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2,435 Public Reviews Given
2,435 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing Open in new Window. (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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1126
1126
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Received this via random review and liked the theme

Reader Experience

The lover is right next to the beloved but whispers their feelings, frustrations and prayers for fearing of waking them. Despite the physical nearness there is an emotional distance the lover wishes to cross.

Commentary

Distances between those who lie right besides us can be the hardest to cross. The pain of that was well expressed here. The hunger for intimacy frustrated and blocked by unspecified issues and fears is all too clear. You kept the rhythm and the bd rhyming scheme through the poem. I liked the poem which was well done, but it lacked something, some kind of magic. Sorry that is so unspecific, just my reaction.

Thanks for sharing.

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1127
1127
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Received this via random review and was impressed by your vocabulary

Reader Experience

This is a very eloquent and hilarious account of a Halloween prank on an old man which backfires on the pranksters.

Commentary

I had to look up half these words to check their meaning. Some of them I had to think about like "catawampus" sneaks diagonally positioned. Others seemed a loose fit like "pumpernickles"(loaves of bread!) But the way you combined them and used them made me think who cares, it worked. Also if he kicked the doggy dung so hard that it flew over their heads would the bag not have exploded when his foot hit the bag. Still justice was done and the pranksters got their due so I prefer your outcome.

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1128
1128
Review of THE FALL  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and found it amusing

Reader Experience

Having spent a wonderful Sunday together Him and her are chatting. He is trying to pour out his love to her and she is falling into a tragic brooding state that spells the end of their connection.

Commentary

Sometimes words and dialog do not tell the whole story. She starts by saying how much she enjoyed their Sunday together. Then he decides to reference her habit for brooding deep dark thoughts. He does this in the middle of a romantic effort to woo her. Unfortunately his words merely trigger this brooding and she plunges into it.

This was both funny and deeply sad to me. It showed her complete disillusionment with their connection maybe with all connections. The man as portrayed here seems alright, making every effort to please her, but she is determined to fall into her own inner toxic darkness and portray him as a predatory monster hunting her in the shadows. She has somehow convinced herself that every relationship will ultimately fail and that might be true because she is the one that sabotages them.

The following need some attention:
1) Check Him and Her line separation. On occasions the structure is broken
2) no flood can quench my thrust for you = thirst for you
3) take you to there world = take you to their world
4) you feel relived cause = you feel relieved because
5) your head scream and your impulses beg = your head screams

Thanks for an entertaining read.

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1129
1129
Review of Badger  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Received this via random review and stayed because it was hilarious

Reader Experience
Danny and Cindy head out to play by the Creek. Their mother warns them,as always about badgers and rattlers. They have no idea what a badger is. As they pass skinny Josiah McGriffs place they remember how he chased them away with a pitchfork for stealing apples. He had since gotten engaged to a 250 pound woman called Pearl. As they pass his place they hear a commotion. Pearl storms out of the barn and the kids mishear what she said. They spend the day hiding in a tree from the Badger. When they make it home Josiah is there bawling his eyes out. Mother calls him a bachelor and they wonder which is worse badgers or bachelors.

Commentary

It is a very funny story, well written and shows how kids often fill in the gaps in the partial danger stories offered to them by parents. All part of the process of learning and growing up. Words can turn small badgers into bears and a broken hearted man, unlucky in love into a monster with a pitchfork.


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1130
1130
Review of How Sweet It Is  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and stayed because I liked the theme

Reader Experience

Are we here just to collect gift points and trophies, the author thinks not and suggests that we place our victories in the perspective of a full life with God. We have gifts we should use them but we should be able to bear our ups and downs and keep a positive outlook.

Commentary

I liked this simple poem with its ab cd rhyming scheme. It contains the wisdom of getting things in perspective without compromising on the zeal for excellence. The language is not spectacular or hypnotic but is enough to make the point.

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1131
1131
Review of Closed Track  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by connection between racing and tornadoes.

