Hello Broken, welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here and manage to find your way around the site. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any help.
I have just read your short story, "Death," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall impression: Cleary a lonely girl who feels worthless and perhaps made to feel that way. Depression and that helpless feeling is never good.
Suggestions: I feel there is too much use of the word "she," she is, she feels, she wishes, she cries. I think if you make the sentences a little longer you can cut out some of that.
Punctuation/Grammer/Spelling: Again I feel the sentences are too short. "Hoplessness." is not a sentence. A lot of the very short sentences can be separated with commas and read a lot better.
Remember these are just my opinions.
With some revision you have the makings of a good short story.
Hello Gabriel, Welcome to WDC, I hope you are enjoying the site. You will find many people here, including myself willing to help. Please feel free to e-mail anytime.
I have just read your draft which you have titled, "Not Sure,"
Overall impression: I think you have the makings of a good fantasy story here. I notice you say you can never finish anything. I would suggest you try to work on just one short story at a time. You will find it will help to just concentrate on one for now. Perhaps revise and finish this one.
Hello Chloemaner, welcome to WDC, I hope you are enjoying your time here. I have just read your story, "Finding Luna," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall Impression: I thought this a lovely story of finding a little dog. it is always nice when we take care of lost animals and even better when we get to keep them.
Suggestions: The story would read better if you separate in to paragraphs, also always start a new line when someone speaks.
Grammer/Punctuation/ Spelling: There are some spelling and punctuation mistakes, too many to go in to, but nothing an edit will not sort out.
Hello Kellie, I am not sure if I have reviewed you before, but if not welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoying the site.
I have just read your poem, "Homelessness," and thought I would leave a few comments.
: Overall impression: Actually it was the title that brought me to read the poem. Homeless people should be a thing of the past these days, but some reason it seems to be worse. you are right we are too quick to turn away using drink and drugs as an excuse.
Suggestions: The lines, "They'll make you glad, you can take no pity," seems a contradiction, as the point of is to make people stop and think and have mercy on the homeless. Perhaps I am reading those lines wrong.
Hello Oleksander, how are you? I have just read your short piece, "Here" and thought I would leave a few comments.
Overall impression: I always find past lives a very interesting subject. I always think sometimes when we see someone and seem to instantly recognise them and yet do not know them, that we knew them in a past life. I get the impression the someone the writer wants to be with, is someone they feel they knew in a past life.
Suggestions: I did not understand "I would risk old age with memory," Did you mean without memory?"
Hello Ellie and welcome to WDC, I hope you managing to find your way around the site. You will find a Lot of people here willing to help, including myself. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any assistance.
I have just read your poem," The Poinsettia," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall impression: I thought this a very lovely poem. Not only because the flower itself is beautiful, but because of the message the poem gives too. It is indeed a reminder of those left alone on Christmas day.
Hello glaedr, you write such beautiful poetry, this is a lovely example of it. I cannot pass your name without reading. I think I shall officially become a fan.
Not knowing what could have been, I wonder how many of us have those same thoughts.
Hello Corbin, welcome to WDC, I hope you are enjoying your time here and finding your way around the site. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any help.
I have just read your poem," A blank Page," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall impression: The poem speaks of a blank page we wish to create on but fear we shall spoil it. I think the creation would more likely enhance it.
Suggestion: In verse, " A blank page, carrie so much," should read "A blank page carries so much."
Hello ECStJohn, I have just read your poem, "Today I Met A Woman At Randall's Bay," and thought I would stop and leave a comment or two.
I do not usually like non rhyming poetry, but this one caught my attention and I had to read it.
I love the message you give here, so very true, why would anyone give up all that beauty for money. Sadly though, the materealistic world does seem to have taken over.
I have no suggestions for improvement, it says it all.
Hello Mickey, welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here and managing to find your way around the site. If you have any queries please feel free to e-mail me.
I have just read your "Dear Me," letter and thought I would leave some comments. Please remember they are just my opinons.
Overall impression: Some very good goals you have set yourself and you are right, we should all value ourselves.
Suggestions: The only thing I would suggest is in line " You rely on my friends too much," I would have put , "You rely on your friends too much," as you are speaking to yourself. Otherwise it sound like you are speaking to another person.
Grammer/Punctuation: There should be no comma before the word "and" in the first paragraph as and acts as a comma.
Hello Stevie and welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here and finding your way around the site. Please feel free to e-mail me should you need any assistance.
I have just read your poem, "Beauty," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall impression: I loved the poem, you send a really good message out. There is beauty everywhere and it has nothing to do with how we look.
Suggestions: I have no suggestions for improvement, I like it as it is, it says it all.
Punctuation and Grammer: Personally I would have put a comma in the first line. " The forms are many, the understanding is few."
Hello Courtney and welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying the site and finding your way around. Should you need any help, please feel free to e-mail me.
I have just read your story part and notice you are asking for help in finishing it.
Firstly there seems to be a lot going on in such a short piece and it makes it read a little muddled.
You start with you and soggy socks then go on to describe a sofa and then In line "I hesitantly reached out to touch the golden globe and deciding her fate," you do not say who's fate.
I think you may find it easier to slow it down a little and gradually build it up.
Hi Lynne, I just read your goal for the week and thought I would let you know, if you do not know already, you can post this in"Weekly Goals" . You will earn 1,000 gift points for posting.
A great goal by the way, I am sure you will succeed.
Hello Ella, welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here and finding your way around the site. It can be a little daunting at first, but there are a lot of people, including myself, willing to help. Please feel free to e-mail me should you have any questions.
I have just read your poem, "A Walk." and thought I would leave some comments. Remember they are just my opinions, others may feel different.
Overall impression: Your poem describes how we percive the world around us while walking.
Suggestions: I do feel it could be a little more descriptive. Ie: "Listening to the sound of the city," What sounds where there? Voices, perhaps traffic?
Punctuation and grammer: There are no errors I can see.
Favourite line: "An old man sits on a bench alone." A common sight for us all I think.
Hello Sydney and welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here and finding your way around the site. There are a lot of people, including myself, willing to help. Please feel free to e-mail should you have any questions.
I have just read your poetic story, "My Harsh Reality," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall impression: I think we all, at times feel we spend a little too much time alone and long for a way out. You describe how this feels very well.
suggestions/ grammer/ Punctuation: The only mistake I notice is in line "but I cannot seek way out," I think it should have been "but I cannot seek a way out."
Hello Leah, welcome to WDC. Hope you are enjoying your time here and finding your way around the site. It can be a little daunting at first, but there are lots of people, including myself, willing to help. Please feel free to e-mail me if you are in need of any help at all.
I have just read your Poem, "Invisible Paradise," and thought I would leave some comments.
Overall impression: A dreamy poem, longing for a place where everything is wonderful. I wish there was such a place too.
Suggestions, punctuation and grammer: I could see no errors in punctuation or grammer. The only thing I would suggest is not to write the last word in pink. But that is just a personal preference.
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