices, and we're free to choose and choose again. Our thoughts direct our lives.

A few thoughts
Because the narrator talks about forgiveness, the possibility of true incarceration may have been the purpose here. I'm horrified when I imagine my life behind bars, having no control over my life.

One suggestion for aesthetics. The second to last line is off-balance with the other lines. It appears as a finger pointing. One way to keep the poem uniform, is to use enjambment. This means breaking a phrase and carrying it into the next line. For example, you might end the line with atone, and begin another with "for my cruel--"
There are specific rules for using enjambment, this suggestion refers to one example of how to use enjambment.

In the last line, there's a tiny typo. Im > I'm

Lasting Impression
Repeating the thought in the last line to refer back to the first was very effective in wrapping up this piece. With only a few lines, my mind whirled, pondering the possibilities and fretting over the literal interpretation. Nice work!





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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there. Nixie, here.




Overall Impression
I can't seem to stop laughing. Because it's your anniversary, I tried to find a story without a ribbon, but the title nabbed me, and I fell into the narrative.

Good grief, this narrator was hilarious. I liked the moments of utter confusion that quickly led to okay, I'll go along with that because it was told so reliably. The dusting, the spraying, the lost limbs, all of it was wonderful.

A few thoughts
The feeling of country and good old boys came through naturally, without trying to force dialect down the reader's throat. The mom played a great side character, the so-called sane person in the cast. But she ended up looking like a fussy person who nearly ruined her son's ability to function in life. Take down a person consistently, and never offer a compliment? The recipe for creating a personality disaster. Granddad, both dead and alive saved those boys.

*Thought*
The second paragraph was a bit confusing about what house they were in.
Numbers less than twenty should be spelled out.
Some of the sentences in parentheses went on a bit too long, fostering more confusion when clarity was needed, due to the wonderful absurdity of this story.


Lasting Impression
When the narrator started dating? Great move to bring the plot forward. When he finally finds his girl, she one-ups him? I almost wish that hadn't been the conclusion. Granddad by himself was the best. And I wanted it to stay that way.

Great write, all the way around.



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Review of On the Farm  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *CakeB*


Hi, Kat. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
Cute story written in 2007, edited in 2008. Looking back, how do you feel about your writing now? I know mine has improved since joining!

Thoughts
A farm setting settles in the reader's mind as a safe place, where simple fun and hard work was Life on the Farm. That's what we all want, right?

A few things struck me here. The childhood adventures were non-stop. The barrel rolling inside the barrel? Insanity. The moment where the narrator stands up to Harry was precious. And then the flip side, she experienced the zing of control. That made me laugh.

For a while, one of my daughters owned a cow ranch. She actually tamed the bull so she could walk right up to it and touch his nose. Crazy, right?

Well, if you want me to believe this girl never stepped on a cow pie, then my 'befriend the bull' story is true, as well.

In closing
As a kid, I learned never to tell my mom I was bored. One day, she had me out there trying to salt a bird's tail. In this story, with a gang of friends and the awesome place to play, I'm sure those words were never spoken.

Nice job bringing the story 'round to the beginning by observing the rocks. I think the story would be more enjoyable if it was lifted out of the telling and into the showing. You've probably heard that a time or two, though. Happy Anniversary!

** Image ID #1971949 Unavailable **


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi, Q. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*





Overall Impression
Hmm. Readers will appreciate your effort to reach out and share what you've learned along your path.

A few thoughts
However, if you want appreciation from your readers, the work needs some editing. Your thoughts are unclear because everything is lumped together, almost like a stream of consciousness.

Why not try some paragraphing? Your friend's statement sounds profound, but it's very difficult to discern the exact meaning. I would give those thoughts a separate paragraph.

Correct punctuation will clear up more confusion.

What works for me is to live with no expectations, as applied to a general principle, not each and every moment. It only takes practice. I'm only human, so sometimes I need an affirmation statement to boost me up. If a certain situation is stressing me, I take a step back and consider how little it means in the wide arc of living.