Reader Experience

A rather surreal dream of a race around the inside of a tornado followed by a radio broadcast of the Daytona 500 being suspended due to Tornado warnings.

Commentary

Must admit did not believe the key concept here that tornadoes actually occur in Daytona Florida. But then when I researched it found that they did indeed. So the dream sounds like one of those spooky moments when a truth is anticipated before it happens. But the significance of the woman racer snarling and overtaking is not explained.

Interesting piece thanks

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1132
1132
Review of Peace on Earth  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Received this via random review and stayed because who does not want peace.

Reader Experience
The three stanzas describe three perspectives on peace. The first the hope and dream for peace expressed in carols. The second describes the current reality of war and conflict as birth pangs of the new age. The Third describe the grounds of peace and the reason why we can trust the promise of it as being the arrival of the Prince of Peace Himself.


Commentary

Luke 2:14
Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.

The Second Coming brings peace only to those who are waiting for him in faith. For the rest it is the end of history and the beginning of eternal restlessness. There were John Lennon "Imagine" Universalist overtones to this poem envisaging peace as a gift for all rather than just for those on whom his favor rests.

I liked the poem which is clearly informed by scripture but found it more prosaic than poetical

Thanks for sharing.

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1133
1133
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Received this chapter by random review and so have not read the other chapters. This is a stand alone review of this chapter.

Reader Experience

The author describes a schizoid superwoman who is both Liz,a human with normal social connections and a goddess called Mega Woman who has immense powers and big muscles. The military, who have managed to irradiate Mega woman in a way that allows tracking were monitoring her flying in circles around the planet at great speed. Having recently received worship in some service Mega Woman's power have increased again but she is a little at a loss as to what to do now. She needed someone to talk to and it seems that Tom was a friend of Liz. He was watching the world discuss her new powers on TV when he was summoned by her. Mega woman discusses her new powers and her desire to stay as she is rather than transform back into normal Liz.


Commentary

Mega woman seems quite an immature goddess and sees humans as foot servants. But she needed Tom to talk to. She is far more powerful than he is and apparently her mental powers have also grown but she needs him to guide her? Must admit no idea where a goddess should go for counselling. She has major dilemmas to resolve. A sort of Dr Jeykll, My Hyde type double personality debating with herself as to which identity she prefers or is she a female version of the Incredible Hulk with brains when muscular. One can see why the military might be worried this woman clearly has no idea what to do with the powers she has received. Tom suggests she uses them for good. Not sure how an 8 foot tall goddess is going to blow off steam with a mere human male without ripping him in half though. He gets nose bleeds when she talks to him after all.

You might want to correct the following in the script here:

a voice soon filed his head = a voice soon filled his head

Her muscles, which defined description, had looked like an explosion of power had gone on inside of them, pushing her tanned skin to the limits as her immense and other worldly muscles had grown = Her muscles, which defied description, looked like an explosion of power had gone on inside of them. As her immense and other worldly muscles had grown, this had pushed her tanned skin to the limits.

It wasn’t her muscles either, she was taller = It wasn’t just her muscles either, she was taller

And your brain us still small to understand it = And your brain is too small to understand it

can there be no stronger link between a Goddess and her, her subjects? = can there be a stronger link between a Goddess and her, her subjects?

No. Ad good to know this silliness between us is through= No, and good to know this silliness between us is through

Thanks for sharing.

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1134
1134
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Received this via random review and was hooked on the first stanza

Reader Experience
Tells the story of an arranged marriage where a young man actually demonstrates what true love is by standing up for his wife and protecting her from his parents. It is a call to take seriously the plight of so many women living in rural Indian villages

Commentary

Loved your poem which though long kept me captivated from start to finish with the tale of how this young man is paired with a stranger and then ends up loving her. A man's love for a woman did used to be defined in terms of protection and provision and I was interested in the contrast you drew with a modern American female who is looking for a bit of romancing, for gifts and trips to special places. His love seems so serious by contrast, but there he is protecting a woman whom initially he hardly knew and growing to love her on a farm for which he is probably up to his eyeballs in debt for, despite the low level city job he worked in. Many modern women do not want or indeed need male protection or provision as they feel secure as a result of legal protections and careers of their own. That this is not the experience of the vast majority of women around the world and through history often eludes these women. The fact is that most Indian marriages do endure while many Western marriages end in divorce and bitterness. Poems like this do a lot to break the high maintenance sense of entitlement that exists among many Western females, reminding us of simpler times when women were not so lucky.

