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Review Requests: ON
3,159 Public Reviews Given
3,207 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1026
1026
Review of A Night Song  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Kizzy,
I saw your suitcase on the anniversary review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. After reading this, I'm very glad I did.

What a great feeling that must have been for your husband! I can't sing that well, but there is something about a lone voice lifted in song. No instruments to accompany it, just the power of the human voice carrying the song. You feel the power engulfing you, leaving you with a sense that something greater than man himself was amongst for the brief time of the song.

This is well written, the flow of it was good, keeping me enthralled throughout. I do have a few minor comments for you.


Title: Perfect for this story


Description: I love when a description pulls me to read something, this one did.


Grammar: Very good


Spelling: Very good


Setting: You had me there with them for the time I read this story, well done.



Rough spots?: There's a couple of minor things you may want to look at.

1. Our stomachs were full and our skin was tight and burning from our day on the water. You used 'our' twice in this sentence, and it just jumped out at me. You may want to change the second one to 'the'. It keeps the story consistent, and the read smooth.

2. We were passing around our thoughts about the day and jokes about the past, when suddenly an unknown voice began weaving its way through each campsite, slowly wrapping us all up with its melodies. Again, a small unnecessary word. I think 'all' in this is redundant, and should be deleted.


Overall Impressions: You made me wish I'd experienced something like this. Well done!

Sum1
1027
1027
Review of Who He Was  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Anderson,
I saw you suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by for a visit.

I love stories of men and women who have served in the military. As a teen in the sixties and seventies, I read numerous stories about World War II. Being a twenty year veteran of the submarine service also helps me in relating to almost anything written about veterans.

First, well done! This is a really good piece about an old man, and someone who knows what he did. I call the military my previous life now, so for him, maybe it was too. I can't imagine the memories you have, mine are all good. But I do feel for you.


Title: I love your title, it fits perfectly.


Description: Your description is what drew me to read this. Well done! (Most descriptions are very weak, and don't seem to pull you to read the item.)


Grammar: Your grammar usage is good throughout, but I do have a few suggestions for you.


Spelling: I noticed no errors.


Characters: You made them all too real to me. I see men wearing their hats with pride, and I'm almost forced to stop and greet them, even on the street.


Setting: You had me there with you and him, watching the sad procession.


Rough spots?:1. In the first paragraph, you seem to have a couple of sentences out of place (my opinion only). The first sentence could be two, with the second one starting with "He half stepped,,,". To me, if you reverse the second and third sentences, it reads better.


Overall Impressions: Thank you for the inspirational read, I'm honored to be allowed to review you. I salute you sir, may your days be filled with peace and happiness, with your memories of the past all good ones.

And a personal heartfelt Happy WDC Anniversary wish from me!

Sum1
1028
1028
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
StoryMaster,
Bravo! I stil consider myself a newbie on WDC, having been here less than a year. But I can appreciate all the FREE things you do offer us. I've not joined any other writing sites, but I've explored a few, and none compare to WDC. So when I see someone say they are leaving because things aren't totally free, it's upsetting. I loved your response!

Jim
1029
1029
Review of For my Valentine  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Hi Zaring,
I saw your suitcase on featured on Giselle's Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit.

This is a nice romantic poem you've written here, interesting; a nice way to tell someone you love them. If I may, I have a little feedback for you.


Title: It's title is apt, but I don't see it in the body of the poem.


Description: This is something we are all weak in here on WDC it seems. The description allows you to sell your item to readers, convince them it should be read. So do it! First contest entry is fine, but what's special about this that would make a reader feel they need to read it?



Grammar: I saw no errors


General Comments:1. The title needs to be in the body of the item, even though it's on the page.
2. You used 'carnations' to start two consecutive lines. With a poem as short as this one, it really draws the eye to it, as if you couldn't think of anything else, and tossed it in.



Rhyme/Rhythm: The rhyme scheme is good, and for me, the rhythm is fine, even if each line doesn't have the same number of syllables. Each line in the verse does, and that works for me.



Overall impressions: A good poem about your love for your man. Nicely done!

And a personal WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1030
1030
Review of Go to Bed!  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dorianne,
This is a cute poem, and as you said in your 'afterwards', I've been there. This has a good rhythm and flow to it, the rhyming is also very good. The only comment I'd have on this, is that in this line, you might want to delete one word. "Oh look! My sneaker has no shoe lace." With shoe in there, it has an extra syllable the just throws the rhythm off just a bit.

All in all, well done!

