I am not rating this a 5 star on top quality writing. I did notice you have a few sentences that need to be looked at closer, no I am giving you a 5 star for bringing me into this story. For making me care about you and what kind of crime that could bring you to prison. I know this is a story for school, but wow it really reads as a real story. It also leaves me in awe of the emotional note at the end. Are we ever free? Is innocents something we rely on to be free? Thank you so much for a very thought provoking read. I enjoyed this. Write on!
Wow, I am not into negative thinking. I try to be positive as much as I can, but wow this is really awesome. I love how dark you get here. I also like how it is so honest. I think it is easier to have chains on and not try, then to try and not succeed. I see and believe what you wrote here and I am not into dark visions! So thank you so much your last line..Rocks!
Write on and I give this a 5 star, for I can not think of one thing that could make it better!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
What an awesome song to sing for your mom and all the mom's in heaven! My mom could make me laugh and sing, even though I can not carry a tune! I like the simple message here and that love lives on forever in your heart. I can see that plan as day!
Write on and Thank you fr sharing!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
No Valentine's is not for everyone...and a speed dating event on Valentines...sounds horrible. If I was single, that would be one date I would stay inside for. This has all the making for a longer story. You have an almost interesting guy. He needs some work on his appearence and his tight wallet, but with some fun shoes and a bright permed girl, he might get perky! clever writing. It deserves a nother look at editing, but definetly a good start.
Thanks for sharing it!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
It was the title of your poem that caught my attention. I have to say it was having your words on the right side of the page, took me off balance. I liked that too. It was perhaps your words I liked the best. I feel wide open in my writing and yet, sometimes I still feel like no one wants to know the real me and I have it expressed. Very interesting lay out and thanks for sharing yourself. Welcome to Writing.com and keep writing and sharing!
What a sad poem this is. I wish you would find another title. I think Did you care? Or Tell me would make great title. I can feel such a life time of saddness and disappointment, I get the feeling that the father has been missing from your life a very long time. Not sure is he left on his own or to death, but it is all the same when you leave with no goodbye. Great job of expressing emotion. Thank you for sharing it and keep writing!
Welcome to Writing.com
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
What is so scary about this poem is the way it ends. Yes, pretty sure I know exactly what you mean with your final line. I just seem to have a problem with wanting to end life and pain at the same time. I can honestly say I have been close to the edge and never ever could I take my own life. I don't know where the sunbeam came from or that sliver of hope, but I had it inside. I only wish that I could teach or reach those that were so close to ending it that they could stop and think about it. It is something that will bother me the rest of my life. I do believe you can fight any amount of pain. I am a true believer that the heart must win. Thank you for a very thought provoking poem.
Write on and Welcome to Writing.com!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
What a wonderful way to describe a loving relationship. I can see how important the other one is to you. I would give this a perfect 5 star, but I did notice some spacing issues and it just needs another run through for editing.
To see your own world reflected in a lovers eyes...now that is a great image! Thank you for sharing it and welcome to Writing.com!
Now this is a song, that has great appeal. I think I could sing this song and feel it with reality.
My favorite line...Break my heart is what you do
Funny after all that's happened
Still I'm addicted to you
I did note you have a few misspellings, week...should be weak. wright, should be right. Easy to fix and you will have a perfect song! Thanks for sharing and Welcome to Writing.com.
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
~~Image #6000 Sharing Restricted~~
Some might call that a waste of time, but not this chickee! I love taking time to find my own treasures. I think we grow best, when we shut off the TV and let our imagination take over! Your right, you never know if it will make you laugh or smile, but I do hope you find more to laugh about and enjoy and that those days of tears, are only small reminders. Great job and I can not think of anything that could improve this! 5 stars from me!
Write on!
Michelle
** Image ID #1463208 Unavailable **
What a clever way of saying take your time to get to know me, don't just walk past the smile but stop and say hello. I like this and the way it flows. Not always easy to read but the mesage is there if you take the time to find it. Only one line...I really didn't have a clue what you are saying here...is this a typo? Ates lang a sure I’s on teh groom,
Anyway, Welcome to Writing.com
Write on!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
Welcome to writing.com! I have never wrote a sonnet, but I I can understand your message here and I really enjoy your imagery. I get the fresh feeling of a crush and that beginning stage of romance. I also love this line...to my being she is necessity. That is a sweet message. Also what a great feeling!
Thank you for shairng your talent. I can see no mistakes in this fine poem, so enjoy the 5 stars!
Write on!
Michelle
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
Wow are these stunning Images! I am in awe of the talent on this site! Every day I find a new sig shop that just blows me a way. I love every single image you have here! I better save up some gift points so I can come back and get some. I love them all. I have never been into the "dark fantasy" but your images make me want to write! How's that for inspriation!
