What a sweet little read, one that makes me say
Bravo! This is good. I like your style in this
free verse and the flow suits me fine I can make
my own rhythm with this one. I love every line but
these two are my hands down favorites:
'I want you to feel like I’m forbidden
Steal Me'
You are my kind of poet, thank you for sharing and welcome to Writing.Com.
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This is a very sweet message to a friend, I really
enjoyed the flow. What I'd love to see would be all
the eyes capitalized. Over all a very good piece. Please keep writing and welcome to Writing.Com. I'll be back to visit your port again very soon.
Sincerely
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This was a great story, I just loved the last two lines. In fact I loved how you managed to say so much
in 300 hundred words. Very good read, very good ending to you know who and the house was that waiting to exhale or what? Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely
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I love and was so saddened by this tender story of a young girl and her older brother. I know the love that a special child can bring into your life and the sadness of seeing them suffer. They'll never be forgotten, but in time comes the healing.
There are several little things that need correcting to make this a perfect read and I've sent you an e-mail outlining what I feel will help. Good luck in the contest and I look forward to reading more of your work in the coming weeks. Good piece and welcome to Writing.Com.
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What a painful story of the loss of these little
three little children. I pray that they are in good
hands and are living a happy life. My heart goes out to the parent's and I hope that they are finding a way to cope. A very good piece and look forward to reading more of your work in the coming weeks. Good luck in the contest.
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What a wonderful blessing you've been given, to have
someone so precious in your life. He is a very special child and you are both lucky to have one another. God has truly blessed you both. I love this
little cutie and I look forward to reading more of your work in the coming weeks. Good luck in the contest and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
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A beautiful short story of undying friendship,
I would have liked to see a separation of paragraphs
when it comes to your character's speaking to one another it would make the piece much easier to read.
over all very good job of writing. Only one little typo:
The garden was filled with chairs as there guests sat waiting. I think you meant to say 'their guests.'
Good luck in the contest and looking forward to seeing more of your work in the coming weeks.
Sincerely
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Welcome to the twenty-second Newbie Challenge Contest.
The sadness about this poem or any poem is that they have been written because of the price we must pay for war. A war of any year, time or place is in my opinion the blackest time in our history. What ever the reason there is always the cost, that of someones child, mother, husband, wife or father. The lines that touched my heart, my soul and brought tears to my eyes:
'Weakened knees, artery sever
Sleep at last, this time for ever.'
You did a good job in bring it to light. Good luck in the contest, and looking forwarding to seeing you in upcoming challenges.
Sincerely
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Hello Writing to learn
My name is M Duci and I'm one of the reviewers for
Welcome to the twenty-second Newbie Challenge Contest.
Look forward to the day that will change and you'll be once again that handsome cool dad. Say, around about the time they turn twenty-five. I remember thinking my dad was a real square around twelve, I wish I could take it all back and tell him how great I thought he was even when I called him square. Cute poem and good luck in the contest.
Sincerely
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Welcome to the twenty-second Newbie Challenge Contest.
I can see why you are called the joyfulwriter; This is oh! Such a joy to read and thank you so much for sharing. I love every line in your painting, but these three lines will stay with me forever:
'May we all run the race, stay our course, and ignite our passions, as we grow to accomplish our own unique masterpiece of prose.'
Good luck in the contest and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
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What a charming story and one that brings back so many forgotten memories for me also. I think sometimes we don't really know how it is we learn to love or dislike something until memory comes floating up from some forgotten place to remind us of it. I love coffee with a passion and the coffee isle has nearly the same affect on me as it does on you. My father loved coffee and he could not start his day until he had it. I love it the same way. Thank you for sharing and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I liked this story very much and found it so believable. I found no errors anywhere. The lines I liked most:
‘Til Death Do Us Part’. For the last fifteen years I had been ‘walking into’ doors….now, at last, I was finally getting to walk out one. For good.
Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely
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Just thought I'd drop by and let you know what a joy
it was to come into your port and read this wonderful
piece of art, right from a gifted heart. Thanks to you
and the Story Master who have made Writing.Com the place to be from anywhere on any map. I live and dream Writing.Com. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sincerely
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Hope you are feeling better! Sorry to hear you've been sick. This is a great piece of work and I hope that getting those thoughts out will help ease the pain.
I like the way you spoke your mind and your honesty was to the point. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Sincerely
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I love this poem; it brings excitement to my heart.
I love poems and this one goes beyond many that
I have read or written. The person in your life is wrapped in so much love they must be shinning like new gold. I look forward to reading more of your work and welcome to Writing.Com. Keep that fire and word use going it's lovely.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I found your poem of breaking the chains that bind very haunting and hopefully for the person they were
able to get to where they were going. I felt the pain
and the need to get away. What I would have like to hear more of who or what it was she was running from.
Over all very good read, just a few little typo's that are easy to correct.
Couldnt (Couldn't)
Cant (Can'T)
Keep writing and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I like the Prologue to this little tale and I can't wait to continue reading the story. You from what I can see have away of locking your reader into your web. I don't normally read little shop of horrors before bedtime, but I couldn't take my eyes off the page. It is very good so far, and I think you should
enter it into a weekly contest. I'd like to welcome you to Writing.Com and hope you'll love here as much as we do.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Yes they do randomly fly, I've been watching them
flip, flop, twirl all day! Even though it's now Spring in some places it still looks like fall here in Cal. today anyway. Ah! I'm so looking for Spring. I hope your granddaughter stays forever young and can still see the beauty in the falling leaves always. Welcome to Writing.Com and I'll drop by for a longer visit soon.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I've never thought such wonderful things about
crickets before now! But you've given me a whole
new out-look on that small noisey creature. I enjoyed your poem so much, about how they play their ragtime music that I can now see a picture of the whole band playing, and it's great.
Thank you so much for sharing this little cutie and
good luck in the contest.
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What a joy to read your 'Sigh of Spring,' Here in California we are a little late in seeing Spring this year. I'm keeping my eyes peeled towards the sky for the little Monarch butterfly.
I like the colors you used in your piece and it made me feel like Spring had truly Sprung.
Good luck in the contest and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
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I love this piece! There is not much more that I
can say. The love that you share with your husband
is beautiful and your words to him are divine.
Good luck in the contest and welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
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What I like about your poem is everything! I like
that the character is asking for help to get through
life's little challenges that we all must go through. I also love who they are asking for this help without telling.
I really love this last stanza:
'Tear down the walls around me.
Draw me from my shell.
Lift me from the darkness,
And save me from myself.'
Good luck in the contest and welcome to Writing.Com
Sincerely
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It is always so sad when we lose a love one to death!
But when we lose them to decline is also very sad. I found your story taking form and I hope that you'll get it all down before to long. Keep writing and welcome to Writing.Com. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely
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I found this Sojourner so lovely and relaxing.
I felt I was on another plane and I could have stayed
there a while longer. Good luck in the contest
and welcome to Writing.Com.
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capitalized. Over all a very good piece. Please keep writing and welcome to Writing.Com. I'll be back to visit your port again very soon.
