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Enter your story of 300 words or less.

She created a legend — but life had its own ending to write.

Bitter Tears of the Mountains

Just a distant memory

Love In Decay

Old dandelion never lived or loved like he dreamed.

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List of past winners of The Bard's Hall Contest.

READ A NEWBIE

Alfaz Jo khamoshi samjh na sake

“Yeh nazm un jazbaat par hai jo hum kehna to chahte hain, magar keh nahi paate. .”

Things i never said

A sad, honest poem about unspoken words and the silence between two hearts.

Time and Mind

We talked about the timeflow in physics. It baffled me. Also no rhythm.

Snow

I miss the snow. I wish it‘d would visit more often. A poem.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

The Last Supper

Drama & romance rolled into one story for two contests {b-item:1069267} & {b-item:3718016}

A Delicate Matter

Love is the past, present, and future; so is grief.

Spacewalker

To infinity, and beyond.

Writings in the Sand

Thoughts destined to be washed away by the tides of life.

Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/41

LightinMind

Review Requests: ON

2,435 Public Reviews Given

2,435 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.

STATIC

My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

I'm good at...

More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.

Favorite Genres

Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.

Least Favorite Genres

Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.

Favorite Item Types

I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.

Least Favorite Item Types

Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.

I will not review...

I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.

Public Reviews

Previous ... 37 38 39 40 -41- 42 43 44 45 46 ... Next

1001

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600865

Review of Poem Emerald

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Received this via random review and smelt a Buddhist theme here

Reader Experience

What we hang on too tightly drips slowly through our fingers. In every deed are the temptations of the dark side of suffering and disappointment. A whisper is heard to break one's hold and let the moment pass.

Commentary

Dhamma is central to Buddhism and means to uphold, in the sense of upholding the teachings attributed to the Buddha. The central teaching being about overcoming dissatisfaction or suffering (dukkha).

So this poem seems to me to misuse the word dhamma as it is something enduring at the heart of Buddhism and is the response to situations of pain and disappointment. Unless that is it is a criticism of Buddhism. So the meaning here is not clear and while intriguing it seems to make no sense in fact.

Thanks for sharing

Signature for use by anyone nominated for a Quill Award in 2020

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1002

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600638

Review of The Table

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Received this via random review and was intrigued

Reader Experience

Appears to be set in a restaurant. A man at one table eats alone but watches a couple's amorous interaction, kissing without touching on another table. This evokes memories of romantic ghosts. Then finally the moment passes and there is only the debris of dinner to mark its passing.

Commentary

What some call voyeurism others call the networked reality of our humanity. A couple's happiness evokes memories of our own romance and will be the center of attention in a crowded restaurant for a man alone.

I liked this verse:

Their eyes
Smile and laugh.
Their lips
Speak quiet intimacies
Kiss without touching.

Thanks for sharing

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1003

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600635

Review of Ides of March

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Received this via random review and was hooked from the start

Reader Experience

Natalie may have only been a school kid but her notebook contains secrets that will change the world. Secrets she was killed for. Her friend Miss Green and Daniel, from the rough end of town, have the notebook and the school principal, in cahoots with the dark side of the Federal government, fails to find it on her. With Daniel, she plots how to publicize the information. She is almost killed but Daniel rescues her shooting her assailant dead. They manage to get to CNN and read out the contents on live TV. They are shot dead while doing so by Officer Pire. But it is too late and their sacrifice brings down the administration.

Commentary

Very well written, you have to wonder what was in that notebook. There was a puzzling reference at the beginning to redheads being arrested for the good of the people. Did they think the person with the notebook was a redhead or was the government conspiracy against redheads? You had a few themes common to American teen dramas like a partnership between a girl from a nice area with a boy from the black stuff. Of authority being suspicious and compromised and of parents being slightly dysfunctional in their responses. Why the school principal was in cahoots with the Federal government was a little mysterious. Even highly decorated veterans and police officers do not walk around with a full chest of medals, or did you mean ribbons, or did Officer Pire just dress up for what he must have known was his swansong. He killed the youths on-air, on CNN. You'd have thought someone that close to the president would have chosen a better time and would have had more street smarts than that.

