Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,609 Public Reviews Given

4,738 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

826

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3513527

Review of Remembering Father

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi thrdeyeopen -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I liked the fact that your character's inheritance was something more substantive than money. I thought you did a really great job with the characters, the story, and the execution of this tale. Well done!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, I can't think of anything that I would suggest to improve about this story. It's great just the way it is.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was an interesting, engaging and compelling story that I thought was a great read. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

A review signature for Talent Pond members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

827

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3513515

Review of Jokule's Heir

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi Than Pence

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I thought you did a particularly good job with the prompt for this story. While most people chose something tradition when it came to an inheritance, you were able to tell a story that took a different approach and still met the contest requirements.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I really can't think of anything that could be improved. The story was compelling, the characters were interesting, and it was very well written.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an excellent entry. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

828

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3513307

Review of All for Me?

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Vivian

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I thought the sentiment behind this item was spot on, and a great exploration of the prompt. It's remarkable how many more friends you suddenly have when you're wealthy.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Just one small typo, in the fifth line: "which I climbed and slid down the side."

I was a little confused by the last line. The beginning mentions than an evil genie heard your narrator's wishes for wealth and made it suddenly appear, but the last line asks why Uncle John left the narrator all his loot. If John was the "evil genie," why did he decide to give away his money to the narrator? For what sinister purpose? I was just hoping for a little more clarity on that issue.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a fun and entertaining poem. Nice job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

829

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3511845

Review of Chapter 2: Amazon Awakening

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi MoralityKid

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Excellent characterization. I thought you did a great job bringing these characters to life on the page. They were each vibrant and unique in their own way.

Great use of detail and description. The story was rich and layered with excellent description that really made this story a joy to read.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing whatsoever.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a great item. Just like your first chapter, I enjoyed the depth and nuance of the narrative. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

Animated Tweety Simply Positive group sig.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

830

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3511837

Review of Politics redefined

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi shubhajeet

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

It's really been a pleasure to read your political philosophy pieces and your advocacy for e-democracy. It's not often that someone has a clear, progressive political opinion that they're willing to share, and I think you've done a great job presenting your views and suggestions for where we - as a society - can go to move forward and integrate our increasing reliance on social networking and media with our necessary processes such as governance and electing officials.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I wanted to bring up one issue in particularly, which are your bullet points under e-democracy. Specifically, you mention that "all people are equal" under e-democracy... but do you really think that's the case? In a world that finds itself more and more inundated with integrated marketing, where candidates themselves are brands, do you really believe that everyone will be equal when the wealthy or those with ready access to resources can buy more advertising space and outspend their competition? Every person may have a vote with e-democracy, but will that really equalize the candidates when so much of a campaign is based around building (or destroying) a reputation through marketing?

Additionally, how does e-democracy provide for the basic needs of all? Assuming that popular opinion prevails, would e-democracy have methods in place to prevent discrimination against a particular ethnicity, religious group, people of a particular sexual orientation, or any minority? Couldn't a popular vote (at the local, state or federal level) actually create unequal citizens since it's based on a simple popular majority?

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, as I've mentioned before, I think this is a fascinating concept that really does merit serious consideration and thought. You've done a great job setting the stage for what could be a very compelling political philosophical debate. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

831

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3511829

Review of E-democracy

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi shubhajeet

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

As with your other item on e-democracy (love the title, by the way), I think you've presented and thought-provoking and interesting concept for us to consider.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Also as with your other item on the influence of social networking on the democratic process (and the operation of government), I'd be interested to read more about how you see this technology being implemented. It's great to have an idea about it being used, but - at least IMO - the much more interesting question is what a world that uses this technology to operate the government would look like. How would it work? What are the pitfalls? What are the benefits? You mentioned that it will lead to a more consensus-oriented government... but how? And what's to prevent that consensus to be corrupted into nothing more than a popularity contest?

