Wow! I think I have fallen in love with your writing!
I love the way you carry the story from 1st one thing and than another, never missing a beat. By the time I came to the end of the entire story my head was right into the center of my screen. I could see every little morsel that you fed me and the color's so big and bright right down to the accent. I have found another home on your site, and so happy to have been invited in. Welcome to Writing.Com. What ever help you need in finding your way around just stop by any of the many site's and express a little help and help will come running. Lovely writing indeed.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I feel there are still more words to be written, still more anger to pour out from this
hurt filled spirit. But I'll take the words that
have been said up to this point. Hopefully someone
will be able to reach the beauty which is inside and
bring it to the front. Welcome to Writing.Com and
do not stop writing and fighting, it is the best way to go. Thank you for coming here, you are not alone.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Hello Vic Lee,
I think you're on to something with this piece.
I can hardly wait to come back for more. You've
peeked my interest and I looked forward to it.
I'd like to welcome you to Writing.Com, hope we
can make you glad you came.
I found only two tiny
error's the word splashed and she.
'SHe felt patches of sun splashed across her shoulders and arms and wished it would warm her all the way through, (should be 'She' and splashing across her shoulders and arms)
Sincerely
M Duci
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Oh! My goodness Furaha, this port of yours has just grown by leaps and bounds. You are just tap dancing all over the place. I love this poem, it is so you, so beautiful. I would love to put it on the poetry page in the "I Remember When" group for Newbies, it, is just so filled with vibrant color. How I do love those last two stanza's, I love all the stanza's but those two gave me goose bumps, just listen to you.
'Mother Nature and womanhood,
paint with the very same brush,
the colors of my love are eternal,
like Mother Nature, I’m in no rush.'
'So take your time my dear man,
find your comfort level, do what you must,
my love for you is tested and colorfast,
it will not run, deteriorate, discolor or rust.'
Bravo
Love
Marlena
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Bravo Wolfgang,
Such beautiful words wonderfully written.
So, short yet so much was said. I love
the flow and ebb of your poem and it
sounds like music to my ears. I'd like
to thank you for sharing this little
beauty. I will return to your port again
for more.
Sincerely
M Duci
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A wonderful poem and beautiful tribute to your Pop.
I'm sure you have make him proud to be your Pop.
I love to read beautiful words about parents from their children, and also children from their parents.
Having that special love for your dad is truly the essence of life. Great writing and please continue to do so. Welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
M Duci
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What a wonderful tale being told, I can't wait to continue on to part 2 and 3. What a gifted writer
you are and how great you paint the picture of Ela, and her surroundings. The description of the evil stepmother makes the hair on my arms stand on end.
If the next chapters are as well done and presented,
I will have a wonderful evening reading your work.
Thank you so much for sharing this lovely story.
Sincerely
J.A., again you have brought the house down. I loved the story and felt that I was somehow still on earth even before reaching the ending and finding out who, the true sentry was. From my home office high in the hills of Corona/Norco Calif. I can look out across the street to my neighbors electronic gate and see his very large dock Waller, and written across his gate is the word "Sentry. So, it was not a surprise to find the ending so laughable. You, have such a wonderful, creative mind. Sometimes, I just like to go back and
read your work just to feel good. This is one that made me feel good, and starts my day off on a good note. Thanks for sharing and I'll share this with two of my young grandsons, they'll love it.
M Duci
Thank you so much for sharing this heart breaking poem with us, and know that we who have read it cannot know the pain and sorrow this loss has caused you but we all know how much you have suffered, and wish that we could make it less painful for you to bear. He is now with all the other angel's and his heavenly father. God' Bless, knowing how it feels to lose a son myself, my heart goes out to you and your family.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Welcome to Writing.Come J Tyler,
Love this cutie, and can't wait to visit your port
and see what other lil goodies you have to read.
I like the flow, the rhythm and rhyming is fine
with me. Found no spelling or grammar problems.
I'd like to suggest that you might want to center
it and use a little color to brighten it up. But
if not it is up to you. Thank you for sharing.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Trina Marie, Welcome to Writing.Com. I really like your story, think you have what it takes to be a
great mystery writer. You make the visual pictures
so real, and leave nothing to the imagination, nothing!
Even though the story was not short, short, it went pretty fast. Great imagery and good story. I could only find one little thing you may want to change.
That would be the 13+ for readers. I would put this one in the 18+ rating. Not to say 13 year olds won't like it but I wouldn't care to have my grand-daughter read it not yet anyway. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to reading more of your work.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I could truly feel the love and passion that you feel for your sweet Candy. May she continue to be your angel for as long as you need her. Losing a love one is such a hard thing for the ones that are left behind. The angel that is her daughter depends on you now and you on her. God Bless you. and keep writing and learning in order to ease the grieving time. A friend who knows all to well of what you are going through. I will visit your port again soon to read more.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Oh! My what a beautiful description of that ole silver moon. I really love it and you did a wonderful job in painting a perfect moon. I really like the lines, 'dark as womb dark, bright as spirit light, glimmering pale seed in me night’s mysteries.' How wonderfully written and could not have been plainer to read. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Lovely diamante Bixbygirl, but I can't find
the word angsting in the dictionary.
Angst, yes, but not the ing. Welcome to WRITING.COM
and to the group "Remember When." Good job, and please continue to write on. Glad you are a part of our wonderful group of authors.
