Hello Smij, how are you? I have just read your short story, " Clean Up This Mess," and thought I would leave some comments.
A bit gruesome, there has obviously been some kind of killing. At the mention of a wonderful dinner, it leaves me wondering if the victim is dinner. I shudder at the thought. However, I did enjoy the story.
One suggestion: In this line, "she said more calmly then I expected. " then should be than.
Hello efayedavid, how are you? Welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "Writing," and thought I would leave some comments.
You are right, writing is a way to escape and we conjour up all kinds of imaginary things in our live or the lives of others. And sometimes there are lots of thoughts and yet we cannot seem to put them on paper.
Nice poem.
Suggestion: These lines, "It is an escape
To reality." I would have thought it should be an escape from reality rather than to it.
Hello Dhammika and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "If It Is A promise," and thought I would leave some comments.
A short but to the point poem. Promises should never be broken. I try not to use the words, "I promise," just incase I cannot, for some reason, keep it.
A good little poem with a message.
Suggestion: these lines, " If it is a ship it should reach a port
with full of glee…" Do not make sense, the word," with," should be left out. One would not say, "He reached the end with full of glee," it would be, "He reached the end full of glee."
Hello Cheri, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your short story, " The Sorrow," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is difficult to write stories with a limited amount of words, but you seem to have achieved it quite effortlessly with this.
Hello E-living, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your article, "Reduce Your Food Waste," and thought I would leave some comments.
This is an interesting subject and one I feel quite passionate about. I did a talk on this as part of my English portfolio.
I made many of the points that you have made and also to give to the food banks. Also it is good to point out that the best before/sell by dates are only guidlines, it does not mean that the food is no longer edible. I think it terrible when there is so much waste and yet people are going hungry.
Suggestion: I thought the first paragraph a little long, perhaps it could be broken up in to two paragraphs and also if you space between the headings and the paragraphs.
Hello LittleKelly and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, " The love Of A Lifetime," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is nice to find a new love after suffering heartache from another.
I think most people would have felt what your first verse says:
"I've seen the love of a first love
And I've seen it turn dark
Mean words and hurtful hands
That completely scar your heart."
A good poem.
Suggestion: The rhythm of the first , third and fourth verses is very good, but then you changed to three line stanzas, they seem to take away the flow of the read. Just my opinion, but I think it would be more enjoyable to read if you had kept to four line stanzas.
Hello Hassan, thank you for your entry in the "Invalid Item" .
I thought this a lovely well written poem. However, the prompt for this month's round is forgiveness. I am not sure where forgiveness fits in your poem, as it seems to be about forgotten heroes?
Hello Joy, I have just read your story, " Where Is My Fiancee," and thought I would leave some comments.
I think you have a good story here, I am not sure if this is part of it, or the finished peice.
However, the piece is very difficult to make sense of due to lack of punctuation, spelling mistakes and parts missing.
For example : "One summer night he sat in a drunken stooper obilivous to the fact that this woman she was about 6ft tall medium build wearing a blue jacket she had not been feeling her self lately and had not told anyone about her fiancee shooting himwelf due to lack of money."
If he was sitting drunk, then how was he shot? There is no build up to the event. Also , "This woman," if she was enaged to him then I would write that to begin with, rather than calling her, "this woman." The whole sentence needs to be broken up with commas and full stops.
It is a good idea for a story and I would be happy to read again once it is edited.
Hello Jen, how are you? I have just read your little poem, " Red Rose," and thought I would leave some comments.
I love red roses too and their smell is divine. I hope your husband buys you some eventually.
Pretty little poem, I especially liked the first verse:
A Red Rose so sweet smelling
Soft silky buds, ever flowing
Like soft, red lips easy to kiss
So desireable but once the
Wilted flower falls to the ground
Hello smlj, how are you? Welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your chapter, "Untitled," and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, I read this with some interest and would like to read more. I like stories to do with beings from other planets.
I do have a couple of suggestions: I note you use the word ,"They," to describe these beings who have captured you. Rather than writing They, with a capital T, you will find the word will stand out more by using italics.
Also if you separate your paragraphs it makes the presentation better.
Hello Necrowrith and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your short story, " The Colourless Artist," and thought I would leave some comments.
Very sad little story. We do tend to feel as though we cannot bear to do the things we used to when our world crashes down. But hopefully your artist will come back to her painting one day.
Suggestions: This line, " The artist looked at the room which where once her creative place," should read, "The artist looked at the room which was once her creative place."
Also up on should be one word, and any ways, should be anyway.
Hello Jen, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your children's poem, "Ladybug," and thought I would leave some comments.
Cute little poem, I am sure all children love ladybugs.
I am not sure where you are from, I am British and we call them lady birds. .
Suggestions: this line :" What a small lady bug as big as a pea." it seems to contradict with the words small and big. A pea is, in comparrison to a ladybug, quite big.
Also the last line: as you have kept a rhyme sequence through out, perhaps the last line could have rhymed too. Chyildren like repetition.
Hello purplecrazzy and welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your article, "That Lost Feeling," and thought I would leave some comments.
You are right, we will all, at some time in our lives, experience losing someone close to us and it is very difficult to comes to terms with.
However, the last paragraph seems to refer to someone living that you do not know when you will see again. Also it has on the end "UnKnown," so is this whole paragraph a quote?
I am not quite sure I understand as the first few paragraphs suggest loss and grief at the death of someone.
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