Hello Chels and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your story, "The Gentleman And The Boy," and thought I would leave some comments.
I like the message you are giving here. A man should never hit a woman, no matter what she has done. Having said that, neither should women hit men.
Suggestions: First you need to change the rating to 13+ because of the langauge. Also I do not think you really need to use capitals when the men are shouting, as it is obvious already.
The last two lines did not seem to fit:" The cold and dark gym engulfed Tim in his regret and sorrow as he clutches his shoulder. Leaving Timothy alone in the dark to ponder his actions and what it means to be a man."
Perhaps you meant to say : Bennie had gone off leaving Tim to alone?
Hello zzzzcccc2 and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, "My Life," and thought I would leave some comments.
I see you have only written, "I will be back," perhaps you had no time to write what you were going to write. If that is the case I would suggest you set the item to private till you are ready to post. That way you stop reviews till the item is ready.
Hello camillie225 and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "Flower Child," and thought I would leave some comments.
This reminds me of a poem I read about Mother Nature. Especially the last line:
"We are her children and she our mother, and with her standing by our side we will conquer all."
A lovely description of who and what we are.
You may want to edit in places, for example in this line:
"Faces that feel excitement,pain,pleasure,happiness, and sadness." You have no spaces between the commas and the next word, also there should be no comma after the word and.
Hello Lexie and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "This Is My Story," and thought I would leave some comments.
The poem tells of a love that cannot be. Sometimes friendship is better than love, it is not so esy to lose as difficult as it may seem to see the one you love with someone else.
I like these lines:"I hear the way she speaks of you,
The way you two truly belong together.
as they show the poet has no jealousy and realises he should be with the one he truely loves.
Hello Unbearable, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem," Make Me Whole Again," and thought I would leave some comments.
I do not usually like non-rhyming poetry, but I can see what you are saying here.
The poem tells of depression and hiding it away untill you are alone.
I have some suggestions, but remember it is only my opinion. I think, rather than ending a line with the first word of the next line, it would read better starting a fresh line. For example in the first two lines:
"I hide my misery oh so very well. No
one knows, no one to tell. I am "
Would read better as: " I hide my misery oh so very well.
No one knows, no one to tell."
But it is your piece, and as I do not write non-rhyming verse, it is just an opinion.
Hello Rose Keeley and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, "The Reason I write," and thought I would leave some comments.
I think this is true of most writers. It is a way of communication and espression, perhaps things we would not say otherwise.
Hello Keaton, I have just come across your poem in the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, Are you published? And if not, why not!?
I could read your poetry all day, even though many of them appear strange or, as you say, "weird," they are not, they make so much sense.
This part in particular stands out to me:
Stand for your something
Whatever it will be
Fight a good fight
Give this world hell
Dispel all precognitions
Surprise those who doubt
Kick them in the teeth
With the reality of your needs"
This is how we should all be, fight for what we want and have no fear.
Keep writing as I will certainly keep reading.
I have no suggestions for improvement. How could I?
Hello books4eva and welcome to WDC. I have just read your interview,"Friends Are Awesome," and thought I would leave some comments.
To make your interview more interesting and readable, I have written some suggestions.
"1 how old are you 16 16" This line should read something like this: I asked (name) how old she is and she replied 16.
"2 whats your favorite color turquise sea green." The same for this and the others, you could write: I then asked her her favourite colour and she said sea green.
As it is they all look like one sentence that do not make sense.
Hello Sarah, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your story, "sarah's late back home," and thought I would leave some comments.
I can see you are trying to put a message across here, always let your parents know where you are.
The story does need a lot of revision though. Names should always start with a capital letter.
Also a new line everytime someone speaks.
The line,“No, not exactly. No Sarah, neither Mavis!” does not make sense. To say ,"No not exactly," would imply they are there but not available, rather than not there at all.
Hello war machine rocks, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "The One Thing That Got Away," and thought I would leave some comments.
A funny poem telling of your April fool prank that went wrong. Did this really happen? It made me laugh although I do not suppose I would have laughed had it happenend to me.
Suggestion: Alway Use a capital I when speaking of yourself.
Hello Rebma and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your story, " Risen Falls," and thought I would leave some comments.
A good story in the making, a child having fun when her favourite game characters come to life.
However, there are a lot of mistakes : "Her parents didn't love her no more." This line does make sense.
It should read, Her parents did not love her anymore." Also ," However on upon getting indoors," should read, "However, as she went inside," or something similar.
I would be happy to read and review once it is edited. Sounds like it could be a fun story.
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