This is an interesting story, but it does need considerable additional work.
Some of the sentences are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
In this sentence, 'At that he home to his large penthouse apartment', is something missing here?
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Your(You) needed too bee taught a lesson.'; 'this digerydoo thing then id(I'd) be the next aussie(Aussie?) millionaire.” '; 'assaulted with Questions(questions) from reporters'; 'elevator man said(,) “your(Your) limo is waiting . . . you might want these(.)” (and-delete) he(He) handed tom(Tom) a pair if(of) dark sunglasses.'; 'He blew and said(,) “I wish that all the publicity went away(.)” (and-delete) sure(Sure) enough'; and, 'Soon only his friends new(knew) him.'.
This is a very good story that projects a possibility and does a very realistic job of describing the "media hype" that would accompany it. I liked your protagonist's reaction and his final view of himself in comparison to the universe.
This is well written and flows nicely.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'Then as the Moon slipped through(below?) the horizon,'.
This is a well-written piece. However, it is a tremendous letdown for the reader when the "real action" turns out to be a dream. It seems like a cop out.
Had your protagonist really had an encounter with a beast or threat of some sort and outwitted it somehow - holding her breath, climbing the tree - it would have made just as good of a story without the feelings of disappointment. It could even be the cold weather and snow fall, which she overcame by using her knowledge of building a temporary shelter.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'some shelter to hole down(up) for the night,'.
Wow! What a horrifying story and to make it even worse, these types of people really do exist. It seems as if uncle and nephew had a lot in common, just different ways of carrying out their "deeds".
This piece is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'squeamish, are ya(,) Chuck?” '.
This is an interesting story where you've done a very good job of getting into the viewpoint of the cat and seeing things through his eyes.
Some of the paragraphs here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier readability.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'My name is Pluto(.) I am a simple cat,'; and, 'his temperament and character became(began?) to change.'.
This is a chiling, yet funny, little story. Gotta love that cat!
This is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “I get my hands on you(,) cat, '; 'From the bedroom came;(,) “what(What) happened?” '; and, 'gun at her and said simply;(,) “shut(Shut) up”.';.
This is certainly a chilling tale of some very unexpected behavior from a bunny. You've done a good job of characterizing your main character, Albert.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'leather couch within the confounds(confines?) of his lily-coloured house.'; 'was middle(-)aged, slightly overweight and showing signs of balding.'; ' wooden basket with its lid closed lying(sitting?) on(in) the centre of his dining table.'; and, 'proceeded to ravish(ravage?) his unprotected face.'.
This is an interesting story of two people with, apparently, different agendas. I think that the characterization could be enhanced a bit, since I don't really feel as if I know or understand either of them and how they're really feeling about the situation in which they find themselves.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'back to my apartment for a little one(-)on(-)one time.'; ' it’s been awhile(,) a long while.'; '“Maybe later, Thanks(thanks). '; 'And, Tom(,) you do not look rich.'; 'Usually, I am so pragmatic accept(except?) when it comes'; '“Sure, help your self(yourself)”, '; and, 'She saw my down cast(downcast) eyes . . . See yea(ya?) later. Bye.” '.
This is a very good first chapter of what is clearly indicated to be truly fantastic tale - in every meaning of the word.
I would suggest that, since this is extraordinarily long that you try to tighten it up, eliminating what detail that doesn't serve to move the story along.
In the Katrina episode, you might want to do more showing like has been done with the other teens.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier readability.
In this phrase: 'she could have sworn that the riverbank was an inch or two higher than it had been just a few minutes earlier.'; do you mean the "riverbank" or just the river?
In this phrase: 'he was meeting his grandfather for the first time, who had died before Andrew was born.'; suggest rearranging thus, "meeting his grandfather, who had died before Andrew was born, for the first time."
This phrase, 'and last, nonstop, for one or a few Earth days; maybe 24 hours at most. ' is rather contradictory; further mader so by this, 'And besides, it only took 48 hours.' a few sentences later.
I did have a bit of a problem with the ending of this chapter. Since they were told that they would, essentially, "resume" their lives from before, it would be more logical for them to wake up in various local hospitals and perhaps they could all meet again when sent to the same rehabilitation center for physical therapy to overcome the last vestiges of their separate ordeals.