Sum1
1031
1031
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Blackwell,
I feel the same way about Valentine's day as you. You wrote this nicely, the flow kept me involved, but I think I'd have said something to the parents of those kids! This is nicely built too, making it hard to look ahead (I don't try to, but I know some readers do). I liked the coffee shop scene, it's a place I can relate to well also.

Nicely done!

Sum1
1032
1032
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Vindhya,
I saw your suitcase featured on Giselle's Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a peek. How people develop their names intrigues me, so this was a natural read. *Smile* Nicely done, this flows well with a nice pace to it. No dialog, but none is needed. I loved how you described the scenery around your valley, I could visualize the hills and abundance overgrowth as I read. Nicely done!

Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1
1033
1033
Review of Coming to Closure  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Lightknight,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in to give you an anniversary review. Happy WDC Anniversary!
Your story is all too true, and all too sad. While I have a decent career, I also work part time at a small micro-brewery, so I feel where your story comes from. It is written nicely, with a flow that kept me engaged to the end. I do have a little feedback for you.


Title: Your title is nice, but I think your description would work better as a title.


Description: I find that descriptions of an item are the biggest weakness of authors here on WDC, myself included since I'm particularly bad at it. We all want readers to read our writings, so sell ourselves! If you changed the title to my suggestion (only a suggestion, please keep that in mind), you could then say, "I come to closure over the closing of my favorite local pub." We are allowed 92 characters, let's use them as well as we can.


Grammar: Your use of grammar was pretty good throughout, I did note a couple of very minor things which I have described below.


Spelling: I noticed one error, again, shown below.


Rough spots?:
1. My secretary had called the place a dump, and since secretary’s set up office parties, only once and that time was only at my insistence. This line reads a little 'off'. I think it could be worded like this example, and still say the same thing. My secretary called the place a dump, and since secretary’s set up office parties; the one and only time we went there for a party was at my insistence.
2. I might come here for the food, but the stmosphere - I don't think so. atmosphere, not stmosphere


Overall Impressions: A nicely written story of real life. I loved the fact that you managed to meet Patty at that 'newer' bar the night you went. A nice read, thank you for allowing me to visit your port.

Sum1
1034
1034
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Sweethonesty,
Your words created an image in my mind as I read them. I could see the 'old man' as he walked; a slight limp, he was old and bent, age having finally won it's fight against his once young body. Your poem is beautiful, yet so very sad. I do have a little feedback for you on it.



Title: The title fits well, but it seems you could just title it, 'An Old Man Walking'.


Description: Fits the poem perfectly.


Grammar: Your use of grammar is pretty good throughout, but there are a couple of places a comma could be inserted.


General Comments:
1. All has changed all is not the same as it once was.
He tries so hard to look ahead but behind him is the past

These two lines need a comma inserted. An example is given below.
All has changed, all is not the same as it once was.
He tries so hard to look ahead, but behind him is the past
2. You used 'when' to start two consecutive sentences. You may want to see if one can be changed to something else.
3. You started verse three telling us about his past, then verse four seemed to end way too soon. You have a nice story being told here, tell us all of it! *Smile*


Rhyme/Rhythm: This is a free verse poem, so for me, rhyme and rhythm are not looked for.



Overall impressions: A sad but beautiful poem about an old man you saw walking. All of us have wondered at one time or another about them. What made them who they are, what did they experience. Well done!

Sum1
1035
1035
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Theatregirl,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by to visit, and give you a review. I find this piece so sad, full of possibilities, yet ending with a 'what if' feeling. It is nicely written with a flow that kept me in it throughout. I do have a little feedback for you on it.

Title: It fits the piece well


Description: Your description is very good, let's the reader know what to expect in the poem. Nice!


General Comments:
1. A shocked expresion on my face, speechless and suddenly shy. expression
2. A smothered feeling, can't breathe let me out! You should add a comma after breathe, to me it reads as if a comma is there.


Rhyme/Rhythm: I noticed no discernible rhyme scheme, and the rhythm varied line to line. For me, this did not detract from the read, the story you told kept me engrossed on its own.


Overall impressions: A beautiful, but sad poem that makes the reader remember failed romances of their own. I pondered over this a bit, and thought of my high school sweetheart. It wasn't like this, 'wrong side of the tracks' and 'goody two shoes', but it was a love never realized. Thank you for helping me remember back. Nicely done!

Sum1
1036
1036
Review of Rebirth  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Helen,
I saw your suitcase on the anniversary review page, and thought I'd drop by for a visit. Happy WDC Anniversary! This one caught my eye for a variety of reasons.



Title: It fits well


Description: This what drew me to read this, nice description!



Grammar: Very nice throughout the poem, describes the scene well.


