*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/41
Review Requests: ON
2,325 Public Reviews Given
2,325 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 37 38 39 40 -41- 42 43 44 45 46 ... Next
1001
1001
Review of escape plan  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
You requested that I review this.

Reader Experience

Zea is a prisoner of her evil stepmother, Helena. She is trapped in a castle. Luna her stepsister helps her to escape by creating a diversion. She put a sleeping pill in Aunt Molestia's drink. They meet Aunt Surdia on the way out. Zea escapes through the castle garden at the back of the castle.


Commentary

The story is good enough and I liked Luna's creativity in arranging the diversion for the escape. It is impossible not to sympathize with Zea and her situation. The descriptions may also be quite powerful if refined into proper English.

I would recommend you get Grammarly as even the free version will help you avoid the most obvious mistakes made in the text. There is a long list:


The use of colons and semicolons seems a little random.

It seemed to her a strange girl was mimicking her in the mirror; the spark in her dark brown almond eyes was found nowhere.=
It seemed to her that a strange girl was mimicking her in the mirror. The spark in her dark brown almond eyes was missing.

where two people certainly would fit into it = into which two people would certainly fit


A small piece of paper is doing Its best to fight for its freedom, can't I = A small piece of paper is doing its best to fight for its freedom, can't I

Does this imply a window was open and therefore an escape route?

an inevitable fear for her step-mother,Helena = an inevitable fear of her step-mother, Helena

Your wedding is decided to be held tomorrow and I expect no fuss.= It is decided that your Wedding be held tomorrow and I expect no fuss.

to waste my penny = to waste my pennies (or money)

Remember,There is no way you have got to escape = Remember, there is no way for you to escape

a letter from her sister,Luna = a letter from her sister, Luna

but this is the only way I found. = but this was the only way possible.

don't count it as housebreaking = it does not count as housebreaking

I must say that you look horrible than ever = I must say that you look worse than ever

Zea scowled at her ,though a funny excitement filled her. = Zea scowled at her, though a strange excitement filled her.

She annoyed you persistently,didn't she? = She persistently annoyed you, didn't she?

Aunt Molestia never rested a minute to irritate her = Aunt Molestia never spared a minute to irritate her

her Inadvertent-sacrifice = her involuntary sacrifice

Before anyone could notice, you must escape.Come with me, = Before anyone notices, you must escape. Come with me,

Helena's wailing was re-echoing = Helena's wailing was loud

it wasn't pleasant to ears = it wasn't pleasant to the ear.

She clutched her side seams of the coat = She clutched the side seams of her coat

Few more steps to the back door of the castle for Zea when Luna grabbed the handle of the back-door. = Zea had only a few more steps to the back door of the castle when Luna grabbed the handle of the back-door.

have you seen Molestia?" asked Aunt surdia. = have you seen Molestia?" asked Aunt Surdia.

"It would be great,if you comfort mum," = "It would be great if you would comfort mum,"

"Certainly.Certainly dear!" said Aunt molestia - Aunt Surdia surely?

When she was on her way to turn along the stairs = When she turned out of sight on the stairs

THAT OLD STUPID = THAT STUPID OLD WOMAN (HAG, COW, BITCH....)

which is the backside of the castle = at the back of the castle

Though, the trees lost the care which was tangible by their wild and rampage growth of branches it was eye catchy and felt pleasant for zea after being trapped in the four walls for a long time = Though, the untended trees had grown wild. The rampaging growth of their branches captured the eye. It felt pleasant, for Zea, after being trapped inside, for so long.

"Luna, you must go,if you are here,she will understand that it was you who put pills in the drink," she said with concern. = "Luna, you must go, if you are here, she will know that it was you who put pills in the drink," she said with concern.

will you be able to manage? = Will you be able to manage?

what is his name,your friend's brother?" Zea asked - Luna told her that at the beginning. So maybe it is better to phrase this like this: "what was the name of your friend's brother again?"

who was on a verge to cry = who was on a verge of crying

give me a word that you will be okay - let me know when you are ok? (Not sure about what you are trying to say here)

Zea nodded.She walked towards the wicket gate .She could feel Luna's eyes on her. = Zea nodded. She walked towards the wicket gate. She could feel Luna's eyes on her.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review your work. It is clear that you have the soul of a writer. But you struggle to express that in English. I suspect this is not your native language and I respect your courage in writing in a second language. I am not sure I would do as well if I tried in my second language which is German. Keep persevering and get Grammarly as a start also.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1002
1002
Review of Mumbai  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I received this via random review and stayed because my father was born near Bombay.

