Oh this is like walking in a dream. To go back to childhood and simple times and to put the mind in the proper place for maturity and responsibility, but still knowing that time marches on and people and seasons change and your life still remains your own. I loved this. It really moved me and I enjoy poetry I can feel. I have no suggestions for improving this. It is perfect to me!!
Write on and Welcome to Writing.com
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Well you can pluck my petal anytime. I loved this romantic poem. Your words bring the water alive and the beauty of a soul floating off to heaven. fate, timing, control of destiny? Is anyone really in charge or does nature know what is going to happen? Interesting the feelings I get from this poem. I love to think when I read poetry, I love to feel and see something. I can offer you no suggestions. This was perfect to me.
Write on & Welcome to Writing.com
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This is a showering Acts of Joy review. Love you are willing to give, but how can you give it to two? If it all that you have, then can you make more? I find this kind of confusing, like I am missing something. It could be just me, but it sure looks like your searching for someone to love. Perhaps you have to start with yourself. I would make one suggestion, when you talk about yourself in poetry, I like to see the I captialized. It's just my pet peeve kind of thing.
I like the tone of this obession poem. I can feel the drifting back and forth and the powerful red letters make it only more powerful. One more time is never enough!!
Thank you for sharing your talent and good luck in the Bite Size Contest.
What a heart warming and sad poem of love. What you gave your child is a gift and even if it hurts, you knew what you were doing. The love is so strong in this poem. You can't but help but be touched by your giving heart and a very hard thing to do. I hope the Rose Abby will grow in that love and support and that she will always feel your warmth and strength it took you to do this.
Okay, You have done it again!! Now I want to go to the Beach!! This is not fair, you have an ability to transport my mind and soul to the ocaen. I want to dance in this poem and feel God's sweet peace. Oh I just love your style of poetry here. I am so in awe of your talent! Thank you so much for bidding on my package. I love reading your many different styles of poetry.
You rock and please keep sharing your talent!
Hugs,
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Girl it is my pleasure to offer this review as part of the Friendship package you won in a recent auction. (I don't even know which one)
I am laughing at my silliness, but not at this poem. What you have here is the truth that many many soliders don't think about before they go. They forget or ignore the cost of war on their soul. I think we don't do enoug for our veterans. This is a very real concern of mine. You paint a very real and ugly picture. Thank you for sharing this very eloquent poem.
Wow are you angry? I just feel so much in this poem, like you are really putting down this person. You have no respect for this person that would chose to listen to noise and not the truth. To pick wine over reality. I might be getting this all wrong, but I don't know...It flows like wine. Great images and emotions.
Wow, the Ice Cream cone is really still active? Now that is a scary thought. It love how this poem read like a novel. You have so much going on here, but what scares me the most is that you just never know when History will errupt and change your entire world. We do take great beauty for granted. I love the picture which shows the man-made thinking. Wonderful and I am so glad Simply Positive picked this to highlight. I enjoyed this and hope that in our life-time, she remains cool.
Oh boy, this just boils my buns! I tell you it is the small minded souls that are teaching our kids and it is darn scary. You right school used to mean so much and now it is taken for granted and teachers feel like they can impose their morals, when perhaps...they don't have any. I wouldn't want to be a teacher. It is the hardest job and you have to deal with so many families that are just not using common sense or sending their kids to school to be taught. It is a shame we don't pay our teachers more money. Honestly they have one very hard job and all it takes is one bad teacher to mess it up, for all the other great teachers in the world. Very emotional and timely poem. Thank you for sharing it.
I like what you have to say, but this could be so much stronger if you take the time to edit it and polish up your thoughts. For instance...Using the I in a Capt. as..I am...Put yourself in the proper english tone. Also the the 4letter f word is really harsh, why not use a better word to describe the same thing? Sure I know in today's society that is a very popular word, but it really has no place in poetry. If you want to be a poet that is. If you actually want to learn as a writer and express the full amount here, these are my suggestions. Good luck and keep writing.
I know the world is filled with beauty and good souls. I know that not everyone is evil and that kindness can move moutains. I know that life is what we make it and what we give to others. We don't need to stay in a negative mind set. We can explore the world and look for the best in people. I like your poem, but with so much going on it. I think you could break this out in stanza's and not make it so free flowing. It would have more power if you broke out the stronger statements. Just an idea.
The words of truth are written softly in your voice in this poem. The ending line and emotion about that final ending piece of the puzzle. Life is really a series of minutes of freedom, until the final resting place in the world. Excellent poem, I can not think of anything to make this better. Wonderful job and thank you for sharing your talent with all of Writing.com!
