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3,289 Public Reviews Given
3,337 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1201
1201
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Diane,
I love poems for children, I think it shows them that there's more to things that just text books. I've written one, and some day, it may become a book, once I learn how to puruse that avenue. Well done in this, it flows very well with no errors.

Jim
1202
1202
Review of Dancing Nowhere  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Annie,
I like this poem, it is well written, conveying a message that everyone should consider. You rhyming and rhythm both work well within each verse, making this an easy poem to read and enjoy. Well done!

Sum1
1203
1203
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
K. Charles,
Quite a dilemma you're in, in this story. I liked the flow of it, and the control you felt. I am not sure what I'd do if I was in the same position. I did see a few things you may want to look at so this can get better grades:

1. I get to choose if she discover her sister today, next week or never. Discover should be plural

2. Wordlessly I embraced him clinging to his neck and inhaling the aroma of leather jacket, cigarette smoke aftershave and warmth. You need a comma after smoke, and aftershave.

3. Simply a child himself he has never been told that his father is in fact my step- father and he is not yet old enough to have worked it out. You need a comma after himself.

4. Perhaps not, I close the laptop as I cannot quite bear to look at her any more but nor can I close the window in which I discovered her. Delete the word but, make any more one word, and add a comma after it.
1204
1204
Review of Our little secret  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
MrsVoekel,
I love the twist at the end of this. Yet in a way, I was thinking that maybe he'd helped a friend out, and all she'd done was sleep on the couch very innocently, then left early in the morning, forgetting the purse. I should have read more into her remembering him showering in the middle of the night. Well written, I only saw one minor error.

1. but can this be out little secret

but can this be our little secret

Well done! I wish you luck in the contest.

Sum1
1205
1205
Review of If one day...  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
SNM,
What an nice poem! I love the repeated line at the start of each verse, modified just a little to help the poem progress. I think you about covered most common emotions someone may have, but what if,,,

If one day you find me thinking?

If one day you find me tense?

If one day, you find me,, well, find me,, :)

I would love to see more is all,, but I'd never try to tell you how to write your poetry,, :)

Jim
1206
1206
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Jessica,
Please understand that I'm providing you feedback to help both of us become better writers. This is a very cute scene from your play, portraying Amanda to be the prototypical blond cheerleader often used in movies. You did very well in her dialog with Death, you had me smiling throughout the read. But while I enjoyed reading your scene, it has quite a few things you'll want to look at and edit so it can get the grades it deserves from other reviewers. I am providing examples for each comment, but I am not showing you every error in this item.

1. Numerous sentences throughout the scene start with lower case letters. Examples:

scene starts: (May 5) with

if you ever have a encounter him you know what that should mean. If you ever have a encounter him you know what that should mean.

then we could date and he could leave her

she see's him in the corner of her eye Drop the apostrophe in see's.

have you ever had a manicure or pedicure?

you reek of old rotten eggs and a dead deer.

2. There are also many uses of capitalized words within a sentence. Examples:

Ditsy Cheerleader named Amanda ditsy cheerleader named Amanda

She is currently now on the Train She is currently now on the train.

Amanda the Cheerleader is Blasting Brittney spears in her ear while humming or singing the tunes to herself. In the background death is watching her ( the Audience can hear the Ominous music playing in the Background). Amanda the cheerleader is blasting Brittney Spears in her ear while humming or singing the tunes to herself. In the background Death is watching her (the Audience can hear the ominous music playing in the background).


3. In several cases, you stop one sentence with a period, then start another sentence without a space between the period and the next sentence.

the Audience can hear the Ominous music playing in the Background).Death starts to approach Amanda the Audience can hear the Ominous music playing in the Background). Death starts to approach Amanda



4. In all your dialog, I can't recall seeing quotation marks used to identify their speech.

5. In some cases, your grammar is wrong in word usage. Examples provided are, your instead of you're, then instead of than (I'm prettier than her), king instead of kind (I'm kind of hoping he'll ask me to the prom)

6. He comes for every person at sometime in their life's, with an hourglass in hand He comes for every person at sometime in their lives, with an hourglass in hand

You need to send this through a spell checker, as well as a grammar checker/thesaurus. It would take me too long to continue with this, and I have no desire to tear it apart, I'd rather you look at what I've pointed out, then go back to your item and edit it. As I said, I really liked the overall story here, but the grammatical errors make it difficult to rate very high. I look forward to re-reviewing this once you edit it.

