Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,183 Public Reviews Given

4,312 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

801

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14 days may be credited.

#3035838

Review of ~ Solace ~

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi Mara ♣ McBain

:

I had a chance to review your item today and have enclosed a few comments below, for your consideration. Please keep in mind that my opinion is only that of one person, and you - the author - are in the best position to determine what's most appropriate for your story. Feel free to use or disregard any of the comments below as you see fit.

CONCEPT

A good, solid concept. I love the setting of the boat, and the backstory you set up for your characters.

STORY

The story between your characters was great, from their experience to their history together. You really created an amazing feeling of intimacy between them, which created an even more meaningful and satisfying encounter toward the end.

CHARACTERS

Your characters were wonderful. Their relationship was complex, realistic, and intriguing. I found myself wanting to read more about them, even though the story was complete and satisfying on its own.

DIALOGUE

n/a

STRUCTURE

What I particularly liked about this story was your attention to detail. With only about a thousand words in the whole piece, you were still able to include some vibrant, memorable imagery... all while keeping the story's momentum moving forward. That's really tough to do, and here you made it look easy. Great job!

MECHANICS

Just one typo I found:

Third paragraph - "Pushing off the sailboat's railing..."

OVERALL

Really great job, Mara... this is a wonderful piece, and it would be an honor to feature it in the next edition of the UEN. Thanks for writing such a great story!

I hope that you've found my comments and observations useful. Thank you for allowing me to rate and review your item. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"2008 Short Fiction Competition"
"Invalid Item"

802

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#3032611

Review of What would you rather own?

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

I think it'd be hard to argue with a chocolate tree. I'm hoping it's a perennial, though?

Thanks for the opportunity to participate in (and review) your poll!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"Invalid Item"
"2008 Short Fiction Competition"

803

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#3032578

Review of What would you go without?

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Interesting poll, Geldia! I think I would give up my home for three days. Going without food or water for three days would be pretty miserable... and since it's only three days, not having my own name isn't something I think would be too terrible to overcome... but not having a home and being forced to find alternative accommodations is something that I think might be a memorable experience for a few days!

Thanks for the opportunity to participate in (and review) your poll!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"Invalid Item"
"2008 Short Fiction Competition"

804

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14 days may be credited.

#3032537

Review of A small world: Are you international?

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Interesting poll, mars! Sadly, I've not yet had the opportunity to travel abroad, but I'm hoping that will change soon; there are far too many things to do and see just to stay in one country for my entire life!

Thanks for the opportunity to participate in (and review) your poll!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"Invalid Item"
"2008 Short Fiction Competition"

805

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14 days may be credited.

#3030719

Review of In a Moment's Breath ...

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Mara ♣ McBain

:

I had a chance to review your item today and have enclosed a few comments below, for your consideration. Please keep in mind that my opinion is only that of one person, and you - the author - are in the best position to determine what's most appropriate for your story. Feel free to use or disregard any of the comments below as you see fit.

CONCEPT

What most impresses me about the concept of this story is that it perfectly matches the tone of the photograph. I've been staring at that photograph all month thinking, "What kind of story would be appropriate for this image?" And I think it's safe to say that you've found a tale that fully answers that question.

STORY

The story itself is great. The use of a flashback, combined with the current grief your narrator feels makes for a powerful contrast, which carriers the reader through and gives them some idea of the true and boundless grief and guilt that she feels over what happened. Very well done!

CHARACTERS

Your characters are all great. From the grief-stricken mother, to the trying-to-be-supportive husband... to innocent Alex himself. All of your characters are imbued with such an emotional, realistic core that your reader can't help but immediately identify with them and understand where they're coming from.

DIALOGUE

n/a

STRUCTURE

The way you began with the present, then revisited a memory... and then rounded out the story by bringing your reader back to the present was particularly well-executed. You hook us in the beginning, reel us in with the flashback... and then really hit us with the full emotional weight of the story when we're back in the present again. This is a time-tested narrative structure, and one you execute to perfection.

MECHANICS

No spelling or grammar errors that I could spot.

OVERALL

Overall, these are the kinds of stories that I both love and hate. I love it for it's elegance, and its beauty... and its humanity. But I also hate it because I'm insanely jealous that I didn't come up with something this good!

Honestly, it's stories like these that make me think, "Why bother entering this contest?" You've got a winner on your hands, Mara. Really, really great work.

I hope that you've found my comments and observations useful. Thank you for allowing me to rate and review your item. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"2008 Short Fiction Competition"
"Invalid Item"

806

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14 days may be credited.

#3030700

Review of Discarded v3

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Great poem, Turtlegreen! I really enjoyed the imagery and structure of your item. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but the spacing of the stanzas, staggering their horizontal position on the page was a really interesting technique that worked well.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review such a great work of poetry!

