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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/50
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2,435 Public Reviews Given
2,435 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing Open in new Window. (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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Review of Headstones  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and was interested by the theme.

Reader Commentary
The poem describes someone who has never been to these people graves. These people sound like family though it is never said. Some relational drama prevented them attending. But that still cuts them deep and there is a smoldering anger there that might yet inspire them to visit the grave site at Fairview before they die.

Commentary
This is too non specific to engage with the content and I think that diminishes the poems bite. The guy seems unreasonable or justified but since there is no detail he could be either and you wonder what the poem is trying to say as a result.

I thought it was well written though.

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1227
1227
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and liked the theme.

Reader Commentary
Poem describes the actions of a boss to focus the team on his goals. The team learn how to smile in front of the boss but they mourn the loss of colleagues along the way.

Commentary
Having worked in some ruthless work environments in which 90% of my colleagues were fired, or moved on, over a ten year period I can really relate to this. Very often bosses are disconnected from the actual skills and experience necessary for the tasks they set and fire the most expensive guy cause he answers back, or the best guy cause he does not appear to listen to the bosses instructions, when the problem was actually with those instructions. But that is life. Liked the second verse which reminded me of all those smiling generals in North Korea hanging on Kim Jong uns every word and reflecting his every emotion as if he were a god. You learn how to act in a work place and loyalty to the boss, and making him look good, is often more valued than honest proficiency.

Liked the rhyming and choice of words. You used nixed , to imply being fired. Its real meaning is probably closer to to refuse to accept or allow (something) but I knew what you meant.

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1228
Review of Humility  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Received this via random review and stayed cause I liked the way you wrote this.

Reader Experience
The writer expounds on the humility of direct human experience of a thing in itself. It is a fresh and new perspective that utilizes no categories of understanding or accumulated experiences. Even the worship of God and the life of a saint is excluded by this definition of humility which is also regarded as a completely non intellectual, like love.

Commentary
The Hermeneutical task of interpreting words or things is a much discussed modern topic. In practice we always bring the categories, preferences and training we have accumulated to the task of seeing. We always interpret and the question is really do our interpretations help or hinder our seeing. Humility is more the acceptance of a need to change and to revise, to accept improvements against the demands of our ego to be right all the time. To exclude the experience of God from a definition of humility is highly controversial as our experience of an infinite, holy, eternal, almighty Being can never be exhaustive or comprehensive or indeed fixed. The writer expresses almost Buddhist worldview which excludes the other in its definitions and prefers direct experience and dissolves rational categories and structures that could be used to facilitate the communication of experiences and insights to others. If we were all humble as the author describes the world would fall into the silence of people meditating under trees and words would cease as a brain is required for words and to impart the secret, unique experiences of first contact with reality.

Anyway you inspired a great deal of commentary with your words. Please ignore the unhelpful and thanks for your words. Obviously I radically disagree with what you wrote but I thank you for writing it.

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Review of Him and Her  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and found the poem interesting

Reader Commentary
The poem describes a couple who both have the ghosts of previous relationships to haunt their current one. The man is choosing to move on into the new reality of their own romance and his words endeavor to banish the other man from her life also.

Commentary
This is a free form poem with no clear structure or rhyming scheme. It expresses the feelings involved quite well. I liked the sentiment of the poem.

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Review of A Union of Two  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Received this via random review and liked the theme.

Reader Experience
The poem describes the one flesh unity and togetherness of a couple sealed in love.

Commentary
The marriage of two people creates a greater whole and cements the choice to love in a greater unity. You use an almost religious language to describe this unity: "Love Everlasting"; "We...are unstoppable"; "Blessed Be". This might exaggerate what a marriage can do and is, while describing the feeling and triumph of that union. Replacing the Trinitarian worship of God with the Biunity of Romance - You - them (2 distinct persons in the same whole). The complementarity and completeness of two people in the same whole connected and sealed in love is something I will never tire of hearing about. Keeping these relationships real might be a key to their success.

This is a free form poem with no clear structure. Its power comes entirely from its content and its repetition of the 2=1 theme.

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Review of Will You See Me  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review, after clicking innumerable times. I was stopped by the topic title, which I found intriguing.