Reader Experience

A celebration of Mumbai, the people, its food, its faiths, its wealth and poverty, its busyness, and its colors.


Commentary

Love this poem and you really made the colors and sounds of the place come alive with all its hustle and bustle. This is a place and poem teeming with life in all its diversity.

There were two sentences that might be better rephrased:

Sometimes it's hot but not too more'. = Sometimes it's hot but not too much'.

Spend some time here and your life will be unforgetful...! = Spend some time here and your life will be unforgettable...!

Thanks for sharing.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1003
1003
Review of Winter and Spring  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I received this via random review and was touched by the theme.

Reader Experience

This girl hates the Spring and the green and growing colors that it brings. He killed her in the Spring and Winter is the only time she does not feel dead.


Commentary

She hates, she envies, she resents, that she is not alive to live in the town she mocks for its celebration of Spring. Though dead she demands that the world be devoid of the color green because it was the color of her killer's eyes. She wants the world as dead as she is so nothing grows and that color never appears to remind her that she was killed in the Spring. There was poison in her heart before she died, and even though her murder was wrong the world may be better off without her.

This was well written. Did you want your reader to sympathize with this woman? If so the piece had the opposite effect. This was an empty soul devoid of spirituality, her head full only of worldly ambitions. She had little to give this world and the trees grow greener because she is in the grave.

Thanks for sharing.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1004
1004
Review of Greg's Story  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by the Stalingrad battle theme.

Reader Experience

The battle of Stalingrad was set in late 1942 till February 1943. This is a replay set in a VR Gaming Universe.


Commentary

In the original battle, the German 6th Army was cut off and destroyed or taken prisoner to die later in Siberia. The German technical air supremacy and pilot quality do seem to be reflected in the game. Flying by instruments allowed the Luftwaffe fighters to hide in the clouds waiting for their prey. All this talk about AIs confused me because these did not exist in 1943. I guess in the game the AI gunners are substitutes for the real thing. So the challenges you describe of malfunctioning AI-controlled guns are virtual ones also. It makes the battle seem unreal and all the swearing about the enemy a little empty. Stalinist USSR was of course an atheistic Communist dictatorship that actively persecuted Christians. Even though churches were reopened in mother Russias darkest hour it is unlikely the military would have accused the Germans of being godless. Maybe that is a bug in the game. Also, the language of the pilots sounded more like the banter of American than Soviet-era pilots. A lot of men died in the real battle on both sides. I guess games allow people to revisit the battlefield and have value in that respect.

Thanks for sharing.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1005
1005
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Received this via random review and was touched by the ferocity of the emotions in this piece

Reader Experience

A Medic and his team are caught by an exploding LED. He is traumatized by the experience and the fact that he was the only one to survive. He does not understand why he was spared losing his faith and contemplating suicide. Then he reads a message from his dad, who went through the same thing years before and it brings him back from the brink.

Commentary

This felt very real and I wondered if you had been a soldier or at least had family members who were. If not then it was very well researched. It kept me captivated from start to finish. I was disappointed that Sid was apparently wimping out in his greatest battle. I was with Karen in her wheelchair who shared her own testimony trying to bring him back. But it was his dead father, presumably killed in action that brought him back by reminding him that those you fight with are never truly lost so long as you are there to remember them and honor their memory.

Very moving powerful piece and a tribute to the thousands of coalition soldiers who have endured the horrors of the Middle East on our behalf and fighting for our freedoms.

Thanks for sharing.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1006
1006
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and stayed for some powerful words.

Reader Experience

Shattered dreams, hearts, and faith once broken cannot be restored. You can survive but no longer thrive once your dreams go sour.


