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Review Requests: ON
3,159 Public Reviews Given
3,207 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1101
1101
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Marvelous Melia,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is an interesting story you have about an empty house that seems very mysterious. And once the main character decides to investigate, we find her suspicions are justified. It's a good story, but frankly, it needs a bit of editing. It seemed to me that the dialog was stilted throughout the story; the characters didn't speak the way one would in every day life. There were several things that happened in the story that would not happen in real life. Example: A police officer would not enter a house without a warrant, kicking a door in would be breaking and entering, even for him. Also, if he had done that, he wouldn't allow a civilian to come in to the house, since it would be considered a crime scene. I have noted several grammatical errors that are easily corrected, and once you edit this to your preferences (this is your story after all, I'm only offering my humble comments), it should get much better reviews.

1. What was wrong with it, why wasn't anyone interested? A semi-colon should be after it, not a comma.

2. The day came when I finally decided that I Would do a little investigating of our own She's doing the investigation, so using the word our implies someone else is going with her. Change our to my.

3. After-all, it looked like such a nice home, on the outside. you don't need a comma after home.

4. I was curious learn anything they could tell me about this mysterious house that no one wanted to rent. I was curious to learn

5. But, the car repair work was not where he made his money I imagine that it had to be from another source. You need a comma after money.

6. The dog was hungry thirsty and need of attention but no one wanted or dared to go near it because it was rather vicious towards humans. This is worded a bit clumsy. Maybe this would work for you. The dog was hungry and thirsty, in need of attention. But no one wanted or dared to go near it because it was rather vicious towards people.

7. "Oh my Lord!" was the first words out of my mouth. Replace was with were.

8. In the front window I saw the once abused dog, I hated so much, dead I almost hate to admit how much I hated that dog for fear someone might suspect me of what I was seeing.. The wording here is also a little clumsy, nor do you need two periods. Perhaps this would work for you. In the front window I saw the once abused dog I hated so much. dead. I almost hate to admit how much I hated that dog for fear someone might suspect me of what I was seeing.

9. The dog was dead. His head severed from his body both lying side-by-side on the dirty rug in the living room.. Two periods again. Saying the dog is dead is redundant, you said that in the previous sentence. If there was some space between these two sentences, it would work, but saying it twice in consecutive sentences makes it a difficult read.

10. "Yes, Maim," he said in his deep voice, I think you meant Ma'am, not Maim.

11. "Neither one of us were prepared for what we found inside the wall." You used quotation marks here, but no one is speaking. Were they looking inside the wall, or looking in a room?

12. We left the mail outside that day for fear some reporter would attack us if they knew we where home. were, not where.

13. When a house is empty one never knows what maybe lurking around the corner or in the walls. Maybe should be two words.

Overall, a very good story that just needs a little TLC in editing. Nicely done. And a Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1102
1102
Review of I am reborn  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Priya,
What a great poem for your son! I hope he grows up knowing how much you love him, and how you wrote this just for him! Well done, and welcome to Writing dot com!

Jim
1103
1103
Review of Voiceless  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Adore,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

What an interesting story you have here. I like to think of it as Melanie never lost her voice, she just sort of chooses not to share it with others. It flows very well, but of course, leaves me with unanswered questions. Ones like,

How did she manage to 'escape' from her prior existence?
Why didn't the others, the ones in the flashback, ever come looking for her?S Surely they'd think she might have gone to Bertha's house.
Why didn't the second cashier intervene earlier when she still had her voice? I did notice a couple of things you may want to look at in this story:

1. Sometimes Aunt Bertha would find her staring out onto the countryside, as if lost some memory. This sentence doesn't read quite right, but correct me if I'm wrong please. It seems to be missing a word or two, but I may be misreading it.

