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Review Requests: ON
3,159 Public Reviews Given
3,207 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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976
976
Review of O Canada  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Petra,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty tough puzzle for us Americans. *Smile* Or shall I say, this American at least. I got a little over half by myself, but needed help on the rest. The hardest one was the clue about the longest border, that took a bit. Very nicely done! Now I will have to look at making one of these. *Bigsmile*

         And please accept a personal Happy WDC Anniversary from me!

Sum1
977
977
Review of A Final Meeting  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Werden,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         It's not every day that you find someone able, or willing, to write about their parents/grandparents in the final stages of their lives. Even harder, is to write about the terrible disease Alzheimer's. You have done very well in telling your story, I think any reader can relate to what you describe here, even if they haven't experienced it firsthand. I do have a little feedback for you about it.


Title: Very apt for this story


Description: From your description, I thought he was saying goodbye at a funeral. It was nice to see my error. Nice description, it's what drew me in to read this.


Grammar: I noticed no errors.


Spelling: I noticed no errors.



Characters: One would think that Bill was the character you described best in this story, but I could really see his grandmother, and seemed to relate to her better.



Rough spots?:

1. Bill lowered his head as her words brought pain to his heart. He had had a crush on Suzy
Thomerson when they were both eleven. In the story, this sentence appears as it does here, and somehow, Thomerson is on a separate line than Suzy, even though there's room available still.

2. Unwanted pictures came to his mind, his grandmother dying screaming at everyone around her, lost in her own mind. I think you need a comma after dying. It reads more naturally with it there.


Overall Impressions: A beautiful story of a man visiting his grandmother in a nursing home. The love they shared was obvious in every word. Nicely done!

Sum1
978
978
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Yellow,
         I thought I'd stop in and visit; it's been a while. Glad to see you are doing fine once again. This is a wonderful free verse poem of how He guides each of us. I think each of us is a little afraid of the dark, but those who are strong (and where does that strength come from? *Smile*) find that we can handle it. I do have one comment for you. In the first line of the second verse, loose should be lose. Overall though, well done!

Jim
979
979
Review of Heart  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Song Bird,
         I saw your suitcase on the main Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         I found this to be a very interesting poem. I've never thought of a heart fearing the dark, I guess for me, it's all a mind thing when it comes to that. As I read it, I thought you should have divided a couple of lines up, and eliminated one line (the line where you repeated 'the heart' twice in a row). That's because it read that way to me, so here's my suggestion for it. (Remember, you wrote it, so only you know what you wanted this to say, and how it should look.)

Heart

The heart in fear,
the dark in joy,
as it creeps across the floor.
with no light in sight,
to block its path,
the path of dark,
to the heart.
the heart,
in fear of,
the dark.


Just how it came across to me as I read it. Nicely done!

Sum1
980
980
Review of It's Rough  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


LeeReay,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 5th WDC Anniversary!

         To answer your questions at the end,,,, I would never have thought this to be about a golf ball being missing in the rough. I don't think I need a course in poetry analysis, nor do I think you belong in an institution. *Smile*

         This is a very nice love poem, even if it is about a lost golf ball. Some of your rhymes aren't perfect, but then, I've never thought rhymes 'had' to be perfect either. Your rhythm varied a little, but it was consistent. What I liked most was your story; you stuck to it, and told it nicely. It would be very hard for anyone to make a connection to golf though, without those hints you provided at the end (Though I did wonder a little about some of your wordings, couldn't figure why you'd talk about your love in those terms). Nicely done!

Sum1
981
981
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


NayNizzy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 1st WDC Anniversary!

         It is always so sad when you lose a close friend, especially at such a young age. Please accept my sincere condolences. This is a beautiful poem of you telling this person goodbye. Your inner thoughts are there on the page for all to see, it is obvious you cared greatly for this person. I liked how you tossed in a small acrostic of 'Death' in the middle of the poem. I have one comment for you about it though.

1. why you someone so undeserving was taken away.

I think you need a couple of comma's in this line. why you, someone so undeserving, was taken away.

Overall, a really good poem about your thoughts about losing a close friend. Well done!

Sum1
982
982
Review of Away From You  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Mystress Katrina,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page,and thought I'd stop in for a visit. Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a nice poem about your feelings for the one you love whom you've been apart from for a short while. You wear your heart on your sleeve in this, and that's wonderful. It's free verse, but it flows nicely, it was as if I was reading your mind as you got closer and closer to them. I have a little feedback for you on it.

