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Review Requests: OFF
4,187 Public Reviews Given
4,316 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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1026
1026
Review of Midnight Indigo  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (5.0)
Jessi Mae Levi,

Great job with this poem. I really enjoyed your style and the way you structured this piece. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find; just a great and enjoyable poem. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review!
1027
1027
Review of Death Becomes Him  
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Dr. Taher,

This was a fun short story to read. I like the visuals you created in so few words... the images in your story came through very clearly. You did a good job of telling a complete story in only 99 words!

Keep up the good work and good luck in this week's contest!
1028
1028
Review of a cardinals game  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Wesley,

I like your description of the baseball game, and the experience of the fans watching it, but I'm a little confused as to why you categorized this story as "erotica", along with "childrens" and "family". Not quite sure about that, but the story was an effective telling of a baseball game, nonetheless.

Good job!
1029
1029
Review of God's dark day  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Firedog,

I really enjoyed reading this piece. I thought you did a great job with the description, and you've got a definite style that shows through. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find; just an overall enjoyable read. Nice job, and keep up the good work!
1030
1030
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
MatthewK,

I like your take on the Wizard of Oz mythology. You did a great job of describing the scenes in detail and creating a tone for your story. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find; just an enjoyable read, all-around.

Nice job!
1031
1031
Review of Just Leave  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ivy,

I thought you did a great job creating an evocative, emotional story in only 55 words. In those few words, you told a complete story that featured a character your audience can sympathize with, which is not easy to do! Nice job... keep up the good work!
1032
1032
Review of Last Day  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Jasmine,

While I like the individual components of this story, I think it's hard to follow when they're strung together. In particular, the reference to the story they heard doesn't have any background or context, which makes it difficult to understand. Also, you mention the rat, but didn't precede it with any visual or audio cue that would cause the four teens to be scared or apprehensive.

I think that by playing around with the structure and level of detail you share with your audience, you'll be able to write a more convincing, more evocative story.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review!
1033
1033
Review of Casper  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hazel,

You've got a good start here. I like the description of Casper and think he's an interesting, intriguing character. The story, however, ends mid-sentence, so I'm hoping you'll finish it at some point and give your audience a story for Casper to become involved in!
1034
1034
Review of ~I'm Coming Home~  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Web Witch,

I wanted to return the favor of one of your reviews with one of my own. I really enjoyed reading this story; I always love a good story about fortuitous circumstances for people who deserve a break. I thought your choice of first-person perspective was ideally suited for this story, and you structured everything very well.

Nice work!
1035
1035
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
S.A. Gibbins,

This was a really great piece; and a strong entry into this week's contest. I enjoyed reading it a great deal. The last line of the second to last stanza ("I'll tell you who made that") didn't seem to fit quite right with the rest of the piece, but other than that, it was a really wonderful piece.

Nice job and good luck in the contest this week!
1036
1036
Review of Gallery Effort  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Deathwish,

I loved the idea behind this take on the prompt for this week's 99-word short story challenge. I thought it was really unique, although I was confused about whether "Joe" is the narrator talking to himself, or to someone else. Still, this was an enjoyable read... nice work and good luck in the contest!
1037
1037
Review of Standing moutain  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Kalina,

Nice job on this story. I enjoyed the concept behind it, and thought you did a good job of structuring and executing it. I thought that ending both of the first two sentences with "mountain" gave it a kind of repetitive feel, but it was still an enjoyable read.

Nice work! Good luck in this week's contest.
1038
1038
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
IndieWriter,

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review this scene from your film. The two suggestions I have for this scene are to make the dialogue more realistic, and to show the audience the intent behind the scene.

A lot of the dialogue doesn't really sound like something two friends would say to one another. Specifically, calling the girlfriend a "lady friend", and the unexplained connection that Jack makes between exploring one's heritage and letting corporations take over our lives.

Most importantly, especially as the first scene in a film, you need to establish a direction for the narrative to go. This scene feels like it's independent of a larger narrative, and at the end of it, the audience will look back and wonder what the point was to sitting through that scene.

If you can polish up your dialogue, create a more convincing argument for exploring one's heritage, and give the audience a definite direction they can see the narrative traveling in, the first scene of your film will be much stronger and more effective.

Hope this helps.

Welcome to WDC!
1039
1039
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Sablet,

I enjoyed reading your story. In particular, I thought your attention to detail was great, and you created some very vivid imagery with your writing. However, I think the one shortcoming of the material is that it never explains who this man is, or what his motivations are. This is a great piece from a visual horror standpoint, but I think the emotional horror of discovering his motivations is missing... and that's the piece that could really turn this into a truly terrifying piece.