Commentary

I have to disagree with the content even though it was powerful and well written. I believe in a God that cannot be broken even if I can. My love is for a God whose love endures forever. We live in a world of second chances where some dreams can be revived. We can remember and even reconstruct the dreams we choose to remember and reconstruct. What is incomprehensible is a world without the possibility of redemption.

Thanks for sharing.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1007
1007
Review of The Wire  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and stayed for an amusing tale

Reader Experience

2 fish close to the wire. One worldly-wise and the other young and naive and destined to become dinner for the fisherman above. Except worldly-wise saves naive with a pep talk and so that day the tartar sauce would have to be used on another fish.


Commentary

This was amusing and well written. I had to remind myself that the clever fish probably had a brain smaller than a pea and I wondered how he gained and interpreted so much information regarding the world above when his processing power probably did not exceed a 1K ZX-81. I guess he speaks human as well as fish or at least understands it.

Anyway, I write this having just cooked a Tuna pizza for my family. I wonder if eating stupid fish lowers one's intelligence. Where did you say that lake was?

Thanks for sharing


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020
*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1008
1008
Review of A Jamaican Sunset  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Received this via random review and stayed for a very well-written piece.

Reader Experience

Steve is 16 and the woman of his dreams 18-year-old Cassandra Miles is standing with him by the beach in Jamaica watching the sun go down. The two families have come together for this holiday as a sort of goodbye for when Steve and his family move to New York from the MidWestern small town of Duluth. Steve realizes that the only thing he will really miss about Duluth is standing right with him on the beach. She cries and he kisses her and that is a memory he is unlikely to ever forget.


Commentary

Thought you described the scene and the characters very well and built the scene and its emotions up in a powerful way. I still wondered towards the end given Cassandra had a boyfriend, Tim, whether anything was going to happen. She was older, unavailable and then the tears said that she would really miss Steve. It was then that he rose to the challenge and took her into his arms. Cool, young love, romance, and a special moment is wonderfully written. Maybe they will miss each other and equally, maybe they will always remember each other because of the pain, pleasure, and beauty of the moment.

Thanks for sharing.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1009
1009
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Received this via random review and stayed for the heartache.

Reader Experience

The author is sad that someone has left her. There is some jealousy, tears and a depressed feel that some of these resulting wounds may not heal. Then there is a debate as to whether some kind of apology is required here.

Commentary

Thought you expressed some deep emotions here. There is the suggestion that shadows from the ex-partner's past have sabotaged this. Obviously, since you do not say what happened it is not clear if whoever has gone is worth mourning till the grave. Nor is it clear that an apology is required. There were some issues with two sentences:

Although I know that it no more exist in material = Though I know it is not materially real.

But still I guess I am to apologize
But maybe I should apologize

Thanks for sharing.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1010
1010
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is my fifth review of my LegendaryMask tour

Reader Experience

In California, they do not have snowmen like Frosty they have Sandmen. A charming tale in which a childhood experience is recreated by young adults and Sandy comes back to share a day in the sunshine with them. Then a thunderstorm takes him away again


Commentary

Thought you made the characters come alive and it was easy to just join the party with them and enjoy the experience. Sure psychologists would have a field day with what Sandy might represent. But who cares it was a great story and well written.

Thanks, I enjoyed this.



Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1011
1011
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is my fourth review of my LegendaryMask tour

Reader Experience

Fable, or LegendaryMask's furry daughter as she is affectionately known, loves to chase cats. With two neighbor cats to choose from this day she was very excited and had to be sent inside where she made a mess and smashed a laptop. She was told she was a 'Bad Girl' by way of rebuke but the laptop still seems to work and they made up later.


Commentary

This was a very personal reflection on a much-beloved dog's interaction with cats. Must admit we have a cat of 17 years now. Pets definitely have their own personalities but not sure I would want Fable next door to my cat whom she would probably try and terrorize. But I understand how it is to love a pet that has just been there so long, longer in fact than my kids. As our cat enters its last days, some of its dignity and mobility has been lost but we still love it and will do so till the end. Indeed the neighbor's dog barks now and our cat is just deaf and cannot hear it. It is amusing hearing the dog barking its lungs out while my cat sleeps peacefully in the garden in the sunshine. She can no longer protect herself so we do that now.