Interesting story, thanks for sharing

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1004

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600460

Review of Bad Dream

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Received this via random review and stayed for a crazy dream

Reader Experience

There is a dream about talking dolls looking for the phone. There is waking to phone calls about trips around the world and the mailman delivers the same. Crawling back into bed and finding oneself on an idyllic island beach with a man asking for the bagels and on his way to work.

Commentary

This is really crazy and quite surreal. There is a travel theme here which is understandable during a lockdown in a pandemic. There is an insistent and persistent theme, from dolls, phonecalls, and mailmen that you should be traveling to some exotic location. Then on arrival, there is the humdrum request for bagels on the way to work. Could a dream get more disjointed? Yet it was engaging from start to finish and now the fragments have a life of their own in my head. I am going to have to do some more reviews to get the pictures to fade and that black eyed voodoo doll to stop staring at me.

Liked this, it was well written and engaging, thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1005

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600457

Review of QUOTES AND WORDS OF WISDOM

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (1.0)

Received this via random review and stayed to object

Reader Experience

The author thinks bitterness is enlightening and that love should always be attacked. The pleasure of the bitter is to destroy health and happiness.

Commentary

Not sure why the author considers this wise. It seems more the definition of foolishness to be so eaten up by the poison of bitterness that you lash out at your every chance for healing and happiness. Is it enlightened to debunk love or just deranged. Like pouring acid on the most beautiful face bitterness spoils, poisons, and destroys.

This was not wise. But it was provocative. For the second reason, I thank you for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1006

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600452

Review of Beauty Is ...

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Received this via random review and you mentioned programming

Reader Experience

A coded line has the potential to unlock a world of beauty. We find beauty in natures complexity and also as a result of our minds quest for it.

Commentary

Not sure but were you talking about the computer language Quest here, a sort of mish-mash of javascript, XML, C#, and VB. If so that makes some sense as you could create adventure games with this, some of sweet beauty and others of sour ugliness.

There is something beautiful about finished code. Human beings are far more complex and our DNA is coding par excellence. The coding of the natural world is beyond human intelligence and even of the most powerful AIs. The line between beauty and awe is blurred in fact when I consider that code.

Liked your poem which was well written. Also, the content was inspiring so beautiful!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1007

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600246

Review of The Cart Attendant

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Received this via random review and stayed for a good story

Reader Experience

Aiden is autistic and hates being touched and has a precise measured way of doing things. He does not really enjoy social contact and reacts strongly when he is touched by Sue on the stairs. Proceeding with his overdue lunchbreak he discovers Ellen gagging and immediately calls 911. Later it transpires that Ellen has ingested lemon juice to which she is highly allergic. The story works through the evidence and finds the real criminal in the mix. He has therefore saved Ellens's life but she knows better than to grab him on the stairs by way of thank you.

Commentary

This was a really good and engaging short story. I was gripped from start to finish and enjoyed the twists and turns of the plot. Aiden is an attractive character and reminded me of the good doctor series on TV.

Found one small error here:

relieved that one else there = relieved that no one else was there

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1008

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600245

Review of Youth is the power

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Received this via random review and stayed to object

Reader Experience

Youth rules and are better than oldies and middle-aged people because they can eat what they like, are fitter and more creative.

Commentary

I was a lot faster in my youth, some 20-25% in fact. I know precisely because I never stopped exercising. In my youth, I always compared myself against elite athletes who would run rings around me but I was always in that top fittest 10%. Now I look at youth who play fewer sports, do more gaming, or just lounge around with their mobiles, and hardly ever go outside and I know that I am fitter than all but that top 10% of them. In fact, youth is no guarantee of fitness. They could become fitter than me because they are younger but most cannot be bothered.

Regarding creativity, you need to have read widely, lived a lot, and experienced real pain before you can really write anything interesting. Youth are shallow and mainly uninspired repeating the works or sentiments of those who came before them. Sometimes they say original things but mainly it has all been said before. Definitely think oldies have the edge there.

