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4,191 Public Reviews Given
4,320 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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1076
1076
Review of Youth's Insanity  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Whatsername,

Thank you for entering my contest! I enjoyed reading your story and thought you did a great job with the dialogue. I really like your approach to making the story appear as if part of a conversation, rather than a traditional narrative story. You did a really good job of taking the reader through the events of the story, integrating both a recollection of what happened with the actions that were presently occurring.

I would have liked to have seen a little more detail, though. The narrator of the story goes through a lot information, telling us that the character in question went to a party, got drunk, made out with a boy, danced on a table, yelled at her friend (the narrator), got in a fight with another girl, and then presumably lost her virginity. All that was summarized in the span of about 250 words... and with the word limit on this contest, I had hoped you would have gone into more detail and created a more vivid image in the reader's mind about the events... really made us feel like we were there as the events were recounted, rather than just hearing a summation of the night's craziness.

I really liked the style of your story, but felt like it could have been developed a little more to give the reader a more involved experience.

Thanks for entering my contest and sharing your work! Stay tuned for the winners!

- SoCalScribe
1077
1077
Review of Gone again  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Becks,

Nice job on this story. I like the story and you did a good job of presenting it. I would have liked to have seen a little more clarity and detail about the "men behind [you]" (assuming they're cops), but other than that, really nice work.

Only one typo I noticed:

"I'll watch my temper but it was too late for that."
1078
1078
Review of The Debt  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Amber Jane,

This was a very fun story to read. I really enjoyed your attention to detail, and the description you've infused your story with. I didn't spot and grammatical or spelling errors... just an all-around good job!

Keep up the good work!!!
1079
1079
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)
Twistedclown,

I enjoyed reading this piece. Your passion for your work really showed through, and it's gratifying to read about someone who so richly enjoys what they do. I'd recommend running the piece through a spell check and fixing up the grammar, but even that doesn't diminish the effectiveness of this piece as an indication of how much you love your job.

Nice work!
1080
1080
Review of I am an outcast  
Review by Jeff
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Musicgroupie,

I enjoyed reading this story. I can certainly relate to the subject matter and thought you did a really good job of bringing out the emotion of being in that situation. Your writing flowed easily but still contained a sophistication to them.

This was a well written piece. Nice job!
1081
1081
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Tilly,

I liked the story you told, but think you should really consider describing Tommy for your audience. You do a commendable job of describing your protagonist and all the attention to detail she gave her own appearance... with a character that concerned with appearance, I think you should also have her notice (for the benefit of the audience) what her crush looks like.

Nice job on this story!
1082
1082
Review of Scary Story!!  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Sammie730,

What I really liked about your story was the description you provided for the environment. Details like, "raindrops trickling into the drainpipe and down the windows" are great for establishing mood and tone. However, I would set up the story a little more rather than having the girl just randomly come across an arrow pointing her in an arbitrary direction. I would also play up the description of the skeletons and whatever it was that touched her shoulder. Really stretch yourself to make every moment in the story as tense and scary as possible!

Nice work... keep it up!
1083
1083
Review of Poker On Tuesday  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Wolfy,

I like the imagery you present in this story. Nice job of creating an effective visual. The only notes I have would be to fix up the grammar in the dialogue with Greg and Pam at the end of the first paragraph, as well as touch up the typos:

"Greg's wife dropped him off..."

"He pulled his woolen cap down..."

"Pam said, leaning across the passenger seat..."

Other than that, nicely done! Keep up the good work!
1084
1084
Review of The magic book  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Alyssa,

I like what you attempted with this story. It's a great idea for a story that could be filled with adventure and surprise, as well as historical lessons... which is never a bad thing! *Smile*

I have a few suggestions that may help you make the story even better.

- I wanted to know why Sarah was able to pick up the book nobody could find. I found myself wanting to know what it was about Sarah that made her uniquely able to find the book despite it being hidden from everyone else.

- I think a description of the mechanics of the time travel would be really beneficial to this story. How does a mighty wind blow someone back in time? Why is she invisible in the time of David and Goliath, but then disguised as Benjamin Franklin during the Revolutionary War? I think a defined, consistent process of time travel would help the authenticity of this story.

- The ending was a little confusing. Did she really travel back in time or did she get hit in the head with a falling book and imagine it all? The beginning of the story (and your last sentence) seem to confirm that it actually happened, but the falling book seemed to imply that it was all in her head.

- I would increase the level of detail during each of the time periods she visited. This could be a really great creative writing exercise where you have the opportunity to describe the experience of being at some of the greatest turning points in our history... play that up!

Overall, I think you've got a solid concept here. You could really take this idea and run with it, and the really nice thing is that it's open-ended... you could very easily expand this into a book or series of short stories, with each story focused on a different historical event.

