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Review Requests: ON
3,160 Public Reviews Given
3,208 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1226
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Review of Caged by the Mind  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Stacie,
You have a very nice poem here. I loved how you first started out describing yourself as an animal. My mind went to something like a tiger, caged, wanting out. Then you mentioned the hand and paper, and I loved it! Aren't we all in a cage? It's just that some cages are larger than others. The only suggestion I'd make here, is to try and make each line a complete sentence. This will make the poem more intense, more real for the reader. :)

Jim
1227
1227
Review of Simplicity Beach  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Melanie,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

I love this poem, how you describe the beach and sunset. You did a nice job of keeping the flow going well. Your rhyming scheme was aabb-ccdd- etc, and it worked well. But two lines threw me off a little, and I think it's just because of how you loaded it, and didn't look at it carefully.

1. These waters they speak, they wave and smile, and like a long lost friend you haven’t seen in such a while. I think you meant this to be two lines as such (I'd delete the word and):

These waters they speak, they wave and smile,
like a long lost friend you haven’t seen in such a while.

2. He will gather each piece one by one and cautiously carry his last Finest piece… the Sun.

He will gather each piece one by one
and cautiously carry his last Finest piece… the Sun.

I think if you broke it up into quatrains (4 lines per verse), and center the text on the page, it would look a lot better, and lend itself to a wonderful read. But overall, this is really very good! Thank you for letting me read and review it.

Jim
1228
1228
Review of The Blonde Rule  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Eye Of The Beholder,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is an excellent story!! You had me early on, and I had to read it completely, even though I was chatting with another WDC friend on yahoo. :) Very well written, the story line is excellent, and the flow of conversation between the two of them seems natural. :) I only noticed a couple of VERY MINOR errors, but first,, the good,,,

1. Your story line is told excellently. The way you address their sexuality, and 'near encounter' was very good, keeping me glued to the story.
2. The characters were very believable, I could feel the pain in her foot, and could imagine what it looked like. And Bette, I saw her as if she was dressed in a nurse's smock, that's how real you made her to me.

The only things I saw that you may want to look at

1. “It’s not my fault you ccouldn’t keep up-” You have an extra c in couldnt'.
2. “You’d rather be in pain then be sleepy?” Change then to than.
3. I scream, yell, push my bed against my bedroom door to barracade myself in, anything to avoid it. You meant I would, or I'd, I'm sure of that. And barricade, not barracade.

All in all, an excellent read, one I will recommend my friends read. Thank you for allowing me to review it.

Jim
1229
1229
Review of Peaceful death  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dark Lady,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

You tell a very interesting story here, one that's been told many times before, and will continue to be told until man ceases to exist. It is written pretty well, with a few minor grammatical/typographical errors. There are several things I liked about this, detailed below:

1. The battlefield scene. You did a nice job in building a mental image in the readers eye of the carnage on the battlefield, especially for a first write! :)
2. His yearning for his loved one that he left behind to fight this war.

Some of the things you might want to look at for possible changes:

1. He knew she wasn't real but he was glad to see her face for the last time. A comma is needed after 'real' to give a natural pause, and help it read a little better in that area.
2. He defected blow after blow as he made his way to her. Change defected to deflected.
3. There was a feeling he felt like her silken skin touching his very soul trying to save him from the impending death that surrounded him and his men. This is a very wordy sentence. Try changing it a little to reduce the number of words. Maybe this is a start to help you,,,, He felt her silken skin touch his very soul, as if she were trying to save him from the impending death that surrounded him and his men.
4. Death was something they had prayed for a many nights but never thought would come. Delete the 'a' before many.

There are a couple more, but I think if you look at them with your now experienced eye, you'll see them for yourself. But overall, a very good story for an initial write. Well done!

Jim
1230
1230
Review of Tears of Dawn  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
So Small,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is nice poem that tells a somewhat broken story, or perhaps I'm just old, and don't quite understand it all. Your rhyming scheme is pretty good, but personally, i would shorten each line, and have every other line rhyme. You don't lose the flow of the poem that way, but the lines aren't quite so long. In shortening the line, it would help the last four lines fit in better, since they are much shorter than the first six. Not every line has to rhyme perfectly in a poem, and in something like this, i think the story part of it is more important than rhyming. But,, it's your poem, you need to follow your heart.