Regarding eating whatever you like youth has a natural advantage but a lack of exercise mainly neutralizes it. I mainly eat whatever I like but then I have to go for an 8 mile run every two days to compensate. Most young people I know cannot even run 8 miles and many of them are getting quite fat because they eat without that exercise program.

So absolutely disagree with the content here.

Also, the language was a little strange and did not sound English in its syntax and word choice even though it survives a basic grammar checker.

Thanks for sharing and please reconsider the place of oldies in your life. Youth is not always better.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1009

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600244

Review of Fast Cars and Fast Women

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Received this via random review and stayed for a good poem

Reader Experience

A man cannot believe his luck when a hot beautiful hitchhiker joins him to ride shotgun.
He tries to seduce her with a lie but this woman is no dumb blonde.

Commentary

Well written with a hilarious ending, felt justice was done here given his deceit and intent. But should I really empathize with the car thief? - not sure about that. A world of motels and long-distance traveling seems quite remote right now with the lockdown but poems like this help keep the travel spirit alive and make me realize I actually miss it to some extent.

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1010

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600243

Review of ArE yOu ReAdY???

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Received this via random review and stayed for the poetical self-reflection

Reader Experience

She wonders if he could handle her inner pain and darkness. She wonders if he would understand it and whether or not she should let him in. Would he care about her tears?

Commentary

Having had times of wallowing in my own life I have developed what I now regard as a healthy aversion to hanging on to darkness and pain as if it were a cherished measure of identity. Better to define one's life in terms of its joys, loved moments, and hopes. I am completely intolerant of self-pity and depressive thoughts in myself. This probably makes me the wrong person to commentate on your poem as I lack the pastoral compassion to bring you gently into the light and to let go of the stuff that does not matter to embrace stuff that does. Also, I think it is different for a man and woman. Feelings however dark and painful are more often confused with identity in women. That is probably a controversial thing to say but someone could simply say to me something like "Get real!" or "pull yourself together" and that would do the trick. But this same philosophy does not work on my wife or my daughter or indeed my brother - so go figure maybe I should learn to appreciate people's wallowing after all and have lost something in my own genocide of darkness. After all, sometimes love and hate, pain and pleasure are intertwined and you cannot eliminate the one without harming the other. Sort of like pulling up weeds in a flower garden

Thanks for your poem which I obviously found quite inspiring given all this verbiage.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1011

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600095

Review of Writing In Images

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Received this via random review and was fascinated by the theme.

Reader Experience

The writer's words are experienced by the reader as imagery. The best writers produce the best light, color, sensation, and emotion in their readers.

Commentary

My favorite reads growing up were the bible books of Joshua and then the books of the Judges and Kings for their battles and the Lord of the Rings for its vivid imagery. When you read books like this there is a sense in which you live them and actually experience them. You are there in the battles, you are the hero that saves Middle Earth or conquers Israel. By contrast, Leviticus in the bible had to have been the worst book for me growing up. Loads of rules and minutiae that send me to sleep. Now I find it quite fascinating because I have new ways to read it and new questions about the text. How we paint our pictures, the emotions we generate, the sensations we evoke, and the colors that form in the reader's mind are not completely in our control. It remains mysterious why one writer's words resonate and those of another do not. You can show examples of books that worked but even these worked for some groups and not others. Books that were loved in another age now lie dusty and neglected in second-hand antiquarian book shops and libraries. Even within families, I hate Harry Potter and my daughter loves it.

Interesting article thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1012

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600085

Review of Radiations

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Received this via random review and stayed for my education

Reader Experience

The author discusses ionized and non-ionized radiation

Commentary

It has been a while since I opened a physics book and I had forgotten how interesting it could be. Thanks for differentiating the two kinds of radiation for me. We live in an electromagnetic age and just looking around my house, every plug is used with some gadget plugged into it. I guess our bodies are awash from all these particles/waves passing through us. Some taking parts of us with them or changing our configuration and others just passing through. If they did find out that all this stuff that so many people make so much money from was actually killing us I wonder how easily this information would come out.

My Grammarly application goes hey wire on your text underlining loads of stuff in red. You might want to check out the application which would help with the grammar here.