Sum1

7. The letter i by itself is always capitalized.
1207
1207
Review of SOUNDS OF MORNING  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Justin,
What an amazing story, one that really deserves a much better grade than the four I'm giving it. It is a well told story of a young man's love for his family, and his immediate surroundings. His handicap has given him a special talent (or ability), and he uses it well. But what made this story a little hard to read through; was some of your sentences, ones that went on forever and ever. I have that same tendency too, but have learned to watch out for it. What helped me a lot, was reading 'The Sentence Amusement Park', a static item posted here on WDC. Great reading, something I recommend to anyone who really wants to improve their writing. Examples of run on sentences in your story:

1. In addition to my bed, dresser, desk and chair, posters of cars and rock stars occupying nearly every square inch of wall, a stereo tape and CD player, an ever-growing heap of dirty clothes: jeans, socks, underwear, t-shirts and sweatshirts-all of which are quite ordinary finds in any teenager's room; you couldn't help but wonder about the small round top dining table that stands by the window, or the green slate board that has now been rolled-to conserve space-behind the door, or the exercise machine that takes up too much space at the foot of my bed, or the sprawling array of medicine bottles that seem to challenge the integrity of the white parson's table upon which they weigh heavily. That's one paragraph in your story, and also, ONE sentence!

2. The water flowing through their rusting and partially blocked lead pipes doesn't stream along as fluently as it once did when they were bright shiny new, and hadn't suffered the insult caused by hundreds of thousands of gallons of mineral-laden hard water that over the years, drop by drop, laundry load by laundry load, flush after flush, has narrowed their once smooth interiors--like aging, hardening arteries narrowed by cholesterol plaque build-up, inexorably slowing the blood flow to a near trickle and causing strained clicking sounds at certain junctures.

It is run on sentences like this (and these aren't the only two) that caused me not to grade this story higher. Read through this carefully, and see if you can find how to shorten the overly long sentences. Break them in to three or four sentences, or delete a few words here and there (I'd rather see you break them up, your descriptions of his room, and life around him were wonderful). I love this story, and would gladly return to review it again, and change my grade if you edit it. Well Done!

Sum1
1208
1208
Review of Stuck  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Mystery,
This is very good, and very true. I am stuck now too, and know it. One so far away, (your number 2 sounds like), one one much closer, but we're a lot like best friends and more,,, As in your poem, I don't know which one I want to be with more. So very good there! Did you read my mind?? I can't think of anything to contribute that might make this a bit better, it's very good,,, well done!

Sum1
1209
1209
Review of My Final Frontier  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Jenny,
Very interesting, since the map in your pocket is the map of your heart, how is it that you don't know it? :) You created images in my mind of a heart hidden away from others, maybe afraid to be in love? Yet now you've opened your heart, and are either ready for love, or have fallen in love. Very nice! Well done.

Sum1
1210
1210
Review of The Quotal  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Andreas,
This is a very good story you've written. It has a bit of suspense to it as the reader wonders what the Quotal is, and how it kills people. You wrote this well, but I have to say, I thought it ended a little quickly (or abruptly). He killed it and walked away? I would think that at least he'd have taken it back to show the villagers. But it's your story,, not mine. :) I did see a couple of things that you may want to look at:

1. It was doubtfully he would even realize it was there until it was too late. The word you want is doubtful.

2. Siran put a tentative step forward and instantly felt his foot sliding into what had appeared to be solid earth. At first, this sentence befuddled me. I think you might want to put a little more explanation into it, because at first I didn't understand how his foot had slid into solid earth.

3. There was a deafening crack, the gun kicked back against his body, and a dark shape plummet to the ground in front of him. The word you want is plummeted.

Overall, well written, with a nice plot.

Sum1
1211
1211
Review of I AM  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dreamin1,
Such a nice story here! You wrote this very well, bringing forth images each of us think of, but can't put into words. You did a good job painting those images too, very nice! You left me with a warm feeling throughout my being, thank you! Very well done!

