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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/jeff/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/26
Review Requests: OFF
4,180 Public Reviews Given
4,309 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.
I'm good at...
Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.
Favorite Genres
I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.
Public Reviews
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Review of Daddy's Girl  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was an enjoyable entry. Although it felt like it jumped around a little bit, I liked the fact that your characters were unique and distinctive, and you mixed dialogue with narrative effectively. A good effort... keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*


Jeff
627
627
Review of The First Time  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on winning the Daily Flash Fiction challenge for the second day in a row! I thought this was a really well-rounded, enjoyable story with a great ending. All in all, excellent flash fiction. Your winning GPs are attached to this review. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

Jeff
628
628
Review of Adventures  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story, cheryl losch ! As the one and only entrant in the 10/23 round of the DFFC... congratulations on being the winner! Your winning GPs are attached to this review, and I'd like to thank you for your continued participation in this contest. *Smile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!


Jeff
629
629
Review of TheTwist  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed this expansion on your original DFFC story. You did a great job fleshing out the story that was inspired by this particular prompt... and is a testament to how you can grow a short few hundred words of flash fiction into a longer and more detailed short story. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter! *Smile*
630
630
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for the link to this item in my last issue of the official Mystery newsletter! I enjoyed this item, particularly the second-person perspective, which was a refreshing change from the more traditional first and third-person perspectives. It would be my pleasure to feature it in the next issue of the newsletter. *Smile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!
631
631
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, this is Jeff and I'm your judge for the 10/21 round of the Daily Flash Fiction challenge.

I really enjoyed this story... you created a wonderful character in Tina, and you included the items from the prompt in a creative way. Congratulations on being the winner of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge for 10/21! Your winning GPs are included with this review. *Smile*

Thanks for entering the contest... keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

Jeff
632
632
Review of Guns and Red Wine  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, this is Jeff and I'm your judge for the 10/21 round of the Daily Flash Fiction challenge.

I really enjoyed this story. The only issue I had was that the prompt said to include the listed items, and you used "slot machine" as a descriptive simile (rather than including an actual slot machine itself)... but other than that, you did a great job with this story. Very well written! *Smile*

Thanks for entering the contest... keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

Jeff
633
633
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, this is Jeff and I'm your judge for the 10/21 round of the Daily Flash Fiction challenge.

Good characters, good inclusion of the items in the prompt... all in all, a satisfying flash fiction story. *Smile*

Thanks for entering the contest... keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

Jeff
634
634
Review of Twisted Fate  
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is Jeff and I'll be reviewing your entry for the 10/20 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge. Overall, I enjoyed your story. I thought it was well written and there was a great, surprise twist at the end. Great job! *Smile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!
635
635
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is Jeff and I'll be reviewing your entry for the 10/20 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge. I thought you did a really great job with this story... a very inventive take on the prompt and an unexpected ending. Well done!

Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*
636
636
Review by Jeff
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great to see you around these parts again, Jim! Except for a slightly out-of-order list of demands (food, then woman? *Confused*) *Pthb**Laugh*, I thought this was an excellent entry. Everything I hoped for in the prompt and more. Congratulations on winning the Daily Flash Fiction challenge for 10/19! Your winning GPs are enclosed with this review. *Smile*
637
637
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is Jeff and I'll be reviewing your entry for the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge (10/19). Overall, I thought this was a unique and creative story that took familiar character from literature and put a fresh spin on them. Very creative! *Smile*
638
638
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jeff and I'll be your judge for the 10/18/10 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

I thought you did a good job with the characters and the way you set the narrative up for the inevitable finale. Good use of detail, and an excellent take on the prompt. Nice job!

Thank you for submitting your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*


- Jeff
639
639
Review of Keys  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jeff and I'll be your judge for the 10/18/10 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Good use of the prompt, compelling characters, and a flowing, effective narrative. All in all, a solid effort. *Smile*

Thank you for submitting your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*


- Jeff
640
640
Review of Sold!  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, my name is Jeff and I'll be judging your entry for the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Great story! Excellent tone, effective narrative, engaging character... and a clever twist at the end. Very well done... congratulations on being the winner of the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! Your winning Gift Points are enclosed with this review. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

- Jeff
641
641
Review of Goth Wedding  
Review by Jeff
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, my name is Jeff and I'll be judging your entry for the 10/17 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

*Laugh* Your ending was brilliant! I thought you came up with a unique take on the prompt, and you told an effective, engaging story in only 297 words. Nicely done!

Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your entry. Keep up the good work and keep writing! *Smile*

- Jeff
642
642
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

Great story. I loved the characters, and the setting was unique. Overall, a well written and enjoyable story. Nice job! *Bigsmile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
643
643
Review of The Stuffed Fox  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

I really enjoyed your take on the prompt. I thought it was clever, engaging and exciting. Very well done... and congratulations on winning the 10/16 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! Your winning Gift Points are enclosed with this review. *Bigsmile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
644
644
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

I really enjoyed this story. I thought the ending was a great twist, and completely believable. Excellent work... and congratulations on winning the 10/15 round of the DFFC! Your winning GPs are enclosed with this review. *Smile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
645
645
Review of Sarah Collins  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for entering the 10/15 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm Jeff and this is my official review as judge for this round of the contest.