Thanks for sharing your reflections on a moment in the life of Fable, a much-loved pet.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1012
1012
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is my third review in my LegendaryMask tour.

Reader Experience

The American soldier, a product of a warrior culture generations deep, informed, and tested on battlefields around the world. This is a woman's perspective, gratitude, and respect for the American soldiers she knows personally and believes protect her from the evils of this world. They serve America and there is also a higher calling hinted at here, to serve God also.

Commentary

My grandfather was a Texan. He joined the British army as a Grenadier Guard while his country still stood aloof from the fight against the Nazis and the British stood alone against them. I guess I have an international perspective on what the American military is and what good it has done. It has been a blessing to far more than just Americans and the last 4 years its retreat from its allies concerned me. Now America is back and I think many in the world that has perhaps taken America for granted in the past breathed a sigh of relief as a result. Not all the military does is pure and virtuous but it has a clear mandate to protect the USA and its allies like the British have fought alongside them many times in necessary wars that protected global peace and freedom.

This poem seems very close to your feelings and your experience. It reeks of authenticity, pride and respect for relations in the military and a love of country. There is also some unresolved tension as to the relationship between being a good American soldier and a soldier of Christ.

It was interesting and heartwarming to read. Thanks for sharing


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1013
1013
Review of The Royal Wedding  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is my second review of my LegionaryMask tour.

Reader Experience

Being part British and part American and indeed now German also. Think I had the perfect background to appreciate this wedding of a British-German royal to an American. It was a romantic occasion as this poem captures so well that warmed the hearts of people around the world.


Commentary

Megan never got good press in the UK. The parallels with the 1937 Abdication crisis were only a part of this. 'American Divorcee distracts man of duty from his royal responsibilities and turns a war hero into a commoner' would be the story that many readers hear here. But they forget Harry's experience with his mother Diana, hounded by the press to her very death. He clearly loves Meghan and he has given up a great deal for her. Now they have children and seem happy in their new life in California. The throne is safe as Katherine and William already have 3 children so he is of course free to live his own life, which he is doing out of love for this woman he married. Maybe this love is what all their previous playing around was just the dressed rehearsal for. Definitely hope it works out.

This poem needs a little Grammarly attention, with apostrophes and commas missing. I loved it for its content, thanks for sharing.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1014
1014
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Given that you just blessed me with an award and useful review. I thought I would do a tour of some of your writings by way of return This is my first Legendary Mask tour visit.

Reader Experience

I search, I seek, I hear, I love, am soothed and calmed by the sound of his voice.

Commentary

As the good book says, "my sheep hear my voice". Those who know Him and love Him are drawn to the sound of His voice. In the dark, in the fog, in the pouring rain, we hear His voice and are drawn to it. It gives us peace, it soothes and reassures us. You can tell who knows Him by who listens and who hears. It is about faith and it is about trust. We trust this voice, we love the music in its tone, others can tell us about it but really we need to hear it for ourselves. You can have two herds of sheep intermingled and one shepherd can stand at one end and another at the other and they can call their sheep and the sheep will follow their own shepherd. Our shepherd is Jesus and His voice guides us. Spiritually we hear His voice in scripture, in the best examples of the church, and through His Spirit in us. We train our consciences to hear His voice by doing the right thing, studying his word, and following the examples of the best of the church.
That is the essence of faith. That We listen for and we hear our Master's voice, we trust its sound cause we know how he looks after us and we follow where He leads us.

Loved this and found it quite inspiring. Thanks for sharing.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1015
1015
Review of The Devil's Bride  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is my fifth review on my Blackadder tour *Smile*

Reader Experience

This describes a young woman accused of witchcraft for reading a magical diary someone had placed under her bed. The town turns on her, oblivious even to her naked charms, and demands her crucifixion. She just wanted to save her life but complying with the Deacon's suggestion that she become the Bride of Satan probably was not the wisest of moves. Now she turns into some kind of dragon breaking her bonds and with plans to massacre her inquisitors at a later date when they are unprepared for her.


