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3,280 Public Reviews Given
3,328 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1026
1026
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Dear Bonnie,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 4th WDC Anniversary!

         I decided to review this because it has no reviews, and I'm astonished it doesn't! What a wonderful story of your grandmother, and your memories of her. I think one of the thing that today's generations (mine (the baby boomers), and the ones that follow) have lost is a loving memory of their grandmothers/grandfathers, and great grandparents. I would call this story a tribute, because it reads that way. I do have a little feedback for you about it.


Title: I like your chosen title, this is part of what drew me in.


Description: You described this well, but I wonder if you add a little to it, without exceeding the 90 character limit for a description. Maybe something like, "A tribute to my grandmother, all that was left of her life were in there."


Grammar: Very good, a couple of minor errors


Spelling: I noticed no errors



Characters: Despite telling this story from a first person point of view, there really was only one character, and you made her very real to me. I would love to have met her. As I read this, I pictured her looking a bit like Jessica Tandy in my mind.



Rough spots?:

1. I would align on center your grandmother's poem that is in the middle of the story.

2. Some of your paragraphs are not double spaced like others are.

3. As she sat there looking at her suitcase packed with all the things she loved and wanted close to her she said, I think a comma after her would work well, when I read it, I paused there as if one was already there.


Overall Impressions: A beautiful story of love for someone you've known all your life. Well done!



Sum1

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1027
1027
Review of Dirty Sheet Mom  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Miss Lydia Nicole,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, you tell such a story here, one that is rarely told from this point of view. The couple of stories I've read about this in the past dealt with the more famous "Ladies of the night", not the every day one you portray here, not the one with children at home to raise. The rhythm isn't perfect, but the story flows well. It seems this person would lead a very lonely life, but I'm betting her children keep her going. Well written, it flows very well, nicely done!

Sum1

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1028
1028
Review of The Beach  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Dear LadyMocha,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         This is a nice poem about your vacation on the beach. It doesn't seem to have a rhyme or rhythm to it, being more free form verse than anything. It's also prose, a story written about your experiences on the beach, with sentences shortened to make them a certain length. Your story is nice, albeit a little short, but I can't decide (for myself at least, and this is just my opinion), whether this is truly a poem of some type, or a story, formatted to resemble a poem. I do have a few comments for you.



Title: Very appropriate for this piece.


Description: Very nice, you let me know what to expect before I clicked on the poem.



General Comments:

1. While free verse is fine in writing poetry, a "usual" convention is to have about one sentence per line. I got the impression that this was not your desire here. I don't mean to say that something is wrong with this poem, it's just not something I've seen in the past.

2. In a poem, oftentimes you use less words than you would in a story. That's another reason for my comments about formatting. This reads more like a story formatted to a poem's look. An example would be "As I lay in the sand
I let the wind brush against my skin
as I watch the sun disappear into the water." This is the first three lines of your poem, yet it is really one sentence that would normally look like this, "As I lay in the sand I let the wind brush against my skin as I watch the sun disappear into the water." Notice the "extra" words you have in this line. "As" is used twice for example, and seven times throughout this poem. Now, if I may be so bold, the same line, with fewer words, hopefully saying the same thing.

I lie in the sand; wind brushing my skin,
The sun sinks below the horizon,
The stress in my life is slowly relieved.

I took some liberties by adding a little bit from line two, but notice the change in it? Again, I'm not trying to pick this apart, just trying to show you an example.

3. In the following line, embrace should be embraced. "I enjoyed the
watch from above as I embrace the presence
of love that was lingering in the air



Rhyme/Rhythm: There is no discernible rhyme or rhythm to this piece. Sentences begin on one line and end on the next (the formatting I mentioned above). There are a few places where you have commma's not needed, and some where you need a comma, but didn't use one. An example would be, "We unwind the night free from worry to
awake the next day to enjoy a family scuba
lesson." A comma after night would help this portion of the poem.



Overall impressions: A poem about a family vacation that would benefit greatly from a little bit of formatting, and a little minor editing.


Sum1

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1029
1029
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear Sugardoll,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         What a wonderful letter to write to someone you care deeply for. It's obvious that you still care for them, but it doesn't seem like the time is right, or maybe something has happened in your life that makes you take a new path. This comes from the heart, that much is obvious. It would be easy to ask for a more in-depth description of your friend and the relationship, but I don't think that's important here. What's important is your feelings for them. I do have a bit of feedback for you.



