Lovely diamante Bixbygirl, but I can't find
the word angsting in the dictionary.
Angst, yes, but not the ing. Welcome to WRITING.COM
and to the group "Remember When." Good job, and please continue to write on. Glad you are a part of our wonderful group of authors.
Sincerely
M Duci
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What a unique short story, You have made my day Ebie.
I looked down the members list on "Remember When," and
saw you as a new member, and since we have to review all our members I thought I'd run by and check you out.
What a delight I found there. You are a gifted young writer and I'm glad you are a member of the group.
Continue to write and paint the wonderful pictures that are lovely and color filled.
Only a couple little errors did I see;
Graham can’t think of anything to say. He can’t not say something, she’ll leave. He casts around then blurts. “Would you like to get a cup of coffee?” He can't say anything. maybe that
would work a little better here.
Kendall sips at her tea thoughtfully, and then answers. “I took the picture because you looked beautiful. You are beautiful you know. Most boys don’t like to be told that, they think it’s girly, but really it’s jut true. I'm not sure what you mean 'jut true.'
Wonderful read, and I'll be back for more.
Sincerely,
M Duci
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Marc, Welcome to Writing.Com. I enjoyed this piece so very much. Yes, I'm afraid I fall under the heading at times myself. As I write this review, I am looking at a pile of notes on my desk that need to be filed and put away in folders. My thought was to do a couple of reviews, go to lunch, come back and put them away. But you are so right, when I complete this review I'll work on those folders, than go to lunch. Thanks for sharing this piece and I cannot wait to read other goodies I see on your port. I sure I can learn a lot
there.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Welcome to Writing.Com, Tiana. This is a very sweet
poem you've written for that someone who used to a very special part of you. It's so sad when love goes sour. I hope that someday soon you'll meet someone else who will care as deeply as you cared about this person. Only a few typo's could I find; stsrring, would it be starring? atleastshould be at least, discission, maybe decision is the word.
I like it and keep those little fingers tapping.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Hello Tony,
I think your story should be in Highwind's monthly 'Horror' contest. I will send you
the link with this review. I found myself
captured by the story and I think it stands
a good chance in the contest.
I would suggest that you cut and paste your work into your micro-soft word etc. And correct several miss-spelled words. Just a suggestion! Also, I would put each character on a separate line, and a space between. Some, of your sentences are very long and maybe you might consider cleaning up the punctuation. To many comma's and periods.
But overall a very scary story and very good. Keep writing and reading. I'll be back to read more of your work soon. Welcome to Writing.Com
Sincerely
M Duci
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The link to Highwind's Monthly Horror Contest:
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What a delightful little story, I make up little fairy stories for my younger grandchildren, but this time when they come for the week-end I'll share this one with them! They'll love it. Funny, how I came upon this one just as I got off the phone with my youngest grand daughter Savanna, she just had to call and let me know she was about to lose another tooth, and would I please send the tooth fairy to her house when she did. I always do. So, thank you for sharing this one. I'll just send Sammy my very special friend Marlena.
Sincerely
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Hi Chad,
Just thought I'd run over to your
port and have a peek at any new
work you have in the store.
Picked this one out, and enjoyed
it very much. I'm sure we all have
those little many me's, for sure I do.
I only saw a couple of little typo's
nothing serious, in the 9th stanza,
I think you intended to write 'perish'
in the last stanza is that line, 'often advise'
or 'offer advice'? Great reading and keep it up
Sincerely
M Duci
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Hi Julee, I came to visit you some time ago and read
your 'Butterfly Bush' and fell in love with your writing. I've read other pieces of your work and always fine something inspiring here at your port.
I loved reading this adorable poem on the 'Imagination Zoo' Oh! what a wonderful imagination you have and the visual pictures are so real. Thank you for this wonderful trip to the zoo and I'll send copies to my grands. Thank you for being here.