All 'I's' need to be capitalized.

Lasting Impression
One way to work through our thoughts and feelings is the act of writing. Every one is be to respected. If you really want readers to hear your message, you might consider cleaning this up a bit. But don't give up! Keep writing and reviewing. You'll see examples that will help you grow in your skills.



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, TJ Marie. Nixie, here.




Overall Impression
My first guess that this was a prompted contest was correct. I like it when writers leave in the word counts after the contest, so the reviewer is aware the author was constrained by conditions.

We rise to the occasion, take a deep breath, and start writing.

A few thoughts
I've always dreamed of owning a small shop, not for spirits and the like, but a curiosity shop of sorts, so that's how I connected to the story. It also made me think of the TV series Grimm. Donna was bright and sweet, but also careful in her instructions, which held a bit of boding.

The plot moves swiftly toward a conflict, and it's a good one. You ran Susie right into a scene that both tested her, and then demonstrated her personality.

It's unusual to simply state what's happening, as happened in the first sentence and then appears throughout. It's a shortcut, and a distraction, for me. And I'm stressing, for me. Not for everyone.


Lasting Impression
Good point about not being able to control nature. We can destroy it, though.

When I finished reading this, I was left with a smile at the quirky and unexpected actions of the elf. Of all the places he might have gone. I think you had fun writing this.

Susie discovers the true meaning of Christmas from her perspective. I see hers as learning to give rather than receive. Nicely done!



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Rhychus. Nixie, here.




Overall Impression
This poem is funny, ironic and tragic. And confusing.

A few thoughts
Because I didn't recognize Drix Ranze, High Abbeth of Phapes, Sedway, or Phapanites I googled them all, with no results that shed light.

It appears this is your own original work. You have three reviews, all five stars, so maybe I'm the only one who's baffled.

Advancement of man is more like an obliteration of humankind. Whoever the Phapanites are, they're very limited in their perceptions. I caught the irony in the last sentence, but with no references to go on, confusion never resolved to clarity.

All those issues aside, taking the poem at face value, I enjoyed the rhyming scheme. And the visual images created had me grinning. Feet attached to the rear? *Laugh*

The inability to reproduce would reduce the overpopulation. At some point, we'd be extinct. And clones would take our place. All this makes sense to Drix and Phapanites?

Lasting Impression
Since more and more of us are succumbing to the virtual world, these new adaptions don't sound totally far-fetched.

I can't shake the sinking feeling that the joke is on me. I'm the only one who doesn't get the message. Am I looking for too much meaning in something that was written to make people laugh? I feel like an idiot.*Facepalm* Generally, I don't review something beyond my scope of understanding. But I was here and I read the poem, so why not send a review?



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Review of The Gamer  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Michael. Nixie, here.




Overall Impression
Pardon me a moment while I step into this alien world. I'm no gamer, but I enjoyed reading the story. I went back and forth with my emotions.

A few thoughts
What a statement. He hides from the horrible real world so he can play in his virtual horrible world. And he's blind to the irony.

Clever, making up the drink Narconade and the Hypno-Helmet. I was thinking it was wetware, but thankfully, no. Just a sim helmet. At least his gaming life is having some effect on his body, even if he's unaware.

Lasting Impression
You found the ultimate conclusion. This guy's paranoia was hot lava, emboldening him to go after the neighbor, the destroyer of games and his life. But whoops. Was there some spillage from virtual to real? Because when the lights flickered and went out, when the smells and the sounds were all to real, the gamer was entering life for the first time since beginning the game. He'd created his own reality, and I don't think he's going to be a survivor.

Sounds like you had fun writing this. *Thumbsup*

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Oldwarrior. Nixie, here.




Overall Impression
I think it's awesome that a classic bug movie from the 1950's motivated you to write this story. Now, I'm no fan of bug movies from any era, but your plot interested me.