2. She stopped, her arms hanging limply at her sides. “Mmph!” she said pointing to some groceries and headed over to shop.
The last thing she needed was her aunt and uncle to think she couldn’t be trusted. But the finger in the box? Who could she tell? Then she thought the person whose finger it was a part of is probably beyond help. I can't tell if this is two separate paragraphs, or if the sentence that starts "The last thing,,," is meant to be part of the previous paragraph. It looks as though a 'hard return' has been placed here, meaning a separate paragraph, but it is not double spaced as the rest are throughout this story.

Overall, a nice story that I really enjoyed reading. And a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1104
1104
Review of Scapegoat  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Cypollo,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Wow, what a story! Your tag line for intro drew me in, and for the longest time, I didn't understand what the tag line had to do with the story. About half way through, I had that small part figured out. This is written nicely with a plot that drew me in from the start. Though I loved this story, I did see a few things you may want to look at so this can get higher grades from future reviewers.


1. The first words she spoke came suddenly startling me from near sleep. A comma after suddenly will give a nice pause to the reader, a natural pause that most people will use anyway when reading this line.

2. She had big, huge green eyes and a thin little mouth. You used two verbs in a row to describe her eyes. It would read better with just one of them.

3. It has become my cross to bare, pun not intended. Bear, not bare

4. I had to get up, to do anything It would be better if you replaced anything with something, and delete 'to'. I had to get up, do something. Then if you wanted, you could make it a one word sentence with 'anything'. I had to get up, do something. Anything.

5. That's when it struck me what a ritual it was for me to go to the bathroom, and that I always did the exact same things. Things should be singular, not plural.

6. Your going to die but you better not cry about it You're, not your.

7. Sorry your going to die. Again, you're, not your.

8. Almost every organ in her body was affected, but she just lied there, an occasional tear falling down on her pillow. Lay, not lied.

9. With the state her brain was in I'm surprised it turned out to be a man at all You need a comma after in.

10. I stared down at the drain in the sink; trying as hard as could to concentrate on it. You left out the word I. "trying as hard as I could"

11. It was as though you had been stuck on a plane going down and there where no parachutes around. Were, not where.

Overall, a nice read with an intriguing story/plot.

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1105
1105
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear InsidiousRaven,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Interesting story you've started here. The flow is pretty good with a pretty natural dialog. The tag line you placed on your introduction hooked me, made me want to read it, but since this is a work in progress, you haven't added that part yet (and need to! I want to see the rest) *Smile* There were a couple of things I noticed that you may want to look at, so this can get even better reviews from future readers.

1. He loved to go down to the drag and race all of the supped up foreigns. I think you left out a word there, strip is missing after drag. Also, supped should be souped (I would think, unless you're going for a bit of slang speech there, then I'd use a ' before the word, like 'supped).

2. When the client wanted a speedy getaway, something valuable moved, or even a car stolen, I was their go to girl. In this context, go to should be go-to.

3. Can’t say that’s where the guys who certified me for conceal and carry intended for it to go, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. you need an apostrophe in girl's. As it is currently written, it's plural.

4. Towards the end of the story, you have two paragraphs that do not have a space between them and the previous one. Every other paragraph has this space.


Overall, a very interesting story, one I'd like to be able to read the rest of soon. Well done.

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1106
1106
Review of Butterfly  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Dottie,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is a nice poem you have here of life as a butterfly. I liked how you painted a picture of life as a butterfly. Your rhyming scheme was nice, with the second and fourth lines of each verse rhyming, giving a nice feel to the poem as I read it. But your rhythm was a little off. Syllable count varied from as high as twelve, to as low as four, a very wide swing for a poem. But the biggest pause I had while reading it, was the fourth verse. In the first three verses, lines one and three were longer than the second and fourth. This trend changed in this verse, and made the reading clumsy at that point. If I may offer a little advice, I would recommend making the lines more consistent in length syllable-wise, and keep with the longer lines as lines one and three in each verse. This would make this a very beautiful poem.

Overall, nicely done.

