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3,289 Public Reviews Given
3,337 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1226
1226
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
LadyRose,
What a nice, sad, poem! I could feel your angst as you were relentlessly pulled away from him. This is beautiful free flowing verse, that tells the reader how much you love this person, even though you've never met. Maybe one day you'll find him in person. :)
1227
1227
Review of Boring  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Sarah,
Ahhh, but there's so much truth in numbers, for numbers never lie, do they,, or do they? I could show you a time when numbers lie. This is a pretty cool story here, i'm sorry you're so bored. If you do anything to this at all, change the description to something besides "I'm boring." While it enticed me in, it would drive more people away I bet. Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing. Very well written, and for me at least, humorous.

Sum1
1228
1228
Review of What You Wish For  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, Very cool, nice twist! This is well written, and kept my interest the whole time. Now that the flash fiction contest is over, maybe you can lengthen it some, and tell us more about the anomaly that was happening near her when she wished something. Or,, write a totally new story,, or one that picks up after she gets out of prison,,, :) Well done!

Sum1
1229
1229
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Merry Farmer,
This is a very interesting story, and somehow, I expected Tom Sawyer to jump into the story sometime. Except I know he was too far north for this,, :) The plot was good and kept my attention throughout as I wondered where this was going. Nicely written, I only saw two minor errors that you may want to look at.

1. It was never ordered by the Mississippi Riverboat Licensing Commission but after loosing several good men the employees decided to implement their own safety program. I'm sure you meant losing.

2. A disheveled figure hanging onto a floating branch and stumbling onto a sandbar the Creole Queen’s Captain was renown for avoiding. This sentence is not worded really well. I think you meant something like this,,, The lantern illuminated a disheveled figure hanging onto a floating branch. He stumbled onto a sandbar the Creole Queen’s Captain was renown for avoiding.

But very well written, I look forward to reviewing more of your work.

Sum1
1230
1230
Review of Surfer Story  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Moo,
You can't stop now, this has a decent start to it, so it's time to finish it. I like this story of young people at the beach after a day of surfing. Brings back memories of so long ago, I'd swear someone else lived them. I never surfed, but hanging out with friendss, and just being one of the guys, yeah, I can relate. But here's what you need to do,, honest. No critiquing, no review, just some advice on what to do to finish this.

1. Decide where it's going. Right now it just seems to be floating along, like the characters in the story. Doesn't seem to have a beginning, middle, or end, and it needs each of those. You want to pull your reader in, fast! So decide what's happening, and build yourself a plot.

2. Review this carefully looking for the smallest of errors, spelling and grammar are so important when writing. They are there, but I'm not going to point them out since since you are still working on it. Indent your paragraphs, double space between paragraphs (makes for better on line reading).

Then, sit back and enjoy the comments people leave you, and if there are suggestions on how to further improve this, read them carefully, decided if you want to make that change, and do it. Notice I said decide for the third time. You have to decide, it's your story, make sure you write it for you, and that it says what you want it to say. Correct errors when shown them, but change it only if it's a change you want to make, change only if it still remains true to the story you first thought of.

I would love to read this again once you've finalized it.


Sum1
1231
1231
Review of Necessity  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Jacksley,
I almost had the rhythm from 'Don't Bring Me Down' by ELO in my head as I started reading this. The first two verses are absolutely great, but the last two are just 'very good'. That's a good comment, not a criticism too. I just think it fizzled a little bit towards the end. I love your idea, your concept, but the last line of verse three almost duplicates the first lines initial part, and the last line of the last verse totally throws the whole thing off kilter. Change just that little bit, and it will be excellent throughout! Well done though, keep up the good work!

Sum1
1232
1232
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Primtetime,
I like your little twist on the classic Goldilocks story, you have a good start here. But you need to use a spell checker on this, as well as a thesaurus to check your grammar. While I liked your story, it is full of errors that makes reading it pretty hard. Things that you will want to correct (thereby allowing future reviewers to give you better grades)

1. but then she realized and sked herself. You left off the a in asked

2. who's gonna give me everything i want now that im gone. im is not a word, and the I is always capitalized, I'm, the W in who's should be capitalized since it starts a sentence.

