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Review Requests: ON
3,160 Public Reviews Given
3,208 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1151
1151
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Word,
This is a cute story, it made me smile throughout. One of my favorite movies as a child was 'The Fearless Vampire Killers', and still is. I was reminded of that too as I read through this. Very well written, I can see why 'Bewildering Stories Magazine' published it. Thanks for the pleasureable read.

Sum1
1152
1152
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dmph,
This is so beautiful, and so sad. As we all get older, we learn to appreciate the simpler things in life. Your poem created vivid images in my mind, I could see him walking in to the cemetary to see her. The only suggestion I can think of for this, is center the text on the page. Other than that, I love it as it is.

Sum1
1153
1153
Review of Brief Encounter  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Star Dreamer,
Very nice! Excellent story; as I read it, I wondered what had happened, and still do. I don't read well into things, must by my gray hair, :). Very well written, the pace was just right to keep me reading, the suspense was good, you painted some pretty vivid images in my head of someone alone and naked, feeling threatened and vulnerable. Well done!

Sum1
1154
1154
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tim,
Very nice! A cute poem about bowling. Your rhyme and rhythm are pretty good throughout with only a couple that didn't quite do it for me. In verse two, lines two, three, and four are much longer than the rest of the lines. Each can be edited into two lines apiece without hurting the flow of the poem/story, since this isn't a rhyming quatrain or anything. (Verse one is 10 lines, verse two is 12, and verse three is fourteen). The only oher thing I noticed, was using the 'seventh frame' twice with a four line span. I know how important the seventh frame is, but I think you change this a little, particularly since you mention the seventh frame again at the end. Either way, Well done!


Sum1
1155
1155
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.0)
BrokenPromises,
You write of such sadness and torment of a soul. As beautiful as this is, I think it could stand a little editing so you can see it get the grades I know you want, and deserve. If I may offer a couple of suggestions:

1. Center this on the page to make it more appealing to the eye as it is read. If you don't know how to do this, let me know, and I will help you get it there. :)

2. Capitalize the first word in every line. Again, it's more appealing to the eye of the reader, and makes it look a little more formal. Also, use capital letters when required, such as always capitalizing the letter i when used alone.

3. fill me with anger fill me with fear Using the same word(s) in a sentence very close to each other can be done, but not very often with really good results. You may want to change this to fill me with anger, and yes, fear

4. In line 5, you used 'he is' twice. Again, using the same words can be effective, but not all very often. It should be done very sparingly, and then only to get an important point across.

5. for if i fall i fall for it all and emotions take control You need a comma after the first fall to give the reader a natural pause, and this time, it emphasizes the second usage of 'I fall'.

6. if you if you arent in it for the long haul I think here, you used 'if you' twice by accident. Delete one. Add an apostrophe to aren't.

7. if so i cannot survive with the burden of losing what i hold dearly inside Add a comma after so, and make this two lines, the second line being 'of losing what I hold dearly inside'. This will allow both lines to be shorter, and fit better with the rest.

All in all, a nice poem though. Thank you for allowing me to read and review it.

Sum1
1156
1156
Review of Anticipation  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ken,
I'm a sap for anthing to do with Love, and this is excellent. Your rhyming and rhythm are very good throughout; it's nice to see something written as nicely as this is. I always hesitate to 'criticize' something like this since it is so nicely done, but I couldn't help but notice that you used memories in two verses in a row, on the last line. Nothing wrong with it of course. Also, in one of those lines, see below,,,

I yield to memories demands Shouldn't that be memory's? (her memory's of the past, possessive, where in the next verse, memories is fine.) I could be wrong in this, it just caught my eye. Either way, Excellent job!

Sum1
1157
1157
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Carol,
Are you related to that wonderful man, Dr. Suess? I think you should take this, and get a graphic artist to draw a picture for each line, one line per page, and make it a fun book. It's something I'm trying to get done with 'One Scary Night', but I don't know a 'real graphic artist',, just a few friends who will try. your rhyme, rhythm, (alliteration and assonance?) were perfect, Well Done!