General Comments: Your first two paragraphs both end with the same three words, "above and beneath". I'm not sure if this was intentional, but it stood out as an anomaly to me. Your line length varied quite a bit, and at times made it a little hard to get into the read. The message and story you tell in this poem is really good, very moving. But if you rearrange the lines from shortest to longest (in length letter-wise, nothing else), you'll see what I mean about line length.



Rhyme/Rhythm: I saw no discernible rhyme/rhythm pattern. That's not a necessity, but many lines are long (twelve to 16 syllables), while others are short (seven to nine syllables compared to the others.



Overall impressions: Very good poem! You could edit it slightly, shorten a couple of lines to help the read, yet keep the wording by adding a new verse. One thing that struck me about this, was the message of renewal you brought forth with the last verse. The reader is left with a feeling that things will be fine, life goes on, and all is well in the world. Well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1037
1037
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Rob,
You write free verse poems that seem natural. Short, specific sentences that get to the point. That's something I have trouble doing. (I'm long winded I guess) *Smile* This is another cute poem about your son tying his shoes for the first time. Well said, well written, it made me wonder where it was going (I didn't try to look ahead, nor do I try to read into things as I read through them). Nicely done!

Jim
1038
1038
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Lady Bee,
I saw your name on the anniversary review page, and thought I'd drop in to give you a review. This is a very humorous story you have here. I could see someone going through this, especially the dancing from foot to foot part. The flow was very good, and you kept this short and to the point. Nicely done! I do have a few comments for you.


Title: Very appropriate for this story.


Description: Very cute, it's what attracted me to the story.


Grammar: Your grammar usage was pretty good; I did see a couple of things you may want to look at.
1. The time is speeding along faster then I am, and knowing if I do not pick up my pace, I will miss my flight. 'then' you should be 'than'

2. No buzzer goes of for me. I know you meant ''of' to be 'off'.

3. I didn't know anything was wrong, till two hands take hold of my arms and a voice say, "Excuse me Sir, you will have to come with us." If I'm not mistaken, say should be plural.

4. The only request I made, was for them to let my sister know, I would be home in a month to get my revenge. You don't need a comma after know.


Overall Impressions: A cute story that brings a smile to the readers face. Nicely done.

Sum1
1039
1039
Review of Deep  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sandal,
So short, so poignant. I see a woman who's lost her love, and feels she's sold her soul in efforts to get him back. I see her eyes, puffy with tears. She's cried so long she can't cry anymore, or so she thinks. Then the tears start anew, and she realizes she was wrong. I see a woman in a white top, sleeve's now red after she did the unthinkable act. I see her lying in the hospital, doctors working feverishly to save her. All the while, 'he' stands by, outside the door, the man who found her and saved her, the man who just opened the new door in her life.

Nicely done!

Sum1
1040
1040
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Medussa,
First, Happy WDC Anniversary! I found you on the anniversary page, and thought I'd drop in and see if I could review something of yours. This seemed interesting, I've never reviewed an open letter to someone before. This is nicely written; I bet anyone could use it to send to those who've moved on to other things. I know there are hundreds of people I've met on line and lost track of. I like how you keep this personal, meant for someone who was special to you at one time; yet at the same time, not too personal, as if you're afraid of becoming too close once again. That was a nice touch. I hope you manage to find this person.

Happy WDC Anniversary!

Sum1
1041
1041
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Paledine,
First and foremost, Happy WDC Anniversary! I saw you on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in and give you an anniversary review. *Smile* This is an interesting piece you have here, I could almost see your mind working as I read through it. And while its rhyme and rhythm are far from perfect, I like how it flows. I do have a few comments for you if I may:


Title: Your title seems to be a contradiction to the first person you talk about in the poem. I say this because you describe the gambler as being tossed back and forth by Fate, and it seems that he his success is due to pure luck. I got the impression that the gambler in your poem was not very successful. This is your poem of course, but I think an apt title would be "Chasing That Elusive Dream",,, or something close to that. Just my opinion.


Description: This is good, I like the 'cynical' part. I'm wondering if you'd like to add WIP to this, so readers know it's not a completed poem.


Grammar:
1. No ye not that it has a price? No should be Know, even if you are being cynical.
2. In these two lines,

He pays with those who he treads upon,
Of those who he has betrayed,

I would delete the word 'who', it is not necessary


General Comments:
1. I think this poem would be very powerful if you changed it from free verse to rhyming quatrains. You already have the quatrains, you only have to figure out how to rhyme each line.
2. Your rhythm is off on most lines. What I mean is that some lines are very short, both word-wise, and syllable-wise, while others are long. An example is:
The Gambler (2 words, three syllables)
He is tossed back and forth through fortune and hardship (10 words, 12 syllables)
If you got it to rhyme, I know you could get the rhythm down too; this would then read so much smoother.


