This is a cute story, but it does need some additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative and/or dialog.
Some of the paragraphs here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this story: 'as thought(though) they had been painted '; 'was, therefore, the most magic(magical) tree.'; ' who led the mule(-)driven cart, '; 'Oh, he couldn't event(even) get those silly butterflies to dance '; ' “Well, Pookita, Today's(today's) the day-'; ' “Greetings(,) Queen Windella, '; 'She crouched behind a (a-delete) loaf of bread, '; 'and very surprised, pookita(Pookita). '; and, ' “Fairies of th(the) Great Tree! '.
This is a very gripping tale of an involved father and the rather unhappy results of his actions.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Some of the paragraphs here seem very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Some editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'He had ten(-) and twelve(-)hour days devoted to selling '; ' No one he saw on a day(-)to(-)day basis'; ' this one in mid(-)November '; ' hopped in the two(-)year(-)old Ford Ranger '; 'They always put these home made(homemade) cookies '; and, ' a half(-)dozen children right behind him.'.
This is a very good story of a detective working with a psychic to solve a murder. I really love paranormal tales. It is well written and flows nicely.
Dialog only is great when you only have two characters. It gets confusing here, though, when Detective Cole is brought into the conversation with no introduction.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a delightful little piece! And I could just "hear" it, the avoidance of direct questions and the whole bit. It sounded very much some of the interviews I've heard on the news magazine specials.
This is well written and flows smoothly. Well done.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is an interesting piece, but it isn't clear that you are talking about job interviews until 2-3 paragraphs into the article. This should be made clear up front. I, for one, thought it was concerning public interviews such as those on a talk show.
A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'we agreed to meet at a (certain) time and date (certain-delete). '; and, 'Besides having stringy(,) bleached(-)blond hair with dark roots,'.
This is a good story that reads like a news report of an actual happening. It could be enhanced more if we were to follow the investigation in the Sergeant's shoes, knowing exactly what he was doing, how he felt, etc. throughout.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'A show down(showdown) after a few fires '; and, 'block down the street from the still(-)smoking residence'.
This is a good, well-plotted segment of this story. You've done a good job with the flow of the actionl. It does, however, need a bit of additional work.
Some of the paragraphs are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Damn-it (,)Stevens!” '; ' “I’ll tell you what(,) Private… '; 'Private produced a small priority(-)mail package, '; ' “We successfully completed a 72(-)hour convoy, '; 'finished digesting last week(')s batch,” '; 'a divorced twenty(-)six year old, '; 'Stevens pulled an official(-)looking windowed envelope '; 'and let(')s get to work.” '; and, 'his Sergeant(')s lifeless body'.
This is certainly an exciting beginning to this story and, from your sub-title, it seems that the finished tale will also be very good.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'part to the song; To(to) complete the melody.'; 'propelled myself over the torn(-)up mound '; 'from behind me; She(she) leapt into the air '; ' the one who(whose) prey was just ever so out of reach.'; and, 'I watched Katie, My(my) girlfriend, walk off.'.
This is a delightful, and fantastic, tale that stretches both the imagination and one's "belief system". However, it is believable that the materials were available to those at that time, had they had such a source of technical information.
This is very well written and flows nicely.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: ' "OK(,) Oldwarrior," '.
I believe I like Version 1 of this story best. However, I do think it would be improved with the first and most of the second paragraphs of Version 2 as a lead-in. Those sort of "set the scene" so the reader knows the score at the beginning.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: Version 1: 'The shear(sheer?) strength of my cries '; and, Version 2: ' The alarm clock read(reads) 8:05 in its electric blue numbers.'.
This is a moving tribute to an obviously revered man. I believe it would be helpful to the reader if you were to translate the native words into English, that we might understand what is being said.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'he reprimanded us by saying(,) “it(It) is because you '; and, ' “Sido, I have the flu,” I told him,(.)'.
This is a delightfully funny little tale of the whims of gods - and fairies. It is very well written and flows smoothly.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'he had lovingly hand(-)crafted and (had-delete, unnecessary) set up on a rack '; and, ' “Look, it(')s out of the question. '.
