Hi amethystflame:
Well, I'm finally getting around to those reviews I owe you for the CRC Auction Package... sorry it's taken so long.  I had a chance to review your book item today and have enclosed a few comments below, for your consideration. Please keep in mind that my opinion is only that of one person, and you - the author - are in the best position to determine what's most appropriate for your story. Feel free to use or disregard any of the comments below as you see fit.
CONCEPT
The concept of "Megan's Man"  is good; I particularly liked the way that Megan and Corey's relationship developed and evolved over the course of the narrative. You did a good job of interspersing the subplots and relating them to the main story. This is definitely a commercial concept for a romance novel, something that I think would be appealing to publishers like Harlequin, which have a clear market in mind, and specific elements they like to see integrated into their work. Nice job! 
STORY
CHAPTER 2 - Up through this chapter (also mentioned below in regards to the passage of time issue), the narrative feels a little episodic, with moments or scenes in Megan's life occurring sometimes years apart. These encounters, to this point, feel a little repetitive, with Megan falling for Corey's charms, stopping herself before things go too far, and then running away. I really liked his attitude in the Prologue, where he treated her like a little girl... I would like to see more of that attitude show up in these exchanges, and maybe alternating between Corey rejecting Megan, and Megan rejecting Corey, to add some depth and variety to their increasingly complex relationship.
CHAPTER 7 - Megan suddenly being offered the job after telling Anna that her brother is moving back to Endurance felt a little contrived. I would have liked to have seen this story point be a little more dramatic by increasing the tension and conflict. Maybe Megan has to beg for the job, or Anna doesn't want to hire her. I think a little drama in this scene would go a long way to make it more engaging (and therefore have a greater payoff for the reader) rather than just being a really convenient setup where the one thing Megan needs is the one thing that Anna's offering, right when she needs it.
CHAPTER 8 - I feel like the whole subplot with Megan's job is a little too easy. Things go great, there are no major snags... everything's perfect. I was hoping for a little more conflict and drama in this chapter... everything just seems a little too perfect. I think if you could find one negative to work in there (long hours making her tired, an instance where she's reprimanded or makes a mistake, etc.) it would help lend some realism and authenticity to this chapter. Since so few things in life are picture perfect, audiences sometimes have a hard time accepting when a character's life (or some portion of it) goes off without the slightest hitch. I would suggest playing up the fact that she's expected to be available 24/7... contrast that availability against the other important parts of her life so she has to make a decision and sacrifice somewhere. 
CHAPTER 10 - The "blood [running] down her forehead" feels a little cliched and nonspecific. Rather than just referencing a generic and familiar type of wound, I would suggest really describing an actual injury of some kind or another. It will engage your audience and can simultaneously ratchet up Corey's concern, if he actually has an injury to look at and worry about (even if only a gash, cut, scrape, etc.). The more specific you are, the more real it will be for your characters, and your reader.
CHARACTERS
PROLOGUE - You did a great job of setting up the relationship between your two characters here. I think that your readers can all identify with Megan as someone who's in love with, and rebuffed by, an older more experienced object of affection... and with your description, it's easy to see why Corey catches her fancy.
CHAPTER 5 - I thought you did a great job with Megan's character dealing with the death of her father. It was honest, touching, and well-written.
I noticed the tendency to use "Meg" and "Megan" interchangeably in the story. I would suggest only referring to her one way in the description itself... even if characters refer to her differently, to avoid confusion. A writing professor of mine said that once you refer to your character a certain way in the story, they should always be referred to the same way, the only exception being what other characters call them. For example, a character named Elizabeth should always be Elizabeth, even if she's occasionally called Liz, Beth, Lizzy, Eliza, etc. by other characters. Referring to her as Liz, Beth, Lizzy, Eliza, etc. in addition to Elizabeth can create confusion for the reader. Although "Meg" and "Megan" are more similar, for the sake of playing it on the safe side and truly removing any doubt, I'd call her one or the other in the narrative, even if some other characters call her "Meg" and some call her "Megan".
CHAPTER 11 - When Dex comes to make amends with Megan in the hospital, I wanted to see a little more from Megan. As the protagonist of the story, I want her to be active rather than reactive. At several key points in the story (like this one and when she first got the job with Anna), Megan allows events to happen to her, rather than making them happen for herself, as a result of her actions and choices. I would like to see Megan take a more proactive approach to her life, where the good things (and bad) happen at least partially because of the decisions she makes. A reactive protagonist can be difficult to empathize with, because readers most often want a character that will do something and deal with the consequences, rather than someone who merely reacts to the events around them.