Just realized I did not find any mistakes which kept me focused on the content, which was very engaging. Thanks for sharing


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1135
1135
Review of Ornery  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via random review and stayed because it reminded me of a neighbor.

Reader Experience

Ornery = bad-tempered or difficult to deal with.. I had to look it up to be sure but remembered it correctly. In this case the grumpy old man is so cause of sense of decline or loss since the days of happier memories. He just wants to gripe about this and prefers to be left alone

Commentary

Perfectly constructed in 24 syllables and it appears you won the competition with this. It was a perfect summary of my neighbor. It was both welcome as an articulation of feeling and also left me feeling quite angry when I thought about him. Why is that some people can just well never see the bright side of things and never seem to smile at all. Well it is Christmas so probably a time for love and forgiveness. But where did I put that shotgun?

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1136
1136
Review of The Time Machine  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and liked the theme

Reader Experience

The author bid in an auction, for an item, in a box, she did not know the contents of. It turns out she bought something like a car which is probably the news her husband was hoping to hear when she called him. Her husband, who works at a garage, takes time off work to collect the car and put it in their home garage, then returns to work. That evening they sit in it together. The dials have dates on them and when they switch the dials suddenly they are whisked away....

Commentary

Why the author was off spending money on blind auctions is one question I had, it is either a car sale or not. It is clear there was no discussion about the purchase which seems to be quite substantial.

That said who would not want to acquire HG Wells time machine - or more likely in this case the de Lorean from Back to the Future.

So I liked the story line.

There were a few difficult lines here:

The cover was pulled back and the attendant and both said at the same time = The cover was pulled back and the attendant and 1 both said at the same time.

'I thinks so.' = 'I think so.'

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1137
1137
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and considered your poem insightful.

Reader Experience
The worker is employed to monitor and police workflow dates and approvals rather than the front end projects where the real credit is won or lost. But his systems are mainly routine and could be automated and his process is often bypassed by top managers and by temporary replacements. He has a feeling of redundancy and knows his pink slip is long over due.

Commentary
I used to build software to automate soul destroying tasks, this is now a built in feature of many applications and no programmer is needed to implement that. The point in my view, of such automation, was to set people free from mindless drudgery to do more creative things. It was a shock to me when having built various workflows, in one company, that I was the one made redundant, while the people whose jobs I had automated, continue to this day to click pointless buttons, to check automatic tasks, where the checking has all been done for them, by my programming. The insight I gained is that people do not necessarily see their jobs as callings, or an end in itself, and managers keep the people who are first and foremost loyal to them, rather than the people who understand what to do. So effectively much of the workforce is today a bunch of drones who turn up, get paid and then go home. There is often little reflection on the achievements or failures of the day as one day blends into another. The author here is however self aware and he poses the bigger dilemma facing millions in the workplace today. A lot of jobs are now completely unnecessary and the fear and the uncertainty that that generates is colossal. We are on the brink of major changes and it is not always clear where the new jobs are going to come from.

The poem itself was fine, though it is quite an achievement to make a poem, about this subject, interesting, and the material would have been hard to squeeze into some kind of rhyme or structure, so maybe a free verse was the best format for it. I guess you could have tried poking more fun at the stupidity of the processes and people, to add some humor and energy to it.

Thanks for sharing and for your thought provoking poem.