Good characters, engaging story... all in all, I thought this was a fun read and an interesting piece. You did an excellent job with the dialogue, and moving the plot along with it. *Smile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Jeff
646
646
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi BIG BAD WOLF Happy July 4th! -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Great, original concept.

*Checkb* Good use of three separate speaking parts in such a short span of time.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* The dialogue was a little stiff. "Daddy" - in particular - when he says, "Right. Now where was I?" feels a little unnatural. I know this is just a short dialogue piece, but in the entire exchange, this is the only line where he's speaking to himself... and it's a very drawn-out process, with four total components (two back-and-forth). I would recommend trimming that down so it doesn't feel so out of place. Perhaps, "Okay. Now hand over the money or I'll--"

*Xb* There needs to be a bigger build between when the officer shows up and makes the "take your son to work day" joke. Jokes work best when you build to a payoff, so a brief exchange with the father (or perhaps restructuring the dialogue so that the kid isn't seen until after the cop is on-scene) would help to payoff the line (which is very good) a little more effectively.

*Xb* The ending was a bit unrealistic. Granted, this is all fiction (where a cop takes his son out on patrol, and a bank robber takes his son to rob a bank), but the good guy and bad guy agreeing to take their kids out to ice cream together and leaving it at that seemed a little unrealistic. Perhaps the cop says something like, "Sounds like a good idea to me. We've got mint chip down at the station." Or, "Sounds like a good idea to me. Just put the gun down and come on out here and we'll talk about it." I felt like the ending just needed something from the cop to make this scene ring a little more realistic.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a great job with this brief dialogue exchange. While there are some aspects to work on, the hardest thing with writing dialogue is to make it realistic and memorable. For the most part, the words themselves felt realistic, and you definitely created a memorable scene for your characters. Nicely done! *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **
647
647
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi Madeleine Eblouie -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Well-written and engaging.

*Checkb* Good use of both mystery and fantasy genre elements.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* The first wish was a little weak.

*Xb* Starting the story at the end of her "ten years, ten wishes" narrative raises questions, upon finishing the story, about what those ten wishes over ten years were.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well-written, engaging, and had good characterization. I liked the structure, although I felt that the structure contributed in large part to what I thought was the story's weakest part, which were the wishes. The toughest part about "wish" stories is that you have to manage the reader's expectations. Wishes are one of those things where, if they're not really spectacular, the reader could potentially be turned off and think, "I would have wished for something better than that!"

In this case, I think the first wish (for a clean, pretty dress) was a little weak. Given that she could wish for anything in the world, a clean, pretty dress seemed a little... underwhelming. Similarly, since the beginning of the story is ten years later (presumably after the ten wishes have all been used up), I was - upon finishing the story and learning of the wishes she had been granted - wondering what those wishes had been and, although Marianne was happy at that point, couldn't figure out how her life had dramatically improved... as I suspect it should if someone was given the fantastical opportunity to have ten of their wishes granted.

All that said, however, it was an enjoyable story that had vibrant character and a great sense of style to the writing. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
648
648
Review of Checkmate  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hi CB Lingo -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Great twist at the end; the story was reminiscent (in a good way) of Lawrence Block's short stories, which always throw the reader for a loop at the end. *Smile*

*Checkb* Good dialogue between Richard and Walter.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* Repeated typo: "jewelery" should be "jewelry"

*Xb* The fact that Richard downed the poison so readily somewhat gave away the ending. In order to keep the audience fooled for a little longer, I would try to adjust the narrative so perhaps he drinks the wine and then the talk of poisoning is discussed... or so that he has less of an option to drink it. As is, it feels a bit like he drank the poison on purpose with some ulterior motive in mind (which is exactly what ends up happening).


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I really enjoyed this story. You had a great twist at the end, intriguing characters, and a minimal, but effective setup for their conversation. All in all, a well-told, enjoyable story. It would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the official Mystery newsletter. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
649
649
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hi Richard de Young -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Intriguing concept.

*Checkb* Well thought-out synopsis.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* More detail about Kasandra's character and her arc.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

I know this is still in the planning/outlining stages of the play, but I think you're on the right track. You've got a clear concept for the work, and it seems to lend itself well to the stage. I think that with some additional outlining and focusing on Kasandra's character and the journey she takes throughout the play, this could be a really compelling piece. You're off to a good start. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
650
650
Review of Darkness  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hi Matt Prosser -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Checkb* Intriguing concept.

*Checkb* Great imagery.

*Checkb* Effective and evocative.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Xb* "All the nerve endings of your body begin to burn with passion..."

*Xb* The item is listed as "poetry," but reads more like prose.

*Xb* I was hoping for a little more explanation of why a piece about romance is titled "Darkness."

*Xb* It sounded like the emotions and energy you were describing was more like lust or physical attraction, rather than the concept of romance.


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed reading this item. I think it's interesting that your thoughts about romance are encapsulated in a piece titled and beginning with the concept of darkness, but I think you did a great job of capturing just what the physical sensations of romance entail. One might make the argument that what you're describing is more physical attraction or lust rather than romance... but I like the approach you took, and certainly agree with the sentiment that "existing in the moment is what it's all about." Nice job. *Smile*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
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