Title: Excellent for this story/letter.



Description: A nice description of your letter, you drew me in with this.


Grammar: I noticed no errors


Spelling: I noticed no errors.



Characters: We didn't get to know either one of you, but in this type of writing, I don't believe we had to. This was all about love, not about getting to know someone.


Rough spots?:

1. The other picture the one with the big smile, that's when I was with you. You might want to consider adding a comma after picture. When I read it, I paused at that moment, and to me it seems to read better with one there.

2. I'm not saying good-bye because I still don't what life has in store for me. I think you left the word "know" out of this sentence.

3. You helped me to see that it wasn't life that had given up on me,I had given up on myself. You need a space before "I".

4. Though the time was not right for us may we both find peace and joy. You need a comma after "us".

5. I hope you have someone to act like a kid with and dream with. Someone who will be kind to your heart and make you giggle. Someone to whisper in your ear all the loving words you long to hear. Someone to walk with and throw pennies in a well with. And someone to grow old with. You used the word "with" four times in this short area of text. This detracted from the read a little. You may want to consider seeing if you can reword this a little.

6. You might want to consider using double space between sentences. This helps set each sentence apart, making it an easier read, especially on the Internet.



Overall Impressions: A really nice letter written to a friend, not telling them Good-Bye, but saying, Till we meet again. Very well done!

Sum1


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1030
1030
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Daizy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 5th WDC Anniversary!

         It sounds like you had a nice time on this trip to the ocean! Nicely done in describing some of the wildlife one can see when on a road trip. You do realize this could have been three or four more verses long, right? How about seeing an Eagle, or Bear, maybe a Wolf. *Smile* While your rhyme's weren't always perfect, I thought it was fine; because for me, it's all about the story. Nicely done!

         Please accept a hearty and warm WDC Anniversary wish from me!


Sum1
1031
1031
Review of An Empty Nest  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Strlcuckoo,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         You say a lot in such a short poem. You built vivid images in my mind quickly, I could see the nest and the tree. I sounds like this was across the road from your house maybe. My only comment would be to center this on the page! It would look like a Christmas tree sure, but still.... Just a thought is all.

Sum1
1032
1032
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Winnie,
         I thought I'd return the favor, and drop in to read something of your's. I love stories or poems designed for children. You bring out how easy it is for people to judge someone based solely on imagination. I thought you did a nice job in making Gladys very real, the "grandmother" next door type person. I have a couple questions for you about this though.

1. In one paragraph, Gladys says, “Get down, Sammie, and let these folks sit a spell.“ (Sammie being her cat.) A couple of paragraphs later though, I read, Jessica and her mom eased onto the sofa while Gladys settled in her recliner and Tom curled up in front of the fireplace. My question is, what's the cat's real name? Sammie, or Tom? Or were you referring to her cat generically as a "Tom" in that second paragraph?

2. In the last line of the story, Jessica is thinking about what she would tell her father. I have seen something like this in italics, or at least quotation marks, since she is speaking in a way. Just an observation on my part, because I can't "quote any requirement" for formatting something like this.

All in all though, very nicely done!

Sum1
1033
1033
Review of Across the Sea  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Lacy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 8th WDC Anniversary!

         As I read this, I was wondering where you were taking me. I know what you're saying in the poem, but to me it's unfinished. Tell us who (what) that light is you're going to. Why the pull from that light? You've seen other lights I'm sure, why is this one special? The poem is beautiful, but it flows a little choppily. What I mean by that, is that one line is relatively long (9 syllables for example), while the very next is less than half that length. If you made the lines close to the same length syllable-wise, you'd see how much smoother the poem reads. *Smile* Nicely done though!

Sum1
1034
1034
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Sticktalker,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty humorous story about Santa on his annual rounds. Despite being entirely dialog, the story told is still pretty cute. I think I liked the idea of them getting completely turned around in the blizzard the most. Nicely done!

Sum1
1035
1035
Review of O Canada  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Petra,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty tough puzzle for us Americans. *Smile* Or shall I say, this American at least. I got a little over half by myself, but needed help on the rest. The hardest one was the clue about the longest border, that took a bit. Very nicely done! Now I will have to look at making one of these. *Bigsmile*

         And please accept a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1
1036
1036
Review of A Final Meeting  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear Werden,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         It's not every day that you find someone able, or willing, to write about their parents/grandparents in the final stages of their lives. Even harder, is to write about the terrible disease Alzheimer's. You have done very well in telling your story, I think any reader can relate to what you describe here, even if they haven't experienced it firsthand. I do have a little feedback for you about it.


