Favouirite verse: "I imagine many things,
with this mind of mine.
That's why I am a writer,
My words, are just a rhyme."
I think this applies to all writers.
Suggestions: I think there are too many commas in the poem, most are not needed and makes the read a little bumpy. For example in this verse:
"Imagine if the moon was green,
and you could reach it, from the ground.
Would you grab hold, and climb atop?
The comma after,"reach it," is not needed and the comma after ,"hold," is not needed.
Remember this is just my opinion and it is after all your work.
Hello Dwexen and welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any assistance.
I have just read your poem, "River," and thought I would leave some comments.
I see your logic here, life is like a river and we never know where it is running to.
My favourite lines: "We sometimes stay if the water is sweet.
We sometimes stray for awhile,
sometimes forever."
Suggestions: In line," We sometimes stray for awhile," awhile, should be two words, "a while."
Also, I think the poem does not need this line, "We stay, stray, roam, watch, want, pray, cry, laugh, love." You have already said most of that list. But that is just my opinion.
Hello J.W. Conkin, welcome to WDC. I have just read your poem, "My Love," and thought I would leave some comments.
A very sweet and yet tragic poem. spoken from the heart.
I especially liked these lines:
" Now written in my soul
Are the words of heart
Desperately trying to speak to you
I can't find these words to say."
A couple of suggestions: In line,"The world barley exists when I am with you," barley should read barely. also in line,"But you rest in peace 6 feet under," I think would read better if you used the word six, rather than 6., but that i8s just my opinion.
Hello Karci Clest amd welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy yout time here.
I have just read your poem,"Cut," and thought I would leave some comments.
A very dark poem of someone so depressed they resort to self harming. Something that is unfortunately quite common in the young.
A couple of suggestions: in line," Watch the scares reveal them selve's," I believe should read, "Watch the scars reveal themselves." And also in line:" you're the one who gave her a push and a through" should be, "a push and a throw."
Hello da_ddq, how are you? I have just read yopur poem,"Crying," and thought I would leave some comments.
I thought this a beautiful poem. I have never experienced anyone with Alzheimer's, but it sounds very sad indeed. To watch a loved one almost become someone else.
I cannot fault your poem, it is so obviously written from the heart.
Hello Dandelion Man, thank you for your entry in the "Invalid Item" .
I like this, I like the way you have begun and ended with spring. A love found in the spring but then lost. But then perhaps not all is lost as spring once again brings fresh hope.
Thank you for sharing and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Hello Andres and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your item, "LIfe," and thought I would leave some comments.
While I agree we should all embrace change, I do not really agree that life has a way of messing up our plans. I believe, if what we planned, is something we truely want, we would find away of having or doing it.
I have just read your short story, "Tuesday Afternoon March 4TH 2000," and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not sure why you added the date on your title, perhaps that was the date you wrote the piece?
It is hard when a teenager discovers she is pregnant especially when she has gone to the doctor for contreception, as you describe in your little story.
A good idea for a story but I think this could be elaborated on a little as it is basically just saying Lisa went to the doctor and discovers she is pregnant. Perhaps a little more in between to build it up to the doctors visit, would make it a more interesing read.
I would be happy to read it aggain if you decide to add more.
I have just read your short story, "Party," and thought I would leave some comments.
This a typical while the cats away the mice will play scene. Nothing than worse than parents coming home to find their son or daughter has thrown a party and ruined the carpet!
I would suggest you elaborate a little on this as it all moved very fast. For instance: the parents were supposed to be away for two weeks but came home the same night. Also the line "Then pickup his cell phone," should be, "Then he picked up his cell phone."
Hello pauperprince, thank you for your entry," Welcome Spring," in the "Invalid Item" .
What a lovely poem this is, describing the life of a tree. How it suffers alone in winter, then when spring arrives he is given new hope and fresh life. A little like us humans I believe.
Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Hello mikemahoney and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your item," There Was This Girl," and thought I would leave some comments.
This story has left me wondering if it is true or not. It felt so real while reading it and I wanted to read more. Infact, if I am honest, I wanted them to be together.
She did not have a name, just she and yet it did not matter.
Hello Blonde Bunny and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem,"Where's My Little Girl," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is sad that our children have to grow up and the time passes so very quickly. But we always have those lovely memories to look back on. We can also be proud of who they have grown up to be.
Two suggestions: You have,"insteed," should be, "instead." Also always use a capital I when talking about yourself..
I have just read your poem, "Vagabond," and thought I would leave some comments.
I thought this an excellent poem, the lines, "Under the bridge in the slummy part of
the city, lay a cardboard bungalow," says it all. What a great way to describe the Hobo's home.
A very thoughtfull poem.
Sanita
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