A few thoughts
I won't be the first one to mention the story is mostly told, and not shown. Maybe, for this story there had to be mostly telling just to get the facts across to build the story. And the facts are there. I've been reading about IceCube, a facility in Antarctica, so it was fun for me to see McMurdo Station included in the story. Research for any story is essential, even for fiction. And my research matches yours.

I'll just show you one thing with this sentence.
t didn’t sound like an exciting field of work, but Yoshida loved it. [It was like being a time detective.]
He was a time detective.
The shortened sentence has more power and it's stronger. By taking this bold leap, Yoshida'a personality is revealed.


Lasting Impression
Everyone has their own style. Me? I'm a dialogue/conflict writer. The character is everything.

Whenever I read or hear about drilling, I keep thinking it's the dumbest thing in the world. What's under there should be left there. But that would mean no scientific gains and absolutely no science fiction stories. What makes some people want to see what's in those eggs, while others like me cringe and shrink away? Have fun.



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Review of Clean Up  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there. Nixie.




Overall Impression
I liked this story right from the start, and that's a compliment coming from me. I am not a fan of narrator's speaking to the reader. But then you switched it up.
By the way, thanks for the beer mate
So the narrator was talking to someone at the bar. Just missing a comma after beer to separate the nickname, mate.

A few thoughts
I had grave misgivings about reading further into this work. I've come across so many horror stories, I had to toughen up if I wanted to continue reviewing this genre.

Well, simply by the title, Cleanup Crew tells its own story, and I was braced for something disgusting and over the top gross. And it sort of was that way, but I only skimmed that section with my eyes to get the general idea. I don't want any nightmares.

Lasting Impression
The narrator was like everyone's impression of Joe. Just a regular bloke, who made a name for himself and his partner. This character is golden. I liked him immediately. And even without a physical description, I formed an image. (You might want to add a little something about physical attributes. It could be something as easy as stairs creaking from his weight.)

I think this character is a keeper, and maybe you can use him in other stories. Good characters are hard to come by. Don't let yours slip away. Although he might want a new job.

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Lynn. Nixie, here.





Overall Impression
Have you ever wanted to stop into a story and scream at the characters? When Maris and Ian chose New England over Florida, much as I don't like the heat here, I was yelling, No, no, no! Excellent job setting the scene and giving the reader a heart attack. Just kidding.

What struck me as unique were all the sounds and smells you incorporated. And even though you were describing similar scenes, you found different things for the characters to notice. No repetition there. And your words made me feel the autumn air and then the winter. Those New England winters can be brutal.

But what we're they thinking? Buying a house near a body of water named Black Shore? Good grief, Maris's dream had slipped away into her subconscious.

I appreciated the reference to the dialect. I lived in Maine for seven years, and it was a long time before I could understand half of what the people were saying. "Ayuh" sums it up perfectly, and puts the idea of the inflection into the reader's mind.

A few thoughts
horrified by his words --and she dropped the knife,horrified.
Just a thesaurus required here to avoid the duplication.

glancing at him searchingly.
A stronger verb might work better than tacking on an adverb to show Ian's expression. Or even, [Ian said, searching his face.] would work.

Lasting Impression
You played out the plot at a deliciously slow speed, keeping the mood mellow and warm. I remember the huge oil tank we had in the basement and the one time my husband forgot to check the levels. We woke to a freezing house and had to pay extra for an emergency delivery. Huh. Your story brought back that memory.

I wasn't relieved by any of this soft stuff. Vivid dreams like Maris had should never be ignored. But this was more a case of lost in her subconscious.

Well, you still got me in the end with that little twist. This is the only horror story I've read recently that dealt with a normal human experience to inflict the shivers on the reader. I much prefer this to messy horror, and I think this kind of horror makes for a better read. At least for me. Great work, here.

I appreciated the foot notes, by the way. The link doesn't work anymore, though.