Sincerely
M Duci
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What a unique short story, You have made my day Ebie.
I looked down the members list on "Remember When," and
saw you as a new member, and since we have to review all our members I thought I'd run by and check you out.
What a delight I found there. You are a gifted young writer and I'm glad you are a member of the group.
Continue to write and paint the wonderful pictures that are lovely and color filled.
Only a couple little errors did I see;
Graham can’t think of anything to say. He can’t not say something, she’ll leave. He casts around then blurts. “Would you like to get a cup of coffee?” He can't say anything. maybe that
would work a little better here.
Kendall sips at her tea thoughtfully, and then answers. “I took the picture because you looked beautiful. You are beautiful you know. Most boys don’t like to be told that, they think it’s girly, but really it’s jut true. I'm not sure what you mean 'jut true.'
Wonderful read, and I'll be back for more.
Sincerely,
M Duci
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Marc, Welcome to Writing.Com. I enjoyed this piece so very much. Yes, I'm afraid I fall under the heading at times myself. As I write this review, I am looking at a pile of notes on my desk that need to be filed and put away in folders. My thought was to do a couple of reviews, go to lunch, come back and put them away. But you are so right, when I complete this review I'll work on those folders, than go to lunch. Thanks for sharing this piece and I cannot wait to read other goodies I see on your port. I sure I can learn a lot
there.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Welcome to Writing.Com, Tiana. This is a very sweet
poem you've written for that someone who used to a very special part of you. It's so sad when love goes sour. I hope that someday soon you'll meet someone else who will care as deeply as you cared about this person. Only a few typo's could I find; stsrring, would it be starring? atleastshould be at least, discission, maybe decision is the word.
I like it and keep those little fingers tapping.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Hello Tony,
I think your story should be in Highwind's monthly 'Horror' contest. I will send you
the link with this review. I found myself
captured by the story and I think it stands
a good chance in the contest.
I would suggest that you cut and paste your work into your micro-soft word etc. And correct several miss-spelled words. Just a suggestion! Also, I would put each character on a separate line, and a space between. Some, of your sentences are very long and maybe you might consider cleaning up the punctuation. To many comma's and periods.
But overall a very scary story and very good. Keep writing and reading. I'll be back to read more of your work soon. Welcome to Writing.Com
Sincerely
M Duci
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The link to Highwind's Monthly Horror Contest:
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What a delightful little story, I make up little fairy stories for my younger grandchildren, but this time when they come for the week-end I'll share this one with them! They'll love it. Funny, how I came upon this one just as I got off the phone with my youngest grand daughter Savanna, she just had to call and let me know she was about to lose another tooth, and would I please send the tooth fairy to her house when she did. I always do. So, thank you for sharing this one. I'll just send Sammy my very special friend Marlena.
Sincerely
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Hi Chad,
Just thought I'd run over to your
port and have a peek at any new
work you have in the store.
Picked this one out, and enjoyed
it very much. I'm sure we all have
those little many me's, for sure I do.
I only saw a couple of little typo's
nothing serious, in the 9th stanza,
I think you intended to write 'perish'
in the last stanza is that line, 'often advise'
or 'offer advice'? Great reading and keep it up
Sincerely
M Duci
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Hi Julee, I came to visit you some time ago and read
your 'Butterfly Bush' and fell in love with your writing. I've read other pieces of your work and always fine something inspiring here at your port.
I loved reading this adorable poem on the 'Imagination Zoo' Oh! what a wonderful imagination you have and the visual pictures are so real. Thank you for this wonderful trip to the zoo and I'll send copies to my grands. Thank you for being here.
Love
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Fighter, I can see the love you have for mankind, and the continuation of our country and our need to be a oneness with the world vision. This is what I read between the lines of your beautifully written words. You are a talented writer and you have done a good job of writing. Please keep it up and welcome to WDC. Thank you for sharing.
M Duci
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Hi K.
I was looking through the public review page and came
upon a review that another author did on your piece.
It was so good I thought I'd check it out for myself.
Glad I did, this is very self-explanatory and lawsuits come in every size, shape, and color. Every month I receive a notice from some attorney about a class action lawsuit against some company or firm that I've had some dealings with. I'm ok! But someone else wants to sue, so they bring a class action suit and include everyone whoever had any dealings with the firm, you know the story. I must say, I work to hard for my money! My family and I are in business' where we are a party to some of these people who would rather sue, then work, so, we have to watch everything we do! Dot every i and cross every tee.
Thank you for sharing this piece and I will let my family read this cutie.
Sincerely
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I know the rules, and I know you do too! But
I love it just as it is, if ever this could be
called mind blowing I think you have done just
that. Clear, smooth, rhythm right on the beat,
rhyming not over done just right. I love it,
there is a deep sadness about it, yet not overly
displayed. Great writing, keep it up, and welcome to WDC.
Sincerely
M Duci
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'A short stop, and peace evermore.' For sure! I see your intent with this one and it worked very well for me.
I must say that I was left wondering if this was the intention of the character or was it just a wish to end it all in that brief moment of insanity. But again, I know people who have such a fear of heights that if taken to high up they suddenly are inclined to jump. Glad I don't have that kind of fear. Very good writing, welcome to WRITING.COM. keep it up.
Sincerely
M Duci
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in the 9th stanza,
