I hope you think long and hard before making that final decision. When a man and a woman marry there are no set guarantees, but they will have a share of the stock in case of divorce. But when he is just your lover, and no contract there is no deal. You are left out in thebitter, and I do mean bitter cold.But good luck just the same.
I only a few errors (How will I ever know if it is me or my wealth?} How about 'my wealth or me'
'the test would then becomes mine.' How about 'become'
Welcome to Writing.Com Gemini.
Sincerely
M Duci
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This is a rather interesting take on the Mona Lisa smile. Also it has a rhyming in the 1st stanza, and
then switch's to free verse. Is there a particular form that you use or is it just Ashley. I would just like to know. Thank you for sharing and Welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
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Viv. you are great at mixing those words, I love it.
sixteen sensations in one kiss, three tiny words,
Short and to the point, and a whole day is told so grandly. And the ending is a favorite line too. Please continue to write and Welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
MDuci
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This could be an excerpt from anyone of my several lives.
This was truly a beautifully written poem, by a very gifted writer. I loved every line and tried to make light of it only because I cry so easy, and I didn't want to cry this late in the evening. Splendid and continue the path of writing. Sincerely
MDuci
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This is a remarkable piece. I find it hard to believe that someone would feel it only rated a three But than I'd say that was their opinion of course.
Your wording was beautiful and timely. Though written like an essay it is still poetic. My favorite lines are:
"We’ve been blown away by one of life’s masterpieces: love. Once its gone, we stand there in shock not knowing which way to put our heads or face our bodies. All we know is that we must pick up our belongings and move along to the next train."
You are a gifted writer and keep those finger moving.
Welcome Kristin to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
MDuci
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Anytime I read something so beautiful and it makes me cry before I reach the end! It is a perfect five from me. I would love to see you dress it up a bit with a little special color. (Just a suggestion of course)I read an item today that read, "Not to get fluffy with a review." I feel that this author has the right to get fluffy about something this wonderful.
And that item needs to find another site. Thank you for sharing, and welcome to Writing.Com
Sincerely
MDuci
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Your words came flowing through very sweetly, even though it speaks of heartache and pain with the absence of this great love, the essence of it speaks loud and clear. I had to give you a fiverating for the rhythm and the not over done rhyming.
What I would like to see is the caps put on the beginning of each line. (Just a suggestion) Great
writing keep it up and Welcome to Writing.Com
Sincerely
MDuci
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Yes! my dear, it was just one of those daze.
But believe me when I tell you that you just
made it pay off. This was so funny I could not
catch my breath. I very much needed to have a
good laugh or cry tonight, and I opted for the
laugh and came up with you. I know you must have
beat the spell checker to death. This was just the
funniest, craziest story I've ever read. Thank you
for sharing and I hope you have more in your port
like this. I'll be back.
Sincerely
MDuci
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If this is any indication of how your work will be I say good. This was a very cute story told very quickly.
You may (just a suggestion) want to skip a line after each character speak's so as not to be confused with who is speaking.
But overall very well written. Welcome to Writing.Com.
Please don't wait to long to place your bio so we can learn a little more about you. Take care and glad your here.
Sincerely
MDuci
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I have been running into quite a few pre-teen poets
and I must say you are quite an awesome young writer.
Not one misspelled word and your poem flows so smooth and free. I love your poetry. I was getting ready to log off for the night and saw the side bar ad and picked yours to read before going to bed. Glad I did, it will give me something to think about this morning. Thank you for joining Writing.Com. Why don't you stop by in your spare time and talk to other young people in our teen club? You all have a great deal in common.
You’re all genius‘.
Sincerely
MDuci
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I would say you are a very strong women, and that is so much what our world need's today are strong women,
who have broken through the chains that bind and hold them captive by breaking the spirit and wrecking havoc on the soul. Good for you Bronx Gurrl and to all young women and old women who have been bound, beaten and broken, who have picked themselves up and refused to be a victim every again. Welcome to Writing.Com and keep writing.
Sincerely
MDuci
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What a beautiful lovers poem you've written.
Your every line has touched my heart and soul.
I love each, and every line but the lines that
fill my heart, and bring a tear to the eyes are
these two lines. They have such a very deep meaning.
'I look back to see if you follow me,
but you can't return, even if you think you can.'
Thank you for sharing and welcome to Writing.Com
Sincerely
M Duci
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Wow! I think I have fallen in love with your writing!