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Review of Motherhood  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Harry > Nixie, here.


*Captainwheel*
Thoughts/Impressions
Question first. I had to goggle storoem to find the meaning, which brought me to a Facebook page. Then I clicked the link you included. Are you telling me that Harry G. is your father? The man who coined the word storoem?

The technique was demonstrated here. A piece longer than a poem that tells a story. Quatrains were used. Also, enjambment. The abab rhyming mostly worked. discipline/men fell a bit short.


What I liked the most
The message you were imparting rang true. Nature can appear to a human as violent. Choosing a lion to contrast the abusive mother honed the point. What the lioness does is merely her nature, she's the animal she was meant to be.

The mother was not the woman she was meant to be. Or maybe she was. But humans have compassion, which cannot be confused with the lioness. As humans, we are responsible, we answer to each other, our horribleness hopefully gets exposed.


Lasting Impression
There's only one other species who kills their own. That this mother would kill her own and not take responsibility for it sickened me. To break a child before she can flourish. To destroy a life through cruelty? Unforgivable.

We're all privy to human violence through social media. After watching a nature show, you showed us the opposite in human behavior. I'm leaving this storem behind, feeling saddened and disgusted. Your words reached out and grabbed me. The one way I counteract the darker side of humanity? I keep my little corner of the world filled with kindness.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


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Review of Derailed  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Gaby. Nixie, here




Overall Impression
I remember this prompt, but not what I wrote. Derailed hit the action/adventure running. I'm sort of stuck on why would she deliberately walk through the puddle? For purposes to add tension, it worked. I can imagine her trying to hide her shoes from inquisitive eyes.

A few thoughts
I can't remember if the prompt said the character could not call the police. Maybe you chose differently so you could put your character through the ropes, squeezing every drop of tenacity and bravery from her.

Add in two men in raincoats. Viola! Instant threat of menace. But she managed to escape them. The description of the phone booth worked great because I'm not sure there are any of those left. And if there are a few, I just know they would look like the one you described.

The funniest part was the bubblegum stuck in her pocket. Excellent insertion of comedic relief. And it also showed her relative age. Not many older people still chew bubble gum. I'm placing her at around thirty.

*Note*
the package he handed me held tightly in my hand.
The repeated use of hand/handed could use some revision.

I could feel the relief sweep over me,
Avoid distancing words like [feel] Go for the whole shebang. Make it direct. Relief swept over me.

gunshot could be heard and[.] in the next second,
misplaced punctuation?

Lasting Impression
Once she reached Jerry, I was confident all would end well for the contents of the package. Whatever those numbers meant, good or bad, at least the item would not be in her possession anymore. It would be someone else's problem.

When she saw Jerry approaching, my mind flashed danger. I suspected the raincoats would make another attempt. But I didn't expect the final outcome. I'd be in a total panic, not observing the irony. But it was ironic.

Prompts are hard to work with. Great job concocting this adventure!



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Review of A Trunk's Tale  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there. Nixie, here.


*Asteriskbr*
Thoughts/Impressions
Pardon me for asking a question in the beginning. How did the possum get in her trunk? She looked in there and didn't see it. Did I miss a time frame when she wasn't with her car and there was an opportunity for the mother to climb up in there?

*Asteriskbr*
What I liked the most
I was able to identify with the woman because I have an older Jeep that I'd dearly love to replace. But the thought of adding car payments to my budget is a big deterrent.

Can my least favorite character be a favorite part? Oh, the first time he called me little lady, I would have been out of there. He must some old curmudgeon because he's risking a lot if he doesn't realize he's being condescending.

*Penb*
Don't sweat the small stuff
I slammed the hood shut
I think you meant trunk, since that's where she was looking.

*Asteriskbr*
Lasting Impression
Now I must express my glee *Laugh* that the salesman got scared. Serves him right. I hope he's traumatized for the rest of his life. And even has continuing nightmares. Okay, he doesn't deserve that.