Thanks for sharing

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1013

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600083

Review of The Greedy King

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Received this via random review and stayed for the wisdom

Reader Experience

A greedy king gets the just reward for his greed when his treasure drove crushes him

Commentary

Greed is good was the slogan of the Wolf of Wall Street and other kindred spirits. While the rich grow richer the poor grow poorer as wealth passes away from their hands and into those who do not need it and uselessly hoard it. Your poem was for children but it speaks more widely also.

I loved the image of the gigantic box which he filled with a lifetime of greed and exploitation of his subjects. Even better was when the castle floor, which clearly he had not spent enough on maintaining, broke and the box of his treasure crushed him. It was a fitting end to the man.

The next King gives away all the accumulated wealth leaving the ruin as a monument to the king's folly.

As the bible says,

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

21 “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”
Luke 12:13-21

Thanks for sharing

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1014

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599886

Review of Expected inclination

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Received this via random review and stayed for a highly topical discussion

Reader Experience

Anti-scientific thinking is a growing problem. This piece asks what can be done to encourage people to appreciate science. It gives examples of toys, visually pleasing experiments, and obvious benefits in day-to-day life as a starting point for educating people as to the value of science.

Commentary

In an age where empirical fact denial, relating to elections and global pandemics, is becoming a pandemic of its own it is a fair question.

The obvious benefits of science do need to be asserted and there is a crisis in many schools relating to scientific education and its valuation. This piece offered useful ways to overcome this issue. But I think part of the issue here is the overextension of science into realms where its commentary is not authoritative or sometimes even helpful. For example into the realms of human nature or experience in which scientific language is inadequate. For example that of love and romance. Science overextends itself when it discusses religion except when definite scientific claims are being made. Origin stories at distances of billions of years are purely speculative but asserted with a degree of unwarranted certainty. Remote cosmology is sabotaged by the insight that 95% of the universe does not give off an electromagnetic signature at all.

As well as overreaching relating to scope those who fund the scientists have started to manipulate their conclusions and to misuse facts by incorporating them into their own narratives and obsessions. It does not fit the agenda of oil companies to talk about global warming nor that of coal miners. Car manufacturers manipulate the parameters of their fume testing so that they pass closely defined scientific tests making a mockery of the validity of these tests. Politicians do not like the results of an election and so immediately suggest that machines have been programmed with biases, that the software has been hacked, and that the objectivity of a result can be questioned. Even paper recounts and exhaustive checks do not change the minds of those who do not want the result that is actually scientifically true.

Thanks for sharing an engaging and interesting piece.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1015

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599882

Review of Chapter 2 section- Grandma

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Received this via random review and stayed for a well-written story.

Reader Experience

Grandma Katt, who died 23 years ago, appears in physical form and shares pancakes with her granddaughter Sara. She informs her that she is a Mind Seer and reminds her of an example from her childhood when her gift manifested.

Commentary

This was well written and engaging. Grandma comes, in a warm and familiar form. She cooks pancakes and shares a cup of tea with her granddaughter. She opens up her mind to the gift she had had since childhood.

So her gift appears to be an advanced discernment of another's thoughts and feelings, to the point that she can actually manipulate what it is that they think they see. So in effect, she can deceive people with a sort of hypnotism. This should have manifested in her successes in life by now if it was already present in her life. I wonder how she will use this gift now that she is aware of it. That her parents concealed it from her puzzles me. I would have thought it would have been better to help her come to terms with it. I guess they could have been afraid of this gift being used. Who wants their daughter to be taken away by men in white coats to be examined in some kind of lab.

Not sure where Grandma went in the intervening years. This is not a Christian gift as it involves deception so if Grandma was also so gifted is she in heaven or hell. Or is she just floating around like a homeless ghost?

Only found two minor errors:

She pat my arm = She patted my arm

but the next thing you knew it, the elephant was in your father’s hands = but the next thing you knew, the elephant was in your father’s hands

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1016

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599881

Review of escape plan

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

You requested that I review this.

