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 |  Sing it if you understand... |
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2Am and I'm still awake writing a song If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud And I know that you'll use them however you want to. But you can't jump the track We're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass glued to the table, No one can find the rewind button now Sing it if you understand...and breath... ~ Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This blaze was destined for you to be refined My plans for you this battle I had to require Even though, the fire is known to leave ashes behind These ashes will leave in you a God-Given Fire... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This woman prays... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~ Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion to give unto them Beauty for Ashes the oil of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness that they might be called trees of righteousness the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. |
I love you guys!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX6WHvxTYHs Jen's head crashes on keyboard! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz |
| Hey Family! I’m home! I got in about 3:30 this afternoon, laid down on my HEAVENLY bed just to rest for a minute before bathing… and well I then decided to take a trip into dreamland. Ah… The mountain was beautiful! I don’t even know where to start I have so much to say! After the 5:30 meeting on Thursday, Penny, came up to me and asked if I wanted to go with her and Shelly to Ft. Davis. She said, she felt spiritually ‘led’ to invite me. So I gave it some thought… about two seconds… uh… okay, yeah, sure… Let’s get this party started! I was ready to go right then but we left just right after I got out of work at 1PM on Friday… pulled into the mountains about 4PM, stopped at a little café for dinner… walked in and there sat Skittles- AKA, Kenneth and also Justin. In fact, about 200 of my friends… The recovering alcoholics in West Texas… just overtook the little town of Ft. Davis this weekend. The conference was huge! There were speakers Friday night, all day Saturday and until noon this Sunday. Today is my 61st day of honest sobriety! Let’s here it for the girl! Shelly pushed me to get up to the podium this morning and claim my 2-month chip. I wasn’t gonna! But it was either fight with Shelly or just get my ass up there… So I got up there. My home group here in Odessa doesn’t give two month chips so I never even THUNK of such a thing but this conference leader chose to call out to anyone with sixty days sobriety. I’m doing the little whistle song… looking around for a taker… and Shelly is shoving me out my chair. Well… I’m a two-month-old baby in sobriety! I bought myself a new outfit on Saturday and an Amethyst Stone at a little rock shop in Ft. Davis as a gift to myself for being such a GOOD GIRL! – Amethyst - The name comes from the Greek a ("not") and methustos ("to intoxicate"), a reference to the belief that the stone protected its owner from drunkenness; the ancient Greeks and Romans wore amethyst and made drinking vessels of it in the belief that it would prevent intoxication. ~ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amethyst Amethyst is also my birthstone! I’m a different woman … I have been renewed! Even some of my opinions on issues have changed. This weekend was much needed! So I spent until noon today listening to speakers and stood up for my two months of sobriety. Then we spent a good three hours on the road to home. On Saturday, We woke bright and early. It was like a weekend slumber party for us girls. Penny and Shelly are really cool ladies. We got to know each other this weekend. Shelly and I clicked real well. Penny is like Mother Hen. She is the cutest little ol’ lady! She has twenty something years sobriety and has worked in a treatment center for most of her sobriety. Now, she is sick with terminal cancer. You may have heard me blog about her before. Shelly has 16 years of sobriety. She is a massage therapist and uh… a … uh… reader. Yeah, she does psychic readings. Yes, she did mine… and I have lots to tell! I had told her nothing about myself… and she was RIGHT ON with everything she said that I am aware of thus far. I do believe in the gifts of the spirits. I do believe Shelly has it too. She told me some REALLY interesting stuff about my life. We stayed up till almost 3AM on Friday night or rather Saturday morning just talking… she told me about my love life, my past, my future… MY CHILDREN! I will be writing it out in my blog but for now… I just want to take note of what she saw around me from the spirit world. The spirit world is actually more real than the world that you and I see. She described a tall, slender man. A quiet man with a Jimmy Dean, slicked back hairstyle. She said he had dark weathered skin, dark eyes and dark hair. He was with me, watching over me… he was there because my mother had prayed him there with me. She described my mother’s father exactly. It was my grandfather that she saw. She said he was quiet and that he wouldn’t talk much to her but that he stood directly above me. My grandfather passed away in 1998… he is everything that she described! Even QUIET! She also said I had three angels. One being my guardian angel that whispers love to me, said she strokes my hair often and hugs on me. She has blonde hair and she sings songs all the time.  !!!!! She described another angel… she said the only words she could find to describe this angel is “biker bitch”… she is tough, she wears leather… has long dark hair. She is here teaching me to be tough and stand… Shelly says this angel jabs me a lot… she said the next time you feel a poke or a push … it is this angel telling you to be strong. She then described another angel that she called the angel of Intuition. She said she appears to be an Indian woman, she talks to me through nature. Shelly also told me that I have the same gift she does but I’m afraid of it and I block it out. This intuition angel is proof of that… so Shelly said. Then she spoke of a male angel. He is different than the other angels in that he is only here because of a crisis that is happening in my life. He looks like a soldier and he is big and burly. He doesn’t stay with me all my life like the three angels above… he is only here because I am struggling with something right now. She said, it could be all the life changes I am making… but then she asked if I had lost someone I loved recently? I told her yes… She said that it could be that the solider is here to help me through that. She also told me that Shafter’s death was NOT an accident. She said that he committed suicide. He is now in what’s called a resting-place and he is being soaked through and through with love. You guys may remember me saying I thought Shafter may have taken his own life… but my logic told me he would not do that to his family, but I knew in my heart… that he had. She said that he was so tired. He was so depressed and he saw no reason at all to keep going… I believe it. One of the FIRST things she said to me… before she said another else… was that I had strong spirituality. She said there were all kinds of strong shades of blue around me leading into lighter shades of blues and greens… all calm colors. BUT She saw red too… which she said is anger, obsession and could sometimes be passion. She said I’m very angry… and not all of the underlying reasons are from this lifetime. There is anger brought over from another life I lived. She also said that I’m denying my anger a lot because I was abused and that I’m so afraid that I will be like my abuser. I fell out of my seat when she said that. There is nothing closer to the truth. I am very afraid that I am like my father. It’s obvious in my writing even. I’m constantly trying to prove that I’m a good person. I’m nothing like him. Why? Because deep down inside of me… I fear that I am. When I see myself lose it… I see my dad. And I am ashamed. She also said there is yellow… that means… over processing… She said I THINK to damn much! I run things over and over in my mind and it only hurts me… it hinders my growth. I felt like a real nerd… but I had my little purse journal out and I was taking notes as she spoke to me. She suggested that I do some automatic handwriting. She explained that I should meditate, pray and let God speak through my angels and ultimately through my fingers and words. She said this is one way that my intuition angel will work through me. Actually, she said I had the gift of speaking prophecy and that it will manifest through my writing. She also spoke of two roads in front of me. There are two paths … if I chose one… then this will happen… if I chose another… she wasn’t able to see a sign of what would happen. But she did say there is no man close in my life. She said in a year… AND if I chose the first path… one will come. He will be tougher than I (I don’t know about that) will, sandy blonde hair… tall… and a fire sign… but that’s all she could see about him. She made a point in saying that I will NOT meet this man drunk. She also said he is at least a year away from my life. Also… she doesn’t feel like he is in the program of AA. He ain’t one of us! She said…  She also saw a little blonde-headed girl in about five years. FIVE! That means I’m gonna be 35 years old before I have a kid?!?!?! I’m gonna be an old woman when she is growing up! But I was very pleased to hear that… only one little blonde haired girl… I’d be OK with that. I brought up my ex husband. She asked, “Are ya’ll good friends yet?” uh… no… “You will be.” She said, “you and him will talk about getting back together but you will realize that you were never really happy with that relationship and that he isn’t the one… and vice versa.” SO! She said all kinds of stuff… and I believe her. Yeah, I’ve got my logical brain telling me that it’s all bullshit… but there is a part of me that knows she saw what she said. No, I didn’t pay her for this… if anyone is wondering. This was just a conversation late Friday night between two gals in their PJ’s… Saturday… I climbed a mountain, sat alone and wrote what I saw around me… It is so beautiful today here on this mountain. The little bugs swirling around