Hi Anne Carol  -
I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.
CONCEPT
I thought this was an intriguing start to a NaNoWriMo novel. Right off the bat, you set up a dramatic, tense crime scene, and more than one character who has a vested interest in what happens to the victims, particularly Pia... the one who survived the fall. I think this is a great start, that grabs the reader's attention straight away and has them racing through the narrative trying to figure out what will happen next. Not easy to do in this many words! 
STORY
Since this is a NaNoWriMo story, and you have 50,000+ words to play around with, I would have liked to have seen a little more detail throughout the story. A detailed description of the characters - particularly Arthur and Constance - would be a great help for the reader to visualize who (I assume) they're going to be following throughout the story, and some setting details about the locations and important features of the story would help the reader envision the world you're creating in a much more evocative and engaging way.
I thought you did a great job with the reveal that Constance had also come to the hotel to kill Manny and Pia. That was probably my favorite moment in this opening scene.
CHARACTERS
Your characters were interesting and engaging. I like the fact that both Constance and Arthur had come to the hotel to kill Manny and Pia, presumably with different motives and/or employers. I have no doubt that this aspect of the story would be fleshed out and expanded upon in the full, completed novel... and I think you've got a good start here.
Similarly, I would be interested to see who Manny and Pia are as characters, and what they could have possibly done to have both Constance AND Arthur en route to their hotel to kill them! 
DIALOGUE
Your dialogue was short, concise, and effective. It helped move the story along without being distracting, and I thought you captured the voice of the policeman well. Make sure that, as the story develops, each character has their own distinctive, unique voice, so that your reader can appreciate the nuances and personality of a variety of characters as they progress through your narrative. Dialogue is really tough to do well, but I think you're off to a solid start.
STRUCTURE
I thought the segment of the story with Arthur going over the events of the hotel room in his head would have been more ideally situated before the reader knows that Pia survived. I think, in this particular situation, it would be beneficial to have the reader in the same position as Arthur, thinking the job is done and both Pia and Manny are dead... so that when Constance comes on the scene later and the officer tells her that Pia survived, it's a surprise for the audience... and Arthur's surprise later will be much more understandable and shocking than if the reader knows Pia survived before they find out that Arthur thinks they're both dead.
I would also suggest a little more action and detail before switching between Arthur and Constance's storylines. When there's so little information being presented to the audience, it can be distracting to switch so often between characters in different locations. When writing a novel, it's often a good idea to spend an entire chapter (or a good portion of it) on one particular character and their experience, before transitioning to another character and their narrative... to help establish each character's individual story and chain of events before swapping it for another character's.
MECHANICS
Just a couple of technical issues:
"... making a clean getaway."
"As she neared the hotel, she could see hoards hordes of people lined up..." (Hoard is a reference to an accumulation of things, while horde is a reference to an accumulation of people. )
OVERALL
Overall, I think this is a great start to a NaNoWriMo novel. As a competitor myself for the past couple years, I can appreciate how difficult the task of writing 50,000+ words in a single month really is. I know that there's not a lot of time to edit, improve and find the ideal version of a story, so most of these comments are given with the assumption that the story will be revisited now that NaNoWriMo 2009 is over... if you're interested in revisiting and completing the piece. I know that during the month of November, there's not a lot of thought going into the revising and revisiting of what's already been written. 
I'm curious to know if this is as much as you wrote for 2009 NaNoWriMo, or if you wrote more and just didn't post it to this item. Either way, I'm glad you attempted NaNoWriMo... it's a lot of work, but also a lot of fun... and I hope you enjoyed the experience.
I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.
Keep up the good work and keep writing!
Best regards,
- S o C a l S c r i b e
Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
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The section breaks made the item feel slightly disjointed
We'd like to thank you for your participation in the Talent Pond Tennis tournament, and have included your prize money for successfully making it to Round 2 of the competition. Thanks for competing! 
), I thought you did a really great job with the pacing and story arcs in this piece, giving the reader a satisfied feeling of having read an entire, complete piece of writing with relatively few words. It's not easy to make a short piece feel like it's a complete standalone, but you did a really good job with this particular story. 