Jim
1158
1158
Review of Cold  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
K. Sny
Your poem here creates some nice visions as one reads it. I see a woman left by her love, waiting for his return, and the utter cold that grips her while he's gone. You break the lines up well to give the reader nice pauses without There is one thing you'll want to look at so this can get even higher grades. :)

1. forming sharp ice sickles icicles


Nicely written, I look forward to reading more of your work.

Sum1
1159
1159
Review of Past Lives  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Sherree,
This is a nice poem that seems depressing at first, but after reflection, just sad. This would look a bit better centered on the page, but that may be a personal preference. Your rhyming was very good, but some of the lines were a lot longer/shorter than others, which throws off the reading 'beat' so to speak. There are a few things you may want to consider if you choose to edit this at all.

1. Capitalize the first word in every line. This makes it more presentable also.

2. effecting the living from day to day The word you want to use at the start of this line is affecting

3. someone holds a bottle of pills and only thinks about dying Delete the word only, it makes the line read smoother, more in keeping with the lines above and below

4. He couldn't carry on any longer, his spirit had lost the fight. Again, to keep the rhythm flowing well, delete any longer.

Remember that these comments are just my opinions. This is your poem though, make sure it is what you want at all time, not what someone else says. All in all though, I really liked this poem. I would be happy to come back and review it again if you do choose to edit it at all.
1160
1160
Review of Rain  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Cassandra,
This is a beautiful, somewhat sad poem you've written here. It flows nicely, with no grammar or spelling errors noted. The format could be improved slightly with minor changes, and changing one word or so. If I may, I'd recommend you look at the following:

1. Capitalize the first word in every line. It gives a nicer appearance to the poem. That's all aesthetics, and a personal point of view

2. In line 4, it would look a little better, and read the same, if you made it two lines. Example:

Your arms were strongly crossed,
Pointing in another direction.

3. She fell apart but pain only lingers in her eyes for she is strong without his arms, You changed the way you looked at 'him' in this line. Before, you used 'you' in referring to him, now you change and say his. Change this to 'your'. It still reads the same, means the same, but is consistent now.

4. though dreams and wishes to be with him remain through the pain that fills her eyes for the world to see. Make this multiple lines also. Maybe like this:

Though dreams and wishes to be with him remain
Through the pain that fills her eyes for the world to see.

You could even change that second line to read, "The whole world can see, her eyes filled with pain", and suddenly you have a nice rhyme there. :)

5. Regrets, never,
but she longs for the change that he brought in her,
the pure joy he trailed in.

Same thing here. Don't change the wording at all, but change the line structure. Example:

Regrets, never, but she longs for the change
that he brought in her, the pure joy he trailed in.

Please remember that these are only my points of view, and are suggestions. This is your poem, and it's beautiful. But I think with minor changes it will get even better grades. :)

Sum1
1161
1161
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Janice,
I read this, and think about the pain that I've suffered, and suffer from, but have never felt as badly as you do. Your flow and rhythm is very good in this poem, with just a couple of places that made me pause and re-read it to catch the rhythm again. Your rhyming is excellent (I've never had a class in writing, so I will not use assonance or alliteration, since I have to really look at what those words mean), and made it very easy to read the poem. I did see a couple of very minor things you may want to look at

1. They make me feel like I want to go hide away. This line has 12 syllables, where the line before it has 10. This is the line that made me pause a moment to get the flow of the poem back. I think you can delete 'go' without hurting the flow of the poem.

2. I also wonder about what my kids would think, (12 syllables)
They would be lost and their heart would just sink. (10 syllables)

I think you can delete 'about' in that line too, and not hurt the poem. Also, if it's kids, then shouldn't it be 'hearts'?

Very well written though, I look forward to reviewing more of your work.

Sum1
1162
1162
Review of Words  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Katrina,
I've told you about the 2 errors i saw, but this is simply outstanding. Simple, yet complex, honest and from the heart. Well done!!