Reader Experience

Zea is a prisoner of her evil stepmother, Helena. She is trapped in a castle. Luna her stepsister helps her to escape by creating a diversion. She put a sleeping pill in Aunt Molestia's drink. They meet Aunt Surdia on the way out. Zea escapes through the castle garden at the back of the castle.

Commentary

The story is good enough and I liked Luna's creativity in arranging the diversion for the escape. It is impossible not to sympathize with Zea and her situation. The descriptions may also be quite powerful if refined into proper English.

I would recommend you get Grammarly as even the free version will help you avoid the most obvious mistakes made in the text. There is a long list:

The use of colons and semicolons seems a little random.

It seemed to her a strange girl was mimicking her in the mirror; the spark in her dark brown almond eyes was found nowhere.=
It seemed to her that a strange girl was mimicking her in the mirror. The spark in her dark brown almond eyes was missing.

where two people certainly would fit into it = into which two people would certainly fit

A small piece of paper is doing Its best to fight for its freedom, can't I = A small piece of paper is doing its best to fight for its freedom, can't I

Does this imply a window was open and therefore an escape route?

an inevitable fear for her step-mother,Helena = an inevitable fear of her step-mother, Helena

Your wedding is decided to be held tomorrow and I expect no fuss.= It is decided that your Wedding be held tomorrow and I expect no fuss.

to waste my penny = to waste my pennies (or money)

Remember,There is no way you have got to escape = Remember, there is no way for you to escape

a letter from her sister,Luna = a letter from her sister, Luna

but this is the only way I found. = but this was the only way possible.

don't count it as housebreaking = it does not count as housebreaking

I must say that you look horrible than ever = I must say that you look worse than ever

Zea scowled at her ,though a funny excitement filled her. = Zea scowled at her, though a strange excitement filled her.

She annoyed you persistently,didn't she? = She persistently annoyed you, didn't she?

Aunt Molestia never rested a minute to irritate her = Aunt Molestia never spared a minute to irritate her

her Inadvertent-sacrifice = her involuntary sacrifice

Before anyone could notice, you must escape.Come with me, = Before anyone notices, you must escape. Come with me,

Helena's wailing was re-echoing = Helena's wailing was loud

it wasn't pleasant to ears = it wasn't pleasant to the ear.

She clutched her side seams of the coat = She clutched the side seams of her coat

Few more steps to the back door of the castle for Zea when Luna grabbed the handle of the back-door. = Zea had only a few more steps to the back door of the castle when Luna grabbed the handle of the back-door.

have you seen Molestia?" asked Aunt surdia. = have you seen Molestia?" asked Aunt Surdia.

"It would be great,if you comfort mum," = "It would be great if you would comfort mum,"

"Certainly.Certainly dear!" said Aunt molestia - Aunt Surdia surely?

When she was on her way to turn along the stairs = When she turned out of sight on the stairs

THAT OLD STUPID = THAT STUPID OLD WOMAN (HAG, COW, BITCH....)

which is the backside of the castle = at the back of the castle

Though, the trees lost the care which was tangible by their wild and rampage growth of branches it was eye catchy and felt pleasant for zea after being trapped in the four walls for a long time = Though, the untended trees had grown wild. The rampaging growth of their branches captured the eye. It felt pleasant, for Zea, after being trapped inside, for so long.

"Luna, you must go,if you are here,she will understand that it was you who put pills in the drink," she said with concern. = "Luna, you must go, if you are here, she will know that it was you who put pills in the drink," she said with concern.

will you be able to manage? = Will you be able to manage?

what is his name,your friend's brother?" Zea asked - Luna told her that at the beginning. So maybe it is better to phrase this like this: "what was the name of your friend's brother again?"

who was on a verge to cry = who was on a verge of crying

give me a word that you will be okay - let me know when you are ok? (Not sure about what you are trying to say here)

Zea nodded.She walked towards the wicket gate .She could feel Luna's eyes on her. = Zea nodded. She walked towards the wicket gate. She could feel Luna's eyes on her.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review your work. It is clear that you have the soul of a writer. But you struggle to express that in English. I suspect this is not your native language and I respect your courage in writing in a second language. I am not sure I would do as well if I tried in my second language which is German. Keep persevering and get Grammarly as a start also.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1017

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599737

Review of Mumbai

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

I received this via random review and stayed because my father was born near Bombay.