Good luck in the contest this week!
1040
1040
Review of Gimme Yo' Food!  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (2.5)
Cam,

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. If I could make a couple of suggestions, the first would be to only write what you can see and hear. Unlike other forms of writing, plays and scripts are written to be performed for an audience that can watch and hear the proceedings... so any other information you include is going to be lost on the audience. This is particularly important because at the beginning, your item description says "In a town without Cheez-Its...", but the audience has no way of knowing Cheez-Its are scarce in the town, which in turn makes the whole concept a little silly, because the audience is thinking "What's the fuss over a little Cheez-It?" By establishing the stakes early on, you'll create context for your characters, and clarity and understanding for your audience.

Also, in a script, try not to tell the audience information, when you could show them instead. For example, in the action line, you write, "Deciding to confront Jon about the Cheez-it Nathan replies", and then detail that exchange. By choosing not to mention what's going to happen in the action element, you'll help the flow of your scene, as well as keep your audience's interest, because they won't know what to expect, whereas when you tell them what you're about to do, there's no surprise to it, and the audience will become bored quickly, once they know what to expect.

Finally, I would suggest working on the last joke of your script. I thought it was funny to have the "draw" duel put a twist on the audience's expectations, but it doesn't make much logical sense for them to go all the way outside and down the block, only to return to the same room that they started to begin their challenge.

I liked the idea of the duel, and I think you have a good core concept here; it just needs to be refined and executed a little more effectively in order to maximize the impact you can have on your audience.

I hope this helps. Welcome to WDC!

All the best to you.
1041
1041
Review of Writer's Block  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Foxy,

I enjoyed reading this poem, and think you did a great job of establishing the emotions and process of trying to write through Writer's Block, and losing that glimmer of an idea that had compelled us to write in the first place. Nice job and keep up the good work.

Welcome to WDC!
1042
1042
Review of Blood of Tears  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Christcross,

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. I enjoyed reading this piece, but think that the many typos slow down its flow and perhaps effect its ability to engage and entertain an audience. Additionally, the story just kind of ends without any sense of finality; I would recommend proofing this story and filling it out a little bit so that the whole thing reads smoothly toward a strong and satisfying conclusion.

Hope this helps. Welcome to WDC!
1043
1043
Review of Dreamcatcher  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Arakun,

Thanks for reviewing my story "Evermore". I thought I'd return the favor and review one of yours. This one caught my interest because I love dreamcatchers... and I certainly wasn't disappointed. You managed to tell a great, engaging, emotional story in just a handful of words. This story was great fun to read.

Nice work!
1044
1044
Review of 11 - 19  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Pennywise,

I enjoyed reading this story. I thought you did a great job of telling an engaging tale that put a new spin on the Lizzie Borden contest prompt, which kept it fresh and original throughout.


Just a couple of technical issues:

"The elder Bordens took the rear of the house..."

"It was such a wondrous sight, pulling the hatchet free..."


One syntactical suggestion:

"I needed to be in order to purchase the bullet."

While the original sentence is grammatically correct, I thought the close repetition of the word "to" felt a little awkward to read, and adding a couple words in the middle would go a long way toward making the sentence read a little more smoothly.


What I particularly liked about your story was the imagery of both the axe talking to the character, as well as the last line. I won't ruin them for anybody, but I thought your phrasing of those two sentences, as well as the description of his encounter with Andrew Borden were pitch-perfect.

Really nice job. Keep up the good work!
1045
1045
Review of Memories Unmade  
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
L.A. Powell,

I thought this was a very powerful, moving piece. I'm enjoying reading this series and think you've done a great job of presenting it. I like the variety of the material that you've managed to bring together with a common thread. Nice work!

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review.
1046
1046
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
L.A. Powell,

This was a fascinating piece. I'm really captivated by the story and appreciate the way you presented the history of this work for those readers (like me) who weren't aware of it prior to finding this piece.

Thanks for sharing this with us!
1047
1047
Review of Fiat Lux  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Potus,

I really enjoyed this story. I like how you set it up and then paid it off at the end, creating an overall effective and enjoyable story. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find; just a solid read all around.

Keep up the good work!
1048
1048
Review of The Stalker  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Flip,

Nice twist at the end of the story. You did a great job of, in only 55 words, playing with your audience's expectations and giving them something they didn't see coming. I enjoyed reading this piece... nice job and keep up the good work!

All the best to you.
1049
1049
Review of teenage love  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Texan,

I liked the beginning of this story. I thought it set the scene well, and it definitely makes me want to know what happens next! A few grammatical errors (missing apostrophe on "wouldn't", and two lowercase "I"s) in there, but otherwise a solid, entertaining story.

Nice work!
1050
1050
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nini,

This was a fun little story to read. I enjoyed your description and the way you set up a rewarding, entertaining story for your audience. I felt ended a little too abruptly (which is hard not to do in only 55 words), but it was still a great story, nonetheless.
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