1. I'm one of those who believes in two things with poetry. The first is to center the poem on the page. The second is to capitalize the first word in every line. But these are more personal preferences than anything, so it's not a problem with this poem, just my opinion. (I also don't believe you need perfect punctuation (periods or comma's at the end of each line) in a poem though)

2. now worries now, i'm almost home

I'm sure you meant "no worries now, i'm almost home"

3. run like a broken record thru my head

all of this and more run wild thru my mind

Both of these lines end with 'thru my', and it detracts a little from the poem's content. You may want to see if you can find words to change one of the lines.

4. In six lines before the two mentioned above, you use 'your' seven times, and it starts to sound like a broken record. Again, you might want to see if you can somehow change some of them.

5. my excitement builds,as i draw closer to home You don't need the comma in this line, it reads fine without it.

Overall, a nice poem about the person you love.

Sum1
983
983
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Wystful,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 9th WDC Anniversary!

         The death of a child is always a blow, no matter who you are, or how well you know them. This is a nicely written poem expressing your feelings about this incident (I hate using the word death), I could sense how you felt about it, and how you would have done almost anything to have her back with her parents. Well done!

Sum1
984
984
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Winnie,
         I started reading this, and wondered why Ted didn't respond to his wife. Wondered why he wouldn't go in to work, why he was so withdrawn. Then came the section about the crayon drawing on the refrigerator, and it all hit me. What a powerful story you've told here, what you say is very subtle, but man, it hits you. I would like to know more about what happened to their daughter, hit and run I know, but more about how it all occurred. The only comment I have for you is that I'd indent each paragraph. In case you don't know how, type { indent } (Minus the space between the brackets and the letters) at the start of the first line in each paragraph. Nicely done!

Sum1
985
985
Review of Windcatcher  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Tshaya,
         Man, what a nice poem! I can't write things like this, but I can really appreciate what you say. For some reason I stopped writing free flow poems a while back, but there's a lot to be said for writing like this. If I may make one suggestion, it would be to delete the first line of verse three. That verse has four lines, while the rest have three, and that line is also the last line of the poem. Deleting it would make that last line a much more powerful statement then. Overall though, very nicely done!

Sum1
986
986
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dracowolf,
         You know, it's not every day that you read something, and you realized that what you intended to say is there in black and white. How many times have each of us thought or said words close to this, but never really said exactly what we wanted to? This is very good, but I'm puzzled by the text in bold. I don't understand what you mean by 'proceeded'. Modified yes, changed yes, but proceeded confuses me. And yuor first and last line, I'd change one word. What should be WHO! *Smile* People are not what's, we're someone, but WHO are we? And WHO do we want to be? Especially, who do we want to be for that special someone, because being that WHO, we also become what they want and need. But in the end, we are still someone, still a WHO.

Jim
987
987
Review of Penny the Penguin  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dawn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a cute children's story, a little short, but then it might have to be, depending on the age range you're looking to reach. I never knew penguin's use round pebbles to attract a mate, so I learned something in this story too. *Smile* The only comment I have about this, and it's more of a thought than a comment, is that being a children's story, will a child know what an Adelie penguin is? I thought that was just a little extra information that isn't needed, unless you're trying to pique the interest, and get them to learn even more about penguins. Overall though, nicely done!

Sum1
988
988
Review of Sunset Mountain  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Katrina,
         You know your stories always amaze me at their length, pretty short, yet at the same time, very deep. I have noticed that a lot of your stories end almost the same, or have very similar themes. I think this one is a bit like the one about the soldiers wife getting the letter about her husbands death, yet knowing about it beforehand. Some of your others are like this too. This isn't a bad thing, because you write them so beautifully. I only have one comment on this one, shown below.

Addison will explain when meet him. You left 'you' out of this sentence.

Very well done honey!

Sum1
989
989
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.5)
Finch,
         What a powerful poem you have here. There were many images created in my mind as I read this, but I get the impression that the picture is the prompt, yet the poem speaks as if the person is in a prison (razor drains the soul, for example). I see a lighthouse, so I don't see how they are imprisoned there. But still, the words do carry a lot of weight. Nicely written, it flows well!