me sound like little weed eaters buzzing by. The wind is strong, almost blew the metal roof off the shed I have found for shelter. The grass is a foot tall all around me and is dancing with the breeze. I can hear laughter from the conference room even at this distance. It’s echoing through the mountain. The sun feels good to my skin. I feel good. The trail horses just passed at a distance… a black one, white one, brown one… the last horse is gorgeous… light brown and white… I hear dogs barking… but the only other sound… is my heartbeat. I am giving God and myself one year, starting today. Nothing matters more to me in this life… than my creator and my spirituality. I am dedicating this year to my spiritual growth. For one year, no major changes… no unnecessary stress. My goal is to grow in my spirituality, to become aware of that which is around me… and to continue day by day to be a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I am claiming a dry date of abstinence… October 20, 2007 It was an awesome weekend for me. I have so much more to say but I’m OUT of TIME. I’m glad to be home… but I’m more glad to announce that the woman that left on Friday isn’t the same woman that returned on Sunday. I have experienced a spiritual awakening. I love you blog family of mine!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip1zsUIosoA - Not even God can steer a parked car - |
I am SO fired! I blogged on told you guys where I was going! But uhh... looks as if I kept it for my eyes only! BLONDE MOMENT! I have LOTS of stories to tell but I just walked in the door, and honestly my butt is tired of me sitting on it! I need a shower and a good tooth brushing! I'll shall return! SORRY KAY?  this entry was suppose to be visible! I’ve been busy packing a bag. I’m getting out of here! I’m going to a little ol’ town without a name… Gonna meet a man… He’ll take me in Then feed me all the same bullshit again. No really… I’m going to Ft Davis Mountains, gonna meet up with a couple hundred of my closest friends. I may swing by Marfa and take a few snapshots of some UFO’s. Then might cross the Mexico border and sing a song with a couple of senoritas. Wherever I may roam… That’s where I’ll be. Like Thelma and Louise… I may just keep going……………………  I need to get away. KISS –  Keep it simple, silly! I won’t even come home after work… just to the bank, gonna go buy myself a sleeping bag… and I’m on the road. L&O Is ON! Dude just suffocated himself! DAMN! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxNOCl7S7lU |
| Hey! How’s it? Guess what I did? I slept with my A/C off and my balcony door open… yep! The seasons change is bringing me fuzzy feelings. I love fall! So what’s the lowdown? My security light was on my car this morning. What tha? I never have seen that light on before. It’s just the little red word ‘security’ lit up on my dash. I guess I need to read the car manual. I walked around the car to see if it had been tampered with. There is no evidence of such a thing. So… I’ll just call my faithful step dad… later, sometime. I’m doubling up on meetings today. Going to noon and then to the 5:30. I need it! I’m fighting my way back from the dead. This isolating bullshit is just that. The world is missing out on something good cause I been staying at home all bottled up in my self made misery. She showed back up to work this morning. They got into it again and manager told her again to clock out and leave. This is what I meant when I told her back in our big IM about how I don’t want to watch this pride and arrogance get beat out of her. She left in tears this morning. John tells me I need to talk to her, that she is out of control. Well… she won’t listen to me… believe me I have tried! So I’m just going to keep doing what I know works… PRAY! It’s another good day for me. I’m dressed for success again. I feel good. I’m dancing around the office to some 80’s love songs. I’m gonna ‘git r did’ around here today. I have much to accomplish. So what is percolating? I’ve seen that the view in my life is better than I thought. Many times what we need isn’t a change of scenery but simply a renewed vision of what is already there. If you don’t like what you see in your life…. Look harder! I’ve been spending time with my main squeeze… its evident isn’t it? Not a better high anywhere to be found!  You will never sense fulfillment in life unless you reach the goal of being yourself. Don’t be in competition with others: just be yourself. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9Y6ARjIL-E |
