Hello Hasssan, how are you? I have just read your item, "Through The Gates," and thought I would leave some comments.
You say you are not sure what it is, I am not either. But, having said that, after I read it a few times, I think it reads as though someone has died and gone to the next world. he must not look back just keep going forward and meeting people in the next world. Also the title would be fitting. Or it could even be he has been captured by aliens and taken to another planet! Ok imagination running away now. But I liked it and I think it would make a great story if you elaborate a little.
Hello Pastor03 and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your item, "I Was Married To A Female Preacher," and thought I would leave some comments.
Unfortunately greed does take over some people and in this case it was wrong to charge for such things anyway.
Suggestion: I would try to spread this out a little and maybe add things that lead up to her,"gifts," or even your parting. It seems a little hurried and is hard to make sense of it. If you would like any help please feel free to e-mail me.
Hello tinarh1, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your item, "The Book I Started Writing," and thought I would leave some comments.
You have a good story line here and it will be interesting to see how things turn out at the farm.
Suggestions: You are ending your sentences too quickly and they not making sense. For example: "What a breathtaking day it was. The sound of the summer wind, bird's chirping. The room was a satin blue, filled with flowers. Two of the most important flowers have withered. The oak had carvings of angles holding hearts."
I do not want to write it for you as it is your piece, but if I could suggest something like this: What a lovely day it was, the birds were singing and there was a light summer breeze. The room Edith stood in was satin blue and there were beautiful flowers everywhere.
Hello mxtvs and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your little story, "Thank You, " and thought I would leave some comments.
First of you have your story listed as poetry, I would change that to short story.
What a lovely little story about your dog. Of course you are right pets are part of the family and deserve to be treated as such.
Hello Hailly, how are you? I have just read your little story, " All Wrapped Up," and thought I would leave some comments.
Animals can be really funny can't they? The cat in your story in no exception, although she must have been a little frightened.
Suggestions:This part does not make sense, "Sophia whipped around my blond ponytail and fixed my green eyes on the tumbling blanket on the blue couch near our back door. There she was in plain sight. Sophia trapped her in the blanket! Halo tried escaping like mad, but it was no use. The more the cat moved the further buried in the blanket she became."
You wrote of Sophia and her elder sister Faith, then suddenly you speak of yourself?
Hello Open thoughts and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your prose, "Overcome," and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, I am not religious at all, but I do agree we can all overcome things. Many bad things will happen during our life times but it is true, time is a great healer.
Suggestions: In this line:"Why do I feel like I am not worth the air I breathe? he tries to take what is not his, by filling my mind with lies and misconceptions, he tries to tell me that I was a mistake, and no one wants me, but he forgot to mention one thing." "He" should have started with a capital letter as it is a new sentence. Also I think it would read better split in two sentences.
For example: "He tries to take what is not his by filling my mind with lies and misconceptions. He tries to tell me that I was a mistake and no one wants me, but he forgot to mention one thing.
Hello Lauryn Rose and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, " I Come From," and thought I would leave some comments.
I liked this, I think if we all thought about it we could say so many things we come from. I particulary liked these lines: "I come from many chances to see the world and decide for myself.
I come from a place where my dreams and wishes have a chance to come true but, only if I work hard."
Not sure of the first line:"I come from my parents. Not really, but sort of." It leaves me wondering why you say not really.
Hello The Egg Man, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your very short story, "A Very Short Story," and thought I would leave some comments.
As you only have eight words in your story, there is not really much to say. However, the second sentence does not really go with the first. "It didn't work," could mean anything. Perhaps something like,"She did not love him," would fit better? Also you have no fullstop (period) after the second sentence.
Hello Bob, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Holiday At Home," and thought I would leave some comments.
Is this actually true? Very funny, but I do not suppose I would think so if it happend to me! I am off on holiday tomorrow and I am not going to allow anything to spoil it!
You have good rhyming here, but I did stumble with the rhythm. For example in this verse:
There you have the story of my last vacations joy! = 13syllables
Me, with a load of kittens, hope they're mostly boys, = 12 syllables
Sitting in my kitchen with softly mewing, purring sounds, =14 syllables
To keep me company with no family members round. = 13 syllables
Some poetry will read good aloud without a perfect syllable count and some do not.
But this is just my opinion, it is your work after all.
Hello Again Jack, I have just been reading another of your poems, "Skeleten Key," and thought I would leave some comments.
Your poem speaks of someone who pretends to care and then as you say, "Stabbed a knife into my back." A lot of emotions in your poem.
There are a few spelling mistakes; Skeleten, should be skeleton, weve should be we've, everytime should be every time and always a capital I when speaking of yourself.
Hello LifeLibertyandJusticeforAll, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read yout poem, "Sleep," and thought I would leave some comments. How lovely to have someone nice to write such nice things about. I am going to Ireland in a few days time, perhaps I shall meet a nice Irish man like you have.
Hello Found and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "Where Are. Thou," and thought I would leave some comments.
First of I think you t may have meant your title to be, "Where Art Thou,"
It is a very short poem and usually I think short poems are best, they can say so much. However, this one does not really say much at all except, "where art thou? perhaps you could elaborate a little on it.
Hello Sam, how are you? I have just read your poem, "A Winter Morning Journey," and thought I would leave some comments.
Is'nt it great towake up and suddenly realise it is Sunday! No work! I am just wondering why you have to leave your house for your first cup of tea? Especially in such weather conditions!
In this line: " Only to realize, dazingly," there is no such word as dazingly.
Hello Jazmine, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your little story, " A Bench At The Park," and thought I would leave some comments.
I am assumiing the birds had messed the bench?
Suggestions: You have started the story with the bench speaking and then changed to the story teller speaking then back to the bench. For example: These lines, "And then out of nowhere, it falls on top of me. Why? To what do I owe this? Above him, he heard the birds chirping. They fly through the air like children playing. There are already a lot of people in the park, but no one who comes sit down with me for a nice conversation." It makes the story a little confusing.
Hello writewing, I am not sure if I have reviewed you before, but if not, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your item, "My Only Fan," and thought I would leave some comments.
I am sure you will gain many fans on your journey through WDC. So switch the ceiling fan back off and become active on here and start gaining your fans!
Oh, and if you still have not any since writing this, I shall become your first.
Hello E Duckworth and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy yout time here.
Thank you for your entry, "Falling," in the "Invalid Item" .
I enjoyed your little story, you sound a little bit like me except I am not falling for anyone.
Suggestions: I think you could take out a few of those commas, for example in this line: "Sometimes, I wonder why I ever get back up, I would only fall down again." There is no need for any commas." But that is just my opinion.
However, it will not affect the judging as I am looking for the story not perfect punctuation.
Please remember not to edit before the round's winners are announced.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Best wishes.
Sanita
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But, having said that, after I read it a few times, I think it reads as though someone has died and gone to the next world. he must not look back just keep going forward and meeting people in the next world. Also the title would be fitting. Or it could even be he has been captured by aliens and taken to another planet! Ok imagination running away now. But I liked it and I think it would make a great story if you elaborate a little.