I said broken story at the start, because you seem to jump a little, some of the wording seems a little forced. One of the things that hit me, is what did you mean by, "The mood bellows astounding"? That's my gray hair coming in to play there, I just don't understand what you're trying to say.

Overall, a good poem though, much better if you shorten the lines. (Please remember that this is only my opinion, and we both know what an opinion is worth),,, :) I look forward to reading other works of yours.

Jim
1231
1231
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Hedoran,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

You have written a very interesting story here. I liked the flow of it, how it pulled me in almost instantly. The plot was very good, even if it did remind me a little of the movie 'Ghost'. But you had enough differences in it to make me forget it after a bit.

Things I found very good about this,

1. The dialogue flow between Adam and Emma. I never had the feeling I was reading; instead I felt like I was there listening to them talk.
2. The scene. You built up quite a mental image in my mind about his room, enabling me to be there with them.
3. The flow of the story was natural, not forced one bit.

Things you may want to consider looking at to improve the story:

1. Your indents for paragraphs are not consistent. Look at the Writing.com Tools (WritingML help) for help with basic formatting commands. The command to indent is          . Text will be indented 5 spaces automatically, so there's not need to add spaces yourself.
2. There are a couple of grammatical errors/spelling errors that distracted me a little. They are very minor, but should be corrected if you want a 5 star rating for this.
2a. “Manners, please. Watch your manners.” Emma’s voice was firmed, but Adam thought it lacked the cold sharpness from earlier. Change the word firmed to firm, since this is present tense, not past tense.
2b. “Stop it, right now,” she repeated. Delete the comma, it's not needed at this point.
2c. But it all ends up the same way: people move on. The move on to whatever comes next.” Change the colon to a semi-colon. I believe the word 'the' at the start of the second sentence should be they.

Overall, I really liked this story, and look forward to reading more of your work. Stop by and give a look at my port any time if you like. :)

Jim
1232
1232
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
i think you forgot to upload the entire document. I would gladly re-do this review once you have the complete document uploaded.
1233
1233
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice poem here. I was telling my friend Amay (another author on WDC) that i couldn't write one that short,, don't know how to write short things it seems. The only change i'd make, is to take the last line of each verse, and make it two lines, it's long enough to do that,,,, :)

Jim
1234
1234
Review of Quitting Coffee  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please remember that I am a writer like yourself, and am only giving you my point of view. Any comments or recommendation I make are just that, My Comments. This is your work, your treasure, and you should edit it or leave it as you wish.

This has a very nice flow to it, and i loved the story you told here. I myself can relate to this, I've never tried to completely quit drinkng coffee, but I have successfully cut back in recent years. In a few cases, your line length was as not consistent as it could have been. Some lines had 10 syllables, while others had as few as 6. (I'm not considering the last 4 lines in that comment, they are fine in telling the story.) You did a pretty good job of rhyming in this, but once in a while, you seemed to lose focus on doing that. Example, "I will not fall under this vice" does not have a following line that rhymes with it. For the most part, you used an aabbccdd for each verse, but the first verse had aabbcc, then the last 4 lines were ?d?d (the two question marks did not rhyme at all, and having the last line, and third to last line separated broke the nice flow of the poem. One other thing you may want to consider, is making each verse the same length, right now, one is 10 lines, one is 8, and the other is 13. Maybe 4 verses of 8 lines each?? Either way, it's your treasure here, and I'm just offering my opinion. Like I said, I love the story, you did well there. Minor touch ups would get this rated much higher! I look forward to seeiing more of your work.
1235
1235
Review of The Mist  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
You know i love your writings, every one of them, :) this one too of course,. What was the prompt for this? And i bet the word limit was 500..... It is an excellent story idea,, prompted by what happened with me this week at Pappadeaux? I've pointed out one thing in im to you, but you may want to look into 'So' towards the end there.
1236
1236
Review of Together Forever  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Mattie,
As a reader and fellow author, i should tell you that the feedback i will give you here are just my opinion, i was never an English major, believe it or not. In fact, it was my worst subject, but i manage,, :)

This is a really nice story that draws the reader in quickly. You did an excellent job in setting the scene for me; i was there walking with her across that bridge each time. However, there are a few grammatical errors in this story that should be fixed though, and if so, you'll see your scores improve. Here are a couple for you (i have to get back to work, and can't take time to go through the whole thing.)