3. After a few steps she stoped and said "shall i continue and explore the wood or shall i stay here and wait for help?" Since 'shall' stated a sentence, it needs to be capitalized, and stopped has two 'P's.

4. she enters the house, and finds heurself alone in the house. herself

5. Cuz the 3 bears had had her round before. Because

6. Soon she felt v sleepy. so she went to the bedroom. very

7. woods.She sits down and Cries just because she's lost.At first she There is no space between woods and she, cries should not be capitalized, and there's no space between lost, and at.

Like I said, this is a very nice story. One thing many people forget about when writing, is that in writing something, you cannot use the slang that people use in every day speech. Examples are 'cuz', v sleepy, im, etc. It distracts a serious reader, and will cause people to turn away instead of reading your material. And since you write, I know you want people to read your items. :) If you do edit this, let me know, and I will be happy to come back and re-read it, and rate it appropriately.

Sum1
1233
1233
Review of FOREVER  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Simple Dykie,
What a wonderful, beautiful story. I sort of knew the narrator was some kind of machine, large computer, or something along those lines. Some of the things you wrote early on in the story seemed to tell me that. You wrote this very well, the story itself pulls the reader in, captivating them. If i could say anything at all to offer a little improvement, (and this is not a criticism, just a suggestion), it would be to think of the timeline of the earth, history of species and man, and make your story match this. You jump around a little bit at the beginning, then settle in as you talk about the man visiting 'the old one'. Again, just a thought, not a criticism. Well done, I really liked this story a lot!

Sum1
1234
1234
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Sparkler,
This is a nice story, you've done well with it. It flows pretty well, and captured me a bit. It has it's good moments, and some that may need to be improved.

What I liked about this:

1. The theme, the idea of trees trying to communicate with us.

A few suggestions that may improve this:

1. There are several places that you use unncessary words (a habit I fight all the time). Example: "Ah! My skin – it had been so soft once. Traces of moss on me made it softer." You don't really need the words 'on me' there. Maybe reword that sentence to read, "Traces of moss made me softer."
2. Be careful about reiterating yourself with the same words, or close to the same words in a short span of words. Example: "Do you thank me? Do you thank them?" It could be clearly stated as such, without changing it: "Do you thank me, or them?"
3. The above comment applies to this line too. "You mar me. You waste me. You rip my lungs. You kill my children." How about "You mar me, waste me, rip my lungs but cutting on me, and kill my children."

All in all though, this is a nice story, i did like it. :)
1235
1235
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
T.A.
I like what you've done here with this, the images you create are very good. Your rhyming was excellent throughout and kept me engaged throughout. I would love to see you change this a little, and give every line the same number of syllables. Your syllable count runs from a low of 12, to a high of 17, and sometimes that tends to throw the reader off pace. It can be done, but it's not really easy. All in all though, well done!

Sum1
1236
1236
Review of Reverie  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Mayflower,
I like the idea's you've presented here; how the images you write about stand out as i read. I think the second verse needs one more line to let it fit better with the other two. And for me (my opinion only), i would love to see it a little longer. But then, anyone who knows me, knows I can't write something short. :)

Nicely written, and welcome to Writing.com!

Sum1
1237
1237
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


JLF,
What a very humorous story you wrote! But don't you know that spayed housecats are even more territorial and wild than non-spayed ones? (I don't know that they are, just sounded good.) This is well written with no noticeable grammar errors, or spelling mistakes. If I were to think something might need changing, it would be to change one word.

I know this seems stupid and childish to ask, but I’m very territorial when it comes to my Dr. Peppers and I feel you’ve been treading on my territory too much of late.” Instead of ask, use the word 'say'.