Sum1
1107
1107
Review of Crash  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.0)
ChaoticHarmony,
This is an interesting poem; it seems you wanted to see how many words you could use that started with 'C' in this. It's a cute idea, but I don't see how it fits with your description, "A short poem about a battle between supernatural forces." A couple of your lines are much shorter than the rest, and that can lead to a pause in the reading as one wonders what you're trying to say. I would center this, and see if the second, fifth, and eighth lines can't be lengthened a little bit.

Nice read!

Sum1
1108
1108
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Jalan,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is an excellent poem and tells a wonderful heart warming story at the same time. Your rhyme scheme seemed to be abbac, but there were a couple of times where I lost it, and that's probably because five line per verse poems do not seem natural, so reading one is always hard for me. I did notice one line that I thought was worded a little off, that you might want to look at.

1. Yes, certainly I his family well knew. Seems it should be Yes, certainly his family I well knew.

Overall, very well done!

Sum1
1109
1109
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Annie,
Merry Christmas!

I love this poem you've written. I can feel her anger, her disdain for him and how he treats his love interest. It's easy to see he's using the same 'moves' on this woman that he did on you. Your rhyme and rhythm are good throughout the poem making it a nice, comfortable read.

Overall, very well done!

Sum1
1110
1110
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dogwood,
Poetry can be so expressionful; this one is no exception. The pain in this is all too obvious. Your rhyme was very good throughout, with a rhythm that flowed well for the most part. The only recommendation I have for improvement is this:

I watched you
I watched from behind

Using the same word twice in succession like that detracts from the reading. See if you can find a substitute for one of the them.

Overall, nicely done!

Sum1
1111
1111
Review of The Last Painting  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Ronald,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is such an interesting story here, the flow of it kept me with it all the way through. Your plot and characterization was nice, allowing me to become immersed in the plot. What I liked most about it, is the little twist at the end. There are a few things you may want to look at so this can be even better reviews in the future.


1. “I’m going t tend to the guests,” Carlos muttered. You left the o off of 'to'.

2. Carlos watched as the pieces were taken with extreme care into the trucks and to be delivered to their new rightful owners. Delete the word 'and' after trucks, it's not needed.

3. Carlos’ father nodded and picked up the painting, loading it into the back of the Carlos’ car. Delete the word 'the' before Carlos, it's not needed.

4. The pain peeled and the windows were all blown out and had rings of black around them. You left the t off the word pain(t).


Overall, a nice read. Well done!

Sum1
1112
1112
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Dungeon Warden,

Merry Christmas! And a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me.

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Thank you for allowing me to read and review this. I have not read much fantasy in recent years, but thoroughly enjoyed this read. Your story flowed smoothly with a nice tale told in the process. The dialog seemed natural, and your descriptions quickly put my mind in the cave and meadow with Cachi and Tormal. There are a couple of minor things I saw that you might want to look at.


1. I still had my battle-axe but with the creature's speed and agility I would be long dead before I got to use it. I think the word should be used, not use.

2. "It's a snake woman. They should all be destroyed, her, her children, and any others we can find." You should have a semi-colon after destroyed, not a comma.

3. She was just too stubborn, cute, but stubborn. Same comment as before, you should have a semi-colon after the first use of stubborn.

Overall, a very enjoyable read. Well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1113
1113
Review of Walt  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Winchester,
What a sad, almost ugly story! Yet what a wonderful read. I say sad because his daughter appears near death. And her father is visiting her, seems to be the family outcast, yet it is his actions that end up causing her to wake from a seemingly coma. But when she does waken, it turns ugly as she screams for him to leave. How very sad, and ugly. Yet wonderful at the same time.

This story flows very nicely, the plot kept me reading, and the twist at the end unexpected. At the same time, the story is beautiful in and of itself.

Well done!

Sum1
1114
1114
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Mela,
You know, it's so hard to find someone who willingly gives away a treasure without expecting anything in return. Yet you write about it, and I've seen it. I love this story and the message if brings to those who experience it. It is well written and flows very nicely. I saw only one thing you might want to look at. (Too late for the Writer's Cramp I know).