Your Sum1
1163
1163
Review of Crystal Ball  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Starr',
I saw this tonight in the Static Item list, and had to read it, especially after your review of 'The Deserted Cottage. I am a huge Stephen King fan, have read many of his books, including 'The Stand', and 'The Dark Tower' series. I knew how Randy Flagg was the minute you mentioned his name in your story. Very well written, if there are errors in it, i was too entranced with the story to look for them. Well Done! I have recommended it to my best friend Amay already. :)

Sum1
1164
1164
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
LadyRose,
What a nice, sad, poem! I could feel your angst as you were relentlessly pulled away from him. This is beautiful free flowing verse, that tells the reader how much you love this person, even though you've never met. Maybe one day you'll find him in person. :)
1165
1165
Review of Boring  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Sarah,
Ahhh, but there's so much truth in numbers, for numbers never lie, do they,, or do they? I could show you a time when numbers lie. This is a pretty cool story here, i'm sorry you're so bored. If you do anything to this at all, change the description to something besides "I'm boring." While it enticed me in, it would drive more people away I bet. Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing. Very well written, and for me at least, humorous.

Sum1
1166
1166
Review of What You Wish For  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, Very cool, nice twist! This is well written, and kept my interest the whole time. Now that the flash fiction contest is over, maybe you can lengthen it some, and tell us more about the anomaly that was happening near her when she wished something. Or,, write a totally new story,, or one that picks up after she gets out of prison,,, :) Well done!

Sum1
1167
1167
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Merry Farmer,
This is a very interesting story, and somehow, I expected Tom Sawyer to jump into the story sometime. Except I know he was too far north for this,, :) The plot was good and kept my attention throughout as I wondered where this was going. Nicely written, I only saw two minor errors that you may want to look at.

1. It was never ordered by the Mississippi Riverboat Licensing Commission but after loosing several good men the employees decided to implement their own safety program. I'm sure you meant losing.

2. A disheveled figure hanging onto a floating branch and stumbling onto a sandbar the Creole Queen’s Captain was renown for avoiding. This sentence is not worded really well. I think you meant something like this,,, The lantern illuminated a disheveled figure hanging onto a floating branch. He stumbled onto a sandbar the Creole Queen’s Captain was renown for avoiding.

But very well written, I look forward to reviewing more of your work.

Sum1
1168
1168
Review of Surfer Story  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Moo,
You can't stop now, this has a decent start to it, so it's time to finish it. I like this story of young people at the beach after a day of surfing. Brings back memories of so long ago, I'd swear someone else lived them. I never surfed, but hanging out with friendss, and just being one of the guys, yeah, I can relate. But here's what you need to do,, honest. No critiquing, no review, just some advice on what to do to finish this.

1. Decide where it's going. Right now it just seems to be floating along, like the characters in the story. Doesn't seem to have a beginning, middle, or end, and it needs each of those. You want to pull your reader in, fast! So decide what's happening, and build yourself a plot.

2. Review this carefully looking for the smallest of errors, spelling and grammar are so important when writing. They are there, but I'm not going to point them out since since you are still working on it. Indent your paragraphs, double space between paragraphs (makes for better on line reading).

Then, sit back and enjoy the comments people leave you, and if there are suggestions on how to further improve this, read them carefully, decided if you want to make that change, and do it. Notice I said decide for the third time. You have to decide, it's your story, make sure you write it for you, and that it says what you want it to say. Correct errors when shown them, but change it only if it's a change you want to make, change only if it still remains true to the story you first thought of.

I would love to read this again once you've finalized it.


Sum1
1169
1169
Review of Necessity  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Jacksley,
I almost had the rhythm from 'Don't Bring Me Down' by ELO in my head as I started reading this. The first two verses are absolutely great, but the last two are just 'very good'. That's a good comment, not a criticism too. I just think it fizzled a little bit towards the end. I love your idea, your concept, but the last line of verse three almost duplicates the first lines initial part, and the last line of the last verse totally throws the whole thing off kilter. Change just that little bit, and it will be excellent throughout! Well done though, keep up the good work!