Sum1
990
990
Review of Let Me Go  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Katrina,
         I have to say "Wow!" again, i found this to be very powerful. But then, stories about veterans always hit me hard. Well written, I think it would hit anyone decently hard. Just a couple of comments.

1. Your kids, here at my request, I am sorry to call you back. Your should be you're.

2. Cadets looked at each other in mass confusion, as if the shock of loosing Donnelly wasn’t enough, now Gunny was leaving too. Loosing should be losing.

         Nicely done though! Very moving.

Jim
991
991
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


InkWellSprings,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         What a nice humorous story you told here! I loved the idea of being taken to the ER due to a carrot top in your mouth. I think all of us have done something like that as a child, but I'm sure it was caught before a trip like that. My favorite part was your father's comment about the lump switching from the right cheek to the left. Nicely done!

Sum1
992
992
Review of A Special Mom.  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Brom,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Seeing that today is your 1 year anniversary, Happy WDC Anniversary!

         I can think of no one better to write a beautiful poem for, than your mother. This is from the heart, that is easily seen. The only comment I have on it, is that you use the word 'me' to end the last three lines, and that just makes it less powerful than it otherwise could be. Overall though, well done!

Sum1
993
993
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Kare,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         When I started reading this, I was immediately curious as to why he would wash her brassiere (I think that's the correct spelling, not brazier, which are glowing coals). I found the rhyme and rhythm to be missing, but it didn't bother me one bit, the story is most important. Then I read the last verse, and I was hit with a ton of bricks. What an emotional, powerful ending to your poem! Well done!

Sum1
994
994
Review of Black Roses  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Amay,
         I know your 1 year WDC Anniversary is rapidly approaching, so I thought I better stop in and provide you with an Anniversary review!

         What an incredibly sad story of love lost before it could mature fully. Having spent my time in the military, I can appreciate everything you've written. I've been a pall bearer for a military comrade, even if he didn't die fighting an enemy of the United States. To me, this is beautifully written, bringing tears to the eyes of those who can appreciate what she went through. I do have a little feedback for you.



Title: Perfect for this story.


Description: I think you description could be longer. Tell us (the reader) why we should read this. It's your chance to sell yourself and your story, so do that!



Characters: You made Angie very real to me.


Rough spots?:
1. Following their son, Frank and Ann stood tall as military protocol dictated to the Admiral and his wife. I don't get this sentence. Something seems missing, and I can't place my finger on it.

2. Tears flooded over them as she flung herself into his arms. I know what you're saying here, but did tears flood over the two of them, or over her eyes?

3. The present, ripped away by a roadside bomb that blew off side of the humvee where he was sitting; I think you need 'the' between off and side.

Overall Impressions: A beautiful story of love and devotion, of a young man taken before his time. Well done!

Sum1
995
995
Review of Louis  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Mrs. Whatsit,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by for a visit. Happy 5th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty amusing story of life in a small southern town. Your use of 'southern slang' made it even more so. I think only a true southerner could tell if your slang is accurate or not, so I won't even try to comment on that. I could almost picture Mrs. Fangoli, Sheila, and Seraphina in my mind as I read this. And telling it from a somewhat young person's point of view was a nice touch, even if we never got to learn their relationship to Louis. I do have a little feedback for you on this.



Title: Appropriate for this story.


Description: I really think descriptions are very important, they are like the prologue in a book that gives you a little insight into what's contained in the book. Yours did well, it drew me in to read this.


Grammar: Not being from the south, I can't tell much about your southern terms, but that's fine. I should get edu-macated (*Smile*) if I want to understand terms from an area I've not lived in much.



Characters: I could see Louis, Seraphina, Mrs. Fangoli, and Sheila, but the narrator remained a mystery to me. Was that on purpose?



Rough spots?:
1. He was lucky, at that, that he only lost his legs - he still had his girlfriend, Sheila. It seems you can delete the first comma, it's not needed.


Overall Impressions: An amusing story of life, and death, in a small southern town. Well done!

Sum1
996
996
Review of The Tech Guy  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
BScholl,
         I am always amazed at the lack of 'tech savvy' in people. If this is a true story of your office life, you and I share a common bond. *Smile* This is nicely written, it made me smile the whole way through because I've had many of the same comments from my co-workers and friends. And like your friends, mine think I'm a magician with things, but I know different. I love the end, with the comment about 'the' look, I've seen it way too often. So I wonder, are we different? Or are we surrounded by people who don't have a clue when it comes to knowing how something works? Well done!