1. Still, she has spent many hours filling the stockings with treats. I think has should be had.

Overall though, very well done!

Sum1
1115
1115
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Francesca,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Wow, I find this story a little amazing, and a bit confusing at the same time. I see the woman scorned, her love cheated on her and now she seems to have diabolical plans for him, and maybe, her. But I have to admit to getting a little lost (Okay, completely lost) in your paragraph that started, With each one he stared at the machine lovingly, becoming more distant and disgruntled with each, annoyed and smug as his inflated ego grew as he considered his options, of which he had many of course, hadn’t you heard? From this part on, it seemed to be third person, and in some ways, the rambling of a mad woman. Then you shift back to first person when you write, "I think we both know this isn't working."

So while I really enjoyed, and liked your story, it did lose me a little. Maybe I'm just too gray now,,,

There are a few things you may want to consider for this story.

1. You know what they say- and eye for an eye- an eye for an eye

2. He sniffs in his sleep, tuning his face into my hand as though I was offering him some comfort from his guilt through my soft, soft fingertips. I think you meant turning, not tuning.

3. It beats as I curl up on a sofa running one fingertip around the rim of a wine glass half (hyphen) filled with golden liquid. I don't understand why you spelled out hyphen in parentheses, instead of using one.

4. He could (“he”) live his life not knowing, thinking he had it all up until his very last breath when I would say nothing into his ear, and he would never know it was missing, that there was nothing there. Again something lost me, I don't understand the use of ("he")

5. “I miss you.” She whispers into the room, “are you there?” are should be capitalized, it starts a new dialog sentence.

Overall though, an nice read. Well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1116
1116
Review of Old Oak Tree  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.0)
Dear Ash,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is a nice start to a story here, but I guess the emphasis would be on 'start'. You have started something here, now finish it. Think of that meadow and how it was when it was young. That's your story right now, very young, an infant story if you will. There is a lot you can do with this, so let your mind free, and imagine. :) I do have a couple of comments for you that I hope will help you improve this story.

1. Filling in the space where the flowers haven’t grown, tall patches of green and yellow grass lay. This sentence sounds a little off, and can be revised just a little so it flows better. Maybe this would work for you, "Tall patches of green and yellow prairie grass filled in the space where the flowers haven’t yet grown."


2. The grass hadn’t been kept for years and could remind someone of haunted house's yard, which varied in length from patch to patch. You need to add an 'a' before haunted to make it read right.

All in all, a nice start to your story, now take us all off the hook, and finish it so we can fully enjoy it!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1117
1117
Review of The Stranger  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Quilbane,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Interesting story here about two people from the opposite ends of life. While not an overly religious person, I can appreciate the love one can have for Jesus. I like how this flowed, how you made Gerry be so angry and full of hate, when all he really had to do was 'shape up'. It took a divine intervention for him to realize that I think. There are a couple of things in this story you may want to look consider looking at.


1. He had already downed several that night, his intention was to get very drunk. You should use a semi-colon after night instead of a comma. It will give a better, longer pause before the reader continues.

2. He wanted action, aggro, a fight ! While I've never seen the word 'aggro' used before, it doesn't mean it isn't right. It means I don't know the word, and neither does Microsoft Word it seems. Did you mean to use 'ergo'? Delete the space between fight and the exclamation mark.

All in all though, a nice story! Well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1118
1118
Review of Black Friday  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Dear T.C.

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is an interesting poem here about Black Friday. At five lines per verse, I found it hard to get into a rhythm or rhyme for the piece, and sometimes struggled to flow with it. Maybe it was the five lines per verse, I'm not sure, but I never did get into a flow in reading this. I do have two suggestions about this.

1. See if you can somehow get it to four lines per verse.

2. I know this could have happened on any black Friday, but this poem ended very suddenly, and for me, too suddenly.

Overall though, nicely done.

