Hi Neko ♥ Away ,
I had the opportunity to check out your item today, in connection with winning my prize package in the Share & Share Alike Raffle. Please keep in mind that the following review only reflects my opinions... and that as the author, your opinion is ultimately the only one that matters. Please consider or disregard the following comments as you see fit:
CONCEPT
I'm a huge fan of legends and mythology. This prologue, with references to Chosen individuals and mysterious texts and tombs and all that good stuff, just makes me want to read more! I really enjoyed the premise of this prologue.
STORY
I thought the story was well written, although perhaps a little to expository for a prologue. My personal preferences when it comes to prologues are to have an exciting, action-oriented sequence to hook the reader, before they get into the first few chapters of the material, where all the exposition is laid out for them. In that sense, I was hoping for a little more from this prologue... but as it is, I thought it was very well written and interesting.
CHARACTERS
Both Lucifer and Kizuato are interesting characters that are easy to identify and follow along with. Their goals and objectives are clear, which helps the audience understand where they're coming from and where the story is about to go. Nicely done!
DIALOGUE
As discussed above, I felt like there was a little too much exposition for a prologue. A lot of the dialogue was expository and served to explain the backstory of the characters, and how they found themselves in their current situation. I would almost want to see the majority of this dialogue in the first chapter, rather than in the prologue. But again, that's just my personal preference.
STRUCTURE
This prologue was very well structured. It was straightforward and clear. You knew where the characters were, what they were doing, and where they were headed. This kind of direct, simple narrative serves your story well, because it doesn't over-complictate the issue, especially when you already have a complicated narrative (legend) to unfold!
TECHNICAL
No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find. ![Bigsmile *Bigsmile*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/bigsmile.png)
OVERALL
Overall, I thought this was a strong opening to your story. I enjoyed the description and the detail you provided, and the anticipation of how this mythology is going to unfold has me excited to read more! Great start, Neko!
Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your item. I look forward to hopefully reading more of your material in the future.
Until then, keep up the good work and keep writing!
Best regards,
- S o C a l S c r i b e
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