Depression is well expressed in this poem. I have been that clown in the mirror. I get this on many deep levels, so do you want some help with rewriting or are you just looking for feedback? I have some suggestions, like cap your I. and( hiding something they are right it's) if this was my poem I would put a period at something. They are right...
Jake there are some basic corrections, but over all you have a very strong poem, that I believe many can relate too.
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Thank you so much for sending me a note. Yeah, I might be one of those top reviewers but I am a part of a lot of groups and that is why I am so popular. It is not because I am an editor. In fact I am still learning as much as the next writer. I will offer some suggestions, but they are only what I have learned over the years. First, I want to say I really enjoyed reading your poem. I like the flow of the emotions and that what was has now faded and burns with rejection and some hope of renewal.
Some say you do not need to Cap every line as this is one continuous thought in the stanza. I would never give you suggestions on how to switch up a word or change anything, this is your writing and you should keep it to reflect what you are feeling and seeing when you write it.
Thanks so much for sharing, Welcome to Writing.com!!
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How wonderful to have infinite Spring. I mean that has to be so much better then any ICU unit in the world! I loved this. Your imagery appearing like spring infront of my eyes and mind, and yet the true message here is your deep saddness and sorrow that life goes on and yet, it ends for someone you love. The cicle of life complete. I am so sorry for your loss. May each spring bring you closure in your grief.
This sure is a tounge twister and a fun one at that! She rocks by the seashore all day long, taking her money and storing it. I love the imagery and that you could get all those S'ssss to rhyme. What a fun adventure! Thank you so much for sharing your talent.
It is my pleasure to give you a Showering Acts of Joy review, actually I loved this poem. I can see the little birds running around and making all that noise. It is funny you always just see the momma running around like a chicken! I have never been lucky enough to actually see the babies!! They are very good protector's of their young. Your words come alive in my mind. Thank you so much for sharing your talent and treats with the world.
Wow...I love the final line! It is what it is all about! The immortal whole of our being. That we get to live in this love forever. It really is such a gift when this happens. It is a rare and precious gift. I am so glad you could write so eloquently on the topic. I love it!! Perfect poem!!
Oh I love to day dream, but this is so much deeper then a simple day dream, you have captured a moment in time that is beautiful. Life is made of moments that are so fleeting if we don't take the time to reflect on what they might really mean. I loved this. I can see what you placed in the contest. Great imagery in your words. I wish I could see the blue sea!!
It's amazing when you think about all that is assumed with the words..I Love you! It can move mountains, change life and make the world spin in a nicer way. I enjoyed the flow of this poem, liked what you had to say and I am glad you could share it! Welcome to Writing.com
How would you feel if it was your mom being abused? Or someone you loved dearly!! This is indeed a very sad a real reason to quit. I also would be so mad at those other co-workers, my mouth would never shut up over the injustice! This is the kind of letter that needs to be in the newspaper and reported on. It is so sad!! I pray that your career has taken you to a place where you can work with caring people. It is what we do for others, we do for ourself!
Thank you for a Simply Positive read! I can offer no suggestions, you deserve all 5 stars and more if I could give them out!!
Hugs,
Michelle
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I love the title of your poem. I like message here, although the subject matter could really be whatever the reader wants it to be, you can go with the Lamb of God or go with the symbol of what that might mean personally. We all have different levels of sin and we all take our own time getting wicked. It is all about levels and finding your own deepth. Thank you for sharing your poetry and welcome to Writing.com
Only I think you just helped my heart! My dad died, over seven years ago, but I still remember the time in the hosp when he was hooked up to everything and wanting to die. It is a very hard time to see your parent suffer in that way. I think if my dad could have walked to heaven, he would have! Thank you so much for sharing such a tender and wonderful letter.
I love this form of poetry, it looks so easy, but I know it is not!! You do a great job of desribing the suns powerful rays, and how it can make or break the day!! Perfect Sunshine and sparkling words. Another great poem. I am so glad you won my package for the Talent Pond Auction, I have really enjoyed my time in your port. Great poetry.