Thank you so much for sharing this stunning images!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
~~Image #6000 Sharing Restricted~~
I have often wondered how to imagine a last conversation with someone you know that is going to consider suicide. It is a very fragile thing and your words at that moment can hold so much power and persauasion. I don't think you won this argument, but you got your point across. I would think this would have come in higher then third place! Its great writing and good flow. Hard to do I am sure.
Thank you for sharing your talent!
Write on!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
Thank you so much for your entry in the "Invalid Item"
I wasn't exactly sure where you were going with this and you lost me a few times, between her dream of last year and her wearing green and white this year. It sucks that he got a pin in his heart for making it home a little late. Pretty gory way to die! Intersting. I am only one of the judges, but I wish you good luck and thank you for your entry!
Yes, this is a very good Love Poem. It might not have the traditional happy ending, but I do see hope in it and therefore Love will be found again. Your last line really made the entire poem complete for me. I am only one of the judges, but I really enjoyed this poem. Good luck in the contest!
Your words rain down like thunder and you can really feel that this is much deeper then just some crappy weather, this brings to mind a deep depression and a failed feeling of inner joy and success. I really can feel like more then rain is falling down. Great imagery and imagination of hte acid rain burning your flesh, very visual. Thanks for sharing your feelings and writing.
You are being showed with JOY!
** Image ID #1508471 Unavailable **
Now this had me lauging out loud! Oh the image of the kitchen mess and your brothers hair of Jelly. Wow you really were bored. I am so glad you didn't go blind or turn to jelly. Life is good so far! I have really enjoyed this reading and I look forward to more of this book. Awesome writing and so much can be said for surving our childhood, we are a live to talk about it!
Are you kidding me? Where does the strength come from? It's called PANIC!! Oh this is a great story and you and Mike are so lucky nothing really bad happened with the knife! Wow, nothing like being a pageboy!! Too cute in my eyes, did I tell you I love MIKE? LOL
You are being showered with JOY!
** Image ID #1508471 Unavailable **
Okay, only one darn mistake and that is at the top..your center is showing! Did your mom know she was sick? Or did she just go on as normal, because my mom was so much like this, she kept telling us she wasn't sick but that we drove her crazy and she needed to escape. Of course, she worked really strange hours when I was growing up. She was a nurses aid and I can't believe how much this is bringing up my own memories. I am sorry you probably don't want to hear about my mom, but damn girl it is wild. You know what..It is like finding the sun on the dark side of the world. I am right here with you!
You are being showered with JOY!
** Image ID #1508471 Unavailable **
Now I am seriously laughing! Not that it is funny, but wasn't I just saying the same thing about my brother? OMG what is it with those toys and boys? My brother did the same thing, only he mixed them all up and put the stuff on my barbie dolls. Yeah, I was MAD!
Kim, Your writing is bringing me right into the living room with you, I am sitting right on the floor with Mike as he sneezed. You are the best! This is great reading and I can't stop...
Hugs,
Michelle
You are being showered with joy!
** Image ID #1508471 Unavailable **
Okay, after reading this, I am not laughing but gosh I should be...Allergic to the sun? Wow I have heard of being sun sensitive, but wow. She was a piece. OMG my mother smoke like that. It was no wonder she died of lung cancer! Now the only thing here that even stands out is trashcans, is that one word or two? I don't know. I am just asking. LOL My brother set my trash can on fire...IN MY BEDROOM! What is it about fire and little boys? Off to offer you more showers..I am not stopping now!
Hugs,
Michelle
Welcome to the shower baby!
** Image ID #1508471 Unavailable **
This is the kind of forward that would hook any kind of reader! I can't wait to get started on this very interesting look at your childhood. So many things here sound familiar but I will leave my final judgement for when I finished the book! One of my favorite lines...and is why I want to be a Therapist is this line... The miracle I found in working with a therapist is that every tool I needed to face and ultimately to defeat the demons of the past, I already possessed within me. I just needed help learning to use them.
Thank you so much for sharing this and thanks for the JOY!
Write on!
Michelle
Oh have I been in this place before. I hate when my husband travels and I miss him so much. He really is my best friend and just to know he is in my house with me makes me feel better! I can understand this poem and can not think of one thing that could make it better. I get it, see it and feel it.
Thank you so much for sharing it.
Welcome to Writing.com
Write on!
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
It was the last stanza that made me say wow! It was your first stanza that made me want to read this poem. I haven't heard the word boogyman in a very long time and it was and is something my parents wanted me to fear. Amazing that you could bring that emotion alive in this writing and tell so much about who you are, your not a boogyman at all. Your simply misunderstood and sensitive. I love that. I love the human element in this poem. Thank you so much for sharing it.
Welcome to Writing.com
** Image ID #1510248 Unavailable **
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/michelleklear/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/33
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.77 seconds at 10:09pm on Jul 01, 2025 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