Overall impressions: This is a nice work-in-progress. I'm interested to see who else you add to this poem.

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1042
1042
Review of Just For Today  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear SouthernDiva,
I'm hoping that:

Just for today, you'll find this review helpful, and not stressful at all. This is a nice iteration of what you'd love to do one day, and what I got out of this, is to have a day that is all about you. *Smile* If I may, I have a couple of comments for you about this.



Title: The title fits the piece perfectly.


Description: Your description is good for this.



General Comments: Your use of grammar was good. Normally you wouldn't want to have repetitive lines in a story or poem. In this case, I think it works. There is one change I would make though. Instead of saying "I want to" in every line, I would make it a solo line below "Just for today", then indent a little, and list the things you want to do, just for today.


Overall impressions: Everyone needs a day just for themselves, a day to be pampered and spoiled. I really hope you got yours, more than once!

Sum1
1043
1043
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Robkbell,
Hmmmm, you have made this difficult to review, haven't you? Was that on purpose? I looked up cleistogamous, knew what azure is/meant, as well as mandrill. So your poem baffles me a little as to what you're trying to say. But, it's your WDC Anniversary, and I'm determined to give you an anniversary review. This one hasn't been reviewed, so I will do that. *Smile*



Title: Your title works for me since I can't think of a better one. But I'm sure there's one that fits better.


Description: If the world is nothing as it seems, surely there must be more to this world than these four short lines. You have a nice first verse here that makes the reader think, but give us more! Do you really think that ruby red blossoms that self pollinate, but beg of royal blue, yet smell like a mandrill would be the only thing that is not as it seems in this world? I'm betting you could think up ten verses minimum for this, if you put forth the effort! Another *Smile*


Grammar: Your poem is what I call 'out there'. What I mean is, it's hard for the average person to read and understand it. That means that a reader may not come back to read other writings of yours; afraid that they will not understand it, fearful that they will feel as if they don't know enough about the English language, find themselves inferior to your 'language'. Remember, the reader has to understand what you're saying in your verse to enjoy it. That doesn't mean this is a bad poem, it just means you used words that are not used by an average person during their normal day.


General Comments: With something like this, I really think it needs to be longer to get it's complete message across.



Rhyme/Rhythm: I saw no discernable rhyme scheme in these four short lines, and the rhythm varied a little line to line.



Overall impressions: This is intriguing poem, it made me think. But, and this could be a big but (no pun intended), a lot of people might be turned off by some of your wording. However, this is only my opinion, I could be wrong after all.

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1044
1044
Review of The Tattered Man  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Peddle,
I know it's your eight year anniversary, and thought I'd give you an anniversary review to welcome you to a new year with WDC. *Smile* I love it when a story is told in a poetry format. And what you've done, is use an excellent rhyme scheme in doing so, and that's not very easy for the most part.
If I may, I'd like to give you a little feedback about this beautiful poem.


Title: The title fits the poem very well, describes your main character perfectly


Description: Your description is a little short, you have 90 characters to use, can you describe him a little more?



Grammar: Your use of grammar throughout was good. The story told in the verses flowed well. However, in this line (it’s wheels so tight and filled with rust;) You don't need an apostrophe in its, because with it there, it would really read 'it is wheels so tight and filled with rust.'


General Comments:
1. In the first verse, you speak as if it's present tense. Example:
I never knew just where he's going
but always carrying an old black book
But as you tell this story in the poem, I get the impression it is in the past. That would make that first line above read 'where he was going', and the second line, 'but always carried an old black book.' This might affect the flow though, and only you know what you want to do with this.
2. In verse four, you say you stop him as he passed, yet in verse six, he slows and stops his bike. Just a minor inconsistency there is all, you may or may not want to look at that.



Rhyme/Rhythm: This was very strong throughout the poem. Well done!



Overall impressions: A beautiful poem that tells a wonderful story of love, longing, and loneliness.

And again, a Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1045
1045
Review of Perspectives  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Fyn,
Wow, such an outstanding poem here! I've had Thanksgiving Days like this, so I can easily relate to your story. This is well written, I saw nothing wrong with it, other than the fact that it made me sad, thinking you went through a holiday like this. Your rhyme and rhythm were great throughout. Thank you for the most enjoyable read!

And please accept a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1
1046
1046
Review of Bobby and Beth  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Rogue Writer,
I found this on the Anniversary review page, and thought I'd give you an Anniversary Review.