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1138
1138
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (1.0)
Received this via random review and it warranted a comment

Reader Experience

This is a short note that points to a larger story that is not there. It suggests that hate is the equal of love

Commentary

There are a great many reasons to hate people, including receiving bad ratings and reviews, or worse bad ratings with nonsense reviews, which you can do nothing with. Even some of the best writers on this site are really quite rubbish at reviewing other people's writings. You can start wars over these bad reviews or you can let mercy triumph over judgment, learn what you can and move on.

That said your Manichean declaration that love and hate somehow balance in this universe is highly controversial and is asserted not demonstrated. It is love that creates the universe, hate only knows how to destroy and to spoil. It is love that builds people up and hate that tears them down. Hate is not the equal of love as if it achieved full success all existence would be desolate or cease altogether, while with love things keep on growing. People think that the semantic logic of pairing love with hate makes them equals but it does not. Love could equally pair with fear as its opposite and neither fear or hate have the power of love.

The idea that hatred of a common enemy is a more powerful force than love as a binding force is also debatable. Hate sucks the life out of its host, if you live on hate alone, you burn out and it is not a binding force when the enemy is remote or in temporary lulls between battles or when victory has been achieved.

So I think this content is incomplete, and controversial without explanation.

In this sentence: Hear is my story of the power and bonds of Hatred. - it is here not hear and Hatred does not deserve capitalisation

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1139
1139
Review of Dream of Me  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Received this via random review and liked the poem

Reader Experience

The progression of the seasons comes with a plea, in each, for the beloved to remember and dream of the lover.

Commentary

Used your edit point to correct the line to "When frosts begin to chill the air" not sure if that worked or not.

You wrote this as a free verse which was fine, though some sentences seemed too long, compared to others, disrupting the rhythm a little.

Anyway overall thought it was great, thanks for sharing.

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1140
1140
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Received this via "random" review (but getting a lot of love poetry this morning) and liked the first stanza.

Reader Experience

The author describes a computer romance that could be developing into something more. So long as the two can let their love dance in God's light that is.

Commentary

The first stanza is brilliant and got me hooked:

You touched my heart so quietly,
You never said you would.
Our hearts embraced so silently,
I didn’t know they could.

It was so perfect and intimate that I found the next stanza a real disappointment, as suddenly I realized the lovers had never actually met in the flesh. There was a sudden loss of intimacy and the social distancing of looking through the window of a computer screen, at the loved one, some where out there, remote from touch, hugs and kisses. Then there follows verses expressing the uncertainty of outcome associated with a new romance and also hopes that God will be involved adding a higher meaning to it and a higher quality. God of course does animate love and magnify it but his involvement here initially sounded forced, like idealized expectations of one true love being forced onto a situation. It is the hope of every Christian couple that God bless their love, but this is not the mere application of preexisting labeling and routines to love but rather an authentic engagement together with God. So your last idea of dancing together with God worked quite well I thought mirroring the eternal dance of the Trinity and bringing your love into God's light.

Anyway that is just my experience of your poem. Thanks for sharing.

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1141
1141
Review of Sunsets  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via random review and loved it

Reader Experience

The author experiences a sunset they wish they could share with the one they love.

Commentary

Loved this poem from 6 years ago. It is a timeless theme, it has been done a thousand times before, but somehow you managed to make the experience a fresh one for me in this poem.

I loved this line
"through a sky littered with haze"


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1142
1142
Review of Be?  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by the philosophical theme.

Reader Experience
The writer explores the concept of being and not being.

Commentary
"To be or not to be that is the question" said Hamlet contemplating existence or non existence. But in this authors investigation the question reads more like a play on language that a real investigation of the grounds of being or not being. There is nonsense language here like "Being is always possible even when one isn't a being". This reminded me of silly questions like can God build a round circle? But there has been serious thought through the ages and some actual answers have been arrived at:

Some consider Being an illusion as we are all in a continual state of flux. We manufacture constructs of identity and existence to ease the pains of transition but they are illusions. Nietzsche for example as well as many Buddhists hold to this view.