You wrapped this story up in the best possible way. That's one of the best one-liners I've ever read. Deathly hilarious. Well done!

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Princess. Nixie, here.


*Captainwheel*
Thoughts/Impressions
Seems I stepped into the middle of a series when I stumbled across this piece. Reading Jane Austen's books was something I loved at the time, but now the interest has faded. And that is one of the reasons I wanted to read this piece.

*Captainwheel*
What I liked the most
Your writing style floats between telling and showing, with a good amount of dialogue. The story has passages of just giving information to the reader. Several times, readers are told how the characters feel.

From reading a few of your other pieces, I think this is your choice. You like writing this way, so I won't make any suggestions.

Overall, the story was cute. Jennifer and Megan have fallen in love, but now they have to tell the truth and hope they don't lose the Miles and Bradley. I was worried about Jennifer when I read the sentence about her packing a bag in case Bradley wanted her gone. The girls were so vulnerable, but this sentence struck me the most.

Bradley and Miles asked relevant questions, considering the time period and what little information they had. I can imagine them thinking witches, merely because they have no other explanation.

The scenes are briefly sketched, nothing too elaborate, but always a sense of place. The story is primarily dialogue, which is my favorite part in any story. Especially when it's used, as in this story, to advance the plot.

Something of interest. Princess Diana was not loved by the Brits.

Jennifer has a solid paragraph of dialogue that might sound better broken up with interruptions, or maybe Megan picking up the story here and there.

*Captainwheel*
Lasting Impression
I was slightly scandalized. Unmarried couples were intimate with each other in the 1800's? That's news to me.

You keep on writing what you like, Princess. That's what I'm doing.

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Review of Night of Lights  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi! Nixie, here with a review from "Invalid Item" purchased by Agape Novels

*Boat2*
Overall Impression
An interesting story of contrasts with a tragic conclusion.

I liked the way this story began, the narrator pulling the reader into the drama. Who wouldn't want to hear her story? Some authors prefer to tell their stories. I thought this one was a terrific candidate for show vs. tell. Hearing these characters speak would create a much bigger impact on the reader. Some of the story needs to be straight out told, but there are so many opportunities for sparkling dialogue, I can't resist suggesting it.

One question. The narrator is with her church group, no specific location indicated. In the next paragraph, she's in a restaurant. Did I miss something, or should there be a transitional sentence or two in there? Or is she already at the restaurant. I think this could be cleared up.

*Boat2*
Emotional Chord struck
I never had the feeling these two belonged together. Possibly because there was very little dialogue--I caught not sparks between them. I've heard it said that some men can only love one woman, and Mr. Hollywood was one of them. She seemed so logical and honest about where the relationship was headed. Just friends.

Fascinating that Jim didn't see it that way at all. His perception was that what he had to give wasn't enough. Nothing she said, and all her arguments were sound, could have changed his mind.

*Boat2*
Closing comments
Jim sounded kind of dry, and yes, old. A flat character with nothing but goodness. Everything was always sunny with him. Honestly, this woman might be better off alone than with this guy. He's already lived the life he wanted. Dummy. *Rolleyes*

Keep on writing!

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Review of What's Behind Me?  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there. Nixie, here.


*Captainwheel*
Thoughts/Impressions
Crazy funny dialogue made this story even more enjoyable. Considering all the characters, I shocked myself by keeping them all straight. Usually, my mind gets all jammed up with who's who, but your dialogue tags and character actions helped. Well done!

*Captainwheel*
What I liked the most
I liked everything in the story, but you worked magic with the dialogue. Best line? "Oh, the fat kid--" *Laugh*

On a deeper level, the story demonstrates how we are all slaves of perception. Some of the plot reminded me of Grimm where a majority of the non-humans crave privacy.

Only a few action beats were required to keep the plot running. Mostly, a lot of looking behind and discovering. The girl scout cookies were introduced into this playful encounter, and even Jesse was ordering while she was still in the tree!