Title: Very apt for this story


Description: From your description, I thought he was saying goodbye at a funeral. It was nice to see my error. Nice description, it's what drew me in to read this.


Grammar: I noticed no errors.


Spelling: I noticed no errors.



Characters: One would think that Bill was the character you described best in this story, but I could really see his grandmother, and seemed to relate to her better.



Rough spots?:

1. Bill lowered his head as her words brought pain to his heart. He had had a crush on Suzy
Thomerson when they were both eleven. In the story, this sentence appears as it does here, and somehow, Thomerson is on a separate line than Suzy, even though there's room available still.

2. Unwanted pictures came to his mind, his grandmother dying screaming at everyone around her, lost in her own mind. I think you need a comma after dying. It reads more naturally with it there.


Overall Impressions: A beautiful story of a man visiting his grandmother in a nursing home. The love they shared was obvious in every word. Nicely done!

Sum1
1037
1037
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Yellow,
         I thought I'd stop in and visit; it's been a while. Glad to see you are doing fine once again. This is a wonderful free verse poem of how He guides each of us. I think each of us is a little afraid of the dark, but those who are strong (and where does that strength come from? *Smile*) find that we can handle it. I do have one comment for you. In the first line of the second verse, loose should be lose. Overall though, well done!

Jim
1038
1038
Review of Heart  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Song Bird,
         I saw your suitcase on the main Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         I found this to be a very interesting poem. I've never thought of a heart fearing the dark, I guess for me, it's all a mind thing when it comes to that. As I read it, I thought you should have divided a couple of lines up, and eliminated one line (the line where you repeated 'the heart' twice in a row). That's because it read that way to me, so here's my suggestion for it. (Remember, you wrote it, so only you know what you wanted this to say, and how it should look.)

Heart

The heart in fear,
the dark in joy,
as it creeps across the floor.
with no light in sight,
to block its path,
the path of dark,
to the heart.
the heart,
in fear of,
the dark.


Just how it came across to me as I read it. Nicely done!

Sum1
1039
1039
Review of It's Rough  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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LeeReay,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 5th WDC Anniversary!

         To answer your questions at the end,,,, I would never have thought this to be about a golf ball being missing in the rough. I don't think I need a course in poetry analysis, nor do I think you belong in an institution. *Smile*

         This is a very nice love poem, even if it is about a lost golf ball. Some of your rhymes aren't perfect, but then, I've never thought rhymes 'had' to be perfect either. Your rhythm varied a little, but it was consistent. What I liked most was your story; you stuck to it, and told it nicely. It would be very hard for anyone to make a connection to golf though, without those hints you provided at the end (Though I did wonder a little about some of your wordings, couldn't figure why you'd talk about your love in those terms). Nicely done!

Sum1
1040
1040
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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NayNizzy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 1st WDC Anniversary!

         It is always so sad when you lose a close friend, especially at such a young age. Please accept my sincere condolences. This is a beautiful poem of you telling this person goodbye. Your inner thoughts are there on the page for all to see, it is obvious you cared greatly for this person. I liked how you tossed in a small acrostic of 'Death' in the middle of the poem. I have one comment for you about it though.

1. why you someone so undeserving was taken away.

I think you need a couple of comma's in this line. why you, someone so undeserving, was taken away.

Overall, a really good poem about your thoughts about losing a close friend. Well done!

Sum1
1041
1041
Review of Away From You  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Mystress Katrina,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page,and thought I'd stop in for a visit. Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a nice poem about your feelings for the one you love whom you've been apart from for a short while. You wear your heart on your sleeve in this, and that's wonderful. It's free verse, but it flows nicely, it was as if I was reading your mind as you got closer and closer to them. I have a little feedback for you on it.

1. I'm one of those who believes in two things with poetry. The first is to center the poem on the page. The second is to capitalize the first word in every line. But these are more personal preferences than anything, so it's not a problem with this poem, just my opinion. (I also don't believe you need perfect punctuation (periods or comma's at the end of each line) in a poem though)

2. now worries now, i'm almost home

I'm sure you meant "no worries now, i'm almost home"

3. run like a broken record thru my head

all of this and more run wild thru my mind

Both of these lines end with 'thru my', and it detracts a little from the poem's content. You may want to see if you can find words to change one of the lines.

