Hello Nicola Black, welcome to WDC,. I have just read yout essay ," The Misunderstanding of raising children."
You started off the essay quite well, but then in the second paragraph you did not really say much apart from the privilages they have today.
I think perhaps if you elaborate a little more on why this is happening and perhaps a conclusion on your thoughts of how it can be changed for the better.
Hello Tonya, I have just read your story, "Looking."
I think this is a beautiful piece describing how the death of a loved one is so traumatic we have dreams looking for them. Then one different one accurs and at last we can be at peace.
Lovely little story.
Suggestions, the line," I followed it, the closer I got. That lightbecame brighter and more blinding." Would read better as, "I followed it, the closer I got that light became brighter and more blinding."
Hello geniusgal, I have just read your poem, "Leavin Home."
A great poem, memories flooding back as you prepare to leave. my favourite lines, "The walls still echo the cries and laughter, Toys lying abandoned in a corner."
Suggestions; toghetherness should be togetherness.
Hello puppycat, welcome to WDC. I have just read your story, "Not The Average Girl."
Some sort of fantasy story, I think. It has potential but does need a lot of tidying up.
There are numerous spelling mistakes, for instance stake should be steak. also each sentence should start with a capital letter. Too many mistakes to mention ,but with a lot of work it could be the start of a good story.
Hello Wator64, I have just read your short story, "Erotic Proclivities."
Something I would not usually read, so perhaps unfair of me to comment, but I found it on the Newbies page and I am here now.
I have to say, I did not find it should be classed as erotic. For me, I found it more of a perhaps middle aged man leering at a young lady at the bus stop.
Hello Colby Robert and welcome to WDC. I have just read your story, "Rocks and Toes."
I really enjoyed this, it is funny when we think back to the things we did as a child. Although I must admit I had never tried picking up rocks with my toes.
Hello cmmacneil, welcome to WDC. I have just read your story/article, "When You Understand You Can't Go Back Home."
A very tragic and personal story. At such a young age, no more than a child, to have to live off the streets, turn to Alcohol and prostitution to live.
I am sure you have come a long way since those very cruel days.
Hello deepnthought, I have just read your poem, " Time and Time Again."
I do feel it would read a lot better if you had made more of each line, added words and took out all or some of the "Time To's." As it is, it reads more like a list than a poem. Hope this helps.
Hello alessandra and welcome to WDC. I have just read your poem, "The One For Me."
It is always nice to write a poem for a loved one. The first verse is very nice, especially the last two lines, "In his favourite place, with me by his side."
I did it fine a little repetative in places, for example. " Our laughter echoes,
our laughter echoes
across the globe.
Had it been separate sentences, it may have worked. But that is just my opinion.
Hello Ryan, I have just read your story, "The Blue Blanket."
I loved the story, lots of children have comfort blankets and do find it hard to give them up, till something happens and they feel no longer in need of it, just like the boy in your story.
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