CHAPTER 13 - "“We always get so far…and you pull away,” she muttered." Technically, that's even more true of Megan... 
CHAPTER 13 - I felt like Megan's response to Corey's proposal was a little too... logical. Your readers have been following along with a character who has wanted nothing more than to marry this man and spend her life with him for the last thirteen chapters, and when he does propose, she starts talking about his drinking problem, living situation, and all the rational things that should be discussed... but I couldn't help but feel Megan lost that fire, that passion for Corey that had carried her through the entire story up to this point. Either through her own inner thoughts, or the way she actually responds to Corey, I'd like to see more of that internal conflict play out in this scene... the deepest desires in her heart conflicting with the biggest reservations in her head.
Overall, I felt like Megan's character could use a little work to make her more proactive... she tends to react to situations and run away when things get difficult, which is totally fine, but I was hoping to see some other responses and reactions from her as well. I'd really like to see her put into situations where she has to make a decision or take initiative by herself (like asking Anna for a job, or confronting Corey about his issues without running off when the conversation turns tough), so that your readers can root for her a little more, and more wholly engage in her life and decisions... and if those decisions and choices end up being mistakes, all the better! It will only make us love her and root for her more.
DIALOGUE
CHAPTER 6 - The exchange between Anna, Karen, Sara, Megan, and Gail the waitress felt a little drawn out and expository (handing the reader information about Joe, announcing that Megan has it bad for Corey, etc.). Try to keep your dialogue exchanges down to the absolute minimum... as they say, "in late and out early" with as little dialogue as possible stating something that's obvious to the characters but said for the benefit of the reader.
Overall, the dialogue worked effectively throughout the story. I think, as a whole, the conversations could be condensed a little as some of them tend to run on a bit longer than they needed to, but as a whole the dialogue was realistic, effective, and helped move the story along at a brisk pace. Definitely one of the strong points of the story. Great job!
STRUCTURE
CHAPTER 1 - Although the passage of time in the Prologue worked well (skipping ahead eight years), I think you should show (rather than tell) the reader that two more years have passed in the first chapter... mostly because I'm an advocated of the "show, don't tell" philosophy. I would have much rather have seen something in the first chapter that would lead me to the conclusion that it's two years later, rather than having that information stated in the first sentence.
CHAPTER 2 - With the opening of a second chapter with another first sentence that denotes the passage of time, I'm beginning to feel that this piece is a series of vignettes and isolated moments in Megan and Corey's history, rather than a fluid narrative. I would suggest, as noted above, working the passage of time into the narrative of the story rather than stating it explicitly at the outset, to give the reader a better sense of cohesion to the book, connecting the chapters in a more fluid way.
MECHANICS
CHAPTER 1 - "...sending heat as quick as lightning rushing through her body."
CHAPTER 1 - "His groin hardened." Technically, the anatomical definition of groin is either the fold or hollow on either side of the front of the body where the thigh joins the abdomen or the general region of this fold or hollow. Either way, I'm not sure it was his "groin" that was hardening... 
CHAPTER 3 - By contrast, the reference to, "His groin tight[ening]" is this chapter was a great visual. After your description of Megan, I can see how the muscles in his entire groin area would tighten and strain, which is a welcome alternative to just having a specific part of his anatomy respond to her sexuality.
CHAPTER 4 - "Would no other woman make him feel this alive?" Since this is a third-person story, the "me" was out of place. Unless it was meant to be Corey's thought... in which case it should be italicized like the other thoughts in the story.
CHAPTER 5 - "Is he serious?” Megan whispered."
CHAPTER 6 - "Beth cared for Joe, Megan saw it the flood of concern in her pretty, green eyes."
CHAPTER 7 - "...dug her fingers into his thick hair and held on for dear life."
CHAPTER 7 - "He stiffened beneath her, his liquid juices flowing into her." Juices are, by their nature, a liquid, which makes both descriptors unnecessary.
CHAPTER 8 - "...giving Meg a phone so she'll be at her beck and call. Don't you find that a bit much?"
CHAPTER 9 - "...she looked very much like a fashionista."
CHAPTER 9 - "Lisa Green screamed sophistication in a black taffeta skirt that hung to the floor."