I love the way you carry the story from 1st one thing and than another, never missing a beat. By the time I came to the end of the entire story my head was right into the center of my screen. I could see every little morsel that you fed me and the color's so big and bright right down to the accent. I have found another home on your site, and so happy to have been invited in. Welcome to Writing.Com. What ever help you need in finding your way around just stop by any of the many site's and express a little help and help will come running. Lovely writing indeed.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I feel there are still more words to be written, still more anger to pour out from this
hurt filled spirit. But I'll take the words that
have been said up to this point. Hopefully someone
will be able to reach the beauty which is inside and
bring it to the front. Welcome to Writing.Com and
do not stop writing and fighting, it is the best way to go. Thank you for coming here, you are not alone.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Hello Vic Lee,
I think you're on to something with this piece.
I can hardly wait to come back for more. You've
peeked my interest and I looked forward to it.
I'd like to welcome you to Writing.Com, hope we
can make you glad you came.
I found only two tiny
error's the word splashed and she.
'SHe felt patches of sun splashed across her shoulders and arms and wished it would warm her all the way through, (should be 'She' and splashing across her shoulders and arms)
Sincerely
M Duci
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Oh! My goodness Furaha, this port of yours has just grown by leaps and bounds. You are just tap dancing all over the place. I love this poem, it is so you, so beautiful. I would love to put it on the poetry page in the "I Remember When" group for Newbies, it, is just so filled with vibrant color. How I do love those last two stanza's, I love all the stanza's but those two gave me goose bumps, just listen to you.
'Mother Nature and womanhood,
paint with the very same brush,
the colors of my love are eternal,
like Mother Nature, I’m in no rush.'
'So take your time my dear man,
find your comfort level, do what you must,
my love for you is tested and colorfast,
it will not run, deteriorate, discolor or rust.'
Bravo
Love
Marlena
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Bravo Wolfgang,
Such beautiful words wonderfully written.
So, short yet so much was said. I love
the flow and ebb of your poem and it
sounds like music to my ears. I'd like
to thank you for sharing this little
beauty. I will return to your port again
for more.
Sincerely
M Duci
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A wonderful poem and beautiful tribute to your Pop.
I'm sure you have make him proud to be your Pop.
I love to read beautiful words about parents from their children, and also children from their parents.
Having that special love for your dad is truly the essence of life. Great writing and please continue to do so. Welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
M Duci
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What a wonderful tale being told, I can't wait to continue on to part 2 and 3. What a gifted writer
you are and how great you paint the picture of Ela, and her surroundings. The description of the evil stepmother makes the hair on my arms stand on end.
If the next chapters are as well done and presented,
I will have a wonderful evening reading your work.
Thank you so much for sharing this lovely story.
Sincerely
J.A., again you have brought the house down. I loved the story and felt that I was somehow still on earth even before reaching the ending and finding out who, the true sentry was. From my home office high in the hills of Corona/Norco Calif. I can look out across the street to my neighbors electronic gate and see his very large dock Waller, and written across his gate is the word "Sentry. So, it was not a surprise to find the ending so laughable. You, have such a wonderful, creative mind. Sometimes, I just like to go back and
read your work just to feel good. This is one that made me feel good, and starts my day off on a good note. Thanks for sharing and I'll share this with two of my young grandsons, they'll love it.
M Duci
Thank you so much for sharing this heart breaking poem with us, and know that we who have read it cannot know the pain and sorrow this loss has caused you but we all know how much you have suffered, and wish that we could make it less painful for you to bear. He is now with all the other angel's and his heavenly father. God' Bless, knowing how it feels to lose a son myself, my heart goes out to you and your family.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Welcome to Writing.Come J Tyler,
Love this cutie, and can't wait to visit your port
and see what other lil goodies you have to read.
I like the flow, the rhythm and rhyming is fine
with me. Found no spelling or grammar problems.
I'd like to suggest that you might want to center
it and use a little color to brighten it up. But
if not it is up to you. Thank you for sharing.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Trina Marie, Welcome to Writing.Com. I really like your story, think you have what it takes to be a
great mystery writer. You make the visual pictures
so real, and leave nothing to the imagination, nothing!
Even though the story was not short, short, it went pretty fast. Great imagery and good story. I could only find one little thing you may want to change.
That would be the 13+ for readers. I would put this one in the 18+ rating. Not to say 13 year olds won't like it but I wouldn't care to have my grand-daughter read it not yet anyway. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to reading more of your work.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I could truly feel the love and passion that you feel for your sweet Candy. May she continue to be your angel for as long as you need her. Losing a love one is such a hard thing for the ones that are left behind. The angel that is her daughter depends on you now and you on her. God Bless you. and keep writing and learning in order to ease the grieving time. A friend who knows all to well of what you are going through. I will visit your port again soon to read more.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Oh! My what a beautiful description of that ole silver moon. I really love it and you did a wonderful job in painting a perfect moon. I really like the lines, 'dark as womb dark, bright as spirit light, glimmering pale seed in me night’s mysteries.' How wonderfully written and could not have been plainer to read. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Sincerely
M Duci
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