This poem contains some very good imagery, but I'm not sure I quite understand the meaning/intent behind the lines. It seems as if it is addressing hypocrisy - abhoring it, yet feeling forced to practice it, all to no avail as far as acceptance.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
Since I am not a poet, I don't feel qualified to address any technicalities of the writing itself.
This is a good story where you've set up some interesting characters. It does, however, need quite a bit of additional work.
Some of the paragraphs here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
Verb tenses seem to go back and forth between past and present.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'there was a loud band(bang?). '; 'no life to live (who) were staying close to the border.'; 'escalate to(into) a vicious argument'; 'bring up his situation(. this situation has-delete) (which had) become something '; ' baby is laying on a dirty blanket, screaming its lungs off(?).'; 'The man(')s heart dropped '; 'Had he been pull(put?) into the life he has '; 'lives this life he will haveto(have to) work '; 'most money you cant(can) offer.'; 'Your so(-)called family is gone"; ' "No(,) it isn't." '; 'Johnny working as(at) what he does '; and, ' johnny(Johnny) took the spot of leader '.
This is a beautiful tribute to one obviously very much loved.
A few possible editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Which relieves(Another word here, something that means "cheers"?) me when my days are gray.'; 'Your smile is sweetest(sweeter?) than the finest wine.'; and, 'Which(It) satisfies my whole body with a gratifying heat.'.
Since don't write poetry, I feel unqualified to address any technicalities of the writing.
This is much more of an essay than a short story - which should have a protagonist with a problem, a beginning, a middle and an ending.
Suggest breaking some long paragraphs into shorter ones. For example: 'after you meet them? (New paragraph) You never know where you will run into this person(.) it(It) could be'; 'someone on the playground,(.) (New paragraph) you(You) may become quick friends'.
Some of the sentences are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
This is an excellent setup, or beginning, of a story of a destroyed and/or failing of a family life that was once happy.
This offer many opportunities for expansion. What has caused the happiness to be replaced with dispair? Did the parents split? If the mother was laying the bricks for paving the driveway, is it a one-parent family? If so, what happened to erode the morale so thoroughly.
Hope you will consider continuing on with this piece to give your readers the complete story.
I found no errors in spelling, grammar or punctuation.
This is a good little story that is a terrific example of "Fate's irony" sometimes.
This is, overall, well written and flows nicely.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'someone’s name(,) the smell of freshly dug earth'; ' Passers(-)by looked up '; 'Smiley(Smiling) sadly as I reached his grave(,) I knelt '; 'loneliness stabbing at my heart(,) I let a tear roll down '; 'young man kneeling before (me), ring in hand.'; and, ' “Thanks(,)” I gasped then stopped.'.
This is a very good story that reveals a little-heard side of an on-going conflict. It is well written and flows nicely.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'doing this weekend(,) Samih?” '; ' "Hmm, keep trying(,) mate, '; 'declared all(-)out war on Hamas.'; 'I saw pieces (of) the apartment down the road '; 'Normally I would have retreated(retrieved?) it, but not now.'; 'flashed in my mind(')s eye.'; 'covering their blood(-)stained bodies.';
This is a beautiful, well-written piece of the fulfillment of a quest. Well done.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'encapsulated me for the past 3(three) months. '; 'I woke to a gorgeous xmas(Xmas) snowfall.'; 'out of no where that day, I froze in my tracks (that day-delete, repetitive), '; 'But (it-delete) it’s not a forest. '; ' “it’s(It's) perfect(!)” I cried through my tears.'; 'kindof(kind of) like the snap crackle pop'; and, 'and it might (not) be exactly what you want, '.
This is an interesting beginning that does aptly illustrate the effectiveness of an ambush. It does, however, need some additional work.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
Suggest a thorough proofread and edit. The following editorial suggestions were found in the first two-thirds of this story: 'the wide(-)open shrub(scrub?)(-)land deserts were making him sick.'; 'closed his eyes he (heard) the roar of some kind of rocket. Someone screamed(,) "Brace for impact!". '; ' "Colonel, your(you're) going to '; 'people wearing towels on their head(heads)."'; ' jump out the driver(')s side of the cab '; 'dieing(dying) less than a meter from the safety of the tank.'; 'just like (what-delete) my brother always used to say." then(Then he) squatted by the tire'; and, 'Some voice cried out(,) "Air support '.
This is a funny piece where you made some clever use of various "fairytale" characters and movie titles. It does, however, need a bit of additional work on the mechanics of the actual writing.
When writing dialog, a comma should immediately follow the quotation preceding the dialog tag.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
Would also suggest that the paragraphs be broken into shorter ones.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'Santa and the 9(nine) reindeer '; 'never saw it coming(,)" says the Tooth Fairy,'; 'a modified elf(-)designed toy gun found at the scene.'; 'murder in this country(.)(". "-delete)There comes a breaking point '; 'runs a well(-)organized crime family.'; and, ' one of the 7(seven) dwarfs now in custody for pimping, '.
This is an interesting tale, but a bit too fantastic to be really believable. Don't think it would be too good for children as it might give them ideas that they, too, are indestructible.
Aside from the story itself, this piece need a considerable amount of additional work on the mechanics of the writing itself.
The first paragraph is written in first person whereas the rest seems to be in third person. Suggest making it all third person.