1. Towards the end, when she tells him her parents are dead, it should read "They're dead." (They're is the contraction for they are).
2. "Blackness seeped into her sight and she passed out just before someone dived into the water to save her." Change the word 'dived' to dove.
3. "Where had he gone to?" Very minor here, but you don't need the word 'to'. Same thing with this one, "She turned around but no one was there still." you don't need the word still.

I know i haven't done this justice as far as helping you a lot, but i hope that my suggestions will aid you in making this story better, so it can get the 5 stars i'm sure it can, and will get once you spruce it up some. :)

Jim
1237
1237
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, what brought this on? I LOVE it!!! And,, it makes my mind ponder a few things,, :)
1238
1238
Review of Uncle Cam  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
You have a nice start here, sad though your story may be, and in many ways, sick. But it's just a story, so,,,,, i'm just a writer like yourself, and will give you my humble opinion. I like this poem, you've written it pretty well,but some lines are a lot longer than others, and need to be either shortened, or made two lines. Example: The neighbors’ must think I’m plagued with bad dreams,
could be,,,,,

Maybe some think i have bad dreams,
bad enough to make me scream
but after a couple of years,
i'll tell them and they will hear
and when it is i finally speak,
what i say? will make them freak,

each line is about the same size, but not quite (i did not try to make them exactly right, i would never tell anyone how to write, but i did gave you an example)

Keep up the good work thought, you have a great start here!!

Jim
1239
1239
Review of I am Number Four  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very very nice there!! I love your numbering of 1-4, and how you explained each. A couple of the verses seemed a bit out of rhythm, but not badly so, i was able to read right past those and stll enjoy the poem.

Jim (EMC(SS) Ret.)
1240
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Review of Alive again  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice poem here, and an excellent write for a first time love poem. I liked how you used the rhyming scheme throughout, with the first and third lines almost the same, but saying something different each time, with the second and fourth lines being the ones that really brought it out. Keep up the good work!!

Jim
1241
1241
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Bravo!! You know how i feel about your stories. I am glad you found this and posted it. As always, you leave me breathless with the way you can end a story in a short, concise paragraph.
1242
1242
Review of Born Of Darkness  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You are right, you do write about dark subjects. This is very interesting, and good. i haven't written free form verse in a while, and i'm so used to rhyming that i find it hard to relate to free flowing verse. I have a little trouble following this, (don't you dare say anything about it being caused by being gray!),, but i like it. The one thing i'd change (and this is only my opinion, and i know what it's worth), is i'd change these words,, "doth" and "Mine ". it seems as if you were going 'shakespeare' on us there, yet the rest of the poem is in today's english. Very nice though, i'll have to read more,, :)

Jim
1243
1243
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a very good poem. I like what you're saying, but you could give it more substance. i love how you tell us what we're seeing, experiencing, feeling, saying, everything. i know i'd grade it much higher if it had more substance to each verse. Also, the 'Whatcha' in the first two verses were a little distracting since you didn't use them again. i'd either use them consistently, or use 'what you don't' as you did in the other verses. As for substance, here's an example: You see me smile a small slight smile, what you don't know is why,,,, You hear me laugh a loud boisterous laugh, what you don't hear, is what i'm laughing about. Each says the same thing you said, but gives a better example of what's going on, and draws the reader in more. Overall good job though, i'd just like a little more substance to it, but then,, that's just my opinion, and i know what it's worth.