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a good job with the philosophical question behind this item, but I would have loved to have seen more development and more theorizing on the application of such a concept.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

832

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3511704

Review of History of suppression of revolution

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi shubhajeet

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

What appeals to me most about this article is the question you pose at the end, regarding the escalation of tactics to suppress rebellious activities, and how far we have left to go (or fall) before those in power take even more extreme measures to suppress rebellious sentiment, and do something not just atrociously violent, but makes a lasting and permanent scar on the planet as well.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I think that the point you made about the history of revolutions could be made stronger by the inclusion of earlier revolutions. You mention, "Some of the first revolutions of the world are: American War of Independence, French Revolution." But those two revolutions (beginning in 1775 and 1789 (the earliest one), respectively) are far from the first revolutions the world has ever seen. Dating back to the earliest of human civilizations, Sumerian civilization had a revolt in 2380 B.C., The Athenian Revolution of 507 B.C. established Greek democracy, The Saxon Revolt against Charlemagne in 782 A.D., etc. I think that, by including these earlier revolts (and the methods employed to attempt to suppress those rebellions), it would make a stronger argument for "how much more can they escalate this resistance to revolution" if you start with the primitive methods of ancient civilizations rather than focusing on revolts that have taken place since the advent of modern weaponry.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Once again, you've done a fine job posing a thought-provoking, topical question that is something we all should consider as human beings, given our history and our penchant for developing weapons that are far more destructive than they probably should be. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

Animated Penguin Simply Positive review signature

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

833

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3511684

Review of Politics and social media

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hi shubhajeet

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Philosophically speaking, I think you propose some interesting points. In particular, I like the fact that you've taken the time to not only comment on what you see currently in terms of social networking and the political process, but also where you see it going, with people being able to vote online, administrate the government online, etc.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

What I felt was lacking in this item was a factual basis to reinforce your assertions. You state that it's a recognizable fact that social media sites organized protests for the Middle Eastern Revolution, but there's no data to support that position. Similarly, you mention that the entire government's administrative responsibilities will be able to be carried out online through social media sites, but there's no analysis of how that would be accomplished, or the infrastructure that would be needed to successfully implement something like that.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a thought-provoking article that raised a lot of socially relevant, timely questions. I think that some more development could be put into creating a credible, fact-based foundation for the assertions, but in concept I think you've come up with something quite interesting. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

834

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3511679

Review of WDC Survivor Challenge -- 2011

for entry "L'Alliance (The Wedding Ring) ~ Challenge #2"

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi NickiD89

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Wonderful imagery and description. You did a great job with this entry and I can see why the judges picked it for the Round 2 Immunity Idol. It was such a well-written and evocative story... I would have surely voted for it if you weren't already immune from elimination!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, nothing. This was a phenomenal story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Just wanted to pass along a quick review, from one (hopeful) Survivor to another. Best of luck in round three!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

835

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3509940

Review of The Different Boxers

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Weirdone-Back in the games

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I like the fact that in addition to telling a story from the perspective of an article of clothing, you also used the opportunity to address a social concern that is a very real issue for many humans. Well done!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I was a little unclear on the concept of altering a garment. I know what it's getting at metaphorically, but I had a hard time figuring out what alteration meant in terms of the clothing. Is androgynous clothing (that requires alteration) a particular fad, or did the boxer shorts want to actually be altered and converted into a pair of ladies' panties?

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was an inventive, unique take on the prompt. From one Survivor to another, good luck with this round of the contest!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

836

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3509923

Review of A Store-y Day

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Angelica Weatherby- July 4th

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I liked the twist in this story. Unlike most, who relate the article of clothing in the prompt only to one individual or master, you took the story one step further and had something happen to that owner. Great idea for this week's prompt!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

My only suggestion would be to perhaps spend more of the story focusing on the adventure this heart-shaped ruby necklace has after her master is disposed of. As it was, the story felt a little heavy on the backstory (explaining how she got into the victim's possession), when that space, IMO, could have been more effectively used to further detail the adventures of your necklace after she was taken.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Other than the minor suggestion above, I really enjoyed the inventiveness and originality of this story. From one Survivor to another, good luck in this round of the competition!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

837

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3507863

Review of First Date(s) - Again

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi 🌖 HuntersMoon

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Your essay definitely fits the bill as a comedic essay. As far as I can tell, all of the contest guidelines were followed and you did a great job coming up with a stylish and interesting take on the prompt. In particular, your sense of humor really shone through as someone with (many) years of experience

and the wisdom and insight that come along with such an advanced age.

(I keep forgetting the "positive" part of these Simply Positive reviews...