“What happened to Richie[] then?”
Just a missing comma.

*Captainwheel*
Lasting Impression
I think this story was the ultimate length. Too much would have been overdone and worn out the reader.

In the conclusion, just when I thought everything was resolved, you threw in a twist that actually related back to the story. *Checkg*

Thanks for all the smiles you gave me while I read.

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, beetle. Nixie, here.

*StarR*
Overall Impression
This is fantastic! I tried to find the first part of this novella in your portfolio but failed. The writing is so compelling I should be able to fill in any blank spots by myself.

I'm vaguely familiar with the mythology of Asgard.

*StarR*
Plot/Setting/Characters
Okay, there is a problem. I don't know how the narrator came into this room. I'm guessing that's in the first part that I can't find. Putting that aside, I continued reading while the narrator observes each tapestry. It was only after I came to the conclusion that I understood the significance of the 'badly obscured eye'.

You have an excellent command of word play, fashioning scenes as if I was watching, surprising me with unusual phrasing or descriptions. Too many to mention. But this was the first one.

In its mouth, was a city with nine tall spires.

I looked up 'Laerad' so I could understand that passage. You certainly put your mythology expertise to good use. Much of my time writing this review was spent brushing up on Norse mythology so I could appreciate all you've written. Did you change the spelling of Odin on purpose, or is the name spelled Odyn somewhere?

And Thokk is correctly presented. Most frustrating of all, I can't figure out who is imprisoned.

A few little blips along the way
I said, but as I said it I realized I welcomed even his intrusion. I hadn’t seen him in so long, yet I remembered Loki's ways as if I’d last seen him yesterday.
Maybe you can reword some of these sentences to take out the oppression of I's.

I don’t know how he grew into such an noble man,
a noble man

Loki held out his hands, if he’d chop them both off if he could.
What's happening here? We shouldn't know Loki's thoughts, should we?


*StarR*
Parting thoughts
What can I say? I was here and read the entire story? I'm wrapped up in this place, where nothing is what it seems. Or there's more than one way to see what's happened. Odin plotted to kill Baldr. That came as a shock, considering where it was placed in the story.

I'm left with a feeling of sadness. I've forgotten where and how the phrase Greek tragedy came from. *Facepalm* As with the story of Lancelot, my inner pain is raw. I feel exposed and vulnerable, like the narrator.

The characterizations, the plot, the settings (when needed) were all in place and doing their jobs. How long did it take you to write this? I looked at your portfolio, seems you write quite a bit in many places. Don't stop.



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Hi, Tim Chiu. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
Oh good grief, have you seen this happen to me? On more than one occasion? I'm nearly night-blind, but there's many times when I have to drive after dark. Sometimes, when the turn lanes are very wide, I end up in the oncoming lane. Last week, I had to drive over a median to get into the right lane. I was lucky. Both times, there was no oncoming traffic.

The worst time was in New York State when I was driving up an exit ramp off the highway. Trucks were barreling down, and lucky for me I was driving a Z28 and squished it over into the gravel on the side. This wonderful man helped me back it down to the opening.

Since I was alone, I screamed over and over again. "I can't do this." as I drove home. I actually made my ears bleed.

Only one time I drove into oncoming traffic and was faced with a slew of vehicles coming at me, horns blaring. Fast as I could, I yanked the Z into a parking lot, turned off the car and crumpled against the steering wheel. I sensed someone pull up next to me, but I waited several minutes before lifting my head. When I did, a woman was parked next to me. "Are you okay?" she asked. I'll never forget her kindness and patience, waiting for me to recover.


Lasting Impression
All these words of mine were prompted by what you wrote. It's like you had a window into my life, and all these experiences had to come out.

You did a great job demonstrating the panic, while keeping a level head. Much more so than me! And then, in the last two sentences, came a complete surprise. Words I didn't anticipate and struck me as unique. What would a life without fear be like? When I think about it, there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Bar driving into the wrong lane.

