The words echo a broken heart and a life that is no longer worth what it was before. I think in your frist line you mean windowscreen. Some of your word choices are very hard to understand but I do get the total message of your poetry. Thank you for sharing it and Welcome to Writing.com
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Wow this rocks! I don't know much about music, but I know enough to love it when I hear it and I could sing this song and totally relate to the pain in it. I also think it could be sung by a male or female. I can't see anything that needs to be changed. This is 5 star work!!
Thanks for sharing it and welcome to Writing.com!
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So this is a contradiction. As I see your name is still Broken Angel....but your not the girl behind the name anymore. I really liked the imagery and can actually feel some of this..it feels all to familiar with my own life and my own story. There is such power when we can dream our own dream and live our own life. I wish you well and I hope your wings are always ready to fly!
Thank you for plugging this poem. Being a mom with a young daughter I had to read this. I have to say I don't think I have ever seen a poem with so many "quotation marks." I get the story line here and it's actually honest and funny. You start out very strong with the imagery and pearls and scissors and yes, my girl has cut her hair! Thankfully...not my pearls! lol I suppose if you wanted to make this stronger, get back to some conversation and less quotes and I think you would have a stronger poem. That is however just my opinion. Thanks for sharing your talent.
I am offering you a five star rating...not because this is a perfect poem. No, I am sure I could find something to make it better or with more imagery or whatever it is that poetry rules are suppose to be. Only I don't want too, because I really like the message of this poem. I like to think that after 6 years a letter can change a life and that second chances can happen. 6 years is a long time, and a new start is brave. I wish you all the luck in the world if this is a true story, keep writing and sharig your story!
I wonder how many people can relate to this poem. I think at some point we move away from our friends and we create new friendships and new things happen. I think if you are open to grow you will see that moving on is all part of the plan. You just keep moving forward and make new friends.
This is some serious darkness. I don't normally get into this kind of poetry. For one I find it so hard to understand. I mean why would you kill a love? Is this even about love? I don't know I think I am missing something and I just don't get it. Perhaps that is what you want. I don't know. You have some very strong images. Interesting words but I still feel lost. That's okay, I feel lost a lot!
Have a great day and Thanks for sharing your talent.
Michelle
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I am in awe of this reviewing page. I love how you have it set up for poetry, but what I really like is how you write out what you expect and what you review on. I think poetry is so subjective, so having defined qualities to work with and look at is very helpful. I can see by the many post you have here, you must have a successful review shop. Thank you so much for giving your time up and for encouraging postive feedback. I think that is very important to poets.
I am not rating this a 5 star on top quality writing. I did notice you have a few sentences that need to be looked at closer, no I am giving you a 5 star for bringing me into this story. For making me care about you and what kind of crime that could bring you to prison. I know this is a story for school, but wow it really reads as a real story. It also leaves me in awe of the emotional note at the end. Are we ever free? Is innocents something we rely on to be free? Thank you so much for a very thought provoking read. I enjoyed this. Write on!
Wow, I am not into negative thinking. I try to be positive as much as I can, but wow this is really awesome. I love how dark you get here. I also like how it is so honest. I think it is easier to have chains on and not try, then to try and not succeed. I see and believe what you wrote here and I am not into dark visions! So thank you so much your last line..Rocks!
Write on and I give this a 5 star, for I can not think of one thing that could make it better!
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What an awesome song to sing for your mom and all the mom's in heaven! My mom could make me laugh and sing, even though I can not carry a tune! I like the simple message here and that love lives on forever in your heart. I can see that plan as day!
Write on and Thank you fr sharing!
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No Valentine's is not for everyone...and a speed dating event on Valentines...sounds horrible. If I was single, that would be one date I would stay inside for. This has all the making for a longer story. You have an almost interesting guy. He needs some work on his appearence and his tight wallet, but with some fun shoes and a bright permed girl, he might get perky! clever writing. It deserves a nother look at editing, but definetly a good start.
Thanks for sharing it!
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It was the title of your poem that caught my attention. I have to say it was having your words on the right side of the page, took me off balance. I liked that too. It was perhaps your words I liked the best. I feel wide open in my writing and yet, sometimes I still feel like no one wants to know the real me and I have it expressed. Very interesting lay out and thanks for sharing yourself. Welcome to Writing.com and keep writing and sharing!