Descartes "Cogito Ergo Sum", suggested that because he knew that he was thinking therefore he must exist. As it required a being to think. That the fact of contemplation implied existence and therefore the possibility of Being in itself.

Plato looked beyond the shifting shadows of what we see to the true forms of Being that underlie them.

Religious thinkers regard God as the grounds of Being and the guarantor of all lesser beings in the universe. Because He is Eternal, Almighty, Omnipresent and all knowing and all wise He is the only grounds of Being that survive all tests of change and circumstance and is therefore the only guarantor of permanence.

Many today, and indeed many writers, have lost all sense of Being, in itself, as an objective phenomena. They regard an omniscient story teller, in a persons narrative, as an example of bad and boring technique and a mistake, as there is no Omniscient story teller, in their understanding. For them there is only interpretation and one must delve deep inside the subjectivity of oneself and how one imagines subjectivity to look like in another to tell a story. The obvious danger here is moral relativism and indeed a breakdown of communication as the reference points of language and understanding are no longer regarded as having any objectivity in themselves. In such writers there is a loss of the overarching meta narrative and all is localized and subjective.

So I would suggest your investigation was mainly word play and did not delve deep enough into the real thought that has been given on this question.

Anyway that is just my opinion, or is it objective? Well that is the question isn't it?

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1143
1143
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was struck by the raw power in what you said.

Reader Experience

Olivia was put into foster care at age 5. She has since moved through many foster homes. She describes the pain, feeling of impermanence and heart ache of her experience.

Commentary
Powerful, emotional piece that helps all of us understand what it would be like to be a foster child. Birthdays are marked as calendar dates rather than celebrations of a persistent connection with a single family and loving parents. The tears are for what could have been and what it might have felt like to have stayed with her original parents. Social distancing is a survival mechanism to cope with continual change and people are pushed away so that they do not see the nighttime tears. There are foster parents that care and provide safety and security but that sense of loss from missing parents is a continual heart ache.

There are a number of things you could do to improve this writing:

birthdays just meant one more year staying at a that was not my own = birthdays just meant one more year staying at a home that was not my own

This sentence needs reworking:

I always looked forward to I don't know why maybe because there I could at least try to relate to people and make friends or maybe because I didn't want to be home sitting on the bottom of a random bunk looking out the window trying myself not to cry and still feel my warm tears

Thanks for sharing your story.


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1144
1144
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was hooked by the hot topic of the moment.

Reader Experience

Kathie Stehr comments, with some dismay, at the ways in which government and political discussion has developed the past 4 years, under the narcissistic Donald Trump. The crisis is especially acute given the recent election result and ongoing pressures of the Pandemic. These crises have revealed a deep political ignorance in the American public and the ease with which unscrupulous demagogues can manipulate them.

Commentary

Your words reminded me of a bible verse:

"Love builds up and Knowledge puffs up."

There are two kinds of ways of knowing things. There is the way that seeks to build others up, to serve, inspire and affirm the good, pure, true and noble. Then there is the kind of knowledge that is self serving and is used to magnify the self. As an outsider to the American political process looking in I have watched Trumps demagoguery with some amazement and a great deal of interest. It has been a performance, evoking ridicule internationally, but so also it seems to have been remarkably effective with his target audience in the USA. He knows how to find and then use the emotional triggers in an audience in order to get them to work for his agendas. But Trumps agenda is mainly about staying at the center of attention and power. The greatest concern to me has been the ways in which he has manipulated simple church goers, who formed a core group in support of him, who have learnt over many years to distrust mainstream media and the "Deep State" over the years and were ripe for a great deceiver. He played the God, guns and greed preoccupations of many Americans faultlessly and had it not been for covid19 I believe he would be staying in the White house for another term. But you are right that a little bit of education would have helped insulate Americans from Trumpism and the Woke Culture Manipulators on the other side also. But this education is not just about political process and institutions it is a basic reading of scripture in a culture where too many people no longer know how to read properly, a sense of right and wrong and a compassion for the exile, the immigrant, the widow, the orphan, the sick and the poor appears to be missing. Trump manipulated Christians on the right with promises to sabotage universal health care, allow assault rifles in the home, a nationalistic America First ideology and by picking on immigrants!!! Yes Trump delivered on Supreme Court Justices but these seem more concerned with gun laws and Obama care than abortion for example despite the rhetoric with which he sold them to his target group. I think a lot of Republicans seem to be afraid of destroying their own political careers by opposing Trump, such is his hold on the party, but following the Georgia elections it should be time for that party to be rid of him. From Europe I have watched with some dismay as a party that uses God's name all too often to justify its own grip on power abused that name with what it actually did with power.