Commentary

Set in what appears to be like a medieval era with bows and arrows and inquisitors that would crucify her. Historically witches were more often burnt or drowned. You seem to have an interest in this pre-technological, era of brutal prejudice and injustice 'swathed in stifling white'. Christians are narrow-minded hypocrites who froth at the mouth at the prospect of a spectacle of judgment in this world. Love is absent and even the local pastor appears a smug and pompous empty shell. This story is disturbing to me because it is the devil that provides the justice or really anger motivated revenge and saves his bride from a disproportionate sentence for the crime of reading her book which kept her awake in sweat soaked nights with fantasies she would not have dreamt of from her own resources. It is also disturbing because it buys into the postmodern myths about the feudal era and its historical revisionism regarding motives and learning. The learned people of that age were Christians and it was the monks and the Christian scholars that preserved the wisdom of the ancients for more enlightened ages that would follow. There was compassion for the poor, the education of families unable to afford that themselves, and giving a moral direction often lacking in the modern era. Yes, there were also witch hunts but the numbers today are exaggerated and the whys and wherefores of the society are lost in the angry woke critiques of the modern era. Also, I think this story grossly overestimates the devil's power. A demon might be able to manifest in a dragon form but the devil does not have the power to convert a young woman into a dragon.

This story was well written as are all your writings. The plot was compelling and I was engaged from start to finish. The end was unexpected and all of that combines to form good literature. But the content reeks of false assumptions and a worldliness that I cannot buy into.

Thanks for sharing another powerful piece.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1016
1016
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The fourth review of my Blackadder tour

Reader Experience

This is a part of one of your published works. It describes Lady Adelin of Northspire giving birth to Joran and then dying. This is a feudal world where men are beholden to their superiors even missing the birth of their child in deference to their duty and their Empress. It is not a world of any obvious technology as a woman dying in childbirth illustrates and that her husband Joranthon rides out to do his duties. Aside from the death which had a mystical quality to it there was no obvious indication of magic in this realm. So this could have been a medieval aristocratic family on planet earth and in feudal Europe. There are not geopolitical clues as to when and where this takes place in this chapter by itself.


Commentary

Must admit fantasy is not really my genre as I always want to keep some kind of connection to my own universe however tenuous and speculative that might be. It was a surprise to read something by you with no technological input as I have come to expect that, perhaps wrongly from you. IN this introduction it appears we enter into a different world, a world that begins with the pain and joy of a mother giving birth before dying. Of a man doing his duty who misses the departure of his wife and the arrival of his son Joran. It is a human story with the right ingredients for the future. Who will this child be, what will he accomplish, what is the consequence of his sister Laranna hanging on so tightly to her mother even to the point of delaying her death, how will the father react when he comes home to find his wife dead and his child attended by people who could not save her? Was his service to the Empress worth this sacrifice of a crucial moment of his life? Could he have done anything to save his wife? Even if he could have done will he still blame himself for not being there?

Seems like a promising start. Thanks for sharing.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1017
1017
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
My third review of the Blackadder tour

Reader Experience

This was scary, a world in which monitoring is universal and oppressive. Hunter is a Watcher and as such has a little more freedom and insight into how the world works. But he is a party to this oppression and even his girlfriend falls victim to it in the end.

Commentary

The thought police are already at work trying to control what we think and what we say. It is becoming a hate crime to disrupt the agenda of the cultural elites and the police are less and less tolerant of those who dispute this agenda. But if there is a singular state-controlled AI in the future its potential to utterly dominate and regulate our lives and even our reproduction in exchange for longer lives and freedom of pleasure is enormous. My hope is that we will be able to trade off AIs against each other and I still nurse the suspicion that the human brain will always have an edge on real intelligence not because of our processing power or ability to remember facts and skills, nor even the limited range of our senses compared to the sensor devices that an AI could potentially control. The human edge lies in its transcendence of the purely physical, we are made in God's image in our spiritual transcendence of this physical world we will always have an edge of intelligence and potential for the randomness that an AI will not be able to control. Even within the story here there are signs of this desire for freedom in the rich library of John Anderson and his conspiracy to release a virus and in the fact that it took a human being to realize that there was a plot against the AIs dominance that the AI itself had not recognized or discerned.

Liked this thought-provoking story and hope and pray that it remains just a dark nightmare and never comes true.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1018
1018
Review of Golden Blood  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is me touring your portfolio. This one won a contest and looked good.