Nice work... you've got a good start here!

All the best to you.
1085
1085
Review of Snow doll  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nikki,

I thought this was a very creative story. You did a good job of putting this together in so few words. The one sentence that struck me as kind of awkward was, "He cast a spell on her and she lay covered in snow that covered her layer." The repetition of 'lay/layer' and 'covered' made it seems a little jumbled. I think with a quick revision to that one sentence, this piece would be much stronger.

Good job... keep up the good work!
1086
1086
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (5.0)
J.A. Buxton,

This was a fantastic story! As a self-admitted chocoholic, I was completely captivated by your descriptions of the different chocolates as your protagonist devoured them. Really, really nice work. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go down to See's and satisfy a craving...

Keep up the great work!
1087
1087
Review of Ode To Puppy Dog  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Brazky,

I enjoyed the sentiment of this poem. You did a great job of encapsulating the good and bad things about owning a dog. I noticed a couple of typos:

"They're supposed to come when you call their name
But they think you're playing a game."

and

"That you didn't get a frog".

Other than that, nice job. Keep up the good work and welcome to WDC!
1088
1088
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sullivan,

This is a very touching story. I enjoyed reading it a great deal, and, as a newlywed, can only hope that my spouse and I enjoy a relationship as enduring and loving as yours. Really well done.

Keep up the good work, keep writing, and welcome to WDC!
1089
1089
Review of Just a thought  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tink,

Welcome to WDC! And congratulations on the decision to come back to writing after an extended leave. This was a good piece and very inspiring. Only two typos I noticed, both in the same sentence:

"It appears there is some part of me that is meant to write."

Other than that, it's a very nice, short piece. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

All the best to you.
1090
1090
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tse Guin,

This was a cute little story. It was well-written, and I like that way that you were able to infuse it with a sense of childlike wonderment. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find; just a fun read all around. Nice job... keep up the good work!

Welcome to WDC!
1091
1091
Review of The Urge  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)
Christopher,

I like the sentiment behind this piece; just make sure to spell check. With a 55-word piece, you want to make sure every word counts! 'screems' should be 'screams' and 'marvellous' should be 'marvelous'. Other than that, you did a good job of capturing the feeling many of us have when we must write.

Keep up the good work and welcome to WDC!
1092
1092
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Steel Magnolia,

Nice job on this piece. This was a very inspiring, really touching story. Only one spelling error that I noticed: "I retrieved it from the top of my closet packed away..." Other than that, nice work. Keep it up and welcome to WDC!
1093
1093
Review of Love Lost  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Meeegan,

Good job on this story. You did a nice job of setting the story up for the payoff at the end. No spelling or grammar errors that I noticed. Solid work, all around. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Thanks for letting me read and review.
1094
1094
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Chelseamaree,

Nice job with this story. You did a good job of clearly presenting a message, and executing it well within the span of only a few words. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. Good job... keep writing and keep up the good work!
1095
1095
Review of Peeping Tom?  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Used2BWild,

This was a fun story to read. You did a really good job of creating a mood and tone for the story, only to give it a fun little unexpected twist at the end. Really nice job and no spelling or grammatical errors that I could find.

Keep up the good work!
1096
1096
Review of Relaxation  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
K.C.,

This was a very entertaining story to read. The ending was definitely unexpected and you did a great job of setting up expectations, only to offer a clever twist on them. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find... just a solid job, all-around.

Keep up the good work!
1097
1097
Review of Someone Else  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ryterr,

Good job on this story. I thought it was well written and I didn't notice any technical errors, although I found myself wondering what the baby had to do with his predicament. I know you only had 55 words to write a story, but I found myself wondering how his death, and the death of the baby, were interconnected.

Other than that, great work!
1098
1098
Review of The Ghost Monkey  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hildegard,

I enjoyed the description and imagery you were able to instill in this piece. It flowed very well and I couldn't spot and particular spelling or grammar errors. Nice job and keep up the good work!

Thanks for allowing me to read and review.

Take care.
1099
1099
Review of Empty Nest  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nini,

I liked the sentiment in this piece. You did a great job of showing the upside to something that most people consider a tough experience. No spelling or grammar errors that I noticed, and job well done for fitting everything into only 55 words.

Keep up the good work!
1100
1100
Review of Mall Madness  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (2.0)
dwashington,

I like the idea behind your story, but I think what it's missing is establishing the stakes at the beginning of the story. Your character mentions where they were shopping for an outfit, but never address the issue of losing a child that's described in the story's summary. Is this unfinished? It could be a good story if you're planning on adding to it.

Good luck! If you ever finish the story, please let me know; I'd love to come back a re-review it.

Best of luck to you.
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