| I awoke before the roosters this morning. Rolled my hair, nice pretty curls… splashed on the face paint… dressed myself for success. With west winds at 15mph and gusts as high as 20mph… My pretty blonde curly locks didn’t look so pretty after stepping out my front door. Really it wasn’t so bad at 6:30 in the morning… no it was when I went outside for smoke breaks that my ‘do’ got blown to hell… hey… the price we smokers pay. I had a calm morning, with enough time to prepare myself for the day. I get to work and it’s like the wind blasted through the front office and break room of my POE. I did… I went straight to the warehouse manager… WTF? I need someone down here and I need them now! This is unacceptable! I was pee’d off. Last night three staff members worked the evening shift. This morning there were no liners in any trashcans. There was an inch thick of sticky nasty all over the tiled front office floor. There was graffiti drawn all over my little bulletin board. Cookie crumbs, used plates, empty soda cans scattered all throughout. Coffee spilled all over the floor. AND Mr. Scary and mean looking Halloween guy that I had sitting on the front sofa… had his middle finger sticking right up at me! With his other hand stuck up under his robe… Yeah… I know what he was doing under there. All those Teen Court kids mandated to do time… Well, I docked em’ all an hour… yep… They wrote on my board! With permanent marker! … Said you suck! We don’t need no diet sodas! All we have is diet in the volunteer fridge… cause that’s just all we got! They just tore it up. I helped Sarah clean up (she worked last night, along with John) and she just keeps ranting on about how it’s all the kids fault… blah blah… Yes… I have no doubt that the kids trashed this place out… but uh…where they not supervised? Then it’s all about how she can’t be everywhere all at once. She continued on and on and on… in that Sarah style… I just let it go in one ear and out the other. I do understand to an extent but there’s no excuse for the way it looked this morning. That’s all she offered… excuses… But we got it cleaned up. John and I had a few blows today but playfully… I was just irked about the mess this morning and I wasn’t gonna do him NO favors.  Anyway, I got glad in the same pants I got mad in … and the day carried on. Well, About 15 minutes till Noon, Sarah and the warehouse manager came down stairs just verbally scraping. The warehouse manager told her to clock out and go home. The manager then went in my boss ladies office and let it rip… she was pissed! Sarah clocked out, called for a ride… didn’t say a word to me… and walked out the door. This has been a long time coming. I couldn’t believe Sarah was talking to her boss like that. She was just all up in her face ghetto style! Sherry ain’t one to tolerate no bullshit. She is down to earth but she will buck up quick. So… later on I went to Sherry and asked what was up with all that? She said Sarah’s attitude is no longer tolerable. She won’t do what she asks her to do. She talks back to her, she’s ‘sassy’, and thinks she is running the warehouse… Sherry said, point blank, I don’t need her here. I have NEVER in two years of working at this food bank… seen Sherry tell anyone to clock out and go home! I have NEVER seen anyone fired and we have had some real wieners come through our doors as employees! They will tolerate a lot. I mean… look at all the hell I’ve put them through!? Went to work drunk… out for 2 weeks for rehab… went back to work drunk…didn’t show up but half the time when I was using It’s sad… I HATE that Sarah has chosen this for herself! I HATE it! But in a way … a selfish way… I’m relieved that she isn’t in my view any longer. It’s been hell watching her. It’s been so hard turning the other cheek… when I really just wanted to SMACK her. I can’t even explain it… but I know I have learned a hard lesson. Today at the noon meeting someone spoke about how a sponsor only guides a sponsee through the steps… nothing more. If you take all of it on yourself… you hurt them… you ultimately hurt yourself. You see, I took on ALL of Sarah’s problems. I can’t explain it right now… but I had no business doing any of that with only 90 days sober myself. Hey! Lessons Learned! And life goes on… right? I’ll keep praying for Sarah. I said a special prayer for her this morning. It tripped me out to when all this came down… cause just this MORNING I got up early enough for my prayer and meditation… Which I haven’t in a long time… and I threw all kinds of folk upward to my God… but I made a point of specifically saying a special prayer for Sarah. We never know what God has in mind. God disciplines those that He loves. Honestly… I really do see me in Sarah. The ‘old’ me… the one that thought that repo company I use to work for couldn’t make it without me. I know exactly what Sarah was thinking when she bowed up to the boss today… She thought Sherry would back down and cater to her because Sarah is a good worker, because she is dependable and she does a damn good job… but what she failed to understand is ‘everyone is replaceable’. I learned that the HARD WAY when I got canned… and I didn’t think that company would make it without me… but they did and still are. Hey, we all got the right to be wrong, sometimes… it ain’t over till it’s over… ANYWAYS… Enough shop talk! So what’s been percolating through my hard skull? “Don’t take yourself so damn serious!” Jen screams to herself Don’t let your hopes and expectations be so high that you miss the beauty in what is. We are built for adversity. Trails show us what we are made of. So… I live another day. I’m gifted another day. It’s been another good day. Sure, I wish things were different in some ways but I’ve come to say a simple prayer on a daily basis… I ask God to either, block it or bless it… and amazingly he seems to