This is a really cute story. There are, however, a few breeches in logic. For example, Boy is holding his fishing pole in his teeth, yet he is able to lick Janie? You might want to have him plant his paws on the pole to hold it once he lays down and not grab it in his mouth again until he gets a bite.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'She heard old grand pa)grandpa) '; ' her ever(-)abiding companion and loyal dog, Boy.'; 'the chicken coupe(coop) to feed the noisy chickens.'; '“Come on(,) Boy!” she repeated excitedly to him,'; ' If there was a draw back(drawback) to bringing Boy '; and, 'spot where his hook had sank(sunk) down.'.
This is an interesting story where you have employed some great description of the sea and the area surrounding it and along your protagonist's walk to it.
This is well written and flows nicely.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'stretches from Bantry bay(Bay) to Dunmanus,'; 'heavily on the tar-mac(Tarmac) in a steady rhythm.'; 'a different strain, legs breaking(braking), managing his gravity,'; 'the dome is taught(taut) and tamed,'; and, 'her father for his daughter(')s hand,'.
This is an excellent story that has quite as surprising twist at the end. You did a very good job of carrying out the surprise.
This is, overall, well written and flows smoothly.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' There are times in a person’s life where(when) you have(he has) to sit'; 'we are supposed to disassembly(disassemble).'; ' to assemble the 3000(-)ton structure’s '; 'a Kevlar(-)lined data cable '; 'Gulf of Mexico since mid(-)October '; 'until after New Year(')s, '; 'family and closest friends jump out and yells(yell,) “Surprise!!!!”. '; 'home from a short three(-)week job.''; 'a deep Dramamine(-)induced sleep.'; 'If I went to look for the Captain(')s body,'; ' I came across a battery(-)powered marine radio.'; and, 'when I looked around and(at) my surrounding(surroundings).'.
This has the potential of being a wonderfully beautiful and moving story. However, it is in dire need of some additional work.
Commas should be followed by one space and periods by two spaces.
This is all one extremely long paragraph. Suggest breaking it into shorter ones.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first few sentences: ' inside my(the) afghan that my slavic(Slavic) grandmother knitted.(, )I focus my '; 'the small coblers(cobbler's) block I use for a table.'; 'Gazzing(Gazing) now about the beautiful cabin. . . my slavic(Slavic) Grandmother.'; and, 'It had one bedroom(,) a cozy living area(,) a small eat(eating area) in (the) kitchen(,-delete)and(,) thank the heavens(,) it now has'.
This is a beautiful, and moving, tribute to a relative lost way too early. It is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'As my clock turned towards nine(-)thirty(,) I decided '; 'rest of that week revising(reviewing?) for my upcoming exams '; 'ten to get to the hall for(by?) one,'; 'sister got seats over (on) the far side together, '; and, 'I managed to stay dry(-)eyed '.
This is a beautiful story of the love of/for a family and appreciation of ther heirtage they have bestowed. It does however, a considerable amount of additional work.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first half of this story: 'first morning of a long over(-)due vacation. '; 'cloud cover from last night(')s storm.'; 'Rolling hills and farm land(farmland) take up '; ' rich blood(-)red dirt trying to poke through.'; 'Horses gather under a lean(-)to, '; 'as they make there(their) way across the hilltop.'; 'but for other’s(others) it is the day '; 'I wish(wonder?) what it would be like to see them again, '; and, 'surround myself with there(their) love.'.
This is an interesting story where some may protest. However, I say it was only returned rejection.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'suprised when aunt(Aunt) Midge asked me '; 'When she bought(brought) the cat over '; 'but everytime i(I) fell asleep, '; and, 'cat was barracaded(barricaded) in my bottom '.
This is a good story and I absolutely loved the analogy you drew in the last sentence. Very clever.
In your title, 'Scene from te Beach ', is it supposed to be "the"?
You may want to check the Public View as I think some line breaks aren’t where you intended.
'Waves(Wave) after waves(wave) formed in ripples at a distance'; 'teenage awkwardness on wearing two(-)piece bathing suits '; 'Her mouse(mousey?) blond hair '; 'opened her eyes to(at) the squeal of the other girl,'; 'exploring her surrounding(surroundings) with her hand.'; 'whimper the sound (of-delete) which drowned '; and, 'In a matter of minutes(, the) unimaginable had happened.'.
I'm not sure I understand this little poem, but it seems to be addressing trying to deal with painful memories and wanting them to stop their haunting.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
Since I am not a poet, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing.
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