- SoCalScribe

807

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14 days may be credited.

#2972455

Review of Dear Me - 2009

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Nice job on this, Jace. I really like the format of this letter, with the way you were talking to yourself. It's unique and, based on my experience reading most of the entries for last year, not something that I've seen before... which is never a bad thing!

I think your goals are clear, your presentation is unique and fun... you've got a winner here.

Thanks for letting me check it out!

808

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14 days may be credited.

#2918675

Review of Threshold

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Great story, Hyperiongate! I'm sorry for taking so long to get around to judging this round... prepping for NaNoWriMo has been a bit of an obsession for me lately! Anyway, I really enjoyed this story. I thought you did a great job creating a whole mythology to the story and your characterization and description, as always, are flawless. Really nice job; thanks for entering the contest!

809

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14 days may be credited.

#2904179

Review of You Touch Me

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Michelle!

I'm sorry for taking so long to get to these buddy reviews, and now I'm sorry I waited so long! I thought this was a really wonderful poem, filled with great imagery and wonderful description. I'm really impressed by the way you were able to incorporate elements of romance and eroticism into the same short piece so effectively.

Keep up the great work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

** Image ID #1431898 Unavailable **

810

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#2902575

Review of Was It Wrong?

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Thanks for entering this round of the UEN writing assignment, Ski! I really enjoyed reading your story and thought you did a good job mixing some high-octane thrills into the story with the man holding them at gunpoint! Keep up the good work and check the UEN for the announcement of this round's winner!

Best regards,

-SoCalScribe

811

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#2882713

Review of Saint Joan of Arc

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Thanks for pointing me toward this piece, Bob County... I always enjoy a little historical information, and I thought this was a wonderfully concise piece that encapsulated much of the story of Joan of Arc. No spelling or grammatical errors that I could find... keep up the good work and keep writing!

812

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#2870314

Review of The Phantom Angel

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Good work on this poem, Dominic! I really enjoyed reading this short piece. Keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

** Image ID #1430130 Unavailable **

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

813

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#2870313

Review of What is good? What is evil?

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Nice job on this poem, Fezzik. I enjoyed reading this piece. Keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

** Image ID #1456565 Unavailable **

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

814

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#2870312

Review of Angel of Mercy

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Nice job on this poem, Electra! I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was descriptive, evocative, and very well written. Keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

** Image ID #1430130 Unavailable **

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

815

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#2870308

Review of an ode to chuck norris

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Nice job, chucknorris... although I've heard it before, I always enjoy a little fact about Chuck Norris. I've heard that Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

- S o C a l S c r i b e

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Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

816

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#2870301

Review of And again

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Good work, Aurgelmir... I liked this piece a lot. It was very effective and moving. Nice job... keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

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Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

817

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14 days may be credited.

#2870299

Review of Goodbye

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Good work, Oza! I really enjoyed reading this poem of yours. It was entertaining and well presented. Keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

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Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

818

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#2870296

Review of Sin

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Great job on this poem, Demitria... I really enjoyed reading this. I thought it was well written and effective. Keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

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Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

819

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14 days may be credited.

#2870292

Review of Aglow

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Great job with this item, Miblu... I really enjoyed its simplicity and its meaning. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

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Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

820

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#2870289

Review of the only time i can be real

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Good work, Frances! I enjoyed reading this poem and thought you did a good job laying it out. Keep up the great work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

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Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

821

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#2870288

Review of Smoke

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Nice job, Anon. I enjoyed reading your poem and thought it was a solid, simple piece that was told very effectively. Keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Image #1456565 over display limit. -?-

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

822

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14 days may be credited.

#2870283

Review of My God. My Lord.

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Nice job, DDR! I thought this was an excellent piece. It was short, engaging, and to the point. Great work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Image #1456565 over display limit. -?-

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

823

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14 days may be credited.

#2870281

Review of Lies

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Bia,

I thought this was a solid piece. It was very evocative and well written, all in just a few short words. Keep up the great work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Image #1456565 over display limit. -?-

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

824

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14 days may be credited.

#2870279

Review of "Perfect Love"

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Steph,

I thought this was a very touching piece. It was well developed, well presented, and very effective. Nice job; keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Image #1457635 over display limit. -?-

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"

825

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14 days may be credited.

#2870277

Review of The Writing Life For Me

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

I enjoyed reading this item, Pierce. I thought it was short, to the point, and completely effective. Keep up the good work!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Image #1430130 over display limit. -?-

Please check out my community items:
"2008 Short Fiction Competition" | "SoCalScribe's Review Challenge"
"Crimes Against Flash Fiction" | "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"