Reader Experience

A sort of Indiana Jones meets Aladdin meets Himmler's occult program. Katherine goes from superstar actress to homeless hunted prey and then to unlimited possibilities with a grateful genie by her side.


Commentary

Thought the storyline was great, albeit a little familiar. It was very well written. Was not sure about the "Was ist das?" which literally means 'what is that?' Thought it would have been more a "Halt, wer da geht?" Katherine is a mature woman but elsewhere is called a Fraulein, or young lady. That might have been a compliment in a social setting but not so much in the imperative. I guess people's impressions of Nazis is that they were rude though often they were impeccably well-mannered albeit completely brutal. Was intrigued why Aramu might have been trapped from the time of Abraham and was trying to think of cosmic events that might have led to his capture, at that time, or forced it. You started the point of view with the movie director but then it shifted suddenly to Katherine.

Loved the story thanks for sharing.



Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1019
1019
Review of Winter's Cry  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was hooked.

Reader Experience

A child leaves her mother's "sleeping" body on the bridge and makes her way to her aunts clutching her teddy bear.


Commentary

These 5-6 lines are indeed pregnant with possibility and with a whole list of possibilities. Why did the husband and wife fight, given the implication of murder why did he kill her? Where did he go having done the deed. Why did he leave his child on the bridge? Will she make it to her aunts through the Wintry conditions?

It is told from the POV of a child only superficially understanding the momentous events they have observed. Yet they know enough to flee to their aunt rather than go home. Not a single personal name is used and there is no time to ask the characters their names. This could be the beginning or indeed the end of the plot.

Dark and mysterious this is how novels are born. One hopes for the light of redemption to feature in what follows.

Thanks for sharing.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1020
1020
Review of Dear Louise  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Received this via random review and got hooked into it though not sure why.

Reader Experience

Ralph is a degenerate 46-year-old man going through a midlife crisis. He rediscovers his mojo in Japan with a stripper and then asks to come home.

Commentary

The guy had an affair with Berni his secretary paying for the resulting abortions, sold his wife heirloom of a wedding ring, slept with a stripper, tried to sleep with a prostitute over a 3 day period. He is honest with Louise and asks, in his letter, to be received back into her life. The obvious question is: Why on earth would she say yes? Berni moved in to live with Louise and he called her first not Louise. Did Louise even know about the affair? Is he expecting to come back to threesomes or what?

In fact on reflection this piece is hilarious. It is so over the top I suspect Louise might even say yes.

If nothing else he will be able to tell this story in the pub and may even get some free beers off it.

Thanks for sharing


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1021
1021
Review of My Beef? No Beef!  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Received this via random review and found it amusing

Reader Experience

Ted agreed not to eat meat for a whole 2 weeks to show his vegetarian girlfriend Suzanne that he did not have to eat meat. But this was hard given that their date was in a restaurant that served meat. He survived the challenge.


Commentary

The things we do for love! Meat is quite expensive here in Germany. Especially, if like my wife, you insist on it having been killed in a certain way. So we only eat overpriced "happy" chickens, cows, and pigs, etc. now. It makes my favorite Chicken Tikka Masala an expensive meal to prepare. Fasting is a good mental and physical discipline and a useful exercise even if there was not a woman involved. I liked this story even though there is no hint as to whether Ted's sacrifice paid off and he got the girl in the long run.

Thanks for sharing.


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1022
1022
Review of THE PRISONER  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was hooked by the theme

Reader Experience

A young man Eric is convinced that one of the men who just got on the train is a murderer and rapist, so are the mill hands also in the train carriage with him. The truth turns out to be something different though and causes Eric to regret his judgmental thoughts

Commentary

Gossip and half-truths make lepers out of good people and launch witch hunts and inquisitions where none are warranted. I thought you described the characters well and made them come alive in the small space of the train carriage and Eric's observations of them. I found the walk with hands below crotch something unbelievable until I tried doing it. You have to slouch to make that work but you said the man's head was down. Still it would look strange in practice.

Not all of us get the written evidence that Eric did to correct our profoundly erroneous thoughts on things. The story teaches a humility of perspective, we rarely know the full story we describe and which we think we experience so accurately.