You need to give yourself some credit, this isn't the worst poem I've read. *Smile* Nor is it the best. I will say, your last line made me smile, and ask a question. If she reads this, she knows about Beth, doesn't she? *Smile* I do have a few comments for you though.



Title: Your title in your port is "I'm Not Sorry", but at the top of the poem, it's Bobby and Beth. I think you should decide what you want to call it, I like Bobby and Beth, but I didn't write this, did I?


Description: I know you didn't feel confident in writing this, especially being your first poem, but give yourself some credit! You are an established writer, so you do know what you were doing, you just stretched your limits some, and did a decent job at it too. So give this a description it deserves.


General Comments: This has an almost sing-song cadence to it that makes it an easy and enjoyable read. But there are some things you might want to consider.

1. You used the word 'all' to end three consecutive lines. While I know what you were saying there, and it doesn't sound bad, you may want to consider changing one, while keeping the rhyme.
2. You mix free verse with rhyme throughout, and for this one, you may want to consider keeping it all free verse. This would alleviate your use of 'all' three times in a row.


Overall impressions: I liked this poem. It is cute because of the end, and tells a pretty sad story in reality. I think you can make this much better with a little TLC, enabling it to get the reviews you want it to. Well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1047
1047
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Thimpin,

First and foremost, a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me! This is a very interesting story indeed! I love the setting you put it in, within the first paragraph, you had my full attention. A story like this has been told uncounted times, and will be told again I'm sure, but I really liked this one. I could see Al in his truck with the fog all around as he drove. The images you placed in my mind while reading this were very vivid.
If I may, I do have a few comments for you.


Title: Very appropriate for this story. But was he going home, or on his way to deliver the coal? Not sure it matters, but I thought I'd ask.


Description: Your description is good, you say he is saved by a ghost, but it was really a bunch of ghosts. *Smile*


Grammar: Your use of grammar was very good throughout, with minor areas that made me pause. I suspect some of it could be due to the way you purposely had the characters talking. An example is here:

I came over here to get a load of coal and I have almost had at least five wrecks and less than an hour ago"


Spelling: I noticed one minor spelling error in this.

1. Childhood ghost stories of lonely roads and walking dead people spewed up from subterranian places in his mind. Subterranean


Characters: Your characters were very believable. I was sure the woman he gave a ride to was a ghost, but half way through the his stop at "Bob's Burger's and Dance" I realized they were the real ghosts. All very believable, all very real.


Overall Impressions: A well told ghost story that doesn't scare the reader, but makes them ask, "Could this have really happened?" Then answer their own question with a resounding, "Yes!" Well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1048
1048
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Katwoman,

I must say, as I read this, it seemed to that Starletta was a mad woman, and your twist at the end of this story proved that true. It definitely didn't go the way I thought it might, and that's good. I could almost see this as a TV show, maybe a twilight zone episode. This story does make one wonder about people in general, and just how close to the line of insanity we all live.

General comments about this story include...

Title: This is perfect for the tale told.


Description: You description is a little weak. A story of madness yes, but you should tell us a little more about Starletta's madness, even if it means removing the part about the reason you wrote this.


Grammar: Your use was grammar was very good throughout the story.


Spelling: I noticed no spelling errors.


Rough spots?" This story flowed well, but in reading it over, I lost sight of the fact that you started the story with Eileen climbing the steps to Starletta's house. Then you repeated yourself at the end, in the third paragraph from the end. You also gave away part of it when you said, "it did not occur to her that this night would be any different than any of the ones before it." Your flashback to the phone call earlier in the evening was good, it told us why she was there at Starletta's towards the end. But if that's the case, you shouldn't have mentioned her climbing the steps in the story's opening.


Overall Impressions: A very good story that had me thinking throughout the read. The ending was a little bit of a surprise. I knew something was going to happen, but I didn't know what. Well done!

Sum1

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
1049
1049
Review of The Stillness  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
D.J.
This is a good poem that made me think a bit on it after I initially read it. For me, the part that got me most of all was the last verse. It made me think there are dark things in the night that weren't mentioned in the poem, but were left to the reader's imagination. Nicely done! I look forward to reading more of your work.

Sum1
1050
1050
Review of Petals  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Gervic,

Please remember I am a writer, who, like yourself, is also reviewed by his peers; therefore, I know what it feels like! I have only my humble opinion to offer; please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

28 words indeed, very nice. I like the message you convey in such a short time.

Things I liked about this read: In 28 words, you managed to tell the reader about the petals or a flower and how they dance in the wind.


Suggestions for you to consider: In the first line, Petals is plural, and so is opens. One or the other needs to be singular.


Overall Impression: An item so short, so sweet, so nicely written!

Well done!

Sum1
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