Reader Commentary
The poem describes an online relationship through a 2 dimensional screen that longs for a face to face encounter with the depth perception that brings. It implies a disappointment with these relationships and misunderstandings that have arisen from not seeing the full person on the other end of the communication.

Commentary
In the age of COVID online relationships through video chatting and online meetings have mushroomed. This artificial medium allows our friendships to span the globe in real time but also deprives us of that crucial and more complete face to face encounter with the other. The implications for building trust in the absence of completeness are clear. But hey it is better than nothing as the author says "I must be happy if you see me at all."

You used a free form, non rhyming poem to reveal a profound truth of the human experience, writing in the middle of a Pandemic. Enjoyed this thanks.


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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and liked the poem

Reader Commentary
As someone who does a lot of running down country paths day and night the experience of the path is something that resonates with me. You described the impending storm. The poem describes an escalation towards the storms arrival and marries that to the movement into the dark of night.

Commentary
The rhyming structure, choice of words and rhythm all seemed fine. I like the way you build to a sense of doom. You have to wonder, in fact, why this person is walking into the storm and the night at all down a winding road whose end we cannot see. But think you use the natural triggers well to signal this looming menace with animals seeking shelter or barking or crying warning, with leaves and sand blowing around.

Thanks for an interesting read
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and loved it.

Reader commentary
Grey days are the worst when the earth and sky are painted together joined by rain. Heavy rain pulls the colors out of landscapes leaving them looking so bleak and lonely. But whoever painted this sky also painted the sun and there is hope in that.

Commentary
Rainy days help us appreciate the sunshine all the more. There is a religious insight in this poem and a reminder that landscapes are more colorful if well watered. So the bleak dreariness of rainy days have value if only by contrast.

Thank you for a thought provoking and well written poem which I enjoyed immensely.

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Review of orchid  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and it made me laugh.

Did you hear the one about the orchid that crossed the road, no me neither. But this joke actually works. Orchids can smell like sweet aromatic perfection but so also far worse. I have heard worse descriptions than stale beer. Some orchids smell like rotting fish, dog excrement, urine or even smelly feet!

Students drink and someone said beer so I guess bar flies made some kind of sense also.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Spring haiku  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via random review and loved it.

Reader commentary
The fragility of floating Cherry blossoms moved by a gentle breeze, their colorful petals dancing round and round across our vision as they fall and fly from the tree.

Commentary
We have two Cherry Blossom trees in our garden, one white and one pink. Every Spring they delight with their colors and their promise of Summer and sunshine to come. You expressed the experience of a favorite moment in the yearly calendar so well. I can see the colors they gift us every Spring , even as I write in Autumn. Thanks for writing this.


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Review of Outlook  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via random review and stayed cause of its contemporary insight.

Reader Experience
Hilarious take on the sequential processing of a list of emails. The reactions are penned as cliches punctuated by deletes or irrelevant or now redundant material.

Commentary
Yes we are all writers today, but most of us get paid to write stuff that might not endure the test of time as great literature. The Input and Output of most Email accounts today is phenomenal. I estimate that across platforms I receive something like 2000 mails a day. I have filters that automatically purge or file the vast majority of these and then there is the stub of actual personal requests which need to be processed. The focus is usually on actions, what do I have to do to make this person STOP writing. What problem do I have to solve, what crisis needs to be averted, what event organised, what new tool would meet the need. The churn and volume of words could be overwhelming and souls could drown in such a deluge.

Thank you for such an insightful and interesting piece which I enjoyed immensely.
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and stayed for the wisdom. This was on public and open for review. I apologize if it was indeed only intended for close friends.

OK so I was waiting for the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy meaning of life type joke (42 by the way). Nonetheless I was surprised by something much more interesting. The advice is real and actually helpful. Respecting people and putting them before things, remembering their names, justice not legalism, honesty like a child, enjoying the simple things of life, seeing things from the other guys perspective.

The only one I was not sure about was the last one. It is possible to finish something, like a book or an essay for example, and sometimes we can get it very wrong e.g. 'Mein Kampf', 'Das Kapital', Mao's little Red book.

But thanks for some real wisdom, well expressed.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and Christmas is coming.

