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Review Requests: ON
3,160 Public Reviews Given
3,208 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1201
1201
Review of Sirens song  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Fallen Angel,
Really nice! A little short (my opinion only), but very good. There's a lot you could say with this, a lot of different places these few lines could lead. Great start, excellent rhyming and rhythm, so Well done.

And,, a Happy WDC Anniversay to you!!

Sum1
1202
1202
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Annette,
Now this one here says a lot!!! It is excellent really, i can feel your emotion from this piece. A couple of lines are a bit wordy, (I tend to go on and on too, and have to re-read my works several times to make sure I'm saying what I meant to say). To properly review this would take a lot more time, and i need to get going on my day. :( But what's nice about this poem, you made the reader see you, standing there lecturing someone for calling you 'An Angry Black Woman'. A couple of quick comments if i may:

1. Use a spell checker on this, there are a couple of minor misspelled words. I see cruse instead of curse, which is what brings this to mind. That may be the only one, but check anyway.
2. Call it what it maybe. Make maybe two words, may be, having it together is a whole different meaning. Example: Maybe, it might get done. May be, it may be fate that you meet the man of your dreams tomorrow.
3. I mentioned that a couple of your lines are a bit wordy, like this is one. We are your strong, independent, strongly opinionated, beautiful, black women with class, style, and finesse. Consider breaking it up,,,
We are your independent, strongly opinionated,
beautiful, black women with class, style, and finesse.
4. This line too, reads a little better if you break it up. Instead of this,,,
How dare you cruse me in so many ways when your black women was with you way back in slavery days.

Maybe this,,,,

How dare you curse me in so many ways
When your black women was with you in slavery days.

But in my eyes, this is well written, expressing your feelings well. Well done!!

Sum1
1203
1203
Review of My Poetic Mind  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Annette,
First and foremost, I am no expert. I have had no classes in writing whatsoever, I only write what come to my mind. Secondly, I will offer you only my opinion in an effort to help both of us become better writers. What you write is yours, and you alone know what you're trying to say in your works.
You do a nice job in writing, and have a lot to say. This is deep emotional piece that seems to fill your heart, making you express yourself. You did a nice job in expressing your emotions here, especially your main theme, 'Time words in a heart filled poetic mind'. If I may take the liberty of offering a few suggestions for this.

1. At first, I thought you had a nice rhyming poem started, (faces, places), then I realized you were going for free flowing verse, which is fine. But I think some of your lines are a little long, especially the one that starts 'Desperate, depressed,,,' in fact, I think you could do this:
Desperate,
Depressed,
Stressed,
Or just wanting the words to touch your core.
2. Reactions, and frustrations different times and many places. Move the comma to after 'frustrations', not after 'reactions'.
3. Make every line start with a capital letter. (Very minor comment, and just a personal preference if you ask me).
4. timeless words of an heart filled poetic mind. The other two times this is in your poem, timeless is capitalized (Comment 3), so make this one also, for consistency if nothing else. Also, change 'an' to 'a', you only use 'an' before a vowel.


Overall, I thought this is a nice poem. For me, it was like an abstract thought, meaning that I didn't see a story told, but then again, you were writing about a poetic mind, and not telling a story. Thank you for allowing me to read and review this item.

Sum1
1204
1204
Review of Alone  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Writergirl,
Normally i prefer rhyming poetry, but found myself enthralled with this one. Such a beautiful sad story you tell here, and all too true. You painted a picture here that will stay with me awhile,, :) Very well done, keep writing!!

Sum1
1205
1205
Review of Where you belong  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Creole Heart
Please remember that i'm only offering my personal opinion here to you, hoping that somehow, someway, it will help you improve your writing skills, just like i'm trying tro improve mine. What a nice write here for someone you care deeply about. It read pretty well, but I think the first two lines could be made into 4 lines, shortening them, letting it flow a little better. But you tell a nice story here that lets people realized how hard it is when someone you care deeply for has to leave, no matter the reason. Well done!

And,,, Happy WDC Anniversary to you!!