do so almost immediately. I can’t explain that either. Shit, I may as well just go my ass to bed… I came home… youtubed some old Fleetwood, Janis Joplin, Heart, Patti Smith… Yeah, I am partial to women rockers.Then I mediated. I did some studies. I cooked a little since I didn’t over the weekend. I’m one to like cook once a week and freeze stuff… yep… I’ve researched how to be a broke bitch but look like you got money… and how to stretch a dollar… yes I have. I had a good day. Inside of me… things are ok. Around me… things are same as always… Life is as big or as small as we make it. I first heard this song when I got out of rehab. I went out and bought the CD because this song just grabbed me. When he sings about… thanking God for those that make it, I always think of Sheree. I even shared at a meeting once that I thought of my sponsor when I heard that part of the song. She has never heard the song… she don’t do country music at all but it gives me giggle bumps when I hear it… I am reminded of where I’ve been and really just how far I’ve come. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jw6Z54FmZ1U Jen has left the site |
| Dammit! I can’t sleep! So I’m listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lE6Htee0sA and eating pineapple … I so hooked, I dream about songs to youtube I’m going back to bed now Buh bye Now! |
| I came home from work, put on my shorts, T-shirt and tenny’s… and I went for a walk. The days are getting cooler. The evenings are nice. I walked alone through the neighborhood I live. I realized what I’m NOT doing… I’m not taking care of me anymore. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of my needs. Not my WANTS… but what I need to be healthy... spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally. After walking, I took a cold shower and then laid on my living room floor with a lit candle, a sofa cushion and I just mediated and prayed. Tried to clear my mind so that I am open enough to hear the still silent voice. My mind is jumbled; I can’t even see his face like I use to. I’m playing games. I’m not a good gamer… When a game is played, someone has to lose. I'm not good at games. I pour myself on these pages. I don’t even know what I’m feeling most of the time. I haven’t even tried to control the things that control me. I just let the pony run free… wherever I end up… that’s where I’ll be. Pain is a good motivator. The pains of my addictions aren’t hurting me right now. I don’t have the hangovers, the morning after… the regrets… so I forget where I come from and I grow complacent. I sit peacefully in the middle of a train track unaware that I’m about to be ...uh… smashed. If you want something to die…stop feeding it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvmYl8BJfKM **** What’s my plan? Grow in my spirituality. Stop putting God on the back burners in my mind. Stop asking for his presents as much as His presence. Forgive and Forget… Start taking care of me. So What is best for me? It’s always been about everybody else with me. Not self absorbed… but self-care is where to begin. And SLEEP… LOTS and LOTS of SLEEP! ** Today I got quite a bit done at work. I listened to Joyce’s daily show as I worked. I youtubed songs all day! I’m addicted! As if you didn’t know already… I was my happy, bubbly sweet self… Miss helpful to whoever needs it. You know, maybe I’m not as real as I want everyone to believe. Is the real me the one emotionally vomiting all over you? Or is the real me the girl up there trying to clean up everyone else? It was a good day. The seasons are changing. A fresh breeze is coming through. An Angel says… Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. I ought to get my ass off this computer and dive deeper... Stop letting myself drown in the shallow water... |
| BELIEVE Believe in yourself. Sure, there are some things that you cannot do, just as there are some things that you can easily do. Most things are possible, but not easy. There are three steps to achieving any of those things. 1. Make a plan. 2. Believe you can do it. 3. Take action. If you really believe, you will take action. Most people fail at the second stage. Most plans get left along the wayside of some path paved with good intentions. You have to believe that you can do it...that you must do it. Otherwise, it's just not worth drawing up the plans. So, just what do you believe in? ~ The happy guy I believe I need a clippie! My hair is flying about … but I’m clippie less…  bad hair day… I have missed the happy guy! Now, that I got my work email up and running… I get to soak up his wisdom again. Check him out: http://TheHappyGuy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html And my horoscope: If you stand up straight for a moment and breathe a breath of fresh air, Jennifer, you may find that things aren't really as bad as everyone may try to make it seem. Share this fresh perspective with others, and encourage positive attitudes instead of negative ones. There are terrific opportunities waiting for you when you follow your heart and stay focused on things that give you the most pleasure in life. Spread sunshine wherever you go, regardless of the circumstances you are in. And