Reader Experience
It seems a Christmas tree is described from the perspective of both parent and child. The parent bought the tinsel cheap in a low priced shop. He decorates the tree but is unimpressed with the trees new 'outfit'. But then his child looks at the tree with eyes shining and face smiling and suddenly that tree is transformed into something magical.

Commentary
The idea is simple and it works. If only we too could see the world through the eyes of a child, full of wonder, grace and new joy.

I thought the last line had a little too much verbal weight compared to the other lines and it spoilt the rhythm a little.

But overall I loved this, thanks for writing it.

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Review of Rebecca  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and stayed because it has been a while since I read any Austen and this was in that genre.

READER EXPERIENCE:
The strict social codes of the Victorian upper classes could only be violated at the peril of ones reputation. It took great awareness and skill to navigate the code of manners that polite society imposed. Rebecca, who has refused many unsuitable men prior to this, does this with the intent of winning Mr Masters a soldier recently returned from India. The risk of shame was worth it as she secures an invite to a dance with him, without impropriety, even though he is a very clumsy dancer. The prospect of love and romance looms.

COMMENTARY
The first 5 chapters are very well written, engaging and interesting and capture the context and articulate the feelings very well.

There were a few spelling mistakes or wrong words used:

Rebecca chose to wonder a small distance = Rebecca chose to wander a small distance

most heartfelt appologies if your reputation = apologies

Also:

Chapter 6 seems to repeat elements of previous plot and seems disconnected and incomplete. Maybe this bit was not finished?

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Review of Memories of Home  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Received this via random review and stayed cause it was a prayer for soldiers.

This is well written , highly praised already, a story of sacrifice and duty and a Christian prayer also. What's not to like?

Only small thing I found was: The rhyme works, except for snowfall paired with recalled.

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1241
Review of A Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by the story.

READER COMMENTARY:
The poem appears to describe a man visiting Iraq and probably in Winter. He meets an Iraqi girl, selling roses. She has bare feet in harsh, cold weather, under blue skies, with the tragedy of a nation in turmoil swirling all around her. Her tears speak of what she has seen but also conceal her dreams of a better tomorrow. The visitor asks her name and she gives instead a category by way of response - "I am an iraqi girl sir." But it seems she suspects that he had a deeper question here.

COMMENTARY:

I loved this thought provoking piece, though I did find some of the sentences a little awkwardly expressed. It made understanding a struggle even if worth it in the end.

"She replied sweetly in an emotion out of guilts" = is quite ambiguous for example
"I am an iraqi girl sir, if that what you wanted to stir" = makes sense but requires a lot of effort.

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1242
1242
Review of Misused  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Received this by random review and stayed because it was brilliant.

READER EXPERIENCE:
You describe a woman abused by her husband, the feelings of brokenness, the cover ups and the shame.

COMMENTARY:
Well I am feeling quite aggressive right now and want to go beat this idiot up for you, or the man responsible for whoever's story you so perfectly articulated, though that is probably not the right response and this is dated 2007. Having NEVER hit a woman myself, cannot understand men that do. We are here to protect women not beat them up.

This was perfectly done, perfect rhythm / structure/ rhyming, well chosen words.

Maybe this line could be changed:
suffocated by teardrops that refuse to fall. = suffocated by tear drops that refuse to fall.

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1243
1243
Review of The ABC's  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Received this via random review and was impressed by the challenge of doing this.

Well you pulled it off with a 26 line alphabetized poem that managed to sound erotic, clever and a lot of fun all at the same time. I had fun reading it and thanks for sharing.

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1244
1244
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this by random review and was intrigued by the theme.

READER EXPERIENCE
So you describe a world ruled by Mammon where our humanity, faith , intimate relations and self worth are all defined in terms of their market value. We are a product to be bought and sold, soulless, reduced and dehumanized by the Masters of the Universe who exploit us until we are all used up.

COMMENTARY
Well I guess the genre was dark and this definitely fits that! But recent events may challenge this perspective. Corona Virus has introduced a deeper reality than money that of survival, of life and death. It has offended the money men. Also faith in Jesus and romantic love cannot be so easily reduced to monetary values. There is still hope that deeper realities than money rule the universe and indeed even the so-called Masters of the Universe who like Trump rise and fall with regular monotony.