Sum1
1206
1206
Review of Casual Sex  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


PurpleLady,
Very nice poem here, and so true. While i usually prefer rhyming poems nowadays, this one seems to read well. And what made this even better, is that you seemed to be telling a story without making it obvious that it was about a one time rendezvous. Then at the end, you bring it all home with "Suddenly you realize, you are still all alone." Well Done!!!

And Happy WDC Anniversary to you!!!

Sum1
1207
1207
Review of The Jeep  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Lord Dragon,
That's quite a story you've told here. Your grammar and punctuation are both excellent; I was left feeling as if you'd sat beside me on the couch and told this tale. I don't really have any recommendations for this, you ended it when you needed to, you kept me engaged throughtout. Well done!!

And,,Happy WDC Anniversary!!

Sum1
1208
1208
Review of The Mind  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Amelie,
You paint a nice picture her with your poem. You bring up many thoughts about the human mind, and tell the reader how scary it can truly be. If i may be so bold, i would like to make a suggestion or two..... You have 4 lines that start with 'Full'. Make it one line :) Full of energy, ecstasy, fear, and thoughts. The same idea holds true for 'It'. It craves, hides, and fades, but it shows. I just think it helps the poem flow better. The drawback to this is that now you have a longer line, where all the rest are relatively short. Don't get lost in the idea though, you're telling a story in a poetic way,,, don't be afraid to make the lines a little longer. :) something like,,,

The human mind is crazy
At times so free, no limits imposed

You get my train of thought,,, just my opinion is all,

All in all, a nice poem here, well done, and Happy WDC Anniversary to you!!

Sum1
1209
1209
Review of Lost  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


And, thank you for your service to our country!,, i've done my time, but always pray for those who put themselves in peril.

Now, your poem. Very nice, i really like it. It is beautiful, somewhat sad. I would love to see it be centered on the page though. Also, you used 'Baby' to start two lines in a row,, try and change that if you can. Other than that, i think it's Great!!!! Well Done!

Sum1
1210
1210
Review of Broken  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Miss Invisible,
Sad poem, very sad. And more than that, it's how life is. You set the scene well with the first couple of lines, and I thought she would be dead at the end. Glad to see she wasn't. :) I think it would look a little better if you centered it on the page. It is written very well for free flowing verse, ever think of trying to tell the same story in rhyme? I hope to read more of yours soon. And,,, Happy WDC Anniversary!!!

Sum1
1211
1211
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Jaya,
This is a wonderful, powerful poem! Your ability to paint a scene in this was great. The story is told well, your rhyming was good. About the only suggestion i'd make, is try and make every line have the samy number of syllables. It's not impossibly, and can be done, but takes some extra thinking,,,,, :) Well done though!!!

Jim
1212
1212
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Auntynae,
Very nice! You write some of the older childrens rhymes that I say once in a while. Except,, mine would be rated higher,, lol. Maybe 18+ at least. It's always fun to do things like this, and see what you can come up with. I have one about itsy bitsy spider that would be rated E, but it's not posted. Write more of these,, we need things like this to cheer us up!! Well done, and happy WDC Anniversary!!

Jim
1213
1213
Review of Teaching  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*



Heather,
Very nice poem! I can see you chasing the children around the playground. Everything you say is so true, even though I've never taught children. I have come to learn that teaching children is like being a parent during the day, while their parents work. You descirbed this well. Happy WDC Anniversary too!!

Jim
1214
1214
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Dear Vedite,
Please remember that I am just an author like yourself, and am only offering my humble opinion in reviewing your story. I sincerely hope to help you with this review, and in the long run, make your story a bit better.

Introduction: Very cute idea here, you did well in describing the elephants thoughts on going to the market.


Characters: You only had the one main character, but did well in describing what he was doing. Your described him well, but,, was he an African Elephant,, or an Indian one?? :)


Plot: You started out with this almost a fairy tale. "Once upon a time an elephanty decided to visit the market." You did well as a story teller too, not getting too bogged down in building things, keeping this low key.