Sum1
997
997
Review of Tap the Muse  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Joy,
         I saw your suitcase on the *Cakeb* Anniversary Review *Giftb* page, and though it's 18 days early, Happy 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I still consider myself somewhat of a newbie here, I've never participated in an in & out before, having only submitted items for reviews, or entered contests. I love the idea of this, and the many responses you've received to the daily 'given word'. I may return to visit this often, since many of us have used this to request reviews. What a gold mine of stories and poems waiting for review! *Smile* I don't have any suggestions for this, other than to keep it going!

Sum1
998
998
Review of Apocolyptic  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*



Jpenwomen,
         I saw your suitcase on the WDC Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 1st WDC Anniversary!

         I have to admit, this is a very different story you have here. But I wonder, were her dreams ones of the worlds end, or her own death? It's a very interesting concept, and very interesting story. It does need a little help so it can get excellent reviews and grades in the future. I have a little feedback for you that I hope will help it get there.



Title: The title is appropriate for this, but it's misspelled. Apocalyptic is the correct spelling.


Description: Your description is good, but you could make it a little longer to entice more readers in. You have 90 characters to use, so use them to do that!



Rough spots?: You may want to do a little editing and sprucing on this story.

1. You should use writingml to help with the formatting of this story. The command { indent } (minus the spaces between the brackets and the word) at the start of each paragraph to indent the first line.

2. My eyes become heavier and y mind clouds with a mist of exhaustion. I think you meant my, not y.

3. Sadness, pain and suffering the overruling emotion. My breathing becomes quicker and shallower, my body withering in pain. You might want to add 'are' between suffering and the, it would read better. Did you mean withering? Or maybe writhing? Withering would mean their body slowly becoming less and less, whereas writhing would mean they were moving very agitated about on the bed while sleeping.

4. As many times as I’ve seen these picturing racing through my subconscious they never cease to shock me. Picturing should be pictures.

5. I see tears, lost of tears. Lots, not lost, but it would be better to say "A lot of tears."

6. Sweat sticks to my body, giving me more reason to fear, one thought clouds my mind. They’re getting worse. Somehow my always-constant visions are changing, filled with more pain and suffering then I’m used to. I think the first sentence should be two, with the second sentence remaining the second one, maybe like this. Sweat sticks to my body, giving me more reason to fear. One thought clouds my mind, they’re getting worse. Somehow my always-constant visions are changing, filled with more pain and suffering than I’m used to. Notice that then is changed to than.

7. Another fearful though creeps in to my head, the visions suddenly stopped at the end. Though should be thought, and in to should be one word.

8. The past few days since the visions changed all I can help but do it obsess over every little detail of the dream, every detail of the dream that I can remember at least. This is worded roughly, and does not read well at all. I think you meant something like this. In the days after the visions changed, all I can do is obsess over every little detail of the dream, at least every detail I can remember that is.

9. I scream in terror, the pain becoming more then I can handle. Then should be than.



Overall Impressions: A very interesting story about the end of the world, it just needs a little TLC to help it receive much better review grades.

Sum1
999
999
Review of I Can  
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Anngel,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 4th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a really good poem you've written about things you can feel, see, or hear. I love different poetry forms, and love trying my hand at writing them. I've never heard of a 'tuanortsa' format, but do know what a palindrome is. So a tuanortsa would be like a palindrome, reading the same forwards and backwards. That would mean that the first line is the last, the second line is the next to last, and so on, until you have one line in the center. (Radar is a palindrome, the 'd' is not repeated, so there would be no need to have a center line in the poem that is repeated). I don't think you're poem meets the tuanortsa criteria as a result, because if I read it from bottom to top, it does not read the same. That doesn't mean it's not a beautiful poem, it just means it's not a true tuanortsa.

         Overall though, nicely done.

Sum1
1000
1000
Review by Sum1 Is Home!
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Audra,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         You had me smiling throughout this story/essay. While I'm only separated (no intention of divorcing, don't ask, there isn't enough room on all the WDC servers to explain why we're not divorcing), I can definitely relate to your description of dating now. My favorite parts were the ones about your son being appalled, and the list of before and after priorities. Well done! I hope you manage to find that Prince Charming,,, *Bigsmile*

Sum1
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