Reader Experience

A celebration of Mumbai, the people, its food, its faiths, its wealth and poverty, its busyness, and its colors.

Commentary

Love this poem and you really made the colors and sounds of the place come alive with all its hustle and bustle. This is a place and poem teeming with life in all its diversity.

There were two sentences that might be better rephrased:

Sometimes it's hot but not too more'. = Sometimes it's hot but not too much'.

Spend some time here and your life will be unforgetful...! = Spend some time here and your life will be unforgettable...!

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1018

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599733

Review of Winter and Spring

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

I received this via random review and was touched by the theme.

Reader Experience

This girl hates the Spring and the green and growing colors that it brings. He killed her in the Spring and Winter is the only time she does not feel dead.

Commentary

She hates, she envies, she resents, that she is not alive to live in the town she mocks for its celebration of Spring. Though dead she demands that the world be devoid of the color green because it was the color of her killer's eyes. She wants the world as dead as she is so nothing grows and that color never appears to remind her that she was killed in the Spring. There was poison in her heart before she died, and even though her murder was wrong the world may be better off without her.

This was well written. Did you want your reader to sympathize with this woman? If so the piece had the opposite effect. This was an empty soul devoid of spirituality, her head full only of worldly ambitions. She had little to give this world and the trees grow greener because she is in the grave.

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1019

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599730

Review of Greg's Story

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Received this via random review and was intrigued by the Stalingrad battle theme.

Reader Experience

The battle of Stalingrad was set in late 1942 till February 1943. This is a replay set in a VR Gaming Universe.

Commentary

In the original battle, the German 6th Army was cut off and destroyed or taken prisoner to die later in Siberia. The German technical air supremacy and pilot quality do seem to be reflected in the game. Flying by instruments allowed the Luftwaffe fighters to hide in the clouds waiting for their prey. All this talk about AIs confused me because these did not exist in 1943. I guess in the game the AI gunners are substitutes for the real thing. So the challenges you describe of malfunctioning AI-controlled guns are virtual ones also. It makes the battle seem unreal and all the swearing about the enemy a little empty. Stalinist USSR was of course an atheistic Communist dictatorship that actively persecuted Christians. Even though churches were reopened in mother Russias darkest hour it is unlikely the military would have accused the Germans of being godless. Maybe that is a bug in the game. Also, the language of the pilots sounded more like the banter of American than Soviet-era pilots. A lot of men died in the real battle on both sides. I guess games allow people to revisit the battlefield and have value in that respect.

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1020

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599715

Review of Sidney Hollis Artebury

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Received this via random review and was touched by the ferocity of the emotions in this piece

Reader Experience

A Medic and his team are caught by an exploding LED. He is traumatized by the experience and the fact that he was the only one to survive. He does not understand why he was spared losing his faith and contemplating suicide. Then he reads a message from his dad, who went through the same thing years before and it brings him back from the brink.

Commentary

This felt very real and I wondered if you had been a soldier or at least had family members who were. If not then it was very well researched. It kept me captivated from start to finish. I was disappointed that Sid was apparently wimping out in his greatest battle. I was with Karen in her wheelchair who shared her own testimony trying to bring him back. But it was his dead father, presumably killed in action that brought him back by reminding him that those you fight with are never truly lost so long as you are there to remember them and honor their memory.

Very moving powerful piece and a tribute to the thousands of coalition soldiers who have endured the horrors of the Middle East on our behalf and fighting for our freedoms.

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1021

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599499

Review of A Jamaican Sunset

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Received this via random review and stayed for a very well-written piece.

Reader Experience

Steve is 16 and the woman of his dreams 18-year-old Cassandra Miles is standing with him by the beach in Jamaica watching the sun go down. The two families have come together for this holiday as a sort of goodbye for when Steve and his family move to New York from the MidWestern small town of Duluth. Steve realizes that the only thing he will really miss about Duluth is standing right with him on the beach. She cries and he kisses her and that is a memory he is unlikely to ever forget.