Sum1
1212
1212
Review of The Lie  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ibsy,
Wow, once in a while, a story or poem will really hit me just right, and this one did for the most part. Loved the dialogue, how you built it, you had me questioning the truthfulness of whatever it was the person was told, then you added in the twist. Well done! And Well Written!

Sum1
1213
1213
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Word,
This is a cute story, it made me smile throughout. One of my favorite movies as a child was 'The Fearless Vampire Killers', and still is. I was reminded of that too as I read through this. Very well written, I can see why 'Bewildering Stories Magazine' published it. Thanks for the pleasureable read.

Sum1
1214
1214
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dmph,
This is so beautiful, and so sad. As we all get older, we learn to appreciate the simpler things in life. Your poem created vivid images in my mind, I could see him walking in to the cemetary to see her. The only suggestion I can think of for this, is center the text on the page. Other than that, I love it as it is.

Sum1
1215
1215
Review of Brief Encounter  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Star Dreamer,
Very nice! Excellent story; as I read it, I wondered what had happened, and still do. I don't read well into things, must by my gray hair, :). Very well written, the pace was just right to keep me reading, the suspense was good, you painted some pretty vivid images in my head of someone alone and naked, feeling threatened and vulnerable. Well done!

Sum1
1216
1216
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Tim,
Very nice! A cute poem about bowling. Your rhyme and rhythm are pretty good throughout with only a couple that didn't quite do it for me. In verse two, lines two, three, and four are much longer than the rest of the lines. Each can be edited into two lines apiece without hurting the flow of the poem/story, since this isn't a rhyming quatrain or anything. (Verse one is 10 lines, verse two is 12, and verse three is fourteen). The only oher thing I noticed, was using the 'seventh frame' twice with a four line span. I know how important the seventh frame is, but I think you change this a little, particularly since you mention the seventh frame again at the end. Either way, Well done!


Sum1
1217
1217
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
BrokenPromises,
You write of such sadness and torment of a soul. As beautiful as this is, I think it could stand a little editing so you can see it get the grades I know you want, and deserve. If I may offer a couple of suggestions:

1. Center this on the page to make it more appealing to the eye as it is read. If you don't know how to do this, let me know, and I will help you get it there. :)

2. Capitalize the first word in every line. Again, it's more appealing to the eye of the reader, and makes it look a little more formal. Also, use capital letters when required, such as always capitalizing the letter i when used alone.

3. fill me with anger fill me with fear Using the same word(s) in a sentence very close to each other can be done, but not very often with really good results. You may want to change this to fill me with anger, and yes, fear

4. In line 5, you used 'he is' twice. Again, using the same words can be effective, but not all very often. It should be done very sparingly, and then only to get an important point across.

5. for if i fall i fall for it all and emotions take control You need a comma after the first fall to give the reader a natural pause, and this time, it emphasizes the second usage of 'I fall'.

6. if you if you arent in it for the long haul I think here, you used 'if you' twice by accident. Delete one. Add an apostrophe to aren't.

7. if so i cannot survive with the burden of losing what i hold dearly inside Add a comma after so, and make this two lines, the second line being 'of losing what I hold dearly inside'. This will allow both lines to be shorter, and fit better with the rest.

All in all, a nice poem though. Thank you for allowing me to read and review it.

Sum1
1218
1218
Review of Anticipation  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ken,
I'm a sap for anthing to do with Love, and this is excellent. Your rhyming and rhythm are very good throughout; it's nice to see something written as nicely as this is. I always hesitate to 'criticize' something like this since it is so nicely done, but I couldn't help but notice that you used memories in two verses in a row, on the last line. Nothing wrong with it of course. Also, in one of those lines, see below,,,

I yield to memories demands Shouldn't that be memory's? (her memory's of the past, possessive, where in the next verse, memories is fine.) I could be wrong in this, it just caught my eye. Either way, Excellent job!

Sum1
1219
1219
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Carol,
Are you related to that wonderful man, Dr. Suess? I think you should take this, and get a graphic artist to draw a picture for each line, one line per page, and make it a fun book. It's something I'm trying to get done with 'One Scary Night', but I don't know a 'real graphic artist',, just a few friends who will try. your rhyme, rhythm, (alliteration and assonance?) were perfect, Well Done!