Very well done though, and a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1
1238
1238
Review of 'It'  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Matt,
I like the story you tell here, and never really thought about the naming of anything, let alone cats. Your rhyme scheme is very good, and the poem flows along pretty well. If I may offer an opinion, the first and last verses don't have nearly as nice a flow to them as the middle ones. Is this due to it being a certain type of poetry that I'm not familiar with, or just how you wrote it. Whatever the case may be, I hope you found a name for your cat. :)

And a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1
1239
1239
Review of The Life of Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
Glambert,
First, let me say this is a different sort of story; I was pretty surprised to see a woman wrote it. It's interesting, but to be honest, it needs a lot of work. Things i found appealing about it:

1. The story. It's not often I've read a story about a gay man written by a woman. It's interesting, and has a lot of potential.

Things I thought need to be looked at:

1. There are numerous misspelled words throughout, so many that it would take me an hour to go through them all.
2. You use of grammar needs to be reviewed. In some cases, you use quotation marks to start someone speaking, but never close them (or stop them talking).
3. Your story has a nice beginning, a decent middle, but falls apart at the end. In fact, I can't say it has an ending, it just stops.

Please don't take this as petty criticism, I would love to see this edited and the errors corrected, then come back and re-rate it once you have done that. Remember, it's a good story, it just needs some work. No one writes a perfect story the first time through, not even published authors. I hope you do get this done.

Sum1
1240
1240
Review of Butterflies  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Gabrielle,
This is a nice poem you have here, but can it be longer? It is nice as it is, but you can do a lot with this if you put your mind to it. Your rhyming is pretty good, but the rhythm is a bit off in some cases, particularly the second to last line in the second verse. If i may offer a couple of suggestions:

1. The droplets of rain fell onto my skin, Change 'onto', to 'on'.

2. I sighed, looking at the paper in the bin Maybe this instead? I sighed, looking at the paper bin. Nothing is changed, but the rhythm is better.

3. You use the word 'I' for the start of 4 lines. In the last line of the first verse, maybe change that to read, 'Then sat and wrote, so many things'

4. In the second verse, just change this line. I smile, feel's like my heart got hit by a thousand gongs, to this,, My heart's been hit by a thousand gongs, Plus, another one of those 'I' s (plural) is gone too. :)

In poetry, sometimes, less is better. :) Well done though, I look forward to reviewing more of your work.

Sum1
1241
1241
Review of Nobody  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Gracie,
That's a very cute poem there, and a nice play on words. I've heard something along those lines long ago, but not quite like that I think.. Well done, for the first time in while, I'm at a loss for suggestions, or criticisms.

And a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1 (See, I'm sum1, not any1, or no1, but Sum1),, :)
1242
1242
Review of Sidney's Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Nicki,
Your daughters talent is very good, I really hope you continue to work with her in improving it. I guess the saying, "She's a chip off the (not so) old block" rings true here, huh! Tell her congratulations on her efforts for me.

And a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me.

Sum1
1243
1243
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Corena,
This is a lovely poem of free flowing verse, I feel your passion throughout. The message you send to this stranger is wonderful, and while it doesn't rhyme completely throughout, I think you meant it that way. Once in a while I stumbled over a line that was longer than the other, but it was good overall. You may want to look at it a bit to correct minor grammatical errors.

1. Maybe I have seen you and not have know its you Maybe I have seen you and not have known it's you

2. But I know your real! I know your there! I know your not just a dream!... But I know you're real! I know you're there! I know you're not just a dream!...

3. I'm inlove with you! I'm in love with you!

Very nicely done, I look forward to reading more of your works.

Sum1
1244
1244
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Eric,
To someone who has never been in a writing class, this is a real eye opener. (I'm betting I didn't word that sentence right either, but I will not worry about that.) I did well in all my classes in school, except English! To this day, I do not know a verb from an adverb, and participles? Forget it! I love to write, would like to think I'm pretty good at it, but I know my failings. I have placed this item in my favorites so I can refer to it when I want, which may be often. :) This is so well written, and you know so much more about the English language than I do, that I'm hesitant to even say there may (emphasis on may) have been one small error in this. I think you left out the word 'to' in the sentence below.

