I feel like I need to review both poems. I have never seen a set up like this, how very cool to bounce off an idea like that. I am in awe of how thirsty I am reading this and how much I think of Desert Storm and the military. I am not sure why I think of that..but it evokes that kind of dry emotional feeling. I don't know whenyou have the time to write poetry, being as busy as you are! I love that you share so much of your heart in your poetry. Your talent rocks!
Hugs,
Michelle
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Hey I could sing this song! Heck I live this song! My husband travels often and I can never sleep when he is gone. I know many many people can relate to this emotional song. It has a great verse, very catchy and easy to sing along with. Thanks for sharing your talent and letting us all enjoy your words.
Welcome to Writing.com
Write on!
Michelle
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The Theme of this contest is Valentine's day. You did not follow this prompt in any way.
Now I won't judge you on that. It would not be fair to the other contestants. I will however tell you that you have a great and powerful poem. I love the message and I think it is stunningly beautiful. Great feelings provoked by reading this. I just wish in some way you could have made this related to our contest.
I am one of the judges, and I like this poetm, but I was really looking for a poem that some how ties into Valentine's day. No you didn't have to use the word, but you should imply it in the poem. Yes, I get that this is a love poem. I love the emotional writing and I wish you luck in the contest!
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Write on!
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Oh you think grany can play Santy claus? I love it. I like the sweet humor when you get to the end and you realize it's grandma gathering the goodies for her grandkids. Great imagery and it almost makes me miss the holidays! Thank you for sharing your talent!
Write on!
Michelle
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So was it the cooking? Or was it because he was dead? I don't know if I could go to all that trouble to fix a meal for a famous arthor, I think I would be the one that couldn't sit down or relaxe. Very clever story and writing. Thank you for sharing it.
Write on!
Michelle
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This is so cute! I have never read Alice in Wonderland. Oh I have seen enough clips over the years to get a pretty good idea about the plot, but I enjoyed your version. I think a boys fever and falling asleep watching the video is very clever, because you leave it up to the reader to believe. Great writing and I could find no flaws! Thank you for sharing your 5 star writing.
This is simply Positive. I mean the lesson learned and the quality of life your Granduncle gave you. I love the entire story and am so pleased you got your blue bookcase! He had a promise to keep. Wow that is just so cool! I have never feared death and my mother had a near death experience a couple weeks before she died, she said she had to come back and tell us, so we would never be scared. We can learn so much if we open our hearts to hear.
Thank you for sharing.
Write on!
Michelle
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You are being showered with JOY! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I suppose one couldn't really judge a guestbook. I mean it is a place to come in and say hello and get a feeling for who is rummaging in your port. However, why not? I mean you have opened up your port, you want reviews and you want to know how to improve, well the best way to do that is to be open to feedback and being friendly and you are doing a great job! So thank you for sharing your joy and keep writing!
Do you honestly expect someone to believe your words are only words? That no emotional baggage and reflection and human being wrote them? Unless you are a computer spitting out a program...words mean everything! Respect the words or respect the author, but never think you can't have one without the other. Very interesting poem and I love the flow and message of it. I want to be judged on so much more then my words!!
I really have a soft spot for Soldier stories. I think you really have a strong story here, more then a poem. I think when you copied it over, you might have mixed up some of the stanza lines. You need to go back and fix the first stanza and the one in the middle so you have a more uniformed poem. I also think you need to make it a little more clear about the grenade, you could elemimate the entire line then it happened and it would come together just as strong. That of course is only my opinion. So take it or leave it.
Welcome to Writing.com and thanks for sharing!
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Welcome to Wriitng.com and thanks for sharing your poetry.
Now I don't like it when a young relationship ends, but at my age, I know it is the fact of life. So I can really relate well to your poem. I do think you have a strong message of goodbye, but it still hints of bitterness. Nice touch!