then my desk calendar: Not only can you and I speak the Word of God over our own lives, but we can be an effective intercessor by speaking and praying the Word of God over the lives of others. I have been complacent here lately. I need to take some action and stop this! First things First, I got a lot of work to get done here at the office. I need to touch base with my sponsor and stop ignoring her attempts at contacting me. John is awfully flirtatious this morning. Sarah is still loud as ever. I can hear her screaming when she is in the warehouse and I’m downstairs. Carla’s old man is out of rehab. She seems happy. Bosslady is in El Paso today. That saves my butt from having to answer as to why things did not get completed as she requested on Friday. Hey, I was sick… You could see it when you looked out me! Man, I looked rough. Someone messed up my big scary guy and made it where it looks like he is playing with himself under his rag clothes and they put his hand in his mouth like he is getting off or something. It’s cute… so I won’t change it up. I may hit a noon meeting today. I slept ALL day yesterday. I popped those sleeping pills left and right. I’m such an addict! Hey, but it worked! I’m not sleepy today! Well… I’m going to earn my dollars today and get this stuff done at the office! It will make me feel better. I hate feeling behind on my duties… work, home, personal… any of it… just nags me till I get it done. Be happy don’t worry! Let me go so I can bust a move here in the office! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPmbT5XC-q0 |
| The lights in a house are turned on one at a time. I just took a scorching hot shower… 10:00 at night, first bath of the day…  I have slept ALL day long! I only woke up because the phone rang. Answering machine got unplugged somehow so the phone just rang and rang. In my sleep… I tried to answer it. My sponsor and my mom called right next to each other. Both letting it ring no less than ten times. Joyce is talking about birds today. Eagles. Chickens. Vultures. Parrots. Cockatoos. Coocoobirds. Peacocks. Pelicans. Crows. Canaries. All of these she is comparing to the Christian. Which one are you? Hell I don’t know what I am. I want to be an Eagle. Sometimes I think I’m more of a Canary. They live and die in their cage, without ever really living. ~ http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/Broadcast/TV/Archive/20071015.htm I’m not spending enough time with God. I’m just walking around in a daze. I don’t even know why. Nothing is wrong! Nothing is really all that right… but nothing is wrong! Be still and know that I am God. There is a picture hanging in my living room with that scripture. It is made of brass and has a deer standing still. We could learn a lot by studying nature. I could learn a lot. I’m really at a loss for words. I’ve been staring at this screen awaiting some kind of something to pour forth… I’m feeling mushy lately. I just wanna call someone up and tell em’ I love you. I’m also feeling like I just wanna curl up in a corner. I have a mess at work. Much to get done. I planned on going in about noon but that didn’t happen. I went back to sleep. Fixing to do it again. Here I am again, wondering what all this is for… I may need to cut myself off of WDC. I’ve got some unhealthy obsessions going on. It’s more like a fantasy world I’m living in. Maybe if I cut myself off… I’ll get back out in the rest of the world. Justin wants to be a friend to me, but I keep pushing him away. He says things that put me on the spot… like nagging at me because I don’t feel a certain way that obviously he does. I can’t even explain it, but I feel like I’m put on the spot. Either… kiss his ass OR piss him off? Like when he called he was telling me that if I really wanted to talk to him, I would have found his phone number. True… but it is killing a possible friendship between us. I can’t explain it… it’s like a guilt trip… or I’m taking it as one… who cares. I’m dreaming a lot about my ex. Maybe because I’ve been talking about him more than I usually do. I also dream about WDC A LOT! Is this normal? I don’t think so… but like when folk go back in my blog and read and comment… it’s like I dream of it, it’s like someone going back into my past and bringing it up to me. I don’t know… I’m trippin. I think, I want, I feel, I think, I want, I feel, I think, I want, I feel, I think, I want, I feel, I think, I want, I feel The love inside… you take it with you. What is love? Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. I’m not sure that I’ve ever truly loved. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6xTPcJrJo8 I have this CD  and this song is my favorite. It’s #9 on the CD and I’m quick to flip to it in the mornings when I drive myself to work. An Angel says… He is happiest who finds his peace in his home. DAMN! I forgot to take my meds for the last two days… Poppin’ em’ now… You can bet that if they made me FEEL different I’d damn sure be taking em’ faithfully. I need a change. I feel stuck in a rut. I need to move… or take a road trip… or get drunk! Maybe I need to get laid. I’m going back to bed… |
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