Jim
1244
1244
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 18+
Okay, i'll give it a shot and see if i can offer you any advice. This is a wonderful story! I like how you built it, created very believable characters, and had me immersed in their world. But there is a lot of rework needed on this story to correct minor grammatical issues. In fact, i can not do it in an email here as feedback. There are no major errors, but many minor issues that have to do with formatting and wording. i've provided a little feedback below on the early portion of the story. Sadly, I'm not sure where to tell you to go for help with this, I'm no English expert myself, and am only giving you my opinion. I think you should contact one of the senior staff members and ask them to review it, they are far better at this than i am. But here are a few things i've noticed in the story.


It had been my worst monthly review and the uncomfortable return journey from the location of our Country Head Office, hadn't helped matters either. (Remove comma after office)

I had just reached Kwakorum, my base, a couple of hours back. This is a little wordy, and while it does convey what you're trying to say, i'd reword it. Maybe "I had just reached my home in Kwakorum where my office is a couple of hours back."

Not one of my favorite fruits, it didn't occur to me that my caretaker Rosa wouldn't have bought them. She knew my tastes well. Maybe, "Bananas are not one of my favorite fruits. It didn't occur to me that my caretaker Rosa woldn't have bought them, she knows my tastes too well."

You jumped abruptly from him talking to Rosa then getting into the car. Add in a sentence or two to segue to him walking out the door, and getting into the car.

They were absolutely right just as only parents can be, my only regret (Change the comma to a semi-colon)

This time, I let out a deep breath and held myself back. I didn't have the patience for another round of lecturing. Not today, atleast. (Add a space between at and least)

Knowing that this job could well become my passage to wealth and success, I had plunged headlong into my work. (Maybe change to " I had plunged headlong into my work, all the while knowing that this job could well become my passage to wealth and success.)

I hope this will help you start on getting this edited and formatted better. It is an excellent story, and captivated me easily. But you are right in your statement that it is a work in progress, and needs someone to look it over. I'm not an expert on the English language, so i can't do much more than this bit here. I look foward to you completing, and would love to chance to read it again once you have it finalized. Thanks for letting me review it, I really enjoyed it.
1245
1245
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Very nice poem here, written in free flowing verse. I like your idea about the melting smile and passionate flame. :) Each met half way it seems, when one took a chance, and one dared to lose their pride. But you lost me a little, and it might just be me being a little dense. The line "You wee lost inside a need" didn't mean a thing to me. I have no idea who or what a wee is, and suspect you meant "You were lost inside a need". If that's the case, you should fix it,, :) Other than that, i like the whole flow of things, keep up the good work!!

Jim
1246
1246
Review of End  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like your idea and what you're saying, but if i may make a suggestion or two. Your concept is great and the flow is good. You could say so much more too without making it too dreary, but be careful not to lose sight of the overall theme if you do. However, there are a couple of typos in it that distract from the reading. First line,,, is it heats beat?? or heart beat. In the third line, you make the poem very personal, as if you're fighting an invisible enemy that can't be beat, or a fight that is never ending, maybe changing it to read, Wanting the wars across the world to stop. And i think you mean spirit, not sprit in the 4th line, and finally, in the last line, change it to "No one's". I do love your approach, you did well in making it mean something that anyone can read and appreciate. Think a little deeper on the story you're telling here, get to the readers emotions, and you'll be surprised at how long this poem becomes.

Jim
1247
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Review of Mother  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked the flow of this, your thoughts, I could almost see you maturing as you wrote this, as if you started as a child, and grew while writing it. I liked to flow of it, how you showed that when young you didn't fully appreciate all your mother had done, but now that you're grown, you see all she did, and your love for her is quite obvious. (By the way, I wish this was a little longer, with more about your relationship with your mother). But i would rearrange the lines so that every two lines rhyme. For example,

When all alone, quiet, and lost in thought,
I smile for (the) attention (that) I often sought

If you do that, and re-read it (as i did), I think you'll see what I mean. I know this is a personal choice for me, and how i write, but I do believe it reads a little better that way.

Good writing though!! Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more of your work.

Jim
1248
1248
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
very nice, i would like to read of her trip back
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