When writing dialog and using a name, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.
Some of the paragraphs here are extraordinarily long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.
This is a beautiful, and haunting story of the influence of the sea. It is well written and flows smoothly.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'gave him thick blankets for the kitchen floor to sleep on.' (Awkward phrasing, suggest rewording.); 'But the people form(from) the village do not,'; and, 'and stroked the old ladies(lady's) hair, '.
This is another delightful story that is so true to life. Obviously, Lauryn is a "trend setter" and ANYTHING she does or wears is simply "marvelous"! However, Natalie really has my sympathy. You've done a great job of getting across the cruelty of kids toward the few they've set their sights on to make fun of.
Some editorial suggestions/questions that you may want to consider: ' “Oh my God!” (")You’re so lucky!” “I am soooooooo jealous!” '(You might want to put these into separate paragraphs, since there are different people speaking.); ' “Hey(,) Fat Nat, look what I got,” '; and, 'as she bustled past her in disbelief.' (This phrase is a bit confusing. Is Natalie the one is disbelief? I believe that's what you meant.).
Wow! What an embarrassing moment! I'm glad you feel "purged". I have often walked down a street or hallway behind these guys fully expecting their pants to drop around their ankles at any moment. Can't help but wonder just how this trend got started.
This is a truly delightful read - of the laugh out loud variety. The second second sentence is very long and you might want to break it up somewhat.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'a peak(peek) into Audra’s cartoon world '.
This is a delightfully funny tale of a match which sounds totally incredulous. You have done a marvelous job of describing both of the pair and their individual idiosyncrasies. It seems very unlikely that such a match could last any time at all.
This is well written and flows smoothly.
One editorial suggestion that you may want to consider: 'apparently once was her brother(,) Nate.'.
This is a delightful little piece, although I must tell you that I anticipated the ending.
My thought was that Caleb was, in fact, a spirit - which it is said that children so often "see" until it is "conditioned" out of them. Is this what you intended?
At any rate, this is well written and flows nicely.
This is a very moving piece. Though it's not a letter that any mother would particularly LIKE to receive, it at least lets her know that he is still "all in one piece" at that moment anyway.
This story really brings home how the things young soldiers see bear on their minds and, when they do come home, they aren't the same "kids" who left.
This is a good detective story. It does, however, need a bit of additional work.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'have been some one(someone) who always cared about'; 'he is very seldom seen with-out(without).'; 'he was the butt of every ones(everyone's) jokes.'; 'little things like buying Cadillac’s(Cadillacs).'; 'dime a dozen in the 200(-)mile radius we call,'; 'home with some one(someone) who doesn’t have to pretend'; 'Randal walked around the man(')s house '; ' Randal found five one(-)hundred(-)foot , heavy(-)duty extension cords in the man(')s garage. '; 'live end from being kicked out by the trashing(thrashing), then(,) of course(,) dropped in the live end.'; 'container of gasoline and through(threw) it on her '; 'NO(,) it’(it) couldn’t have been a copy(-)cat killer,'; 'Randal Still(still) carved “TCB” on her forehead.'; 'talented enough to do it post-mortems(mortem).'; 'loved her to(too) much to have harmed her.” '; and, 'she knew of Randal’s where-abouts(whereabouts).'.
This is certainly a thrilling piece where the reader knows danger is nearing, yet the protagonist seems uncaring. This does need a considerable amount of additional work.
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
The first word of each sentence should begin with a capital letter. Likewise, the pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'why(Why) am I even here, '; ' " i(I) missed you.... let(')s play"..... yes, let(')s! '; 'satisfaction,'it's(It's) about damn time". '; 'same pavement. there(There) is no control '; 'our way, should'nt(shouldn't) be long now. '; 'Everything(')s a blur now, '; ' hood of my charriot(chariot). '; and, 'howl of the four(-)hundred steeley horses'.
This is an interesting little piece that takes us full circle - from his current location to how he got there.
When writing dialog, each individual speaker should have his/her own paragraph.
You might want to put the Spanish in italics.
A few editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'I lay huddled in(on) the grimy bathroom floor.'; ' “Vente(Veinte) y uno,” I said, '; ' “Unit numbe(Number) 12. '; 'A middle(-)aged man,'; and, 'I lay there in the stench and ruble(rubble) unable to move'.
This is an interesting piece that seems more like a scene from a longer piece than it does a story in and of itself. Is it supposed to be some sort of fantasy?
A short story should have a beginning where a protagonist and his/her problem is introduced, (Here that seems to be the tiresomeness of having no life other than going to work everyday.); a middle where the problem is addressed; and, an ending where some sort of resolution is reached.
Some specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: 'black, sleek, expensive(-)looking car.'; 'bottom of the dangerous ocean waves below,'(In the Rockies?); 'Every memory seems to be crashing In(in) on me,'; and, 'They’ve shot me in mid(-)air.'.
This is a good first chapter where you've done a good job of personifying your protagonist. She does seem to come off as a smart-aleck which is not a really "attractive" feature. At some point in time, will this attitude be explained?
You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.
Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.
A couple of specific editorial suggestions that you may want to consider: ' “Oops, sorry(,) Stinker, I forgot to tell you '; and, 'It was an old(-)looking, navy(-)blue Ford Taurus '.
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