CHAPTER 10 - "What in the hell did that mean? "How so?"" (Italicize the first sentence to make it consistent with the format of thoughts in your story.)
CHAPTER 10 - ""What are you doing?" Anna asked, irritated."
CHAPTER 10 - "The one-night stand with Grace was over..."
CHAPTER 11 - "I don't know if she realized I was behind her, or if she was just too upset to drive, but she took the turn way too fast and the car fishtailed into a telephone pole," he said, his chest tightening again. "
CHAPTER 11 - "Dex rolled his eyes. "Very funny. Since when did you become a comedian?"" Whenever someone says something to the effect of "when did you become a comedian" or "are you going to go on the road with that comedy act?", to me, it makes the joke inherently less funny, because you're pointing out to the reader and your characters that they should find it funny, rather than letting them find it funny on their own. If you take out that line and the exchange is just "How do you feel?" / "Like I hit a telephone pole." / "Very funny.", it's cleaner, has a better flow, and is more clever than if one of the characters makes reference to the fact that it's supposed to be a joke by not only saying "very funny" but goes further and explains it even more by making the "comedy act" comment.
CHAPTER 11 - ""Can I help you with something? Visiting hours are over," a petite redheaded nurse said."
CHAPTER 12 - "As much as Megan liked the term fiancée, deep down the words didn't mean anything, even if she wanted them to with all her heart."
CHAPTER 12 - "He wanted to take care of her, make sure that she didn't overdo it when she was released, but he couldn't do any of that."
CHAPTER 12 - "With Megan talking about moving into an apartment, it seemed time was of the essence. A long engagement would be good for both of them. Megan even began to consider going to college too, and if she stayed with Dex, she could afford to do it. What he didn't need was for Megan to decide that she needed her independence more than she needed him." Should that be "a long engagement wouldn't be good for either of them? It seems that the rest of this paragraph is leaning toward giving Megan reasons to not need Corey... so I would think that short engagement and marriage sooner rather than later would be Corey's objective. Or, if the engagement is the key to tying her down, maybe "A quick engagement" is a better way to phrase it, rather than "long engagement" which, to me, isn't about saying yes or no, but about waiting for some obstruction to marriage being cleared first before they can tie the knot.
CHAPTER 13 - "“Where are you taking me?” She asked, unable to hold that burning question at bay any longer."
CHAPTER 14 - "... hoping that his mother hadn’t called in the cavalry."
OVERALL
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this novel. I thought there were a lot of great elements to this story, and it really works. As a whole, I think this novel's greatest strength is also a bit of a weakness... the concept, characters, etc. are familiar and have been done many times before in romantic fiction. This is a strength because, as mentioned above, if you're approaching a publisher like Harlequin where they have a clear set of guidelines and expectations for their published material. It's also a weakness, however, because in following these genre conventions, authors also run the risk of not standing out from the other works that have already been published and are fighting for that same spot on the publishing slate.
This is especially true of my industry (the film industry), where everybody wants something new and fresh and exciting... but they also want something that's familiar and audiences can identify with. Which is a Catch-22 of sorts, because it's a real challenge to write something "the same but different." It's neither good nor bad, but I always like to mention that to people who have written finished works (novels, screenplays, etc.) and are looking toward getting paid for that work. If it's similar to other stuff out there, you run the risk of not standing out from the crowd... if it's too unique, you run the risk of not fitting with their established standards and expectations. And everyone wonders why it's so hard to have a career as a creative writer!
Other than that and the specific issues outlined above, I thought you did a great job creating interesting, engaging characters, and putting them in situations where they really have a chance to shine through and grow. Your writing style was clear and concise, there weren't a lot of unnecessary descriptive paragraphs or moments that seemed unnecessary or out of place. I could easily see this story on the romance shelves at my local bookstore. Please don't misunderstand my comments above to think that I didn't like the story; I'd put it easily on par with almost any romance novel I've read... but I think that with some additional work, this could be a truly exceptional piece of romantic writing that really stands out.
Great work! Thanks for the opportunity to read your novel, and for bidding on my auction package. Now off to finish up the rest of your reviews!
I hope that you've found my comments and observations useful. Thank you for allowing me to rate and review your item. Keep up the good work and keep writing!
Best regards,
- S o C a l S c r i b e
 
Please check out my community items:
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"The Dark Society"
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