Things I enjoyed in your story:
1. Your story telling ability. You tell this well, as if you were sitting beside me just talking to me about a story you knew from childhood.



Things you may want to consider reviewing:
1. You ended this with the elephant being killed for trepassing, then warned children about reading signs in the country. Call me too sensitive, but I found it a little strange that you'd write a story for children, but have the main character killed, even if it was 'just an elephant'. You made him (elephant) seem almost human. I guess I find it strange to read about killing in a children's story.

All in all though, well done!!

Jim
1215
1215
Review of Dreaming  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Matt,
This must have been some nightmare!! You did well in writing this, your rhyme is good, with about every other line rhyming. Your story is good, leaving me with a feeling that you literally woke up scared to death. The only suggestion i could make, would be to center the text on the page, and maybe enlarge it a little. But really, Very Good! Good job!

Jim
1216
1216
Review of The Black Heart  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Shannon,
Please keep in mind that what I'm offering here is only my opinion, nothing more. This is a tragic, sad poem you've written, telling a story that is all too familiar in todays world. While I do like it, it needs a bit of editing to allow it to get better reviews, and better grades. However, for a fifteen year old, this is a good poem, your story is good, told well, but need editing and formatting.

Some things you will want to look at:

1. Spelling. Always, always run your work through a word processor for spell checking. But those aren't 100% reliable, because it will take words that don't fit because they are spelled correctly. So, send to someone you trust, have them read it and provide you constructive feedback. Particular words I found misspelled: becuase (twice), then used in a sentence, instead of than (two or three times), blcak = black, hevy=heavy.
2. Avoid using the same word, and in some cases, the same phrase more repeatedly, especially close to each other. Examples:
2a. She wants to be she,But how can she be she, (she used 4 times in two sentences)
2b. To her own mind, To her own heart (To her own used in two consecutive lines).

Being fifteen, you will see these errors yourself as you mature. If you need to, or feel you can trust them, take your writing to a teacher, ask them for help. You'll be surprised at how willing they will be. But,,,,,, be ready for them to point out errors, and work to correct them. People here on WDC will point out errors; all we're trying to do is help you become a better writer. And that's what your teachers will be doing too, helping you become a better writer. Once you get this edited, let me know, and I will happily come back, review it again, and change my grade. Keep working on it, never give up!

Jim
1217
1217
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a wonderful twist there at the end. I fell for it, and believed that Lisa was the Android,,,, and you got me. But good, very good story here. Your grammar use was excellent, as was your spelling, the flow was also good, keeping the reader involved throughout. Well done!

Jim
1218
1218
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lou,
What a wonderful poem you have here! The repeated refrain is really good, with the follow on lines reinforcing what you want to say. I think it is very good as it stands in free flowing verse, but imagine if you had just the last three lines in each verse rhyme,,,, That's if you want to do that of course. When I first read it, I thought how beautiful it would be rhyming is all. But it's your piece, and,,,,, Well Done!!

Jim
1219
1219
Review of Illusion  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Samurai,
I like this story of yours, it tells a nice tale of a man reminiscing of a brief moment in time when he was much younger. You tell the story well, enabling the reader to see the scene easily.

Things I liked about this story:

1. The closeness he felt to his grandmother that night. It was obvious that he loves her greatly, and was amazed at her happiness, despite the hard times she'd experienced.
2. The ending. I liked how you built it, how his grandmother woke to speak to him, then was gone. Very touching.

Things you may want to review to make this story better, and get better reviews and grades:

1. Grammar. There are several places in the story that do not make read well, and make the reader go back and re-read to make sure they understand what you are talking about. The first sentence is a good example. Sound of the dove fells surreal to his ears. This needs to start with 'The' before sound, and it seems you meant felt, not fells. As you know, using a spell checker, and Thesaurus is a must, but you can't always rely on a spell checker alone; if you do, it will tell you the first sentence is fine.
1.a One, saying thanks to God, for blessing him with the gift of life, for giving him this nice moment. And the other, cries viciously inside him for the curse of life. Be careful using comma's, I have that same problem, and it can throw off a reader. Delete the comma after One, and other. These two sentences then read, One saying thanks to God, for blessing him with the gift of life; for giving him this nice moment. And the other cries viciously inside him for the curse of life.
2. Capitalize God, always. These sentences can be slightly modified to read as such:

He smiles inside. He laughs at god, he laughs at religion, and he laughs at society, inside.
He smiles and laughs. Inwardly, he laughs at god, religion, and society.