Jim
1220
1220
Review of Cold  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
K. Sny
Your poem here creates some nice visions as one reads it. I see a woman left by her love, waiting for his return, and the utter cold that grips her while he's gone. You break the lines up well to give the reader nice pauses without There is one thing you'll want to look at so this can get even higher grades. :)

1. forming sharp ice sickles icicles


Nicely written, I look forward to reading more of your work.

Sum1
1221
1221
Review of Past Lives  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Sherree,
This is a nice poem that seems depressing at first, but after reflection, just sad. This would look a bit better centered on the page, but that may be a personal preference. Your rhyming was very good, but some of the lines were a lot longer/shorter than others, which throws off the reading 'beat' so to speak. There are a few things you may want to consider if you choose to edit this at all.

1. Capitalize the first word in every line. This makes it more presentable also.

2. effecting the living from day to day The word you want to use at the start of this line is affecting

3. someone holds a bottle of pills and only thinks about dying Delete the word only, it makes the line read smoother, more in keeping with the lines above and below

4. He couldn't carry on any longer, his spirit had lost the fight. Again, to keep the rhythm flowing well, delete any longer.

Remember that these comments are just my opinions. This is your poem though, make sure it is what you want at all time, not what someone else says. All in all though, I really liked this poem. I would be happy to come back and review it again if you do choose to edit it at all.
1222
1222
Review of Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Cassandra,
This is a beautiful, somewhat sad poem you've written here. It flows nicely, with no grammar or spelling errors noted. The format could be improved slightly with minor changes, and changing one word or so. If I may, I'd recommend you look at the following:

1. Capitalize the first word in every line. It gives a nicer appearance to the poem. That's all aesthetics, and a personal point of view

2. In line 4, it would look a little better, and read the same, if you made it two lines. Example:

Your arms were strongly crossed,
Pointing in another direction.

3. She fell apart but pain only lingers in her eyes for she is strong without his arms, You changed the way you looked at 'him' in this line. Before, you used 'you' in referring to him, now you change and say his. Change this to 'your'. It still reads the same, means the same, but is consistent now.

4. though dreams and wishes to be with him remain through the pain that fills her eyes for the world to see. Make this multiple lines also. Maybe like this:

Though dreams and wishes to be with him remain
Through the pain that fills her eyes for the world to see.

You could even change that second line to read, "The whole world can see, her eyes filled with pain", and suddenly you have a nice rhyme there. :)

5. Regrets, never,
but she longs for the change that he brought in her,
the pure joy he trailed in.

Same thing here. Don't change the wording at all, but change the line structure. Example:

Regrets, never, but she longs for the change
that he brought in her, the pure joy he trailed in.

Please remember that these are only my points of view, and are suggestions. This is your poem, and it's beautiful. But I think with minor changes it will get even better grades. :)

Sum1
1223
1223
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Janice,
I read this, and think about the pain that I've suffered, and suffer from, but have never felt as badly as you do. Your flow and rhythm is very good in this poem, with just a couple of places that made me pause and re-read it to catch the rhythm again. Your rhyming is excellent (I've never had a class in writing, so I will not use assonance or alliteration, since I have to really look at what those words mean), and made it very easy to read the poem. I did see a couple of very minor things you may want to look at

1. They make me feel like I want to go hide away. This line has 12 syllables, where the line before it has 10. This is the line that made me pause a moment to get the flow of the poem back. I think you can delete 'go' without hurting the flow of the poem.

2. I also wonder about what my kids would think, (12 syllables)
They would be lost and their heart would just sink. (10 syllables)

I think you can delete 'about' in that line too, and not hurt the poem. Also, if it's kids, then shouldn't it be 'hearts'?

Very well written though, I look forward to reviewing more of your work.

Sum1
1224
1224
Review of Words  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Katrina,
I've told you about the 2 errors i saw, but this is simply outstanding. Simple, yet complex, honest and from the heart. Well done!!

Your Sum1
1225
1225
Review of Crystal Ball  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Starr',
I saw this tonight in the Static Item list, and had to read it, especially after your review of 'The Deserted Cottage. I am a huge Stephen King fan, have read many of his books, including 'The Stand', and 'The Dark Tower' series. I knew how Randy Flagg was the minute you mentioned his name in your story. Very well written, if there are errors in it, i was too entranced with the story to look for them. Well Done! I have recommended it to my best friend Amay already. :)

Sum1
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