One of your sentences seems a little wierd to me:

I know that I have learned a lot about government, at the advanced age of 67, then I ever kept up with before = I know that I have learned a lot about government, at the advanced age of 67, that I never knew before.

Thanks for the enjoyable and topical article.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and it made me laugh

Reader Experience

Where do all the lost socks go. The author contemplates: washing machines and driers that eat laundry; Wormholes at the foot of the bed; black holes; clowns from the dark side who cross dimensions to steal socks. So somewhere through the portal to the darkside there is a very large mountain of stolen socks.

Commentary

Very funny and familiar issue but there were some issues with your sentence structure.

Do think washers or dryers eat socks? = Do you think that washers or dryers eat socks? OR Is it possible that...


Or when you take your socks off in bed they are sucked in a wormhole? = Or that when you take your socks off in bed they are sucked into a wormhole?

They happen to fall in a never returning dark black hole. = They seem to fall into a dark black hole that never returns them.

Knowing very well you are left with one sock left. = Knowing very well you are left with only one sock.

About the washer and dryers I think that the clown stops the cycle for a moment, the tumbling, and takes a vacuum and sucks the sock. = I think that the clown stops the cycle, for a moment, on the washer and tumble dryers, and vacuums up one sock from each pair.

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1146
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Review of Let Be  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and liked it, though maybe I did not really understand it.

The genre given here is romance but the language in the first stanza is religious. Let there be light are the words that launched creation but here they are a prayer for illumination of the object of affection.
"above the horizon of the galloping passion" sounds quite saucy and again keeps the focus on the beloved.
Let there be sight is a call to see not only the beloved but the brokenness and irritation that is evoked in the eyes of less attractive people, shunned lovers or jealous bystanders?

Let there be whatever is,
Let there be whenever is,
Whatever! Whenever! Not sure why this metaphorical shrug regarding consequence is here.

Then I get a little confused by this next line:

So though it might,
hurt in absolute solitude and straying.
Seek forth delight,

So the lover is now deprived of his beloved, (did she stray or he or are they just socially distancing in the middle of a Pandemic?),and is now condemned to an "absolute" solitude. What opportunities exist for delight if he is deprived of the object of his affections?

in the sparkle of the youth, before the drying.
So he to rejoice in his own youth where is the beloved?
Drying or dying?

Let there be light,
darling, in this heart, amid tears and crying.
So the beloved has now returned from wherever she disappeared to, but whose heart is being referred to here, his or hers, why are we now crying, have the galloping passions ceased or do they still need work?

Sorry but as you can see I got a little confused by this poem

But thanks for sharing, I hope the above is helpful and please ignore the rest.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
You requested reviews for your experience of covid19.

Reader Experience
You feel lucky to have survived and described how you were tested, had a chest x-ray and the actual experience of the virus and then recovery.

Commentary
It is always fascinating to hear the testimony of an actual survivor so you were always onto a winner with the content with me. Congratulations on beating covid19 to pulp and then some. The food comments were interesting. I kind of hoped that if my family ever had covid they might actually start to enjoy my cooking. But from your account that does not seem to be likely as food tastes awful. You had a near death experience and it seems recovery involves being thankful, cleaning up the house, reconnecting with the cats, enjoying good food once more and sharing your experience. Your brother sounds like a hero or a saint or both, cool dude anyway. Glad he did not get it. There are a lot of "I"s in your account but then I guess it was all about you so why not. You are missing a few commas and some of the sentences need breaking up.