Love
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Fighter, I can see the love you have for mankind, and the continuation of our country and our need to be a oneness with the world vision. This is what I read between the lines of your beautifully written words. You are a talented writer and you have done a good job of writing. Please keep it up and welcome to WDC. Thank you for sharing.
M Duci
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Hi K.
I was looking through the public review page and came
upon a review that another author did on your piece.
It was so good I thought I'd check it out for myself.
Glad I did, this is very self-explanatory and lawsuits come in every size, shape, and color. Every month I receive a notice from some attorney about a class action lawsuit against some company or firm that I've had some dealings with. I'm ok! But someone else wants to sue, so they bring a class action suit and include everyone whoever had any dealings with the firm, you know the story. I must say, I work to hard for my money! My family and I are in business' where we are a party to some of these people who would rather sue, then work, so, we have to watch everything we do! Dot every i and cross every tee.
Thank you for sharing this piece and I will let my family read this cutie.
Sincerely
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I know the rules, and I know you do too! But
I love it just as it is, if ever this could be
called mind blowing I think you have done just
that. Clear, smooth, rhythm right on the beat,
rhyming not over done just right. I love it,
there is a deep sadness about it, yet not overly
displayed. Great writing, keep it up, and welcome to WDC.
Sincerely
M Duci
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'A short stop, and peace evermore.' For sure! I see your intent with this one and it worked very well for me.
I must say that I was left wondering if this was the intention of the character or was it just a wish to end it all in that brief moment of insanity. But again, I know people who have such a fear of heights that if taken to high up they suddenly are inclined to jump. Glad I don't have that kind of fear. Very good writing, welcome to WRITING.COM. keep it up.
Sincerely
M Duci
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My dear, I'm still wiping away the tears your story
has caused. It is heart wrenching and so beautifully
written. I applaud your honesty, and respect your truthfulness about the pain of addiction. I pray for all the Donnie's of the world and I will keep you in
my prayers always. You are a wonderful and gifted writer and I welcome you to WDC, and hope you'll become an active member of our community. I will visit
your port again soon to read more of your work.
Sincerely
M Duci
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I have seen the movie 'The Color Purple' and I have also read the book by Alice Walker. I have to admit that abuse and violence of any kind make me sick to the stomach. I remember it well, but I could never sit through it again, even though I thought the acting was brought to life outstandingly by Danny Glover, Whoopi Goldberg, and the entire cast. My personal feeling is that it should not be banned from high schools for the subject matter, but I don't think it would something for the under eighteen year old readers to read as a part of American Lit. Class either. It is not for everyone. But that is just my own opinion, the children of today have been exposed to so much more of life then I was as a young adult, and I not sure that was so good either. Thank you for sharing the 'Color Purple' with us. Great writing, great essay, I hope you get that upgrade because you're an exceptional writer.
Sincerely
M Duci
Hi Ashton,
I like what you had to say about L.A. I live about
60 miles east of Los Angeles in a place called Corona/Norco. But I was born in Venice, Cal. when there was no smog, and very few homeless people in
our city. But, things happened to our city of angels,
bad government, bad people not just from L.A. but from all over the world.
They came like you say, to find a dream for themselves and their families. Some found the dream, some became big movie stars, some became scam artists, luring people to our city with big promises and bigger dreams, some became homeless. They don't all come from our city either, they come from every state, every country.
One as you know is our governor, he came from another country, and became a big movie star, and he found his dream. Now he is the big cheese of California, and he has done little to improve matters.
But, one thing that did make me smile about your story! Was, seeing an Asian man selling flowers, for a dollar! anywhere in California. But I did enjoy reading, and getting another eye view of how we look to other's who come to fulfill their dreams. But one should never give up their dreams, and if they truly believe in themselves! They can make those dreams a dream come true. I've seen it happen.
When I first started to read your story, I thought you were talking about New Orleans, LA. When we write L.A.
we put a period between the two letters so we don't get confused with the other LA. But than I saw the word smog, and knew you were referring to us. You are right about the things that have happened to L.A....Please keep writing and please don't let a few defer your dreams keep believing and keeping.