Commentary

Thought you described the scene and the characters very well and built the scene and its emotions up in a powerful way. I still wondered towards the end given Cassandra had a boyfriend, Tim, whether anything was going to happen. She was older, unavailable and then the tears said that she would really miss Steve. It was then that he rose to the challenge and took her into his arms. Cool, young love, romance, and a special moment is wonderfully written. Maybe they will miss each other and equally, maybe they will always remember each other because of the pain, pleasure, and beauty of the moment.

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1022

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599497

Review of That moment of sadness

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Received this via random review and stayed for the heartache.

Reader Experience

The author is sad that someone has left her. There is some jealousy, tears and a depressed feel that some of these resulting wounds may not heal. Then there is a debate as to whether some kind of apology is required here.

Commentary

Thought you expressed some deep emotions here. There is the suggestion that shadows from the ex-partner's past have sabotaged this. Obviously, since you do not say what happened it is not clear if whoever has gone is worth mourning till the grave. Nor is it clear that an apology is required. There were some issues with two sentences:

Although I know that it no more exist in material = Though I know it is not materially real.

But still I guess I am to apologize
But maybe I should apologize

Thanks for sharing.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1023

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599349

Review of Return of Sandy the California Snowman

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is my fifth review of my LegendaryMask tour

Reader Experience

In California, they do not have snowmen like Frosty they have Sandmen. A charming tale in which a childhood experience is recreated by young adults and Sandy comes back to share a day in the sunshine with them. Then a thunderstorm takes him away again

Commentary

Thought you made the characters come alive and it was easy to just join the party with them and enjoy the experience. Sure psychologists would have a field day with what Sandy might represent. But who cares it was a great story and well written.

Thanks, I enjoyed this.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1024

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599336

Review of Fable's Grey Report

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is my fourth review of my LegendaryMask tour

Reader Experience

Fable, or LegendaryMask's furry daughter as she is affectionately known, loves to chase cats. With two neighbor cats to choose from this day she was very excited and had to be sent inside where she made a mess and smashed a laptop. She was told she was a 'Bad Girl' by way of rebuke but the laptop still seems to work and they made up later.

Commentary

This was a very personal reflection on a much-beloved dog's interaction with cats. Must admit we have a cat of 17 years now. Pets definitely have their own personalities but not sure I would want Fable next door to my cat whom she would probably try and terrorize. But I understand how it is to love a pet that has just been there so long, longer in fact than my kids. As our cat enters its last days, some of its dignity and mobility has been lost but we still love it and will do so till the end. Indeed the neighbor's dog barks now and our cat is just deaf and cannot hear it. It is amusing hearing the dog barking its lungs out while my cat sleeps peacefully in the garden in the sunshine. She can no longer protect herself so we do that now.

Thanks for sharing your reflections on a moment in the life of Fable, a much-loved pet.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

1025

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4599335

Review of The American Soldier

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is my third review in my LegendaryMask tour.

Reader Experience

The American soldier, a product of a warrior culture generations deep, informed, and tested on battlefields around the world. This is a woman's perspective, gratitude, and respect for the American soldiers she knows personally and believes protect her from the evils of this world. They serve America and there is also a higher calling hinted at here, to serve God also.

Commentary

My grandfather was a Texan. He joined the British army as a Grenadier Guard while his country still stood aloof from the fight against the Nazis and the British stood alone against them. I guess I have an international perspective on what the American military is and what good it has done. It has been a blessing to far more than just Americans and the last 4 years its retreat from its allies concerned me. Now America is back and I think many in the world that has perhaps taken America for granted in the past breathed a sigh of relief as a result. Not all the military does is pure and virtuous but it has a clear mandate to protect the USA and its allies like the British have fought alongside them many times in necessary wars that protected global peace and freedom.

This poem seems very close to your feelings and your experience. It reeks of authenticity, pride and respect for relations in the military and a love of country. There is also some unresolved tension as to the relationship between being a good American soldier and a soldier of Christ.

It was interesting and heartwarming to read. Thanks for sharing

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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