Hello Len E. Kane, how are you? I have just read your short story, " Making The End," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression: I thought this a vert good story line. Very sad how illness changes people and they do not even realise. But she died in the best place she could, in Jim's arms of course.
Suggestions: Just my opinion, but I feel the story would have been better if it began with the dialogue. I do not feel explanation of who Jim is was necessary. Also you have "Jim had a simple life as an accounted," accounted should have been accountant.
Hello mellypuff, welcome to WDC. I love your handle.
I have just read your opening piece," Covered In," and thought I would leave some comments.
Although only one sentence, I think you have a good idea here. It sound intriguing to walk in somewhere that leaves you feeling nervous. Do carry on with your idea.
Hello Kunoichi and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "Lend A Hand," and thought I would leave some comments.
I like the message you give here. I see a lot of homeless people of late and it is surprising how many people will just sneer and walk away. What happenend to compassion?
Hello Amber, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "Maybe Tomorrow, But Still Not Today," and thought I would leave some comments.
Quite inspirational really, especially the last lines, " So stop focusing forward, but don't you look back, enjoy what you have got and not what you lack." very wise words.
One suggestion: "Maybe tomorrow the pain will gone," should read, "Maybe tomorrow the pain will be gone."
Hello GizzardBiscuit, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your chapter, "3 too many," and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not sure what it is about yet as you only have the introduction written. But you have some good imagery of the house and surroundings. The house sounds very grand indeed.
You have a few mistakes :" My brother who is five years younger then me," should read, "My brother who is five years younger than me." Also ,"Doesn't make since to me," should be ,"Doesn't make sense to me."
Hello Paula2610, I welcome you to WDC, if I have not done so already.
I have just read your poem, "Over In That Country," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression: I think you have captured the two quite different Countries very well in your poem. I think we do seem to block out what happens to people in Countries constantly at war. As you describe in verse five. "We switch to easy listening, for we do not want to hear."
Suggestions: No suggestions, your poem says it all and I see no errors in spelling/grammer.
Hello Kathlyn, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem," Best Within," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression. The poem describes a struggle with a mental illness, a beast that takes over from time to time.
Suggestions/ Grammer/ Spelling, I think you may have meant the title to be,"Beast within?" as that is what you seem to be describing. Also in line, " Teeth like dagers piece the skin," should read, "Teeth like daggers pierce the skin."
Hello Kuujamzs, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. You will find there are a lot of nice people here willing to help.
I have just read your item, "Why Do We Let People Mistreat us?" And thought I would leave some comments.
I do agree with you, it is our faults. We tend to get in a bit of rut I think and seem to accept how people treat us. We should change our way of thinking and know we all deserve better.
Hello GE210, I have just read your story, "A Story About A Dog," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression: I thought this a great story, I loved what you called him,"Beggar." I think I would have stayed too at the thought of that lovely bread! Great imagery too.
Suggestion: The only thing I would change is the Title, rather than, "A Story About A Dog," I would have gone for, "Beggar." But that is just my opinion.
Hello Lycan, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Revelations," and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all yes you have posted it correctly.
Overall Impression: I read this a few times and each time thought it more beautiful. I can tell it was written from the heart, for your friend who you consider more than a friend. The last lines finish it off beatifully.
Hello M. Fletcher, welcome to WDC. I have just read your poem, "Ice Queen," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression : I thought this very well written. A description of someone who has been hurt and will not risk that hurt again so she builds walls of ice. I think perhaps we may have all done that at some time in our lives only to find them melting away when someone special comes along.
Suggestions: The only suggestion I would make is the title, I think perhaps "The Ice Queen," would sound better. But that is just my opinion.
Hello Josh and welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any assistance.
I have just read your item," Compromise," and thought I would leave some comments.
overall Impression: I think this is great advice and so true. We are all the same under our skin and sexual preferences. We should all learn to love not hate.
sugeestions: I would split this up into a couple of paragraphs, it does make it easier for the reader.
Punctuation/Grammer/Spelling: You have, I noticed, used some text slang, "u," instead of "you".
Hello Chanon, I do not believe I have had the pleasure of reading your work before. I just stumbled across your poem, "My Mother's 100th Birthday," and had to leave comment.
How beautiful and how much she had seen. So much change in her life. You are right not many will reach that wonderful age.
Hello Jess, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Poof," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression: The poet obviously writes of someone who could not cope perhaps with the "demons," she carries and so left with no warning. Unfortunately we cannot all be sympathetic to these things and feel they may hold us back.
Suggestions: Just my own opinion but I do not think the title does it justice. I understand the meaning, "Poof," just disappeared without a trace, but I feel it is not alluring enough for the reader.
Punctuation/Spelling/grammer: "That youd love me," should be, "That you'd love me," also "ive," should be, "I've."
Hello Cranda and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any assistance.
I have just read your advice, "Change," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall impression: I could not agree more. We should all stand up for what we believe in and make our own lives. Whether that means going it alone or not.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammer. In line "its time to let go and move on." Should read "It's time to let go and move on," I notice you have its instead of it's a few times. Also wont should be won't.
Hello arishay and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any assistance.
I just read your short story/advice, "Candy Life," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression: I am not sure if this advice is to yourself or perhaps a friend? But good advice indeed. We should never be afraid to fall and always stand up again.
Suggestion: I think the piece would read better and be more interesting if you did not use text slang. I think the word "You," is much nicer to the eye than, "U."
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammer: Again I think the use of text slang spoils the read.
Best wishes.
Sanita
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Overall Impression: I thought this a vert good story line. Very sad how illness changes people and they do not even realise. But she died in the best place she could, in Jim's arms of course.
Suggestions: Just my opinion, but I feel the story would have been better if it began with the dialogue. I do not feel explanation of who Jim is was necessary. Also you have "Jim had a simple life as an accounted," accounted should have been accountant.
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammer: I see no errors.