I had to really do some reading and researching to figure out where you wanted this contest entry. You have to make some kind of bigger not in your in & out that you have it located in another spot. It is kind of confusing. Still I love the idea and I found something to write about. I can't thank you enough for waking up my muse!! Write on!!
What a giving heart you have!!! On top of how wonderful Simply Positive is about reviewing now you offer up pakcages as well. I am so happy you have put together this group. I have to say your prices are right on and what a fun project. Thank you for being here and hey, I hear you broke your arm? What is that about??? Take it easy sweet thing!!
Wow is this a great contest. You have everything. A great prompt, wonderful prizes and the page is really set up so it is easy to read and partake in the contest. Great job! Sounds like fun reading all these short stories. I will have to come back when I have more time!! Thank you for sharing your time and talent with all of Writing.com and not just the great talent at the Pond!!
I am reviewing on behave of Helping Hearts and Showering Acts of Joy.
A mother's love is the greatest gift and by this wonderful poem, I can tell you had a wise and loving mom. It takes a special woman to teach us the right and wrong of life and still push us out the door and on our own. I love this tribute to mothers. I did notice one typo, maybe you should have a question mark? Who like a mother takes us to a golden future.
Thanks for sharing and write on!
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The soul is many things and you sure do know how to write about it. I find this very refreshing to read and interesting how good and bad play off each other. I did have one problem with this line...Don't expose before Him your blasphemous soul.
I know we are not suppose to blasphemous, but wouldn't he want us to expose that to him so he can heal it? Just my opnion on this one line. Otherwise I love it.
Thank you and Enjoy the Shower
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Well now I am restless! You have captured my attention and desire to know who this person is that calls in your dreams and wants to read you poetry. The romance here is stunning, the desire to be connected to this other soul is very enduring. I love it and now I am restless. Great job!!
Wow I love initmate encounters! The rising of passion, the melting of the flesh and soul as you enjoy the feeling of becoming consumed by desire. Wonderful descriptions. Very real and exciting. Thanks for sharing!! No suggestions on improvement...This was perfect!!
The night time by a beach, is so magical. With or without the waiting and sharing of a warm hug and a cool love. You really set the stage of what it is like to be in love and what you want to have happen. Your imagery is perfect. Makes me want to take a trip. Thank you for sharing a great poem and welcome to Writing.com
I have to say, I love most of the imagery you have here, but some of this just seems like you are trying so hard to be descriptive that you lose some of the emotional element. Or I coud be more of a simple girl and I need more of the feeling of you being together and less about the wonderful places you are going to fall into. Trust me, I am not an expert on poetry, but I want to feel as much as I see in a poem. For me this seems flat and not because you are trying, but because you have too much here. Thanks for sharing. I don't know how to give you a rating on this. It's not perfect, but I don't know how to fix it. Oh heck., I am giving you a 5 star. It's only proper. You do have a lot here. Thanks so much for sharing your talent.
There is something very tender in this poem, it reads like a fairytale. I did have one area that I found kind of confusing....
You are walking now, my little niece
and I, to the grave I must come
Weak are my bones, and a white hair piece
blackened eyes and a face full of gloom
to the grave I must come? Sounds odd, like if your are dying it wouldn't must come, it would be must go...or maybe I am just being picky, I don't know. I suppose it messes with the flow of the rest of the stanza. You can ignore me and see what someone else thinks, I know poetry is so subjective.
Welcome to Writing.com and Write on!
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Well only a true Dad could write this! You know kids grow up fast and I have been so lucky to be home with my two kids for the past 11 years. I wouldn't trade any job for this parenting thing that I do non-stop. I will be honest, I haven't always loved my job and Mother but I know without a doubt. I am a good mom and I have the kids I need and want. God has blessed me wisely. He has made me cry and see and fight and know and love. It is all we can do. Time moves faster every year!! Thank you for sharing such a tender part of your soul in your writing and hey Welcome to the Paper Doll Gang, you will hear and see me often as the groups Cheerleader and Short Stories leader. Write on!
I am here for your second review at your request. I am happy that you wanted me to read this. It is very powerful...The part in the pictures...but you really kind of lost me with the pack and not knowing who Leon is. I can tell this is just a start because you have a lot to complete here. I am not an editor but I did notice this... I was stayed on the steps and stared at them, Perhaps you mean I stayed on the steps..etc..
Keep writing
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