There were a few issues with the text:

He felt this trip would be different somehow - you seem to have large spaces in the middle of sentences throughout the text.

for the boredom of the previous two with no more to think about than the heat - two hours?

Thanks for sharing.

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1023
1023
Review of 2 am  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and have been reading a lot about the subject recently

Reader Experience

The piece was in part a question, what do you think about when you cannot sleep? And in part a list of techniques to try and force sleep at 2 am.


Commentary

I read a brilliant book on this subject recently called "Why do we sleep" by Matthew Walker. The fight for sleep is not actually about 2 am alone. A more holistic and comprehensive approach is required. It is about how much coffee you drink and when and are you doing enough exercise, how disciplined are you about bedtimes, and when you wake up. It is about light in the bedroom and noise, not eating or drinking too much just before bedtime. In a sense, these battles for sleep at 2 am are a symptom of defeat elsewhere in the day. But the book also covers those saying just get up, read a book, do some chores, return to bed when tired, and sleep.

Definitely recommend the book.

I find not being able to sleep for me is often about a persistent dream or set of thoughts that trouble me. So I need to get my mind off that single track so that it can get on with the business of shutting down and recycling overnight. I find praying helps me sleep when I cannot. I have a load of prayers and creeds memorized. I just go through the list and then start praying for everyone I know. After that, I start trying to work my way through the bible from Genesis to Revelation in my head remembering all the stories. Usually, I drop off during the standard prayers/creeds but I did get halfway through Genesis once.

Thanks for sharing


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1024
1024
Review of Musical Athletes  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and given a recent conversation with my daughter it was topical for me.

Reader Experience

The perfect man combines musical refinement and taste with physical brawn. A sort of mix of Tchaikovsky and Testosterone.


Commentary

This was put in a comical genre but might be half-serious also. My daughter and I were discussing differences between men and women which made this topical to me. In relation to a woman a man's issue has always been his physical size and strength compared to her versus his concern to connect with her and with a language and awareness that often seem alien. To speak in the language of feeling and to connect on a musical level is hard for a beast of a man trained in contact sports like American football, or if you want to talk about real men, British rugby. The word gentleman was coined with this dual concern in mind. A man with the refinement to talk and connect to "aliens" and yet the brute force to compete in the real world also. The discussion with my daughter went a little beyond just the physical difference though. We talked about equal but different kinds of intelligence for example. Men tend to have higher mathematical and visual-spatial IQs, women higher verbal ones, and superior EQs. But then there are men like me who have quite high verbal IQs to break the rule, does that make me feminine because I do not fit the stereotype? Not all men are 6 foot three and a fit 200 pounds like me. Not all women are smaller than men. The person behind the gender always makes things more complicated and makes the whole gender discussion by itself a shallow one.

Anyway, I think your poem was more about how men treat you than the man themself. It was about how they relate to you rather than who they are as people.

Thanks for sharing


Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1025
1025
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via random review and got hooked by the first stanza

Reader Experience

Country song style lyrics about leaving behind the complexities of modern life and its technologies and going back to a simpler, more natural existence in the desert.

Commentary

It's an old struggle between industrialization and natural life, the machine age in which we automated much of our lives and the simple experience of living. Between metropolitan stress and the countryside. There is hankering after the purity of a simpler time, of an idealized memory of a bygone age. A return to nature combined with a desert father style purity. But the purity is secular, just the sun on my face, not the presence of God sustaining me in a harsh environment.

I loved the lyrics and especially this stanza which was the perfect description of releasing stress into the heavens:

The sun fades away and the stars fill the sky.
Like embers, old mem'ries fade and then die.
Like the heat headin' skyward, I find release
as the worries I've carried finally cease.
As I sit in the quiet, I know I've found peace.

But the last time I was in the desert I also remember that my windshield browned out with the flies splattering on it. I remember the silence and I guess when your life is too full that is redemptive, as stresses and strains are sucked out of you into the emptiness around. I remember the blistering heat also.

But this song fits the country genre and is good enough for a major star with the right music. It is an idealized picture of reality but I guess so are most of our happy places when it comes down to it.

Thanks for sharing

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

*Snow4* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" *Snow4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,314 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 53 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/41