When I finished reading the last line, my first thought...was ain't that the truth! It takes a wise person to see inside and know what lurks behind the mask. We are all in this position. We are all two sided. That is the way were are created. We can fight it or we can accept or we can balance out the mix. I am all for balance! I can see why this has a ribbon, well deserved!!
Ouch is all I can think off! I don't like that feeling of endless tension and instant heat on the skin, now this was very clever because I really had to keep reading to see where you were going, my own mind was taking off in a million different directions! I love that!! Clever little girl in pink!!
I love this kind of endearing poetry, I love that you state it for all to see, feel and belive that a love like that is about you. You draw the reader in to bring them closer. I love that! Thank you so much for bidding on my package in the Talant Pond Auction.
When two hearts meet and a bond is forged, that is the greatest gift of love. What a wonderful poem to write for you sister. I wish you years of unforgetable love! Thank you for sharing your talent and for bidding on my package in the Talent Pond Auction.
Wow is this haunting...and deep and ugly. Shoot , I should have stayed on the fun side of the street. I don't like such dark and horrible things in my mind. I try to avoid dangerous thoughts or evil plans or dogs that came from Satin. I was doing so good up until now. I have to go and find something pleasant, I am go back camping! LOL Write on and Thank you so much for bidding on the Heart to Heart Auction. I have really enjoyed reading your poetry. You have great word choices, they all flow and they really show off your style.
Thank you so much for sharing your talent!
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Wow...Take about some powerful use of words! Ouch baby this is hot and sinful and very well done. I feel quilty for enjoying it!! Why would you get less then five stars on this provocative poem? I wonder why this burns some souls? Honesty rocks any way you look at it! Another wonder job with your poetry images and word choice. You are indeed very talented. I like that you bid on my package, I might have to pay you to do that again!
Okay, by now I am laughing at your fear. I know it's not nice to laugh at others when they are scared, but your cozy chair is missing you! I am not a fan of camping and in fact I won't do it! So this creative romp in the wildnerness is all to real to me! I laugh when I am scared too! Ben, I can offer no suggestions to improve your poetry, Iam having the best time reading...You have awesome talent and this is my total pleasure!!
This is review 1 of 5 that you won in the Heart to Heart Auction.
Oh I so laughed out loud! I tell ya, nothing beats a sexy babe in the bed! You can have pure heart all you want, but I am no fool. I like a poem that tells the truth!! This was a great read, the words flowed like silk. Great imagery and I am so glad I started here for your reviews.
Have a wonderful Happy Earth Day!
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Dang boy, are you trying to make me feel bad? I love Mother Nature and all her little creatures, big and small! So again, my dear you prove that words mean nothing until you meet them and make them come alive in your poems. You have such raw talent, you are lucky indeed I even talk to you! LOL
Happy Earth Day!!
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You are being showered with JOY! Another place to get signatures. You have no idea how much I love this feature at writing.com. I however have no talent in this art department, but I admire and respect those that do. I can't wait to see what you can create for me. Your prices are wonderful!! I hope you have a very successful shop!
Perhaps reading this poem, is a lot like that showering of emotional contentment and peace. The love is brilliant and easy to read in your passionate words. Thank you so much for sharing. I love this kind of poetry! Great Job!!
When I read poetry, I want to see something new or feel an emotion from the words, I however am really lost reading your poem. Somewhere in here is a story trying to get out, but I am lost trying to find it. It could be me or it could be this poem, I think I will say it is a little of both and call it even.
Welcome to Writing.com
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1. Follow the prompt. This was very imaginative, I could picture Sara and the scene. I liked that story line.
2. This was very easy to read. I was interested in where Sara was going to go with the moon and the countryside. It turned unexpectly with the spell book. I know if this could have been longer, you could have really developed the story more. You have a great start.
3. Errors/grammar. I am not an editor, so for me to find mistakes, they must really stand out. Nothing stood out, I really enjoyed this creative piece of writing and I am so glad you are competing. I will get back to you by the end of the week with my results.
Good Luck!
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