Sorry it took me so long to get back to these, but I hope this helps.
This is a good first chapter that arouses reader interest in your main characters as well as the life of the village as a whole. It also carries that interest forward in wondering what awaits the two hunters.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'he wasn’t sure quite (as to-delete, unnecessary) what it was'; and, 'that was (in-delete) built into Alturians from their upbringing '.
This is a very interesting story of a fantasy come to life. However, I was a bit confused by the ending. Was this Atsushi an "idol" - movie, music, etc. - as indicated by the poster on the wall? Or was he a non-existent person? It is unclear.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a very sad poem of a child who feels rejected, even though she tries her hardest to please. You've done a good job of getting the message across to the reader.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'But her mind, her life(,) is in a constant whirl.'; and, 'I'll just try harder(,) so I don't make them mad.'.
Since I don't write poetry, I feel unqualified to address any technicalities of the writing.
This is an interesting setup although I not so sure the outcome won't be more sexual than romantic.
Not knowing what the intent is here - whether a short story or a how-to article - makes it very difficult to offer any constructive suggestions.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' wear a low(-)cut blouse '; 'all looking(seeming?) like your(you're) up to nothing.'; and, 'meal is about half(-)way through,'.
This is an interesting concept of an immigrant embarking on a new life.
It is particularly important, especially in a novel, to really grab the reader's interest right in the beginning. You might want to consider beginning this with a very exciting scene either from his arrival or during his new life and then use this information in a flashback later on.
Some specific editorial questions/suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Slow down and glance(Would "observe" be a better since 'glance' seems so fleeting?).' ; 'Slow down(,) my son(,) and listen to me.'; 'Everything seemed in the colors of black and white when I turned away to head my mystrical(mysterious/mystical?) destiny in the other continent of modernity. All the trees seemed lifeless and all the flowers waved me goodbye with such unenthusiasm(lack of enthusiam) and vain.'(These two sentences seem awkward and a bit confusing. Think they might be improve by some rearrangement.); and, 'It(')s the land of the free and the forgotten, it(')s the land of the lost '.
This piece seems to have the potential of being a hilarious story. It does, however, need a considerable amount of additional work.
Suggest spelling out all numerals from one through ten.
Suggest watching your capitalization, of proper nouns as well as first words of sentences; and, also punctuation, especially apostrophes in contractions.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'more irritating than a 6(six-)hour trip in a minivan'; 'As it turns out walking . . . leap over the side of the grand canyon(Grand Canyon)("is one of them" [more irritating things]).'; 'just hop out and than(then) back in.'; and, 'a good 50(-)meter head start before my dad started the 250(-meter?) wiener(-)recovery dash.'.
This is a very good poem of the changes brought about by falling in love. You've done a good job of contrasting the past with the present while being with her.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'To bring me from the depths of self(-)pity and woe,'.
Sinice I don't write poetry, I feel unqualified to address and technicalities of the writing.
This is an excellent short story of a "foreigner" becoming acclimated to a strange people and finding her niche to provide a helping hand.
You may want to check the Public View as there seem to be a couple of line breaks where I don't believe you intended them to be.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'stay isolated in the safety of her mud(-)brick house,'; and, 'four siblings in a one(-)bathroom household '.
This is a very good story that does a great job of putting the reader into the shoes of a person, especially a student, transplanted from one culture to another. You've made it very easy to understand how one would have to struggle to "fit in" to the social structure and how uncomfortable it would be.
What a delightfully funny story and what a determined mother! What's the worry, as long as it came out, right? True or not, I've always felt a measure of sympathy for daycare teachers and what is apparently expected of them.
This is very well writtren and flows smoothly.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I admired her parent’s(parents') tenacity, '; 'The mother approached me and said(,) “I thought you'; and, 'My co(-)worker had to go into the other room, '.
This is a really cute little piece where you've done an excellent job of personifying your non-human characters and getting into their point of view.
This is well written and flows nicely.
A couple of editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'say good-bye,” said Mr. Rhet(,) (as he) ran to the hole(,-delete) and jumped through.'.
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