I love emotional poetry, I love poetry that has something for me to think about and dream and wish with. Your love letter is perfect. The colors of your galleries, I really like that line. I can see how passion and inspiration go hand in hand. Thank you so much for sharing your talent. I think this is 5 star quality writing.
I feel like calling you Jack Daniels! Okay, this is really sad and so damn singable! I could so hear this playing in my head and on the radio and no matter how real it is, some would still find humor in it and pretend it is a joke, but this is real life talking and it is sad. I love your strong lines. Great imagery and I can't understand the difference between lyrics and poetry but this rocks!!
Thanks for sharing it!
Write on!
Michelle
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Oh those Detroit boys never get a break! I love the simple wish but it means so much to this Michigan girl and now with all our "car" troubles. I bet that daddy wishes he would have spent more time in his youth fishing. It sure makes me think of a time when it was easy to fish. Thanks so much for sharing your talent. I really enjoyed my fast run in your port. Sending a merit badge as soon as I can!
Hugs and Thanks!
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What I like about this is that I can feel the salt water at my feet and it leaves up to the reader to interupt who she welcomes home...it could be God or a lover. I think you did a great job with the Tanka form. I am still trying to figure it out.
This is review 1 of the three you bid on.
Thanks so much, I look forward to finding more goodies in your port!
Hugs,
Michelle
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I love the tone of this and could see many being able to sing it. I think it has a universal theme here that is widely felt by many. So you have mass appeal and a catching tone, Set in Stone is a great line and it could mean a lot of different things. Thanks for sharing your writing!!
Great job!
Michelle
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I think we all take Freedom and freedom of choice for granted. I think we just expect our men in uniform to do it and not have a personal stake in it. I see so much in this poem that is left out. I don't know where you went but I am glad you did. It is a gift that can't be paid back. Thank you for writing poetry that speaks right to the heart.
Write on!
Michelle
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Oh this must have made Cissy cry! I know it brings my own tears of joy and understanding. She really is a great spirit and you honor her very much with this kind writing of her. Love it and I am sure all mother's around the world would love to teach their children just as much. You really have a great gift with the written word. Thank you for sharing it.
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Michelle
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I am one of the judges. I am giving you a 5-star rating for making me laugh out loud. I can't help but think of how many man and some woman can relate to this poem. It is very visual and very real. I think your sense of humor shines, because your tone is serious and your really conflicted which makes me laugh even harder. Thank you so much for sharing this and good luck in the contest!
Write on!
Michelle
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I had to come over and see your writing after you left me such a nice comment. Okay this was way too intense! You have to have some kind of training to know as much as you do for this story! Wow is all I can think. I think it is so sad you died at the end. I do love the emotions it evoked it me, I know you don't like bs feedback, but I am a queen of bs!
Thanks for shaing your talent and keep writing!
Welcome to Writing.com
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What a very clever In&Out. I love the skills it takes to really think of what to write and make it fun and current. I am so happy you are part of Hannah's Paper Doll Gang! Great job on this challenge!
Keep using your creative spirit!
Write on!
Michelle
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& Proud Cheerleader of the Paper Doll Gang Newbies!
I do believe in the power of our smiles. I do think someone that can ask about love and show it on her smile can live with it in her heart. I really enjoyed reading your poem and found myself smiling while reading it. Perhaps that is the power of your words. Thanks for sharing and making me smile today!
Oh I love a poem that can leave me laughing and with a smile! I so hate horror movies, so this was a great read that I could really relate too! The Zombie nun...was unexpected and just plain fun!
Welcome to Writing.com and keep sharing your humor and talent!
Write on!
Michelle
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What grace and kindness in your words of love. You are indeed a very lucky man to marry your dearest and best friend. I think the best marriage's are those that are shared in friendship. You have great imagery here and I am in awe of your writing. Once again you take me on a journey with your words and you make me fee good reading them. I am so honored that you would want to share this with me, I am happy you want to give us all a glimpse into your personal world. I did notice one typo, you have word when I think you mean world. That is where the kids were placed in your hands...
Write On!
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