).

Honestly, I think you balanced the comedy and the nonfiction essay elements extremely well. Your humor comes from your insight, your assessment (sometimes in hindsight) of the situations, and the inherent ridiculousness of some of those situations. All of these aspects lend themselves well to comedy, while still maintaining the fact that it's a nonfiction essay chronicling your feelings and thoughts about the subject of dating as an older person in today's digital world.

This was a very touching essay. The aspects where you talk about your family, and life after the passing of your wife, really added a great dramatic and emotional undercurrent to the piece. I suspect that many people will be looking merely to make the judges laugh (which I suppose should be a goal of a comedic essay), but I think you bring something else to the table, which is the ability to make them laugh AND make them feel something.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

If I were to suggest some way to improve this piece (which I am), it would be to clarify your stance a little more. At various points in the article, it seems like you're making a commentary on the appearance of digital media in the dating scene, the experiences of someone older trying to get back into the dating scene, and the changing opinions of what's desirable in a mate. While all of these are great points to make, and you certainly have the room to make them in this essay, I feel like the transitions between these concepts are just a little muddy at times. I would suggest a bit more structure, which will logically guide the reader through the first of these issues, to the second, and to the third.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a great essay. You really captured the essence of the prompt and came up with an inventive, entertaining way of exploring it. Even as is, I think you've got a solid entry on your hands. Thanks for asking me to take a look at it!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

838

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3507736

Review of Strays

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Mara ♣ McBain

-

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Vibrant characters. It's always such a pleasure to read your work; your characters are always well developed and engaging. I thought both Jared and Cass were captivating characters with a definitive event in their past that shaped their new lives together. Nice job!

Excellent use of dialogue. The dialogue in this piece really drove the story, and gave it a feeling of simplicity and effectiveness. There's no excess description or detail; just to real people trying to get a handle on a new situation. Bravo.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I wish I had some suggestions for improvement, but honestly... I have none. I thought this was a great story just the way it's written.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a strong entry filled with two compelling characters, an event in the past, and a new future together that they struggle to find a connection over. Very, very good story, Mara!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work, and thank you for participating in this month's official WdC contest.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

839

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3507734

Review of Just a Little Closer, Please

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Milhaud - Tab B

-

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of the prompt. Danny's character has very clearly been affected by a traumatic experience in his backstory, and that event shaped him into the person he is today, and guides him in his actions. Nice work!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, I couldn't find anything in need of improvement. It was a well-presented, well-told story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a good job creating a story that effectively explored the prompt and gave us a compelling, unique character. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work, and thank you for participating in this month's official WdC contest.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

840

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3507724

Review of Overcome

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi shotzey -

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of the prompt. I think you did a great job creating believable and realistic characters based around a compelling take on the prompt. Your story was engaging, interesting, and your characters came alive on the page. Nice work!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

One small suggestion for improvement would be to break up the confession of Amber's past with a little bit of narrative action to make it feel like less of an expository passage. As it is, it feels just a little bit on the nose, but with something to break up that dialogue, it could work very effectively.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a great entry. It was a successful, creative use of the prompt, and you did a great job with the execution. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work, and thank you for participating in this month's official WdC contest.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

841

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3507720

Review of Home Sweet Home

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi billwilcox -

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Wonderful characterization. Like so many of your stories, the reader can instantly identify with Charlie and his predicament. You have a real knack for getting your reader to empathize with your characters and this story is certainly no exception.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

This is a relatively minor issue, but I was hoping for a little more clarity on the event in the character's backstory. Was it being on an ill-fated flight? The virus itself? I know it all kind of goes hand in hand, but if I were to suggest something that could be improved (which I am), it would be this small issue... and that's all I can come up with.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

This was a great story. It was terrible and tragic and mysterious all at the same time. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work, and thank you for participating in this month's official WdC contest.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

842

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3507719

Review of The Day it All Changed

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

Hi J. Marie Ravenshaw

-

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good take on the prompt. Losing a loved one is always a difficult, tragic experience, and it was used to good effect in this story, bringing your family of characters together.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I felt that, for this contest, the story missed the prompt a bit. The story focused on the event in the character's past, with only a brief reference in the last short paragraph to the character in the present... when I was looking for a little more of the character in the present, with a reference to what had happened in her past.