What a sad poem this is. I wish you would find another title. I think Did you care? Or Tell me would make great title. I can feel such a life time of saddness and disappointment, I get the feeling that the father has been missing from your life a very long time. Not sure is he left on his own or to death, but it is all the same when you leave with no goodbye. Great job of expressing emotion. Thank you for sharing it and keep writing!
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What is so scary about this poem is the way it ends. Yes, pretty sure I know exactly what you mean with your final line. I just seem to have a problem with wanting to end life and pain at the same time. I can honestly say I have been close to the edge and never ever could I take my own life. I don't know where the sunbeam came from or that sliver of hope, but I had it inside. I only wish that I could teach or reach those that were so close to ending it that they could stop and think about it. It is something that will bother me the rest of my life. I do believe you can fight any amount of pain. I am a true believer that the heart must win. Thank you for a very thought provoking poem.
Write on and Welcome to Writing.com!
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What a wonderful way to describe a loving relationship. I can see how important the other one is to you. I would give this a perfect 5 star, but I did notice some spacing issues and it just needs another run through for editing.
To see your own world reflected in a lovers eyes...now that is a great image! Thank you for sharing it and welcome to Writing.com!
Now this is a song, that has great appeal. I think I could sing this song and feel it with reality.
My favorite line...Break my heart is what you do
Funny after all that's happened
Still I'm addicted to you
I did note you have a few misspellings, week...should be weak. wright, should be right. Easy to fix and you will have a perfect song! Thanks for sharing and Welcome to Writing.com.
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Some might call that a waste of time, but not this chickee! I love taking time to find my own treasures. I think we grow best, when we shut off the TV and let our imagination take over! Your right, you never know if it will make you laugh or smile, but I do hope you find more to laugh about and enjoy and that those days of tears, are only small reminders. Great job and I can not think of anything that could improve this! 5 stars from me!
Write on!
Michelle
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What a clever way of saying take your time to get to know me, don't just walk past the smile but stop and say hello. I like this and the way it flows. Not always easy to read but the mesage is there if you take the time to find it. Only one line...I really didn't have a clue what you are saying here...is this a typo? Ates lang a sure I’s on teh groom,
Anyway, Welcome to Writing.com
Write on!
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Welcome to writing.com! I have never wrote a sonnet, but I I can understand your message here and I really enjoy your imagery. I get the fresh feeling of a crush and that beginning stage of romance. I also love this line...to my being she is necessity. That is a sweet message. Also what a great feeling!
Thank you for shairng your talent. I can see no mistakes in this fine poem, so enjoy the 5 stars!
Write on!
Michelle
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Wow are these stunning Images! I am in awe of the talent on this site! Every day I find a new sig shop that just blows me a way. I love every single image you have here! I better save up some gift points so I can come back and get some. I love them all. I have never been into the "dark fantasy" but your images make me want to write! How's that for inspriation!
Thank you so much for sharing this stunning images!
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I have often wondered how to imagine a last conversation with someone you know that is going to consider suicide. It is a very fragile thing and your words at that moment can hold so much power and persauasion. I don't think you won this argument, but you got your point across. I would think this would have come in higher then third place! Its great writing and good flow. Hard to do I am sure.
Thank you for sharing your talent!
Write on!
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You are being showered with JOY!
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HONEY, THIS IS ONE CUTE C-NOTE SHOP! I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY BEES LOOK SO GOOD! HONEY AND SUGAR AND SWEETS TO GO AROUND FOR EVERY TASTY BUD IN THE BUILDING! I LOVE YOUR COLLECTION AND HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY SUCCESSFUL SHOP! THANKS FOR SHARING THE GOOD STUFF!
Thank you so much for your entry in the "Invalid Item"
I wasn't exactly sure where you were going with this and you lost me a few times, between her dream of last year and her wearing green and white this year. It sucks that he got a pin in his heart for making it home a little late. Pretty gory way to die! Intersting. I am only one of the judges, but I wish you good luck and thank you for your entry!
Yes, this is a very good Love Poem. It might not have the traditional happy ending, but I do see hope in it and therefore Love will be found again. Your last line really made the entire poem complete for me. I am only one of the judges, but I really enjoyed this poem. Good luck in the contest!
Write on!
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