True, it's more fun for your insides do flips, like the Corkscrew, but your story is no amusement ride.

True, it's more fun for your insides to do flips, like the Corkscrew, but your story is no amusement ride.

Thank you so much for writing something so informative, I know it will help me improve.

And,,, A Happy WDC Anniversary to you!

Sum1
1245
1245
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Karl,
I've read another poem written along these lines, and find this type of poetry absolutely fascinating. Does it have a name for it (like Kyrielle, I love kyrielle poems too). This is so well written, you almost lose yourself in it. The one flaw in this type of poem, or maybe it's a good thing, is that there aren't that many lines, even though it seems there are, since 2 lines in every verse are repeated in each verse. Still, the form intrigues me. Well done!!

And a Happy WDC Anniversary from me to you!

Sum1
1246
1246
Review of Tulle soul  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Oscar,
i would really like to rate this well, give it a higher rating. But i read through it, have through it twice, and for the life of me, i can't figure out what this poem is trying to tell me. It reads like a dream, incoherent, jumbled, confused. Sometimes i think i start to understand, then the next verse starts describing something different entirely. Forgive for not understanding what you're trying to tell me here.

Sum1
1247
1247
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Coder,
Very nice story here. The dialogue seemed a little stilted at times, but very interesting nonetheless. Just one question, what was that stench? You mentioned the septic line, but was that it?

Your use of grammar was good throughout the story, and kept me interested. But what i liked most was the plot. :)

Well done, and Happy WDC Anniversary!

Sum1
1248
1248
Review of Unnatural Tears  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Taywor,
You have a very interesting story here. I liked how you have differen't points of view from each character, and the twists to the plot kept me interested. However, there are so many spelling errors that it is very difficult to read. Some of your grammar usage left me unsure of what you were really trying to say. If you will check your spelling, and correct your grammar, i'm sure you'll see this getting a lot of positive reviews.

Sum1
1249
1249
Review of Two Hearts  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Melissa,
What a nice 'poem',, errr,, story,, :) Only one critique comment,

Husky, deep murmurs in the near silence, urgings, taking her under, under his spell, his wishes becoming her desires.

i know what you meant here, but i think it reads better with just one of them.

Now,, a poem format for you,,, (this is for you, i do not have a copy of this,, ) :)) (And forgive me if i offend you by using your story in a poem format, i just thought i'd show you how this could be a poem)

Two hearts beating in time
Sensations surging and ebbing in their minds
Each of them filled, climbing new heights
His touch, her feel, emotions running high

Fingers intertwined, interlaced overhead
Their bodies sweating profusely all over the bed
Her taste so salty, yet sweet but still,
Her honeyed skin entices him, breaking down his will

His eyes fill with desire, maybe something more
Husky murmurs in near silence, he consumes her core
His weight so much greater is welcomed, even treasured
His teeth nibble lightly, bringing intense pleasure

Their longings are heightened with each loving thrust
Heat pooling, bodies pounding, filled with love and lust
Little gasps, catches in her moans, drive him toward a peak
Together they find release, lie there together, so weak

Two hearts beating in time
Fingers interlaced, intwined
Two souls, closely touching still
Like no other ever will


see,,, you could do it,, :) My gift to you,,, :)

Jim
1250
1250
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Lane,
I love the message of your poem here, very nicely done. Your story is what makes this a nice read, but if i can offer a couple of suggestions for you....

1. This seems to alternate between free flowing verse, and rhyming poetry. You could easily change this a little so every line rhymes with the one before it, like an aabb format for each verse. If you have trouble coming up with rhymes for words in a line, look at Rhymezone.com, it's a big help to me.

2. Center the text on the page. See Writing.com help on how to do this, it will make the poem that much more conducive to a nice read.

All in all, a very nice poem, i would be happy to review it once again if you like,,,,,

Sum1
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