One slight technical note. They walk in on the father with a breathing tube in his mouth, but it's mentioned later on that he was pronounced dead on arrival and the EMTs didn't even attempt to resuscitate him in the ambulance because he had flat-lined. How, when or why, then, was he intubated?

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a powerful story. It had compelling characters and real drama, which is difficult to pull off in only 1,200 words. Good job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work, and thank you for participating in this month's official WdC contest.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

843

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3507702

Review of Mercy and Cowardice

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi assuranceagent

-

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"

, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good integration of the past with present events. You did a great job mixing memory with real-time events, seamlessly blending the two into one cohesive story.

Excellent characterization. I thought you did a good job creating two distinctly unique characters and putting them in a situation where their differences played off one another.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, I couldn't think of any improvements to the story. I thought it was well presented and well written just the way it is.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, you did a good job with this story. It was an entertaining and engaging take on the prompt. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work, and thank you for participating in this month's official WdC contest.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

844

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3503488

Review of The Precocious Princess

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi percy goodfellow

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good characterization. I always enjoy the unique characters you create, Percy, and this story is certainly no exception.

Original take on the prompt. I like the fact that you came up with a fresh and inventive twist on the final exam prompt.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

You know what my suggestion for improvement is going to be...

I'd like to see a little more integration between the dialogue and the narrative. There are chunks of dialogue where the action pretty much stops, and I think if you can keep both elements moving at the same time, you'll have a much stronger story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was a solid entry for the HSP Final Exam. Good work and good luck!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

845

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3503410

Review of Reflection of Confusion (Extended)

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello there,

I came across your item today in the Mystery genre listings and thought you did a great job. It would be my pleasure to feature your item in this week's edition of the Official Mystery Newsletter.

If you do not currently receive the newsletter, you can subscribe through your Account Options settings, or you can always read archived issues under the Things To Do & Read section.

Keep up the great work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

846

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3503408

Review of Stolen Within my Grip

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hello there,

I came across your item today in the Mystery genre listings and thought you did a great job. It would be my pleasure to feature your item in this week's edition of the Official Mystery Newsletter.

If you do not currently receive the newsletter, you can subscribe through your Account Options settings, or you can always read archived issues under the Things To Do & Read section.

Keep up the great work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

847

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3503406

Review of Jacqui Robinson and the missing mother

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (2.5)

Hello there,

I came across your item today in the Mystery genre listings and thought you did a great job. It would be my pleasure to feature your item in this week's edition of the Official Mystery Newsletter.

If you do not currently receive the newsletter, you can subscribe through your Account Options settings, or you can always read archived issues under the Things To Do & Read section.

Keep up the great work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

848

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3503405

Review of Reflections

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello there,

I came across your item today in the Mystery genre listings and thought you did a great job. It would be my pleasure to feature your item in this week's edition of the Official Mystery Newsletter.

If you do not currently receive the newsletter, you can subscribe through your Account Options settings, or you can always read archived issues under the Things To Do & Read section.

Keep up the great work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

849

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3499602

Review of Cheating

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi ~*Arpita*~

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Covered many aspects of the topic. I love the fact that you didn't just tackle one or two issues with cheating... you provided a variety of examples and arguments to emphasize and reinforce your argument that cheating is harmful, whether we realize it immediately or not.

Clearly presented. You did a great job structuring this essay into clear and concise paragraphs. It was well laid out, well organized, and presented effectively. Nice work!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, I have no suggestions for improvement. You did a great job with the prompt and this is exactly the kind of essay I was hoping to read.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Even if it weren't the only entry this round, it would have been a contender for the prize. You did a great job with it. In fact, I'm so impressed, I'm going to make an executive decision and award you the full prize for First Place.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

850

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3499573

Review of The Sierra de Baza Horror

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get caught up with the Sinister Stories contest. With an office move and a death in the family, my time on WdC over the past couple months has been spotty at best, and I apologize for letting it go so long without getting to the judging. Although there were not enough entries in the January 2011 round to award the prizes, I'm going to send you something in recognition of how long you've had to wait for me to get around to the judging.

Thank you for your participation in the Sinister Stories contest, and I hope you'll consider entering again now that we're back on track!

SoCalScribe