Anyway loved it, there is not anything majorly wrong with it and I enjoyed your testimony so 5 stars.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You requested reviews for this piece and as a fellow believer I felt I might be able to offer something constructive.

Reader Experience
You tried to call Jesus but the man you got through to was not him. You sent him a tract

Commentary

In the pit of despair where is the red line to Jesus? Where is the phone that calls in the rescue package from God Almighty, on demand, when and where we want it? Where is the phone to call for healing for the hurting, the next meal for the starving, the next drink for the thirsty man in the desert, the freedom for the oppressed and salvation for the sinner? Maybe I just need a new app on my smart phone with touch controls and an easy to understand wizard that takes me through the request process. Why can't it be that easy? Why must I suffer in this dark and broken world? Come on Lord, there is no limit on the number of miracles you can perform, no limit on the potency of your gifts, no limit on what you can do for me? I dial your number: 53787 on my German phone and just get "Nummer unbekannt". What is going on, why are you not listening to me?

What was that I heard, did you speak, it was not with words, you did not ring, it was an impression planted in my soul - a single word - "Job".

I read the book of Job and I learn something new, that "though he slay me yet will I trust in Him". That faith builds its muscles in brokenness and its strength in my weakness.

There will come a day when we shall stand in God's presence brother. There will be no need for phones or smart phone apps. Our pains will be gone, sins forgiven and souls washed clean. In his awesome presence I somehow doubt you will ask, "Where was my phone call in my darkest hour?" All things shall be made abundantly clear when that day comes. Until then call the Samaritans or pop into your local church.

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Review of Other World  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Received this via random review and stayed for the Sci-fi.

Reader Experience
Jackson returns home, to say goodbye after 30 years work in the solo mines of Ravwa and a 2 year trip on his dry spaceship. He beams preset evo-messages to people he knows but is not interested in meeting. He will leave pretty shortly afterwards for a further trip to the old Earth system with its fabled Uranus outposts.

Commentary
There are a lot of unanswered questions in this short story. A lot of focus was placed on the poor humidity control systems of the space ship which could have been used to explain why he did not want to meet anyone. What is a solo mine? Is that a mine which he mined alone? Something about why he left his home in the first place and why he was now going to earth.

There are some problems with sentence structure:

though head team would likely make an announcement = though the team chief would most likely make an announcement

He looked out more alertly when he realized he could make out the Torith Ocean = When he realized he could make out the Torith Ocean he became more alert

The consultancy job out back in the old system, where Earth and the fabled Uranus outposts lay for him to discover = He had a new consultancy job, out back in the old system, where Earth and the fabled Uranus outposts lay for him to discover

Thanks for your story and please ignore any unhelpful comments above.

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Review of Take Me As I Am  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Received this via random review and it is my first review of a triolet.

Reader Experience
I was impressed by the triolet structure which was properly implemented. The beloved begs her lover to accept her as she is with no false conditions. He should love her as she is not ask her to change

Commentary
The naked woman picture places this in nature. One wonders if her husband asked her to have cosmetic surgery or something. Or, as with many wives, wanting us men to suddenly become proficient and regular cleaners after centuries of being slobs it could have been one of those normal marital disputes. The word suspicion would lead in all sorts of random directions. Is he expected to accept her being a nymphomaniac that sleeps with other men for instance. Her view is that if he loves her he will not set false conditions to their love, he will not force her to compromise on her essential dignity in order to force her into a pattern which he finds more acceptable. But the man's answer is surely, it depends on what you mean by that. The essential structure and the style seem great. But was put off a little by the ambiguity as to what on earth she is talking about.

Thanks for your triolet.


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