Overall, well done!! I like this story and look forward to reading more of your posts. Please remember that these comments are only my opinion. This is your story, make sure it works for you, not me. Thank you for allowing me to read and review this.

Jim
1220
1220
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very well written nonet here! I think you took the picture prompt, and wrote well to it. The road leading somewhere near, or who knows where really. Well done!!
1221
1221
Review of The Darkness  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ninja,
This is a nice poem you have here, and it tells a pretty good story too. I like the questions you asked at the end, and the general flow of the narrative. Your rhyming if good, but did fall apart in the middle (see, near are not a rhyme, nor is hated & loved). If i may offer a couple of suggestions to you,,,,

1. "with no confidence or persuade" - I'm not sure what you mean by the word persuade here. I know what the word means, but to me, it doesn't fit well in that sentence, or point in the poem.
2. You first verse has 6 lines, the second and third have 4, and the last has 2. Change things a little, and give all 4 verses 4 lines. But leave the last 2 lines as they are!! Let the other lines come to them.

All in all, a good poem, I would happy to read and review again if you edit it some.

Jim
1222
1222
Review of Her  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Kim,
This is far from rubbish. It is well written, one can feel the pain in your heart with that last line. Free flowing verse can be fun to write, it gives you much more freedom. The only thing i'll tell you, is when you write anything, a poem, a story, whatever it may be, try and use complete sentences. It just gives it a much better read (my opinion only). An example?

Until I realise, that smile,
That face, that memory, that heart,

Is now directed at her.

You did well though with this. I would change your heading, never call anything you write rubbish, too many others will be quite willing to do that for you. You wrote it, i'm sure you love it, Do So!! :)

Jim
1223
1223
Review of Last Words  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Kayden,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is such a sad story. To know that you are 'only' fifteen and writing like this amazes me. This is very good, had many good points to it, and of course, a few flaws. But overall, I liked it. The things I found appealing about this story:

1. Just the story overall. The idea that someone that sick would call the love of their lives to say goodbye,, I'm not sure it would ever happen in real life, but you made it almost believable.
2. The pain they both felt. It was obvious that these two shared a close bond that many people never feel.

Things to consider and look at

1. Look carefully at every sentence, every word. There are a couple of grammatical errors that you will want to correct. I pray that he is out an about, busy with something and that I can hang up and forget about saying goodbye. You need to add a d to an. I pray that he is out and about; busy with something. Then I can hang up and forget about saying goodbye.
2. Spelling. Always run a spell checker on everything. I'll always keep you close to my heart, wether it's beating or not." Add an h to wether,,, "whether".

But like I said, a very good story. With a little editing on your part, you'll see it become much better, and will get much better grades from reviewers too. Keep up the good work!

Jim
1224
1224
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Eddie,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Declaration of Life is a nice poem, one that flows pretty well for the reader. You tell a nice story here, you may consider entering it in the monthly Veteran's contest. There are a couple of things you may want to look at to help it get higher ratings.

1. It is written in all capital letters, which is very distracting to a reader.
2. Check your spelling, a quick review after reading it,, I found 'soal, instead of 'soul'.
3. Your last two verses have two lines apiece, followed by one line, while the rest of the poem have four or six lines. Combine these last two verses perhaps.

All in all, a good read, a few minor edits and you'll have yourself a really good poem here.

Jim
1225
1225
Review of Mary's Plea  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your works always make me so proud, proud to know you, proud to be your friend, and just plain proud of you. :)

Just ,,,,, Me
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