Sum1
1119
1119
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Elise,
This is a very insightful poem. It describes what happens when a couple fall in love, then lose that spark, the attraction that drew them to each other, and the romance becomes every day living. Your rhyme and rhythm are very good, the flow kept me with you throughout the reading. There are a couple of things you might want to consider for this poem.

1. Your lines are relatively short, but when reading it, I see longer lines. For example, the first verse,,,

A picture perfect romance, hung on someone else’s wall,
With the couple’s gaze intent, seeming nothing’s wrong at all,
She sees lovers in his dreaming, he sees sparkles in her eyes,
And they swear that they’ll continue, even after one might die.

This results in longer lines, but it reads more 'naturally', and can be done with every verse in your poem.

2. With you picture perfect prince, Change 'you' to 'your'

3. You use the two words 'picture perfect' throughout the poem, and it almost becomes a little monotonous. You might try using different words to describe this perfect romance, without losing the idea.

Overall, well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1120
1120
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Brie,
Very nice poem here, a little short, but nice just the same. When I first started reading it, I thought it was about a person, but learned of my error quickly. How cool that it was about a flower all along. I do think that there are a couple of very minor things you may want to look at in this.

1. No crowd to applause. I know applause rhymes with cause, but correct wording would be applaud, and of course, there goes your rhyme. You could find another way to re-word these two lines, but that might spoil the whole thing. What popped in my mind was,

I am broken, am I a fraud
My life is not special, no crowd to applaud

It's your poem, you get to decide if you want to change it at all, and how you will change it, if so.

2. I would love to see this lengthened a little bit, maybe two more verses. Build it up some, then let us know it's a flower at the end like you have here.

Overall, Well Done!

Sum1
1121
1121
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.0)
Dear KatMer,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is an interesting story you've written here. It could have a lot more dialog in it, but you seem to have chosen to tell it as if you are talking to the reader than having true interaction through dialog, and for the most part, it works. But there are ample places where you could put dialog, and that would make the story much better. There are a couple of things you may want to look at to allow this to get better grades from future reviewers.

1. I screamed and grabbed my cell phone of the table. I know you meant to say 'off', not 'of'.

2. Robert said he didn’t know why he did it, but he was just upset about a recent break up WITH LESLIE!!!!! All capital letters should be used very rarely, and never for two words in a row, nor should you use more than one exclamation mark at a time, even if you're trying to make a very exciting point. Throughout this story, you over-use exclamation marks extensively. I counted twenty-six of them in the whole story. Most were used in the first part of the story, then the others were used towards the end. For a story of this length, that's at least twenty too many. Use them sparingly to make a point about an exciting part of your story, otherwise they become all too common (like here), and the reader gets turned off, and leaves before finishing the piece.

3. When Robert explained his story to the judges he was only given two months in juvie and then he’d be moved to another foster home. It's okay to use street slang when talking with friends. But when you start to write formally, you need to make sure you spell things out correctly. Juvie should be juvenile detention. I saw this twice in this piece.

4. When he insisted on staying with the same one the judges said okay, but they would have to be watched. This is an incomplete sentence. Why would the current foster parents have to be watched? For that matter, why them? I would think it would be better to watch him, not the parents.

5. Surprisingly the Catholic school took him back as long as he promised never again. As long as he promised never again... what? What did he promise never again to do?

6. You should indent your paragraphs so it's obvious when you change your thought process in the story, and to make it easier for on line reading, you should put a double space between paragraphs, but it's not a hard and fast rule, just something you can do to help the reader.

Overall, this is a very nice story. It is not often that you read about someone who becomes a nun, and can explain how she came to be one. As for your life not turning out the way you envisioned it, I don't think that's happened for very many of us, and for the most part, I think that's a good thing.

Nicely done!