Sum1
1170
1170
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Primtetime,
I like your little twist on the classic Goldilocks story, you have a good start here. But you need to use a spell checker on this, as well as a thesaurus to check your grammar. While I liked your story, it is full of errors that makes reading it pretty hard. Things that you will want to correct (thereby allowing future reviewers to give you better grades)

1. but then she realized and sked herself. You left off the a in asked

2. who's gonna give me everything i want now that im gone. im is not a word, and the I is always capitalized, I'm, the W in who's should be capitalized since it starts a sentence.

3. After a few steps she stoped and said "shall i continue and explore the wood or shall i stay here and wait for help?" Since 'shall' stated a sentence, it needs to be capitalized, and stopped has two 'P's.

4. she enters the house, and finds heurself alone in the house. herself

5. Cuz the 3 bears had had her round before. Because

6. Soon she felt v sleepy. so she went to the bedroom. very

7. woods.She sits down and Cries just because she's lost.At first she There is no space between woods and she, cries should not be capitalized, and there's no space between lost, and at.

Like I said, this is a very nice story. One thing many people forget about when writing, is that in writing something, you cannot use the slang that people use in every day speech. Examples are 'cuz', v sleepy, im, etc. It distracts a serious reader, and will cause people to turn away instead of reading your material. And since you write, I know you want people to read your items. :) If you do edit this, let me know, and I will be happy to come back and re-read it, and rate it appropriately.

Sum1
1171
1171
Review of FOREVER  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Simple Dykie,
What a wonderful, beautiful story. I sort of knew the narrator was some kind of machine, large computer, or something along those lines. Some of the things you wrote early on in the story seemed to tell me that. You wrote this very well, the story itself pulls the reader in, captivating them. If i could say anything at all to offer a little improvement, (and this is not a criticism, just a suggestion), it would be to think of the timeline of the earth, history of species and man, and make your story match this. You jump around a little bit at the beginning, then settle in as you talk about the man visiting 'the old one'. Again, just a thought, not a criticism. Well done, I really liked this story a lot!

Sum1
1172
1172
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Sparkler,
This is a nice story, you've done well with it. It flows pretty well, and captured me a bit. It has it's good moments, and some that may need to be improved.

What I liked about this:

1. The theme, the idea of trees trying to communicate with us.

A few suggestions that may improve this:

1. There are several places that you use unncessary words (a habit I fight all the time). Example: "Ah! My skin – it had been so soft once. Traces of moss on me made it softer." You don't really need the words 'on me' there. Maybe reword that sentence to read, "Traces of moss made me softer."
2. Be careful about reiterating yourself with the same words, or close to the same words in a short span of words. Example: "Do you thank me? Do you thank them?" It could be clearly stated as such, without changing it: "Do you thank me, or them?"
3. The above comment applies to this line too. "You mar me. You waste me. You rip my lungs. You kill my children." How about "You mar me, waste me, rip my lungs but cutting on me, and kill my children."

All in all though, this is a nice story, i did like it. :)
1173
1173
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
T.A.
I like what you've done here with this, the images you create are very good. Your rhyming was excellent throughout and kept me engaged throughout. I would love to see you change this a little, and give every line the same number of syllables. Your syllable count runs from a low of 12, to a high of 17, and sometimes that tends to throw the reader off pace. It can be done, but it's not really easy. All in all though, well done!

Sum1
1174
1174
Review of Reverie  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Mayflower,
I like the idea's you've presented here; how the images you write about stand out as i read. I think the second verse needs one more line to let it fit better with the other two. And for me (my opinion only), i would love to see it a little longer. But then, anyone who knows me, knows I can't write something short. :)

Nicely written, and welcome to Writing.com!

Sum1
1175
1175
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


JLF,
What a very humorous story you wrote! But don't you know that spayed housecats are even more territorial and wild than non-spayed ones? (I don't know that they are, just sounded good.) This is well written with no noticeable grammar errors, or spelling mistakes. If I were to think something might need changing, it would be to change one word.

I know this seems stupid and childish to ask, but I’m very territorial when it comes to my Dr. Peppers and I feel you’ve been treading on my territory too much of late.” Instead of ask, use the word 'say'.

Very well done though, and a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1
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