You might want to put a period after completing your
sentences. But you speak the truth...thank you for sharing.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Oh! What a wonderful story of growing up on that beautiful Island. I have heard of your Island from
a friend of mine many years a ago. He taught me about
the houses on stilts and the customs of the people.
How he used to go fishing with his father and friends. About his mother who made him study, study, study. He came to the US after school and became a nutritionist.
I hope that you are given an upgrade and that you'll continue your writing with WDC. Thank you for sharing.
Sincerely
M Duci
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This is lovely in the broadest sense of the word. Your words speak loud and clear the meaning of a love better off left unfulfilled, but! unable to let
go of for the need is to strong, the love to deep. I like the vagueness you leave us with even though I wish there were more! Also, I would like to see a formatt, where the words you put the emphasis on such as, Probability, Circumstance, Vulnerability, and Perception,stand out. The words are strong, and the meaning leaves the imagination to conclude for them selves. Good work, and welcome to Writing.com.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Oh! my, how beautiful to read, how beautifully written.
This is one of the most beautiful poems I've seen written on this genre. I must tell you it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I felt small goose pimples down my arms as I read. So, much said in such a small space. Keep it up, awesome. I will visit your port and read more of your outstanding work. Welcome to Writing.Com
Sincerely
M Duci
This is awesome and so timely. This is a poem that
should be published for all the young women, and young men of the world to read.
I, for one special moment placed myself in that high chair and looked at the world from that infant seat, I felt your concern for what are we teaching our young, for who are their mentors, and who are their teachers? As a parent, as a grand-parent, my thoughts go out to the young ones of my own children, and I gather them close to me and wish they didn't have to be exposed, but they must, and I must continue to pray that they will be the best they can and want to be in the years to come. Thank you Florence for sharing this lovely piece with us. I also detect a bit of slam, in the verse is that correct? Look forward to reading more of you work in the future, and Welcome to Writing.Com.
Sincerely
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Angelo,
I like this poem very much, you have given me
a deep feeling that this love could very well
be, but on the other hand I get the feeling that
it is somehow for the moment a little one sided.
The second stanza 'Love has taken me, how about you?'
leaves me wondering if she feels this same
compassion! why do you need to ask, it should
be ovbious if she feels it too. Good writing, keep it up.
Sincerely
M Duci
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Very beautiful poem on the enviroment that man
has created in his wake. I too look around me
in the hills of Corona, Cal. where I live and
see the solitary eagle that fly's above me,
and I wonder what it would be like to see more
then this single, all alone creature soaring high
above us. Thank you for sharing this beautiful
piece and welcome to WDC. Beautiful writing.
Sincerely
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Very lovely piece, and you certainly let the emotions
fly. I thought your writing was well thought out, only
one little thing 'can not' maybe should be 'cannot'
Keep up the great writing,
I wish you luck in the contest.
I also love all the names of
your sisters and of course yours.
Welcome to WDC, and you will have fun
here.
Sincerely
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Beautiful, both versions. But if I had to choose
I think it would be version number two. Number
two gives me a deeper look into the 'He,' and what is
is you wish to convey. Thank you for the two versions
and thank you for sharing this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work soon.
Sincerely
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Very lovely, and painstakingly done. Haiku, is not
easy to write in any form, but you have made it look
so easy. Congratulations and keep up the wonderful writing. Also welcome to Writing.Com. I saw this poem on the read a newbie page and now I'll stop by and visit your port and see what other wonderful words you've written.
Sincerely
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Great little rhyming poem, but not over done, not at
all. I love it I really loved the lines that read,
'You're my blue sky that never turns gray,
My flower that never fades away, winter, spring nor fall.' Would that be or/nor not sure what you mean.
But wonderful expression of love and happiness.
Thank you for sharing.
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in the 9th stanza,