I rarely say this because it sounds meaningless.

Thanks for your words, today.

~Nixie



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. Nixie, here.


*Type*
Overall Impression
Jeff, I'm so accustomed to your writing, this story surprised me. You're probably not overly interested in another review for a past event, but you're getting one anyway. *Laugh*


*Type*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Deviating from your later works, the story begins on a placid note. Except for the part where Lena found out how long she would be paying off her student loan. I wondered why she went against her family's wishes for her? She rejected all the Ivy League colleges to be a teacher? I'd like Lina to teach my kids, if she's that dedicated to her profession. Good teachers are gems.

The story erupts with the men streaking. Gosh, do they still do that?

I was astonished to find some telling in here, not staying in the first person POV. If my guess is correct, this was written quickly for a challenge. It does tell a funny story. But it's lacking your distinctive flair.

More questions. Wasn't Lena worried that the streaker might be too young for her? He sounded like a seventeen or eighteen year old to her.

*Crown*
Stand out moments
Your word and verb choices always keep a story thrumming with action. You make it look so easy to find different ways to show the same scene. I liked the alliteration in this one.

procession of guys dwindled and disappeared

*Type*
Considerations
You actually used the word 'suddenly' three times in this story. One time in the same sentence.

Just a little typo here
trampled across the campus is a marching line,
[in a marching line]

"seemingly nice"
"a pretty productive first day"
This doesn't sound like your writing at all!

*Type*
Lasting Impression
Well, now I'm feeling as if I'm bashing your story. I was shocked, that's all.

Technically, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this story.

I'll just be on my way. You won't even see me leaving. There, now I'm gone.


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, J.C. Shaner. Nixie, here.

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


*StarR*
Overall Impression
Your opening paragraphs painted a vivid image so real it brought tears to my eyes. (I lost my dad recently.)

When the son leaves his watch with his father, the action and words sounded like foreshadowing. I can't wait to find out.

Select words sounded alien and futuristic, adding to the realism of the plot. Chrome Command was the most expressive, considering what the words stood for.

*StarR*
Plot/Setting/Characters
Let me begin by highlighting the beginning of Josiah's speech.
"Into the dark of space, light is sent--

The plot is fairly straightforward. Human expansion, Intelligence societies, pirates, all coming together to force the protagonist into action. Add in the profit-driven people who care nothing for indigenous life.

These conflicts will be Josiah's proving ground. Toss him into the worst situations you can think of. Plague him with morally-ambiguous decisions. Don't forget the girl. She can be a source of comfort and/or antagonism. Maybe she'll be Josiah's buddy. Or perhaps Hammond?

*Worry* The oh-no moment. Enter the conflict. *Checkg*

Uulian free of intelligent life forms 'accessible' that everything had gone wrong.

Later, while the mom prattles on about Josiah choosing his own destiny, the reader already knows his intent. I suggest you tighten up this dialogue. It goes on far too long.

Generally, dialogue should be no more than three or four sentences per character. Otherwise the reader might lose interest.

Josiah's mom's words are a necessary element for the plot, but maybe she could speak a little less, move a little more.

Here's an excellent example of short, clever dialogue.
"You're putting me to sleep, Arn.

Showing vs. Telling
not releasing his tense grip on the railing--"
The entire paragraph is a fantastic example of showing vs. telling.

Choose different actions for characters, unless you're demonstrating a personality quirk. *Pointright* The only problem in the highlighted phrase above is the repetition of this action in other parts of the story.

Something to keep in mind. The plot requires a lot of explaining. I would try to work more of it into the dialogue or action, rather than lengthy paragraphs of information.


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*StarR*
Parting thoughts
Overall, a story I could dive into. After the roller coaster of emotions, I was fired up and enthused at the conclusion. I felt like fist-punching the air. "You go get 'em, Josiah!"

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