Sum1
1122
1122
Review of Believe  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Closch,
I'm a pushover for stories like this, I loved it! My friend Amay5prm (here on WDC, her real name is Katrina) writes stories that just pull at me for some reason, much like this one does. I love the way she kept the checks and saved them. And I'm guessing that the reason there was so much interest on the account was due to something magical from Santa. Either way, very nice read! Keep up the wonderful work.

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1123
1123
Review of The reef  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Dear Fearthebelljar,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Stories of the sea always fascinate me. Having spent 20 years in the submarine service, I can relate to it easily, but life underwater has always held me. You wrote this nicely, retelling events of a dive on the Great Barrier Reef. There are a few things you may want to look at to help this story get even better grades from future reviewers.

1. The morning of the dive, I sat with about a dozen of my traveling companions, on the metal bench seat of a bobbing pontoon boat as the dive master gave us our instructions and advisories. There shouldn't be a comma after companions.

2. All of a sudden, Nicole was aside of me, her black hair flowing around her head, her eyes wide inside her dive mask. The wording here is a little off, you might try, "All of a sudden, Nicole was beside me, her black hair flowing around her head, eyes wide inside her dive mask."

3. There were thousands of nudibranchs, marine worms, in every possible color combination imaginable and large crabs and rays dotting the seas floor. This too sounds off when you read it. You might want to consider, "There were thousands of nudibranchs and marine worms in every possible color combination imaginable, with large crabs and rays dotting the sea's floor nearby. Notice the wording is changed just a little, and an apostrophe is added to sea's.

4. Nicole squealed into her regular. I think the word you meant to use is regulator.

Overall, very well done!

Sum1
1124
1124
Review of Katie's Christmas  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Katrina,
My god, I'm sitting here with tears running down my cheeks. Somehow, many of your stories do this to me. Thank you for sharing, and trusting me like you have. This is a wonderful Christmas story, you make me wish I could be S C for someone. I did see a couple of small things you may want to look at..

1. Some of the parents were starting to line up in the car pool line. Some of the early buses were pulling into the lot. Starting two consecutive sentences with the same word detracts from the reading. try deleting 'some of' from the second sentence, it works fine if you ask me. :)

2. Katie looked up to see if anyone looked like they were watching, if anyone looked like they would know what was going on. The same comment from above here. Some of, two sentences in a row. Maybe, "Katie looked up to see if anyone looked like they were watching, or if anyone knew what was going on."

3. Once she finally got the boys calmed down enough to tuck into bed, they quietly read the Christmas before she cut out the lights. They quietly read the Christmas ,,, what? :)

Very well done, I loved this story!

Jim

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1125
1125
Review of Ugly Inside  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Dear Mr. Mistoffelees,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

This is a nice short story here, but I fail to see how it can be called a poem of any kind. There are several detractors in the story that makes it a little difficult to fully enjoy, and you may want to edit this so it can receive the grades I'm sure you want it to get. Specifically:

1. I hate you, This belongs in quotation marks. Even though she's talking to herself, it needs to be in quotation marks.

2. I am more than this This too belongs in quotation marks.

3. sir ree. The correct spelling is sirree from what I've seen in other readings, but I'm not positive this is a word. It is fine to use slang words if your story uses them throughout, but it seems you tossed this in to be 'cute'.

4. Bueaty The correct spelling is beauty

5. The years, they go by, as they always do, and the bueaty starts to fade away, leaving her in doom. This sentence reads pretty rough. Here's a small suggestion on improving it. The years go by as they always do, the beauty starts to fade away; leaving her in doom.

6. She is just a broken shell now, a shattered image, useless to the world now. Delete the first 'now', it is not needed.

7. The world loved her tits and ass, The rest of the poem is very straightforward, making the use of these two words almost obscene. See if you can think of another way to say this, or a way to describe her beauty without using the word beauty.

Overall, a decent story. Nicely done.

And a personal WDC Anniversary from me.

Sum1

b}My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .{/b}
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