4. In six lines before the two mentioned above, you use 'your' seven times, and it starts to sound like a broken record. Again, you might want to see if you can somehow change some of them.

5. my excitement builds,as i draw closer to home You don't need the comma in this line, it reads fine without it.

Overall, a nice poem about the person you love.

Sum1
1042
1042
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Wystful,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 9th WDC Anniversary!

         The death of a child is always a blow, no matter who you are, or how well you know them. This is a nicely written poem expressing your feelings about this incident (I hate using the word death), I could sense how you felt about it, and how you would have done almost anything to have her back with her parents. Well done!

Sum1
1043
1043
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Winnie,
         I started reading this, and wondered why Ted didn't respond to his wife. Wondered why he wouldn't go in to work, why he was so withdrawn. Then came the section about the crayon drawing on the refrigerator, and it all hit me. What a powerful story you've told here, what you say is very subtle, but man, it hits you. I would like to know more about what happened to their daughter, hit and run I know, but more about how it all occurred. The only comment I have for you is that I'd indent each paragraph. In case you don't know how, type { indent } (Minus the space between the brackets and the letters) at the start of the first line in each paragraph. Nicely done!

Sum1
1044
1044
Review of Windcatcher  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Tshaya,
         Man, what a nice poem! I can't write things like this, but I can really appreciate what you say. For some reason I stopped writing free flow poems a while back, but there's a lot to be said for writing like this. If I may make one suggestion, it would be to delete the first line of verse three. That verse has four lines, while the rest have three, and that line is also the last line of the poem. Deleting it would make that last line a much more powerful statement then. Overall though, very nicely done!

Sum1
1045
1045
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dracowolf,
         You know, it's not every day that you read something, and you realized that what you intended to say is there in black and white. How many times have each of us thought or said words close to this, but never really said exactly what we wanted to? This is very good, but I'm puzzled by the text in bold. I don't understand what you mean by 'proceeded'. Modified yes, changed yes, but proceeded confuses me. And yuor first and last line, I'd change one word. What should be WHO! *Smile* People are not what's, we're someone, but WHO are we? And WHO do we want to be? Especially, who do we want to be for that special someone, because being that WHO, we also become what they want and need. But in the end, we are still someone, still a WHO.

Jim
1046
1046
Review of Sunset Mountain  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Katrina,
         You know your stories always amaze me at their length, pretty short, yet at the same time, very deep. I have noticed that a lot of your stories end almost the same, or have very similar themes. I think this one is a bit like the one about the soldiers wife getting the letter about her husbands death, yet knowing about it beforehand. Some of your others are like this too. This isn't a bad thing, because you write them so beautifully. I only have one comment on this one, shown below.

Addison will explain when meet him. You left 'you' out of this sentence.

Very well done honey!

Sum1
1047
1047
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Finch,
         What a powerful poem you have here. There were many images created in my mind as I read this, but I get the impression that the picture is the prompt, yet the poem speaks as if the person is in a prison (razor drains the soul, for example). I see a lighthouse, so I don't see how they are imprisoned there. But still, the words do carry a lot of weight. Nicely written, it flows well!

Sum1
1048
1048
Review of Let Me Go  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Katrina,
         I have to say "Wow!" again, i found this to be very powerful. But then, stories about veterans always hit me hard. Well written, I think it would hit anyone decently hard. Just a couple of comments.

1. Your kids, here at my request, I am sorry to call you back. Your should be you're.

2. Cadets looked at each other in mass confusion, as if the shock of loosing Donnelly wasn’t enough, now Gunny was leaving too. Loosing should be losing.

         Nicely done though! Very moving.

Jim
1049
1049
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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InkWellSprings,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         What a nice humorous story you told here! I loved the idea of being taken to the ER due to a carrot top in your mouth. I think all of us have done something like that as a child, but I'm sure it was caught before a trip like that. My favorite part was your father's comment about the lump switching from the right cheek to the left. Nicely done!

Sum1
1050
1050
Review of A Special Mom.  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*Candlev*


Brom,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Seeing that today is your 1 year anniversary, Happy WDC Anniversary!

         I can think of no one better to write a beautiful poem for, than your mother. This is from the heart, that is easily seen. The only comment I have on it, is that you use the word 'me' to end the last three lines, and that just makes it less powerful than it otherwise could be. Overall though, well done!

Sum1
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