I found some mistakes in the text:
As our so call Christian Leaders = As our so-called Christian Leaders

And how getting your baby
Ahead at all costs
 = maybe 'then' would be better than 'how' in the context.

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1245
1245
Review of They Come  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Received this via random review and liked the simple power of the poem.

READER EXPERIENCE:
Poem describes the impending and irresistible menace of the approaching army of Death. Heart slows but breath becomes erratic, prayers are offered up when it is realized they have arrived

COMMENTARY:
The heart speeds up rather than slows down in terror, unless you are in combat and trained to respond to approaching danger. But the ragged breath, indicates terror without training, so it seems there is a contradiction here, between a heart slowing down and the implication of fear.

I liked the rhythm and general choice of words maybe speeding drum rather than slowing drum describes fear better


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1246
1246
Review of Clarity  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Received this via random review and was hooked from the first line.

READER EXPERIENCE
Sam is missing from the bed as Audra wakes. She misses him when he is away but wishes he would say that he loves her. As she goes into the next room she is delighted to find Sam there. He proposes by putting a ring in a box of chocolates and he tells her he loves her and then proves it in bed. She is delighted.

COMMENTARY:
There seems to be a small mistake in wording:
her hand came into contact with some long and hard. = her hand came into contact with something long and hard.

Also it is not clear if she picked up the phone and had a conversation after she woke or was thinking back on a conversation from a time before in which case past tense should be used.

Thought this was well done and was an enjoyable read

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1247
1247
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Received this by random review and was intrigued by the title.

READER EXPERIENCE:
You describe a conversation between Memmon and Viviona. Memmon hears what he interprets as the sound of a bricks hitting something hard or was it sand as in the title? But when they look around at the sand on the beach they see no evidence of an bricks having fallen onto the sand. Viviona suspects therefore that Memmon is a little demented and off his meds.

COMMENTARY:
I had hoped this was a philosophical type reflection on the theme of "if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound if no one hears it?" But it was more: "if a brick that isn't there, hits a beach that is, does it make a sound if Viviona does not hear it?" If there are no bricks the answer is no. Memmon check your meds!

Actually this was a fun read, but since there were no bricks the title did not fit.

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1248
1248
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Received this via random review and was intrigued by story line.

READER EXPERIENCE
General Richardson of the 10001st is being interviewed by a Reporter in the middle of an invasion by a reporter. He appears reluctant to risk his men in actual combat due to various costs that might be incurred and the fear of losing money invested. The Reporter is shocked by his attitude. It is then contrasted with the heroism of low paid NFL players playing on an icy field despite the injury risks.

COMMENTARY
Interviews of this sort in the middle of an invasion sound unrealistic as the General would not be so forthcoming about his actual motivations nor the lack of real activity by his men. Whatever enemy was doing the invading would presumably also be able to watch on whichever public channel this interview was broadcast. Also you are talking about a conventional war in the continental USA! There is a lack of plausibility to the whole scenario. Also the American military have lost a lot of men, as have their allies, fighting to protect the homelands of free peoples across the world. It is a little insulting and quite inaccurate to demean their sacrifice in this way.

The NFL interview sounded more realistic.

Grammatically I could not find any errors.

Please rethink your views about those who sacrifice their lives or limbs to protect your freedoms.

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1249
1249
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this by random review and got hooked by the lyrics.

See there was a value to a relationship with this guy! You ended up writing a real cool set of lyrics with the pain of the breakup as a motivator. It makes your words real and powerful. As for him, well deceit and desertion are deal breakers really aren't they. So you are probably better off without the "creep".

"capativize" is not a word did you mean captivate?

Thanks for the song.

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1250
1250
Review of One Million Stars  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Received this by random review and am a bit of a space junkie so I stayed to read.

Reader Experience:
Loved the content, the use of words, the rhythm, the rhyming. You describe the experience of lookng up at the stars very well and as you say the peformance is all free.

Commentary:
Thought this poem was well nigh perfect except last stanza and this line especially:
look up, about a million so-- was a little ambiguous to me.

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